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EPISODE 24 – Know Your Worth

September 6, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 24 – Know Your Worth

“I’ve learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom – how great is that?” Soledad O’Brien

48130021 - annoyed upset angry woman plugging her ears with fingers doesn't want to listen — 48130021 – annoyed upset angry woman plugging her ears with fingers doesn’t want to listen

There are way too many people walking around in the world who do not know their worth. They have been hanging on to the message that says “I am not enough.” They may have heard it from their parents, peers, bosses, teachers, or colleagues that they weren’t measuring up but they didn’t have what it took to reach the next level. They may have even been told that their dreams were too big and that they shouldn’t stretch that far. When you listen to those messages or replay them in their mind over and over, you start to believe it the message. You become the story that you tell yourself. You integrate it into who you are. You become afraid to stretch out of your comfort zone and really step into the person that you’re meant to be.

I believe that one time or another we have all had instances where we felt that someone has put us in our place. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much experience you have in a certain area, knowledge or expertise, there may be someone who doesn’t see what you bring to the table. I’ve had an experience like this personally. When I learned that the person did not see my value, I looked inside myself to see how I may be reflecting that and in a conversation with this person I shared my value because I believe in my capabilities and I also know that I can step into any situation learn and grow as long as I’ve learned to work with my people. Processes can be learned and taught in relationships with people have to be built and nurtured over time. We teach people how to treat us and this is why it was so important for me to express myself when I saw someone didn’t see the worth I saw it myself. Don’t let others define your worth. Ask for feedback on how you need to show up and put the effort in. At the end of the day, I am glad that circumstance didn’t turn out the way I originally hoped because other opportunities were standing bright in my future. Sometimes you have to say no to good in order to experience great.

Recognize Your Strengths

You need to take the time to recognize what your strengths are to help understand your worth. It is about knowing your value and what you bring forth to the world and your leadership style. Do not dwell on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths. It doesn’t matter whether you’re leading your household, community group, an organization, or running a business. If you don’t understand what you bring that increases the value you will not make an impact. What do you do that adds to your competitive advantage? What you offer that others do not? What makes you stand out from the crowd?

If you’re struggling to come up with your strengths, you may want to ask others around you to discover which are known for- your signature. What is it when a project or situation comes up the first person they think of is you?

Create Goals That Challenge You

When you create goals that challenge and stretch you, you realize that you are more than good enough. You are capable of so much more than you often give yourself credit for. When you are fearful or intimidated from trying new things or taking on challenges you are less likely to take any action. Yes, there will be a learning curve. Yes, it will be a challenge. These challenges are meant to help you learn and grow and become stronger and more resilient. The best way to face the challenge is to increase your efforts. The more inspired your action the greater results you will achieve. Those who are most resilient are people who see their current situation or setback as temporary and not a permanent state. They know that if they take action that their circumstance can change. If they do nothing, nothing changes.

Value Your Work

Lou Tice stated,” No matter what you say you want to achieve or become – you aren’t going to do it unless you first believe you deserve it and can cause it to happen.” You need to believe that you deliver value and you deserve a positive outcome whether the monetary or in the form of relationship building. It doesn’t matter if you are putting together a proposal, asking for a raise, or deciding to charge what you’re worth for your product or service, you need to believe you are worth it and know your value. Arm yourself with facts. Keep track of your achievements and contributions and their impact no matter how big or small. Not only are these good for negotiating, they are also important for you to review when you may have a bad day. They act as reminders to let you know how far you’ve come.

You are not the same person from one year ago, three years ago, or five years ago. You have evolved into the person you are now and with that come knowledge, talents, skills, and abilities along with much experience. There is no one like you. Don’t sell yourself short. Demonstrate how you have exceeded expectations and why you are deserving of what you wish to achieve. When you believe it and speak with conviction, others will believe it too. Step into your power.

