Debra Kasowski

5 Ways to Lead and Influence by Actively Listening

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Have you ever been part of a conversation where someone is finishing your sentences before you’ve even completed your thought? Have you ever had someone interrupt you just before you are about to make an important point? Have you ever had a conversation where you couldn’t get a word in edgewise?

You’re not alone.

For some reason, some people think that they need to respond to what you’re saying right away without taking a breath or they need to interrupt you because they need to share their idea immediately before they forget it. Whereas, others may dominate the conversation just because they like to hear themselves talk or that no one has ideas as great as theirs. These individuals fall short of being a great leader because they lack the emotional intelligence skill of active listening.

Now take a moment to think of the people you know who make you feel valued and appreciated when you speak with them. It is like you are “the most important person in the room”. These people have the power to influence and persuade. They are great leaders. What qualities do they possess? Do they have a superpower that no one else has? What separates them from everyone else?

There are five ways that you can lead and influence others by actively listening so you position yourself as a person who makes others feel like they are the most important person in the room.

Listen to your own inner chatter.

Stop and ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I coming from a place of judgment or am I trying to learn about another person and what they are saying?
  • What thoughts and emotions are coming up for me?
  • Am I truly being present and mindful of the conversation?
  • Am I catching myself already formulating a response to what they’re saying?

41461729_lTurn your attention to the speaker.

  • Give them your full attention by maintaining appropriate eye contact, smiling appropriately, and nodding where you have agreement.
  • Eliminate distractions by turning off your cell phone, closing the door or moving to a private area, and turn off your computer so you are not tempted to multitask.
  • Don’t interrupt the conversation. Wait at least 3 seconds before you start to speak to ensure that they have finished their thought.
  • Don’t finish the other person sentences before they finish talking.

“There is a big difference between showing interest and really taking interest.” Michael P. Nichols

 

Ask thoughtful questions or make a positive statement about something that they have said. By asking purposeful questions, you are demonstrating that you are actively listening to the conversation and interested in what the other person has to say. When you make a positive statement about something someone has said, they feel good because you took notice which makes them feel valued and appreciated.

“Effective questioning brings insight, which fuels curiosity, which cultivates wisdom.”

Chip Bell

Reflect, paraphrase, and expand. Reflect back and paraphrase what you have heard. You can gain more information and gain understanding by asking probing questions or simply stating “Tell me more.”

Allow for pauses in the conversation. Pauses are very powerful as they help eliminate filler words like “ums”, “uhs”, or “ers”. Pauses allow the speaker as well as the listener to gather their thoughts and reflect on what has been said.

Great leaders were not born. They learned what separated good from great and they worked at making people feel important. You can up level your leadership style by practicing these active listening skills. People will become magnetically drawn to your leadership presence and describe you as a great leader.

What can you start doing to become a better listener?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

When Building Your Team What Comes First: People or Process?

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Many organizations are working toward building a culture of hiring diverse groups of people to meet the demands of their organizations. They are being asked to do more with less. The right people must be in the right job. The resources of time, money, and people are limited.

I had the opportunity to interview the Acting Sergeant of the local police service and discover what they look for when hiring their team. The police service looks at building a diverse team that they believe will draw on the strengths of the individuals and create a cohesive unit. In the police service, you want to know you have back up and someone has your back. Managers want to know that their direct reports are putting in their best effort and the direct reports want to know that their manager is going to support them when needed.

When it comes to driving an organization, the dilemma of between people and processes is like the “chicken and egg” scenario. Which comes first? We need people and processes to run an organization and serve the people we are serving.

You want to have the right person with the right knowledge, skills, and abilities in the right position. If you don’t, many things could go wrong. Deciding on the right hire is more than what is on the paper. You want to ensure you are asking the right questions to determine if the person you are interviewing has the knowledge, experience, and capability to fulfill the role. No matter the situation or position, there will always be a learning curve. There are many transferable skills and some skills that may need to be learned. Tasks, procedures, and policies can be learned but people skills need to be cultivated.

