Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 160 – Forgiveness Leads to Freedom

June 12, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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We are reminded of the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Forgiveness gives people peace of mind which leads to freedom. In biblical terms, the Greek word translated for “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”. Some people have a hard time with forgiveness because they believe that if they forgive they are accepting or excusing the behaviour or action that occurred. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was respectful and right. Letting go is about freeing yourself from negative emotions around the situation or person so you can move forward.

Forgiveness is an intention decision to change how you feel about a situation. You can choose to harbour anger, resentment, and pain OR you can learn to chose joy, happiness, and peace. Sometimes it is hard for some people to let go and forgive for the anger and resentment has become a best friend. They always have something to talk about and someone to blame for their shortcomings. They play the victim or as some may refer to as “Eeyore” the dear friend from Winnie the Pooh. We all make mistakes and sometimes say things in the heat of the moment or without thinking. We can ask for forgiveness but sometimes the other person cannot forgive or is not ready to forgive.

The person who cannot forgive sometimes needs to process what is going on. There may be times when people get caught up in nursing their own feelings that they forget or disregard yours. Open communication is imperative. You can acknowledge a person’s offering of forgiveness and tell them you need time to process it all. You can also tell them you need time. Even though, forgiveness can occur in an instant by a decision, trust needs to be built over time. Unforgiveness divides and separates people from each other. The quicker we can come to a place of understanding and forgiveness the quicker we can move forward.

Harbouring pain from the past steals your joy from the “here and now”. You cannot change what happened. You can change how you view the situation. When you make a decision to forgive someone, you are demonstrating compassion and empathy for yourself and others. Hanging on to past hurts influences the steps you take moving into your future. You may be sabotaging yourself by holding on to past pains and hurts. Stop beating yourself up over what you could and could have done. Your thoughts and feelings at the time influenced your actions. The results and outcomes may not have ended up as you would have liked but realize you can ask forgiveness or what you can do differently to may things right – knowing that they may never be the same or they may be stronger.

Anger and resentment can occur in the workplace. When hurts occur, it is important to deal with the situation as soon as possible to ensure it doesn’t impact the work that is being done. These hurts are often related to misunderstandings, lack of personal accountability – people not doing what they say they are going to go, and fears. Issues that could be easily resolved by deep discussion or more information end up being taken personally create conflict that was unnecessary. When you come from a place of judgment of others, we must look at ourselves and ask ourselves what we have not been able to forgive of ourselves. Instead of judging based on mistakes and failures, we need to come from a place of learning and understanding.

Forgiveness has many benefits:

Healthier relationships
Improved mental health
Improved self esteem
decreased blood pressure
lessened symptoms of depression
less anxiety or stress

Do you need to forgive someone OR need to be forgiven? Take time to self-reflect. Do you need to take any accountability for your actions or response? Have you asked for forgiveness? Do not assume you won’t get it. If you do not receive forgiveness, realize the person may not be ready.

Here are some ways to help you forgive:

Decide to LET GO and forgive knowing that it does not serve you to hang on to it. We all deserve to be forgiven for something. We are not without error or mistakes.
Express how you feel about the situation or event. Bottling up or feelings and emotions can lead to ill health.
Stop BLAMING others. By hanging onto past hurts, you do nothing but hurt yourself – you may even be sabotaging every success.
Focus on NOW. Remember you cannot change the past and the future has not happened. You can only focus on the present moment.
Forgive yourself and others. Quit beating up on yourself. Learn from mistakes and move forward. We are not without error or mistakes. Treat others how you would like to be treated should the same event happen to you.

Abraham Lincoln promoted forgiveness in saying, “I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.” Before judging or misunderstanding a situation, ask for understanding and learn more about the intent and situation. How would you have reacted or responded? What can you take away from this situation that makes you better?

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 159 – Accountability Can Change Your Life

June 4, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Look at the different areas of your life…do you like what you see? Are you doing what you thought you would be? At this stage of your life, do you have what you thought you would have? Are you showing up as the person you want to be? If people were to describe you, what would they say? Are you driven with purpose each day? If you said, “No” to many of these questions, you are not alone.

There was a time when I thought, “If I work hard, someone will discover me.” OR “Maybe, I will meet my knight in shining armour and he will give me the life I always dreamed of.” I am sure God and the Universe had a good laugh. What I learned was that if something was to be, it was going to be up to me! I could get trapped in a victim mentality believing that if these things did not come to pass, it was someone else’s fault or I had something to complain about. Perhaps you have suffered from victim mentality at one time or another. What you may have learned is not too many people want to hang out with someone who is complaining or having a pity party. You do not gain anything – you only feel worse.

Accountability is not about pointing fingers or finding someone to blame. To be accountable, you are accounting for your behaviour and actions. There may be times you are following up with someone to ensure they have completed a task or request – holding others accountable. It is easier to do that than hold ourselves accountable, especially if things are not going as planned.