I would love to hear about how knowing your worth – knowing your value has changed the way you show up in life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 10:49 min

Keywords: Self-esteem, self-worth, self-efficacy, believe in yourself, asking for a raise, making a proposal, set goals, goal setting, challenge yourself, resilience, resiliency, leadership, leader, define your worth, not good enough, achieve, achievement

EPISODE 23: Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

September 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 23 – Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

“The world is giving you answer each day. Learn to listen.” – Unknown

There is a significant difference between hearing and listening. I discovered the best definition of the differences on a website called The Difference Between, “Hearing is the act of perceiving and receiving sound waves or vibrations through the ear. Listening is the act of hearing a sound and understanding what you hear.”

Do you know someone who hears that you’re speaking but never seems to be listening?

I think we all know someone like that. It can become frustrating and lead to arguments and disagreements especially emphasizing that they weren’t listening.

WE REMEMBER
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss with others
80% of what we personally experience
95% of what we teach others

– Edgar Dale

Studies have shown that we remember approximately 25 to 50% of what we hear. I find this statistic shocking. It is the time we do something different. It is the time that we become intentional with our listening so we can learn. How much more would you accomplish if you took the time to truly listen?

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

One of the principles of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by Stephen Covey states, “Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood”. Intentional listening begins when we focus and listen to what the other person is saying. It is the ability to put aside any distracting thoughts and truly be present. If we listen to our own thoughts we’re going to want to interrupt the other person and share our ideas or solutions of what we have done because we have this fear of losing our thoughts. This is where the arguments and disagreements come in because are thinking too far ahead and were not really listening to what is being said.

Arguments and disagreements are a reactive approach to conversation versus a responsive approach. When emotions are high, our brains move into a “fight or flight” response. Your amygdala, a small area of your brain, reacts to protect you and shuts down other areas of the brain that would otherwise analyze the threats. Psychologist Daniel Goleman refers to this as the boiling over point or that amygdala hijack where the intelligent part of your brain is no longer in control and you no longer reason with what’s being said. You cannot often reason with someone who is gone past their boiling point. You can learn to choose the words that you use to meet a person where they are at and truly listen to understand where they’re coming from, what their expectations are, what their hopes and fears are to really gain a clear picture of a situation.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

How Do I Begin?

There is so much more to listening than keeping your mouth closed and being silent. When you’re listening you are coming from a place of being nonjudgmental and simply curious about what the other person is saying. You let them know that you’re engaged through your body language by nodding your head and maintaining eye contact with them while they speak to demonstrate an interest in what they’re saying. You wait for the person who’s speaking for a pause to ask questions regarding what they said or to clarify what you been reading between the lines. You may paraphrase what they’ve said to ensure that your understanding what they’re saying.

Another way to truly understand what a person is saying is by putting yourself in another person’s shoes, being empathetic, and try to gain an understanding of what they might be thinking and feeling. You might want to repeat facts that you’ve heard or knowledge their emotions. You may say something like, “I am trying to get a sense of how you’re feeling … Are you feeling __________?” to ensure your perceptions are correct. When you do this you make people feel like they’re the most important person in the world and at the moment they should be if you’re truly listening.

The book Just Listen: Discover The Secret To Getting Through To Absolutely Anyone by Dr. Mark Goulston is one of the best books out there on the topic of listening. He shares strategies and techniques that are designed to help you successfully communicate with anyone. He has trained the FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life or death situations. The same tips and techniques can be used by you. One of the techniques he describes in the book is called The Persuasion Cycle that was inspired by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente from Their Trans-Theoretical Model of Change. Dr. Goulston states that you need to speak with a person in a manner that moves them.

“From resisting to listening
from listening to considering
from considering to willing to do
from willing to do to doing
from doing to glad they did it and continue doing.”

He believes that you can get through to absolutely anyone when you can have them buy into what you’re saying and it all stems back to listening.

Where Does it All Begin

You must truly understand yourself, your emotions, and what triggers you to react and circumstances versus respond. One of the things that Dr. Goulston says, “If you want to open the lines of communication, you must open your mind first.” It begins with suspending all judgment. When you remove judgment, everyone is on equal playing field and your mind is open to the possibilities.

One of the acronyms that we used in my coaching program was W.A.I.T.

“Why Am I Talking?”

If you start talking while another person is speaking, no one is listening. You learn so much more when you spend time listening intentionally.

