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If you don’t like how things are going on in your life, business, or organization, you need to make a change. It is easy to point fingers and blame others for why things are not going the way you want them to. However, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. That’s right! It is time to take 100% responsibility for what you are able to do. You can’t change other people…you may have tried to and noticed it doesn’t work and if you are still trying – quit hitting your head against the wall. Save your energy and focus on yourself. What is influencing you and your outcomes?
How you perceive the world is not how others may perceive the world. As we take the time to learn about people and the world around us, we learn that we are more alike than different in some of our wants and dreams but there are also differences that have shaped who we are. These are our influences. We are influenced by internal and external influences.
Little do we know that these influences are impacting how we respond or react to the world around us. Your influences impact how you think about your world and how you feel about your current reality. How you think and feel influences the actions you take and ultimately the results you will get. Some people will say they have no control over their influences yet there are so many actions you can take to control your influences. Let’s take a look at your influences!
INTERNAL INFLUENCES
Your internal influences have to do with your beliefs and values, biases, assumptions, negative self-talk, the language you speak (using empowering versus disempowering language), your mindset, “can’t vs can-do” attitude and the supportive or non-supportive stories you tell yourself about your present and past experiences.
From a young child, you were taught traditions, values, taboos, and cultural norms. These cultural norms can be from society yet the biggest impact is the one in your home. You were taught what was expected and what was acceptable. You learned food habits, the way to dress, and family roles by what you learned. Although many of these may be considered external to an extent they represent your past experiences and how you have internalized these experiences. You can keep, challenge, or accept anything you choose.
“Whether you think you can or you can’t -you’re right.” – Henry Ford
What you believe is possible is what you will believe you can achieve. Recently, I proclaimed that one of my 2018 goals is to do 1 unassisted chin-up. I had heard that being able to a chin-up was challenging so I wanted to do one. I had done several chin-ups on an assisted chin-up machine that I was not sure I was ever going to be able to do one. I jumped up to a bar and could not hold myself for long that a few seconds. Then, I reached out to my fitness community and they provided some suggestion. The next time I went to the gym I set up the resistance band and got myself a block to stand on. I was able to do 5 chin-ups this way. I was so excited. Suddenly it felt real – I could really do this! What changed! My mindset around my capability. It was funny that I was speaking with someone and they said they were surprised I felt that way when they have seen me take on many fitness challenges and succeed. I needed to think about the stories I was and had been telling myself, “I was never a star athlete.”, “I am not fit enough to do one.” Once I challenged the story, I was open to learning how to make it happen. I do not need to be a star athlete to do a chin-up and I need to evaluate my definition of fit and grit. I have the grit and know how to make it happen. People from all shapes and sizes can do chin-ups. I can and I will!
What is a belief or story that you have been telling yourself about something you want to do or have?
Beliefs and stories are strong influencing factors. Our fears also play a critical role in the actions we take. There are many fears: rejection, failure, embarrassment, death, public speaking, and yes, even success. You are probably saying to yourself, “Why success?” I have found that the fear people fear most is the fear of uncertainty. What will success do to me and my current lifestyle? How will impact my relationships? People fear that they will not be able to handle what’s on the other side – consequences or rewards. I want to remind you that you have control over your choices and you are a resourceful person. You will figure it out!
Pay attention to the language you are using. Are you using language that conveys your message with conviction? Is it empowering? Start banning words and phrases that drain your energy:
- Try – It sounds weak. Indecisive. Sitting on the fence – “Yeah, maybe.”
- Can’t – Can’t is actually choosing NOT to.
- Someday- a day that is not on the calendar – somewhere out there when the stars align. The right time is NOW.
- What if – Sounds doubtful and worrisome. Most things people worry about never happen! Wasted energy.
- I have to – You do not have to do anything. You either “choose to” or you “get to” – see it as a privilege
- Just – The word “just” before anything minimizes what comes after. Example, “I am just a nurse.” “I am just a mom.” Stand in your power – there is NO “just anything”
- I am not – You are disqualifying who you are and what you are capable of. Simply stating “I’m not enough.” Not true.
Use language and statements that empower you. “I am…”, “I will…”, “The time is NOW”, “I get to…”, or “I choose to…” for starters. You are more powerful and capable than you know. Speak with conviction and believe in yourself.
EXTERNAL INFLUENCES
Many of the external influences impacting you, you have control over as in time, frequency, and what you wish to allow into your mind and space. Media is one example that has influence. Television shows, video games, and movies can influence the way you look at and understand the world around you. The news, for example, tends to send negative messaging of gloom and doom. What you read and listen to also impact your thoughts and how you feel. Are you watching shows, reading books, or listening to podcasts that educate, empower, or inspire you?
Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Who are your top five? Sometimes you have to do a “friend-ectomy”. Take a look at your circle of influence the people you surround yourself with. Do they support and encourage you or do they attempt to sabotage your efforts? Sometimes these people are family members and you can not sever the tie. You can, however, limit the amount of time you spend with them, bring your concerns to their attention, or you can change the subject when they speak with you. Some people are toxic to your health and mindset.
You have control over your environment- where you live, what you choose to do, and how you want to show up in the world. Do you live in clutter or organization? Is your life in chaos or calmness?
All of these influences have an impact on how you think and feel and how you will act which ultimately impacts your outcomes. If you do not like the outcomes you are getting and the impact they are having in any of the areas of your life. It is time for a change. Change begins with reflection and self- awareness of what is not working and focusing on doing more of what is working.
We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com
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