Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 26: Start with Your End Game

September 13, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 26 – Start with Your End Game

Life’s adventures are very much like a game. Whether you’re listening to this podcast for action steps for your life business or running an organization, it is all about the strategies you put in place. In many sports you hear about playbooks, where there are pages of strategies or blueprints that can be implemented to reach their end goal of the win. The same can be applied to whatever role you’re playing.

In Stephen R. Covey book, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, Habit #2: “To Begin With The End In Mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.” In order to head to the destination, you must have an idea of where you’re going otherwise everything else is haphazardly done. You may be wondering around bumping into walls and obstacles because you are unsure of where you’re heading.

Ask Yourself the Following Questions:

What is it you want to achieve? What is your end game?

What is the vision that you have for yourself?

When you start with your end in mind, you are tapping into your imagination.

You can see it, feel it, and almost taste it.

Everything is first created in your mind.

GRAB YOUR DOWNLOAD

Jason W Gordon from MOBLpixl (www.moblpixl.com) put together my promo video on my website at www.debrakasowski.com. He videotaped a wide variety of video segments andI shared some concepts of what I thought would be possible but nowhere in my imagination did I see that incredible work that he had put together. It was better than I expected. He is very passionate about spreading powerful messages and he loves what he does. He already had the concept in his mind of how he was going to put together the video based solely on our conversation.

Another story…

My family and I spearhead the Spirit of Christmas Shoebox Campaign and Pancake Breakfast with a large number of volunteer elves feeding many children and providing many gifts. When we first got started, it was a bucket list idea. It was something that I wanted to do, little did I realize that it was in a turn into so much more. The first year we supplied 120 shoeboxes to one school. We enjoyed it so much that I called the school back the following year but this time they had a special request. Deb, can you feed us? I had never done anything of that magnitude before. All I could visualize in front of me was a child looking up at me with a plate that said feed me on it. So I said I’m not sure how I’m going to do this but, “Yes!” I will figure it out will make it happen. I got off the phone and I e-mailed all of our family and friends to see if there was a way to make this happen. I knew there had to be a way. The end that I had in mind was that every single child was having a gift and every single child has food on a plate in front of them. I’m happy to say that we ended up serving two schools one of turkey dinner for lunch and another a pancake breakfast. To top it all off every child received a gift. Since that time there’s been no turning back. We’ve had beautiful community support and generous volunteers. And many children with full tummies and gifts in their hands.

You can accomplish so much when you actually just learn to say yes to something that challenges you knowing that you will figure out a way. I find that too many people get stuck on ‘the how” – it will come. It all starts with the decision to make it possible. You need the give yourself permission to dream of possibilities. Once you are clear the how can be determined, you will be driven or motivated by your “why”. When you know “why” you do something, you can accomplish so much. This is where your actions and intention align with your vision.

You cannot enroll others into your dream, if you do not know where you’re heading. You need to create a vision for yourself. For people who get stuck on the how, I think it’s very valuable to use a method called “backward planning” or “reverse engineering” you might hear it called. When you start with the end in mind, you can plan backward. What are the steps that you need to take in order to get to where you’re ready to know you need to go? I find it very beneficial to use questions to help you understand what you need to do- “the how”. For example, “What must I do to become a great speaker? Write down all the things you believe you need to do then break it down into smaller pieces and ask more follow-up questions. You’ll need a speaker sheet, a signature talk, and collections of stories to be shared to start out. What message do you want your audience to walk away with her share with others? What solution do you provide? What is required to make this happen?

You must see it in your mind before you could take steps to start making it happen. When you see it in your mind you can then start setting goals and timelines in which you can focus all of your actions. Whatever you want to achieve, remember it’s your game. There is more than one strategy to get to where you want to go. Tap into your strengths and look for the opportunities. Yes there may be obstacles almost guaranteed! When you have a vision and a blueprint or plan laid out you will find a way to either move through obstacles around them to get to your destination. Don’t forget to enjoy the journey in the process because it’s all about who you become along the way.