When is Listening Important?

Listening is important in everything we do. Intentional listening can prevent misunderstandings, de-escalate and resolve conflict, discover solutions to problems. Listening is important in parenting in understanding the needs of your child.

Listening is important in leadership to learn what your people want and need. We need to learn a person’s preferences. An introvert may have different needs than an extrovert. The Disney Institute had an article about intentional listening in the workplace. They stated the importance of learning people’s preferences and gaining an understanding of whether they like to work individually or in a team or in a combination of both. By learning this information you can better suit the person to the role and the responsibilities that they need to fulfill. They will be more likely to be successful if they’re working in their preference. Resistance occurs when we have people doing things that do not suit them or do not align with who they are.

Listening is important in sales and understanding your customers wants and needs and learning whether or not you have the ability to fulfill them. When customers have complaints or want to vent, this is a great opportunity for learning. For when someone complains events about a situation, they often have a picture of what the ideal situation would be. It is up to you to learn what that is. If you listen with sincerity and interest in what they are saying, you may be able to resolve conflict easily and create a win-win situation.

Why is listening important to you? What are you listening to? What do you need to be listening for? Where in your life do you need to be more intentional with your listening?

Be intentional with your listening. There is more to listening that what you are hearing. When you listen to podcasts like this one, grab the show notes when you can. Choose to take action or integrate one of your learnings into who you are or how you want to show up in the world.

There is a big difference between what you hear and what you listen to learn and understand!

I would love to hear about how intentionally listening has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 12:23 min

EPISODE 22: Focus on What You Want

August 30, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 22: Focus on What You Want

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”
― Roy Bennett

There are so many things going on in our daily lives that we’re distracted from being focused and being in the present moment. Look around you there are some people who are super focused; they know exactly what they want and are driven to succeed. Then there are others who don’t know what they want to appear to be stumbling through life. Which person are you?

Do not be dismayed if you find yourself being the person with lack of focus. By listening to this podcast you’ll find ways to zoom in on your focus.

Knowing what you want gives you clarity. Everything around you becomes clearer. You know what goals you want and decision-making becomes easy. When you’re unclear, it kind of feels like walking around in the dark where you don’t know exactly where you’re going and can stub your toe. You can get clear by just sitting down and writing out what it is you want. Don’t judge or critique your and writing. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. Keep writing!

Catch your thoughts and shift. In Episode 13 The Power Of Positive Thinking we talked about how we have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts in a day and that 80% of those thoughts were negative. When you realize you are having negative thoughts and you are self-aware of them, you have the ability to change thought. You can shift gears or flip the light switch in your thought process. As you notice the negative thoughts, you can either accept it or you can reject it. Reframe the thoughts into something more positive. It really comes down to focusing on what you want and not what you don’t want

What do you think happens when you focus on what you don’t want? Worries, fears, anxiety, self-doubt, and your internal critic pops its head and that’s all we see. As you focus on what you don’t want, your action star reflecting your thoughts and you self-sabotage yourself from getting what you really want. There is so much power in the way you think. I cannot stress enough how much you need to be paying attention to how your thinking. It impacts everything you do. You end up joining the ancient awful club and feel awful. Your mind thinks that’s what you want. Worrying just attracts problems and notice you don’t worry about what outcomes you want. You only end up worrying about what you lack which ends up bringing you more lack.

When you experience resistance, there is often a misalignment with your values and who you want to be. This internal conflict is alerting you to the fact that you’re focusing on the wrong things. You need to start focusing on what you can control versus what you cannot.

Energy flows where your attention goes. What are you paying attention to? The reticular activating system (RAS) is our brain’s attention center. It is the place where our thoughts and feelings interact with their outside world and how we interpret it. If you focus on your past and see your past with regret, your actions will not move you forward toward renewed future.

Esther Hicks said, “A belief is a thought you keep thinking and things actualize around it to confirm that thought.” When you put a spotlight on something, you will find evidence and rationale to make that thought your truth. It becomes your reality. focus perspective However, if you change your focus by looking at other perspectives and choose a reality that you truly want, you will find evidence and rationale that supports that truth. Whatever you believe becomes your reality. You need to lock into the thoughts that you want and get really focused on where you want to go with your thoughts and the actions you will be taking.