People skills matter. Organizations can be people driven and fail in process or process driven and disregard people. The downfall is that we don’t always look at what knowledge, experiences, skills, and abilities that the people who work with us have. Sometimes you’ll see companies look for outside consultants but they fail to listen to the people within their organization with years of experience. In my work with Appreciative Inquiry, the premise is that the people who work alongside of you have the answers you need to fulfill the gaps you may have identified to make your organization great.

Employees get frustrated when people who do not work the frontline try to explain a process to them without consulting the people it impacts first-them. Do you blame them? People want to be asked for their input – engaged in the process, especially when it impacts them. In a sense, this engagement would allow people to drive the process.

When it comes to process, you need to gain a firm grasp of your organizational needs, strengths, opportunities for growth, aspirations, and desired results in order to create a strong vision and a process that the people will buy into. For a process to have buy in, it must be predictable and repeatable – there must be consistency. People must understand the importance of a process and how a process works before they will have buy. In order for this to occur, you need a leader who can create a strong vision for the people of the organization and start the conversation of what needs need to be met to drive a process.

People or process -it is impossible to have one without the other but at the end of the day, we are the people and we are here for the people. The process is how we serve the people that we are here for. To improve productivity and performance, ask yourself the following questions (better yet – ask the people you work with):

  • How can I engage the people around me?
  • What processes exist and which need to be improved?
  • What can I do to improve my role in the process?
  • What processes need to be developed to create the vision for the organization?
  • What can I start doing to assist the process?

At the end of the day, we need to hire people who relate to people, engage others, and also understand the drivers of performance and processes to get the results that we want. It begins with people.

Who do you want on your team?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

 

 

How Do Leaders Hold People Accountable Without Micromanaging?

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Leadership and management go hand in hand. There are times to lead and there are also times to manage. We need to strike a balance between the two to hold people accountable including ourselves. They complement each other and are often used interchangeably but do mean different things.

Managers are focused on the bottom line and getting results within a short range of time. They want to ensure that policies, processes, procedures are followed. The manager wants to ensure that things are done correctly and stay within the norm. Leaders, on the other hand, want to create a long-term vision for their followers which allows for creativity and innovation. They share intent behind their actions to help people understand their goals as well as the goals of others. A leader focuses on developing the people they work with so they too can lead. The leader encourages the people to ask questions and be curious about information available to them.

Leaders cringe at the thought of being labeled as “a micro-manager”.

Do you know a micro-manager? Are you one?

What is the difference between micromanaging and holding someone accountable for their actions?

Micromanagement and accountability are often misunderstood. Micromanagement is when the manager closely observes or takes control of the work of the people that report to them. They monitor and assess every step of the way. A micro-manager does not ask for input and may hide information to have the upper hand. These individuals do not trust that their people can do the job they were hired for.

Accountability is about the willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions. There is personal accountability as well as team accountability. When the manager shares information that involves facts and figures, they often need to look at how things happened and when. The leader will ask what happened and why. They will encourage their people to ask the tough questions and even challenge them to come up with solutions. When an individual or team takes responsibility for outcomes and results, they can reflect and look for the gaps from where they are to where they want to be. The manager often has to be accountable for the outcomes that their team delivers. A leader will inspire accountability by example.

There are situations in which micromanaging may help improve specific areas of a problem but should never be used as a long-term solution. Micromanaging is a strategy to improve performance and should not be used alone. We often have to take a step back and look at the big picture of what is going on in the system but we also need to take a closer look at the parts that make up the big picture. By doing so, individuals and teams can uncover where improvements can be made. This discovery can help us determine where accountability lies.

You can hold people accountable for their actions and results without micromanaging by asking powerful questions:

  1. What are the expectations? Clearly communicate and set expectations. Set the stage by explaining what is expected of an individual or team. Create a vision in their minds of what they should aim for.
  2. What is accountability when it comes to performance? Openly talk about accountability and performance so it’s not seen as micromanaging.
  3. How do they want to be held accountable? Ask the individuals or a team how they would like to be held accountable for their actions and agree on the process.
  4. What are the results and outcomes? Explain what the outcomes are if a person is not meeting expectations or performing well
  5. Where are the gaps? Share your observations of the gap between expectation and performance.
  6. What do they have to say about it? Ask for input.
  7. Who is best to come up with the solution? Give the individual or team ownership of the problem. Let them come up with a solution.
  8. What questions do they need answers to make informed decisions? Encourage them to ask questions and gather more information about what the facts and figures mean.
  9. What are actions with support the results and outcome we wish to achieve? Focus on results and outcomes and what actions can improve a problem versus focusing on the activities that cause the problem.