I would love to hear about how you begin with the end in mind. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 9:17 min

Keywords: begin with the end in mind, habit 2, start with the end game, strategy, blueprint, strategic planning, backward planning, reverse engineering, goal setting, goals, have a vision, imagination, visualization, achievement, sense of direction

EPISODE 25: Influence Starts in Your Own Mind

September 8, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 25- Influence Starts in Your Own Mind

Many people look for influence outside of themselves first when all along that influence starts with one’s self. You have to believe in the possibilities and the ability to make things happen before you can share ideas and opportunities with others so they see the vision that you do. Far too many people, feel that they have no control over their situation to they fail to take action. Pastor Joel Osteen has a book called, The Power of I Am. These two little words can transform your day, your thoughts, and the actions that you take. Osteen states, “Whatever follows the words “I am” will always come looking for you.

So, when you go through your day saying:

I am blessed blessings pursue you

I am talented talent follows you

I am healthy health heads your way

I am strong strength tracks you down.”

“I am…” is often referred to as an affirmation or what some call autosuggestion. Emile Coue, a French psychologist introduced this concept the beginning of the 20th century. In my co-authored book entitled GPS Your Best Life: Charting Your Destination and Getting There in Style, Charmaine Hammond and I talked about the importance of using positive words and statements and “I am” in conjunction with the use of vision boards. A vision board is a visual display of your goals and things you would like to achieve. It is not meant to be a pretty picture it is meant to be a tool to keep you focused and take intentional actions toward achieving what you say you want. Affirmations do work if they’re applied with action. Here’s the catch, you need to believe it because if you don’t find it believable you are not going to put in the efforts.

myvisionboard

At one of our vision board workshops, I was walking by a participant cutting out a wedding dress and she was hesitant about putting that picture on the vision board. She looked at this picture stated out loud “I don’t know why I’m even putting this on the board.” I happen to be near her table as she said this and I asked her “Do you not believe you deserve it?” She paused and she looked at me, “You’re right.” She sat there in deep thought for the next 5 minutes and then she proceeded to paste it on her board. I don’t know she’s married or not, I hope someday I will hear that what she wanted became a reality.

Affirmations need to be positive statements and believable. If you find it difficult to make a statement with I am you may add in the words in progress. For some people this helps to become more believable, we are always in progress evolving into who we are. There needs to be an emotional connection where when you make a statement that it either pulls your heartstrings or it gets you excited and personally drives you to achieve it. This is your why it helps you stay focused on the right things.

Write out your affirmations. Spend time visualizing them and feeling as if you’ve already achieved it. Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is not. Integrate this visualize nation so that you can have the feeling of that achievement and start taking steps that outline with what you want to achieve. You may meditate on it. You may choose to record it and play it when you go for a morning run or before you go to sleep. Some people put sticky notes on the bathroom mirror so they repeated whether brushing their teeth. Other people may spend their time journaling focused on their affirmation to set the tone for their day or reflect on their day.

You may have heard the adage, “Fake until you make it”. As you align your actions with your thoughts, what you want can become reality. But some people will tell you that affirmations don’t work! And the reason for this is that people do not affirm themselves and say these statements consistently to integrate them into who they are, they may not believe in the process of doing, or they learn that they’re not really emotionally connected to what they say they want to achieve. Their “why” is not strong enough.

Your mind may play tricks on you so you need to stay focused. Speak only positive words to yourself and when you catch yourself shifting into negative thoughts and hearing, “Who do you think you are?” stopped that thought immediately and state your affirmation. You are in progress of becoming exactly who you need to be. And you are currently where you need to be so that you can learn the lessons that you need to in order to move forward.