You may be telling yourself right now that I don’t like my reality. Your reality may be your present or remember no moment is permanent. You can either accept your reality as it is or choose different thoughts to feel differently and you will start taking actions to match your new belief. You need to believe in your reality and that you can always improve. No matter if it is a positive or negative moment is temporary. Whatever you believe your reality to be will be the story that you share and tell yourself.

The trouble is and that people get caught up in comparing themselves to others through social media and real life. For professionals, many individuals saw social media as a form of showcasing their skills, talents, and abilities and making them stand out from the crowd. Some individuals have used social media to compare their lives to the lives of others. Have you noticed that people post all the great things about what’s going on in their lives? You are comparing yourself to a moment in time and not their whole life timeline. You may see exotic travels, celebrations with friends, and other things that you may long for. This comparison can make people feel depressed if they choose to and they will not take actions that support what they want. When you compare yourself to others you are focusing on another person’s reality and what they believe to be true.

I want to ask you some questions to help you get clear and focus on what you want.

What action will give you your greatest return on investment of your time money and other resources? These are the needle-movers or the game-changers. Are you taking the right actions?

What are the things that are distracting you?

What thoughts are you having? Are you experiencing worry fear and self-doubt? It just means that you’re focusing on what you don’t want. Shift the thought and change your actions.

Here are some things to help you get laser focused and get what you want:

Get super clear on what it is that you want. Write it down.

Accept what is and create the reality that you wish to see. Don’t worry about what everyone else’s thinking or doing. Their opinion applies to them and not to you. People’s advice comes from their own experiences and fears. Choose what you want to accept and what you choose to reject as truth.

Visualize the results that you want.

Prioritize tasks and things you need to get done.

Prepare for what you want and need by gathering resources, accumulating knowledge, and developing your skills and abilities.

Eliminate your distractions and interruptions. Don’t check your e-mail in the morning until you have done some focused work. No e-mail or texting and tell the task is done.

Remove any clutter on your desk or in your space. You may develop the urge to start cleaning it or start working on another project.

Learn to say “no”. You cannot be all things to all people and accomplish what you want to get done for yourself. By focusing on pleasing others, you may lose focus on who you are and what you wanted to accomplish. I’m not saying you shouldn’t help people. There is a difference between helping others and living a life doing what others want for you. By living a life of pleasing others you please no one because other people have different expectations than what you do.

“Focusing is about saying No.”
― Steve Jobs

Take a break every hour for about 5 to 10 min. In order for your focus to be sustainable, you must take a break to recharge and rejuvenate. Your mind does need some time to wander and generate new ideas. You often get a fresh perspective when you come back and look at what you’re focused on.

Take actions that support what you are working toward achieving. You will notice that you will be more productive and efficient with your time, talent and efforts.

Change your focus to what you want and not on what you don’t want – for it will become your reality.

Don’t forget to grab your free DOWNLOAD to help you

get focused on what you want.

I would love to hear about how focusing on what you want has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time 12:15 mins

EPISODE 17: Harness the Power of Momentum

August 11, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 17 – Harness the Power of Momentum

There are no limits to what you can achieve if you stay focused on what you are trying to achieve. You need to believe the impossible is possible for you. Your results may be better than you expect. Success has no guarantees; each action you take starts creating a momentum. If you stop taking action, you stop the momentum.

“Always work hard. Intensity clarifies. It creates not only momentum, but also the pressure you need to feel either friction, or fulfillment.”

— Marcus Buckingham

During my coaching program, we learned about Creative Tension – It moves us to take action. It helps us get out of our comfort zone and stretch us. Challenge us.

Why do we need it? What does it do?

Momentum helps us:

Push through and overcome obstacles. You may have heard about runners or even swimmer pushing through a certain distance to push forward what they may not have thought possible exclaiming, “What else can I do? What else can I do?” What else is possible for you?
Increase your motivation and confidence in your abilities. It helps you to try new things!