Let your people know what your intention is as you work with them. The people you manage and lead are your greatest resource and often will come up with the best solutions. Foster trust by demonstrating to the people you work with that they are capable of creating the results and outcomes shared in the vision. They are owners of the vision. Ask the questions that create accountability and allow the people to make the vision a reality under your leadership.

Leading and managing effectively can be an art. How do you hold people accountable?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Are Your Habits Driving You Insane?

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Many people find it difficult to talk about emotions in business and in the workplace. Who ever thought emotions would contribute to one’s person’s decision-making, independence, and problem solving ability? Emotions and communication are the “soft skills” or people skills that help businesses grow and leaders climb the ladder of success.

The issue is – not everyone is equally self-aware.

You may have heard the phrase quoted by Albert Einstein, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over but expecting different results.”

ID-10063208This statement makes me think of the movie, “Groundhog Day” (1993) starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell where Bill Murray is continually taking the same actions and attending the same events, repeating each day over and over.

Are you frustrated with always getting the same results at work or in your life?

Have you recognized a pattern of behavior?

Do you keep repeating the same mistakes?

If you said yes to any of these questions, perhaps it’s time to examine your behaviors. When you examine these behaviors, your initial reaction may be to make an excuses or point the finger at someone else. However, chances are you’ll realize that the common denominator is you! You need to make the change.

The great thing is that you can take 100% responsibility for your actions and because you are in the midst of it you may not have realized how your repeating patterns of behavior have become so automatic. In Dr. John B. Arden’s book, Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life, he mentions that “Cells that fire together wire together”.

“The more you do something in a particular way, use words with specific accent, or remember something about your past, the more the neurons that fire together to make this happen will strengthen their connection. The more the narrow inspire together, the more likely it is that they will fire again to get there in the future.”- Dr. John B. Arden

Think about a wheelbarrow crossing a grassy path. If you take that wheelbarrow on the same path 50 or 60 times, eventually you will form defined pathway. This is why people who hang onto the past or think negatively about situations can form a rut and have difficulty re-framing, letting go of the past, or overthink situations.

This analogy leads to why a person’s behavior can often be predicted. Our thoughts and feelings affect our behaviors and actions. When you are emotionally self-aware, you are able to recognize your emotions as well as the emotions of others. By doing so, you may notice a pattern of behavior has to how you or another reacts to a situation.

Reflect on the following situations and think about your potential responses:

Your teenager missed their curfew and did not call.

Your team did not meet the deadline because you failed to follow-up with each team member.

You constantly have to add your opinion to every discussion.

You make costly decisions that are impacting your bottom line.

You are not fully present and did not hear very important information said in the meeting.

You procrastinated and now you have to stay up late to finish a project. In the morning, you are tired and short-tempered with your family at the breakfast table.

Look at your pattern of behavior:

Are you being impulsive or patient?

Do you jump to conclusions or seek more information?

Are you reactive or responsive?

Do you keep your calm or do you blow your top?

Do you keep quiet and bottle things up until you become overwhelmed?

Are you mindful of how you spend your time?

It’s time to stop the madness…. What’s going on?

Stop doing what you’ve always done. It is no longer serving you and maybe it never did. Habits can be good or bad and depending on the choices you make, you can have a positive outcome or negative consequence. What is the outcome you are looking for?

Ask yourself, “What can I say or do to get a different outcome?”

World-class executive coach Marshall Goldsmith states: “correcting the behavior, you will discover, does not require polished skills elaborate training, arduous practice or supernatural creativity. All that’s required is the faint imagination to stop what you been doing in the past-in effect-to do nothing at all.” What Goldsmith means “by doing nothing at all” is stopping behaviors like passing judgments, making excuses, hanging onto the past, negative thinking, adding our two cents to every discussion, and always having to win at all costs. How does it impact you or others? Sometimes the best thing you can do or say is nothing at all.