Noah St. John, the author of The Book of Afformations, shifts affirmations into afformations. And he states that, “If human thought is the process of asking and searching for answers to questions, why are we going around making statements that we don’t believe?” The reason for this is that people don’t believe the statements that they say. He realized that people were asking the wrong questions and if they ask the right questions everything would change. Noah St. John believes that you” create your life in two ways: by the statements to say to yourself and others and by the questions you ask yourselves and others.”

You need to ask yourself in powering questions and not questions about why you don’t have this or that or they are not good enough because these are disempowering. Remember you get what you focus on. So shift your question to a positive question that empowers you to take action. Start asking yourself about some of the assumptions that you are making and how you are unconsciously holding yourself back from taking that action toward what you say you want. For example, you might say “Why am I so broke?” Noah St. John says that what shows up in your life is” you find a way to not have money even when it comes in.” The same technique could be used regarding a promotion are getting a raise.

“Why am I so worthy of the promotion?”

“Why was it so easy to get the raise?”

You may start brainstorming what actions you need to start taking to get the promotion or get the raise. What actions do you need to take to get the results you want? Do you need to take a course? Volunteer? Get experience in a certain area? How are you holding yourself back? Are you taking the actions you need to?

You must change the question to empower yourself, “Why do I have enough money?”

When you ask this question your mind will start searching for an answer and as you have answers you will start contemplating taking the actions to make that your reality. It all comes down to whether or not your “why” for what you want is strong enough.

It doesn’t matter if you choose to use affirmations or afformations to help you start influencing your mind. What matters is that you start using these positive statements and questions to empower you so that you can share your ideas with others. You need to believe at first before you can enroll others into your vision. Believe in yourself and trust in your knowledge, skills, and abilities. It all starts with what you say you are… I am. Get out there and take the actions you need to take!

I would love to hear about how using affirmations or afformations has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 10:46 min

Keywords: I am, affirmations, afformations, power of the mind, influence, persuasion, belief, believe, positive self-talk, negative thinking, thought, thinking, affirm, visualization, meditation, journaling, reminders, asking questions, asking the right question, vision board, Joel Osteen, Noah St. John, Charmaine Hammond, GPS your best life

EPISODE 24 – Know Your Worth

September 6, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 24 – Know Your Worth

“I’ve learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom – how great is that?” Soledad O’Brien

48130021 - annoyed upset angry woman plugging her ears with fingers doesn't want to listen — 48130021 – annoyed upset angry woman plugging her ears with fingers doesn’t want to listen

There are way too many people walking around in the world who do not know their worth. They have been hanging on to the message that says “I am not enough.” They may have heard it from their parents, peers, bosses, teachers, or colleagues that they weren’t measuring up but they didn’t have what it took to reach the next level. They may have even been told that their dreams were too big and that they shouldn’t stretch that far. When you listen to those messages or replay them in their mind over and over, you start to believe it the message. You become the story that you tell yourself. You integrate it into who you are. You become afraid to stretch out of your comfort zone and really step into the person that you’re meant to be.

I believe that one time or another we have all had instances where we felt that someone has put us in our place. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much experience you have in a certain area, knowledge or expertise, there may be someone who doesn’t see what you bring to the table. I’ve had an experience like this personally. When I learned that the person did not see my value, I looked inside myself to see how I may be reflecting that and in a conversation with this person I shared my value because I believe in my capabilities and I also know that I can step into any situation learn and grow as long as I’ve learned to work with my people. Processes can be learned and taught in relationships with people have to be built and nurtured over time. We teach people how to treat us and this is why it was so important for me to express myself when I saw someone didn’t see the worth I saw it myself. Don’t let others define your worth. Ask for feedback on how you need to show up and put the effort in. At the end of the day, I am glad that circumstance didn’t turn out the way I originally hoped because other opportunities were standing bright in my future. Sometimes you have to say no to good in order to experience great.

Recognize Your Strengths

You need to take the time to recognize what your strengths are to help understand your worth. It is about knowing your value and what you bring forth to the world and your leadership style. Do not dwell on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths. It doesn’t matter whether you’re leading your household, community group, an organization, or running a business. If you don’t understand what you bring that increases the value you will not make an impact. What do you do that adds to your competitive advantage? What you offer that others do not? What makes you stand out from the crowd?