You are responsible for creating it through consistent actions. A rapid succession of successes and lessons drives momentum. Energy increases; it will be natural for others to want to follow you. You will become magnetic. You will start to inspire others around you.

Momentum is ignited when you have a clear vision – you know what you want to achieve, you are able to articulate and share your vision, and you can enroll others in your vision.

Do you want to get more clarity? Read my book GPS Your Best Life

Believe in your ability to make things happen. Your confidence, energy, and enthusiasm with excite others around you.

You are probably thinking to yourself – but how do I create a momentum – especially when times are tough or you are feeling challenged more than you think you can handle.

I want to share with you some of the ways that have worked for me and some of the clients I have worked with.

Challenge yourself – Be committed to continuous learning, stay curious and have a learner mindset. Try new things regularly.
Make a rule to quit complaining, blaming, and stop making excuses. You either get results or excuses.
Reduce your distractions. Declutter your space or your email. Clear whatever is in your way.
Be grateful for what you have; the more you will have to be grateful for.
Celebrate your successes – little things lead to big things! It will drive you to take more action. Breath in and acknowledge the successes before moving on to the next thing.
Deliver value and look for ways to exceed expectations. You will generate excitement in others and they will be grateful and share their experience with you – with others.
Do you least favorite activity first – EAT THAT FROG – Brain Tracy

Everything will move so much quicker with the momentum.

Set Milestones – You create anticipation. You may even meet goals quicker.
Measure your outcomes – what gets measured gets managed.
Fake it until you make it – take the actions you need to get to where you want to go. Who is a leader you admire? How can emulate some of the actions that they have taken to achieve success – do your homework. If you want to be a great leader, start being one now.
Make a plan – Work the plan. Otherwise, you will be chasing butterflies. Do you due diligence and your resources.
Don’t forget to dream – Sometimes when people are too realistic to the bone, it drags people down. Dreams can propel you further rather than looking at your current circumstances.
Follow up with people you have met at events or make inquiries – you will be surprised when you connect with others. They energy rises and people take an interest in what you are doing.

What happens when you stop running on a treadmill or riding a bike?

You stop moving – you fall off.

Worry and doubt can paralyze you from taking forward action. They drain your energy. Challenge yourself – test your theories. Ask questions. Gain knowledge – but don’t stop unless you know you are in danger.

No one is going to jail or getting hurt or killed in the process chances are whatever happens you can course correct.

We all start somewhere. There have been many successful people who did not start with any resources – no network of people, no money, no knowledge, did not know English or a language of the place they settled in. They built it and so can you.

“Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” — Og Mandino

Success is not about how many resources you have; it is about being resourceful and leveraging your resources in the most effective way. Focus on taking action and over time a compound effect with occur. If you are focused only on short-term activities to get immediate results, you will lose momentum quickly especially if you do not set a new target that stretched you.

Your efforts make a difference in how you feel about your progress and what you are going to achieve.

Let your efforts multiply!

Success comes from taking the initiative and following up…persisting…eloquently expressing the depth of your love. What simple action could you take today to produce a new momentum toward success in your life?

— Tony Robbins

You need to continually set new challenges to learn and grow. Acknowledge how far you have come. Reflect on what you can do better and work to improve.

Time: 16:31 min

EPISODE 16: Challenges Make You Stronger

August 9, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 16 – Challenges Make You Stronger

37602986 - female rock climber climbs on a rocky wall Challenges are a part of everyday life. A challenge is something that pushes you out of your comfort zone. It can be something you challenge yourself with such as a goal or it could be something presented to you such as learning something new, getting a handle on finances, acquiring your next client, or seeking a promotion. Some challenges are easier than others. Some challenges knock us down for the count. Think about how many times you get up to face a challenge – that will determine whether or not you will push through it.

If you let the first time you knock you down; you will be paralyzed. I remember the first time someone unsubscribed to my newsletter. I was just devastated because of the one subscription. In that moment, I had forgotten about the hundreds of people who were subscribed. Maybe it was not the right fit for them. What I realize now is that people come into your life for a certain amount of time, a reason or a purpose and some people fade away. Understand that when we face those challenges not to take it so personally and feel defeated. It is about being able to rise up and embrace the challenges and move forward.