What is repeating the same mistakes and getting the same results costing you?

The cost is more financial. The cost can be a breakdown in relationships and communication. The cost can be your health, marriage, your relationship with stakeholders, your business, and even your bank account.

Stop the insanity. Break the cycle. Discover the pattern of your behaviour.

You must be willing and read to make a change in your behaviour and actions to get different results.

Your breakthrough may occur when you do the following:

  • Recognize your emotions and the emotions of others in a situation. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings for they influence your behaviors. Imagine what the other person maybe thinking and feeling.
  • Manage these emotions by challenging your beliefs and assumptions about a situation.
  • Develop a learner mindset and be curious about a situation. Ask questions. The better the question, the better the answer and ultimately the better decision made.
  • Gather more information, you may need to do some research.
  • Ask others to help you identify some of your self-limiting habits. Habits can become so automatic; you may not recognize that they are not serving you.
  • Take what you know to solve the problem or make better decisions.
  • Be authentic and make decisions based on your values.

What habits do you need to change? What habits would empower you or make the biggest difference? Start with one.

What is the one thing you can stop doing or change that would make the biggest difference right now?

The insanity will stop when you start doing something different to get a different result.

Get the result that you want!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

 

 

How to Cultivate the Leadership Skills of Your People

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The constant debate of whether or not leaders are born or made is a challenge many organizations face. Many organizations are driven to perform, produce, and profit. After all, you are not in business unless your business is making money.

If you are a leader, you know you cannot motivate anyone to do anything but you can “flick the light switch” for that “ah-ha” moment by askin

Meeting with people around a table with a white puzzle with a red piece standing apart

g questions and encouraging self-reflection. There are several ways you can cultivate leadership skills in your people.

Create a Strong Vision. If the people you lead can see themselves engaged in your vision, you will have willing participants. However, if they cannot see where they fit into your plan, you may encounter resistance or cynicism. A strong vision gives people something to look forward to in anticipation.

“It’s not what the vision is, it’s what the vision does.” – Peter Senge

Offer Educational Opportunities. Education comes in a variety of forms: TED Talks, Journals, Leadership Books, Case Studies, Audio books, You Tube Videos, Workshops, and Conferences. Encourage book discussions or presentations on a workshop they have attended. When your people are learning and growing so is your organization. Education is often one of the first areas cut when their needs to be a cost savings when it should be the last. You never know what creative ideas your people may come up with when they have new knowledge and develop their competencies.

Make Mentorship or Coaching Available. A mentor or coach can help answer questions and challenge assumptions. They can act as a strategic thinking partner. A mentor can share their personal experiences about how he or she handled a particular situation. Whereas, a coach ask questions that encourage self-reflection about potential next steps. Growth is accelerated when you have this type of support system in place.

Encourage Open Communication. Create opportunities for your people to share their successes and challenges so others can learn from them. Take time to acknowledge their efforts. You create unity among team members when they feel their voice and ideas are heard and considered. When your people know that you value them, they will be more engaged in supporting the vision.

“Leaders who make it a practice to draw out the thoughts and ideas of their subordinates and who are receptive even to bad news will be properly informed. Communicate downward to subordinates with at least the same care and attention as you communicate upward to superiors.” – L.B. Belker

Allow for creativity and calculated risk. Organizations advance when they allow their people to get creative and express their ideas. As a leader, you can ask questions so they evaluate the risks and benefits of their ideas. If you do not allow for creativity, other organizations will surpass your organization.

It is important to tap into the diversity of organization. Take time to learn about the knowledge, skills, and abilities the people in your organization have. Some people may be savvy in social media or have strong writing skills but their current role does not allow for them to showcase these talents. As a leader, we need to discover some of these hidden gems that may propel your organization forward. Working from a place of strength is one of the most powerful ways to grow your organization so that it is performing, producing, and profiting. It begins with developing your people.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com