If you’re struggling to come up with your strengths, you may want to ask others around you to discover which are known for- your signature. What is it when a project or situation comes up the first person they think of is you?

Create Goals That Challenge You

When you create goals that challenge and stretch you, you realize that you are more than good enough. You are capable of so much more than you often give yourself credit for. When you are fearful or intimidated from trying new things or taking on challenges you are less likely to take any action. Yes, there will be a learning curve. Yes, it will be a challenge. These challenges are meant to help you learn and grow and become stronger and more resilient. The best way to face the challenge is to increase your efforts. The more inspired your action the greater results you will achieve. Those who are most resilient are people who see their current situation or setback as temporary and not a permanent state. They know that if they take action that their circumstance can change. If they do nothing, nothing changes.

Value Your Work

Lou Tice stated,” No matter what you say you want to achieve or become – you aren’t going to do it unless you first believe you deserve it and can cause it to happen.” You need to believe that you deliver value and you deserve a positive outcome whether the monetary or in the form of relationship building. It doesn’t matter if you are putting together a proposal, asking for a raise, or deciding to charge what you’re worth for your product or service, you need to believe you are worth it and know your value. Arm yourself with facts. Keep track of your achievements and contributions and their impact no matter how big or small. Not only are these good for negotiating, they are also important for you to review when you may have a bad day. They act as reminders to let you know how far you’ve come.

You are not the same person from one year ago, three years ago, or five years ago. You have evolved into the person you are now and with that come knowledge, talents, skills, and abilities along with much experience. There is no one like you. Don’t sell yourself short. Demonstrate how you have exceeded expectations and why you are deserving of what you wish to achieve. When you believe it and speak with conviction, others will believe it too. Step into your power.

I would love to hear about how knowing your worth – knowing your value has changed the way you show up in life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 10:49 min

Keywords: Self-esteem, self-worth, self-efficacy, believe in yourself, asking for a raise, making a proposal, set goals, goal setting, challenge yourself, resilience, resiliency, leadership, leader, define your worth, not good enough, achieve, achievement

EPISODE 23: Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

September 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 23 – Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

“The world is giving you answer each day. Learn to listen.” – Unknown

There is a significant difference between hearing and listening. I discovered the best definition of the differences on a website called The Difference Between, “Hearing is the act of perceiving and receiving sound waves or vibrations through the ear. Listening is the act of hearing a sound and understanding what you hear.”

Do you know someone who hears that you’re speaking but never seems to be listening?

I think we all know someone like that. It can become frustrating and lead to arguments and disagreements especially emphasizing that they weren’t listening.

WE REMEMBER
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss with others
80% of what we personally experience
95% of what we teach others

– Edgar Dale

Studies have shown that we remember approximately 25 to 50% of what we hear. I find this statistic shocking. It is the time we do something different. It is the time that we become intentional with our listening so we can learn. How much more would you accomplish if you took the time to truly listen?

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

One of the principles of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by Stephen Covey states, “Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood”. Intentional listening begins when we focus and listen to what the other person is saying. It is the ability to put aside any distracting thoughts and truly be present. If we listen to our own thoughts we’re going to want to interrupt the other person and share our ideas or solutions of what we have done because we have this fear of losing our thoughts. This is where the arguments and disagreements come in because are thinking too far ahead and were not really listening to what is being said.

Arguments and disagreements are a reactive approach to conversation versus a responsive approach. When emotions are high, our brains move into a “fight or flight” response. Your amygdala, a small area of your brain, reacts to protect you and shuts down other areas of the brain that would otherwise analyze the threats. Psychologist Daniel Goleman refers to this as the boiling over point or that amygdala hijack where the intelligent part of your brain is no longer in control and you no longer reason with what’s being said. You cannot often reason with someone who is gone past their boiling point. You can learn to choose the words that you use to meet a person where they are at and truly listen to understand where they’re coming from, what their expectations are, what their hopes and fears are to really gain a clear picture of a situation.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

How Do I Begin?