It was once said by someone that, “Challenges make you more responsible. Always remember that life without struggle is a life without success. Don’t give up and learn not to quit.”

Challenges make a person more resilient. You recognize your emotions that arise in different situations and how to manage them to become a better communicator or influencer. You become more self-aware of what you want and what you do not want. You develop clarity. You learn from mistakes. Don’t punish yourself. You are growing and stepping into the potential of who you are meant to be.

You can either let a challenge pull you down or you can use it to rise up.

45535742 - woman holding shopping bags at a boutique There was a personal challenge I faced when swimsuit shopping with my daughter. I had sent my daughter to go and purchase herself a swimsuit for a surprise trip. I was unable to go with her. She came home a tossed the bag to me and I did not think anything of it. She did not even show me what it looked like until we were leaving and then I realized that there was a $200 + price tag to this swimsuit. I was like, “What?” I am sorry I do not understand what 16 year old needs a two hundred dollar swimsuit. Anyhow, we ended up going on our trip and did not end up going swimming anyway but I knew a swimsuit you cannot return.

We had come home and we were leaving in a couple more weeks to go on vacation. We ended up going back to the same store where she had purchased the swimsuit. As she was trying on bathing suits, I could feel myself boiling inside even though the staff was wonderful to her. I was thinking to myself, “Why would anyone want in in a suit that makes her so much older that she did not feel energized and excited in?” She did not even feel comfortable in it. We ended up going swimming shortly after our surprise trip and she discovered that the suit did not fit properly.

As I was standing there, I could feel myself boiling inside. It is about being able to recognize those emotions. It was a challenge for me to think about how I was going to manage these emotions. It was my problem. The people in the store do not know what is bothering me. As it was getting close to closing time, the staff was being very patient and had no problem waiting for to finish trying on another suit. We did not end up buying a suit. [We had gone to another store and paid $20 for a swimsuit and going on our vacation. She was youthful, energized, and loved the suit that she had.]

ID-10089448 Meanwhile, I was quite frustrated as I was waiting for my daughter to finish up so I started to talk to the clerk. I proceeded to tell her about how I was feeling and how I was boiling inside. If I felt this energy, I could not imagine how and if they felt it. I began to share the story of what happened when my daughter had come for a swimsuit. The young lady at the till was phenomenal. She said “You should not have had that type of experience that is not how we work here.” She took my information. I informed her that we were leaving the next day on vacation. I told that I would not be able to deal with this right now. She said that it was okay and that she would speak to her manager to see what she could do for me.

She had phoned the very next day explaining that they were going to be doing something for me. I decided while I was on vacation that I would not deal with it until I got home. When I came home I called them, they had offered me a 20% discount. I thought you know it is a swimsuit; they are not going to return it. We already spent $200 in their store for something we were not happy with. She asked me if I was going to pick up the 20% off coupon and I stated, “I am not sure I am going to but thank you very much for your time. We will just take this as a loss.”

Not even 5 minutes later, she had called back. A district manager had heard her talking to me; she had explained that she could not return the bottoms. I stated that I understood based on my healthcare background. If I brought back the top, they would give me a full refund for the cost of the top to purchase anything else in the store. I said that was reasonable and that was something I could handle.

Again I was unable to go with my daughter so I spoke with the young lady that was working with her that I would be unable to be there. My daughter went in and they spent a lot of individualized – personalized attention with her. She came home with a new top to match her bottoms and a racer swimsuit for swimming lengths. She pulled it out and went to try it on to show me right away. She ended up getting two suits in the end.

What impressed me most was the young lady that was working with us. She put in a lot of effort; she was phenomenal. When I speak in front of groups, I talk about this young lady all the time. I went into the store a few days later and I had asked one of the other girls, “Can you tell me who the top person is, that I can talk to in your company? They gave me the President – they gave me all these people. I sent the lengthy e-mail. They are just in the swimsuit industry. They are in the industry of self-esteem, confidence, and help people feeling comfortable in the skin and that they are in.

I find it so powerful to be able to know that you’re doing more than just providing a product – more than a business transaction so I e-mailed a lengthy e-mail. I wanted this individual to be recognized. We were going to recognize her in our own way but we wanted somebody you higher up to realize the potential of this young lady and the difference she was making them from of life. I received an e-mail back from the owner of the company and she had forwarded our e-mail to the whole distribution list of all of their employees to realize that this is what they’re in business for and that they would recognize this young lady and in some way.

My daughter had gone a few days later and handed a little gift to this employee. She was nearly in tears for being recognized for going above and beyond her call of duty. How often do we do that – where we want to go the extra mile for our clients or customers making them feel that they matter?

These challenges that we face make us so much better. They make us so much stronger and we would never realize the impact it can have on other people because what I realized is that if I never speak up when I recognize an emotion that I have, either to clarify something with someone or to express how I’m feeling about a situation, this all would never have happened. When we talk about emotional intelligence, people say, “Oh, that’s the soft stuff!” Even though it is soft, it’s about people and making sure that people matter and how were communicating is a big deal. Think about how you communicate and how some of those challenges have come through communication.

Big Breath! I know that was heavy!

SPONSOR – LET’S BE CURIOUS! www.letsbecurious.ca

It really does amaze me how including me, can take things for granted until we are faced with a challenge. I remember completing a triathlon after not putting in a lot of training several years after I had done the course. Holy Man! I was in awe of what I had accomplished that I never credited myself for. The hard work and dedication it took to take on the challenge and to really acknowledge the sacrifices that went with it. Swim, bike, run. I was never a star athlete. I challenged myself to do what I saw other do. If they could do it, so could I.

One of the biggest challenges I see people face is often self-induced through the comparison trap. Comparing our self to others leads to a no win situation. Your intentions end up reflecting a competition and beating someone versus becoming better and being a natural choice. Start turning inward and set challenges for yourself – each day to become a better version of your Self today than you were yesterday. Become a better listener. Become a better employee. Become a better spouse. Become a better parent. Become a better boss. Hone your skills. Fine tune your strengths. The competition is with your Self. Beat your old self – running your own race.

Stop complaining about your circumstances. There are people who are in more delicate situations that you are right now. Some people are wishing they could walk or even run a race. Some people are fighting for their breath. Some people would love to have the job or business you do; due to health issues may not be able to do so.

Quit making excuses about all the reasons success has not happened for you yet. True success – sustainable success takes time and consistency. Are you using your time productively or are you getting sucked into the vortex of social media? Following blue links or just checking to see if someone just someone liked your post.

Stop blaming others for your position in life. You may hear people blaming their parents, spouse, kids, or boss for their position in life or their lack of resources for not being further ahead. You are in charge of you and the decisions that you make.

Who you are… is directly related to the life you have led and the choices you have made. As a child, your parents may have taught you a certain way of doing things. As you became your own person, you started to make your own decisions and choices. You could believe old patterns and beliefs or you could choose your own story of how things played out and how things have yet to be. Others have made choices and passed on their beliefs based on what they believe to be true. Do not be afraid to question, challenge assumptions, or offer a new perspective. You may have heard the story about a young adult preparing a roast after they were newly married. They cut off each end of the roast and placed in the roasting pan. When questioned and the person asked, “Why did you cut the ends off?” They replied that is how we have always done it – my mother did it that way and her mother did it that way.

What are you doing just because others do it that way?

Start viewing your challenges as blessings or opportunities. Write in a journal and start coming up with solutions to your challenges. Choose the story you want to hear and live. Remember your perception and what you believe is your reality. Is it the right belief? Is that what you want to believe?

Stay focused on the positive aspects of what you are trying to achieve. Be a “positive Choose to approach each day – “Today is going to be a great day!” – Speak it into existence. Connect with others and build relationships now – before you need them. If you do not have a support system, start creating one – people you know, like, and trust and who challenge you to become a better version of yourself.

“Handicaps often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”

C.S. Lewis

Time: 19:34 min