There is so much more to listening than keeping your mouth closed and being silent. When you’re listening you are coming from a place of being nonjudgmental and simply curious about what the other person is saying. You let them know that you’re engaged through your body language by nodding your head and maintaining eye contact with them while they speak to demonstrate an interest in what they’re saying. You wait for the person who’s speaking for a pause to ask questions regarding what they said or to clarify what you been reading between the lines. You may paraphrase what they’ve said to ensure that your understanding what they’re saying.

Another way to truly understand what a person is saying is by putting yourself in another person’s shoes, being empathetic, and try to gain an understanding of what they might be thinking and feeling. You might want to repeat facts that you’ve heard or knowledge their emotions. You may say something like, “I am trying to get a sense of how you’re feeling … Are you feeling __________?” to ensure your perceptions are correct. When you do this you make people feel like they’re the most important person in the world and at the moment they should be if you’re truly listening.

The book Just Listen: Discover The Secret To Getting Through To Absolutely Anyone by Dr. Mark Goulston is one of the best books out there on the topic of listening. He shares strategies and techniques that are designed to help you successfully communicate with anyone. He has trained the FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life or death situations. The same tips and techniques can be used by you. One of the techniques he describes in the book is called The Persuasion Cycle that was inspired by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente from Their Trans-Theoretical Model of Change. Dr. Goulston states that you need to speak with a person in a manner that moves them.

“From resisting to listening
from listening to considering
from considering to willing to do
from willing to do to doing
from doing to glad they did it and continue doing.”

He believes that you can get through to absolutely anyone when you can have them buy into what you’re saying and it all stems back to listening.

Where Does it All Begin

You must truly understand yourself, your emotions, and what triggers you to react and circumstances versus respond. One of the things that Dr. Goulston says, “If you want to open the lines of communication, you must open your mind first.” It begins with suspending all judgment. When you remove judgment, everyone is on equal playing field and your mind is open to the possibilities.

One of the acronyms that we used in my coaching program was W.A.I.T.

“Why Am I Talking?”

If you start talking while another person is speaking, no one is listening. You learn so much more when you spend time listening intentionally.

When is Listening Important?

Listening is important in everything we do. Intentional listening can prevent misunderstandings, de-escalate and resolve conflict, discover solutions to problems. Listening is important in parenting in understanding the needs of your child.

Listening is important in leadership to learn what your people want and need. We need to learn a person’s preferences. An introvert may have different needs than an extrovert. The Disney Institute had an article about intentional listening in the workplace. They stated the importance of learning people’s preferences and gaining an understanding of whether they like to work individually or in a team or in a combination of both. By learning this information you can better suit the person to the role and the responsibilities that they need to fulfill. They will be more likely to be successful if they’re working in their preference. Resistance occurs when we have people doing things that do not suit them or do not align with who they are.

Listening is important in sales and understanding your customers wants and needs and learning whether or not you have the ability to fulfill them. When customers have complaints or want to vent, this is a great opportunity for learning. For when someone complains events about a situation, they often have a picture of what the ideal situation would be. It is up to you to learn what that is. If you listen with sincerity and interest in what they are saying, you may be able to resolve conflict easily and create a win-win situation.

Why is listening important to you? What are you listening to? What do you need to be listening for? Where in your life do you need to be more intentional with your listening?

Be intentional with your listening. There is more to listening that what you are hearing. When you listen to podcasts like this one, grab the show notes when you can. Choose to take action or integrate one of your learnings into who you are or how you want to show up in the world.

There is a big difference between what you hear and what you listen to learn and understand!

I would love to hear about how intentionally listening has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 12:23 min

Why are You Stalling? Get Out of Your Own Way

September 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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