By taking ownership or how I like to call it, “OWN YOUR STUFF” – you get out of the victim mode and you get to be part of the solution, suddenly, you are invested which means you are committed to achieving a certain outcome. You can influence your outcome versus waiting for something to happen for you. In every situation, each individual plays a part in owning their stuff – 100% responsibility for what they contribute to the situation. There is no 50-50-60-40, or 70-30 – 100% -100%. Avoiding taking accountability is like having sticky gum stuck to your shoe until you pay attention to it. If you do not like the way something is playing out in your life, pay attention to it. How did you contribute to the situation? What do you want to happen? What actions are you taking to get the outcomes you want? By self-reflecting, you are starting to see what your role may have been in the situation.

Start taking accountability by:

Determine What’s Most Important to YOU -What are your core values?
Visualize Your Success
Be intentional with Your Actions
Own Your Stuff
Readjust the Course

Taking accountability for your actions and outcomes does not mean you are weak or less than perfect. Accountability has little to do with perfection. Do what you say you are going to do. Simple concept. Some people avoid accountability because they have not determined what’s important to them, they get scared of the potential consequences, they are not confident they can follow through on the outcomes – successful or not, they may not be invested in the vision or goal, or they may not see themselves as being an important catalyst of the outcome.

Accountability starts with you! Pay attention to the feedback – your outcomes. Are you getting the results you want? What’s working? What’s not working? What do you need to continue to do or change? The hard part about being accountable to looking at your current reality and seeing how you have contributed or not contributed to the reality you said you wanted. Sometimes it hurts to see how you have been getting in your own way. However, when you step up and take accountability, you own your words and actions, you can change your life.

Have you ever wanted to get physically fit? Many people find that having an accountability partner helps. By creating an experience of meeting up at the gym to work out or checking in to verify that you have done what you said you are going to do, you will want to ensure you do not let them down or have a less favourable response. You would rather do what needs to get done than tell them you did not complete the task at hand.

You may hold more compassion for others as you realize if you want others to “own their stuff” – don’t expect perfection. Be empathetic. People will be more gracious and forgiving to you when you fall from perfection. By holding yourself and others accountable you are able to get the results and outcomes you want. Avoid accountability and the problem will fester until it grabs your attention. By that time, relationships may be damaged and results halted.

Expect more from yourself. You know in your heart you can do better at holding yourself accountable. Choose one thing to do differently to hold yourself accountable – and watch your life change. Start getting the results you want. No excuses.

What are you going to do today to hold yourself accountable?

EPISODE 158 – Paralysis by Analysis

May 28, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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I believe it’s strikingly important to remember that when you know better, you can do better. With higher levels of awareness, you can make smarter choices. And the more clarity you get as to who you want to become, the quicker you can start making the choices need to get you there.
– Robin S. Sharma

We have all the choices around us to create our best in life, business, and our organizations yet seeking the perfect choice can lead to disaster. It can lead to paralysis by analysis. You would think choice leads to freedom. Choices can give us freedom yet for having too many choices can lead to anxiety. Sometimes that anxiety comes from worrying about what others will think. You may have heard the phrase, “What others think of you is none of your business.”, so don’t stress over it. When there is an unlimited amount of choices or an overload of options to choose from it can lead to the inability to make a decision. Weighing the pros and the cons of a choice can be exhausting and anxiety provoking.

Anxiety puts us on guard and directs us to play it safe. A little bit of anxiety or nervousness is not always a bad thing. It alerts you to pay attention to details and your intuition. However, sometimes being too cautious can hold you back. The front part of your brain, prefrontal cortex is responsible for decision-making – weighing the consequences and processing your thoughts. The prefrontal cortex helps release some of the emotional steam from decision making by calming the amygdala, a small part of the brain responsible for instinct (the flight or fight response), impulsiveness, and fear. When emotions are high, the amygdala goes into high gear by reacting to protect versus calmly responding. Decision-making can be impaired when emotions are high as rationale thought tends to go out the window. Focus moves from facts to feelings.

Paralysis tends to occur when there are too many choices. You may have even narrowed the choices down and now you are worried that you are going to make the wrong choice. Chances are if you were able to narrow it down that neither choice would be the wrong choice. What if you made a decision that no choice would be a bad one or the wrong one?
There are some things you can do before you get caught up in paralysis by analysis – basically overthinking things.

Practice Mindfulness.

When you practice being mindfulness, you pay attention to everything around you. You can pickup on things that are that may add to anxiety such as distractions and clutter. You can eliminate or avoid those distractions so you can feel confident in your decision-making.

Identify Your Triggers.

What triggers you to feel anxious about making a choice? How is the anxiety influencing your decision right now? Where is this trigger coming from? Past events. Childhood.

Slow Down to Be Self-Aware.

What feelings come up for you? Remember when emotions are high, rationale thought is low. What thoughts are you having?

Be Intentional with Your Actions.

Self-awareness is important. Your thoughts and feelings impact your behaviour and the actions you take impacting your results. How what you think and feel about your results impact your next set of actions.

Act As IF.

Why not act as if you were making decisions and handling situations with ease? Your subconscious mind does not recognize the difference between reality and your imagination. Better yet, think to yourself, “What would my mentor or someone I admire do? How would they respond to this situation?” Act as if and soon enough you will.

What choice have you been deliberating on? Go through these steps to help you move through making the choice you need to so you can feel the freedom you need. The peace of mind knowing that you made a good decision and no matter what you have the skills and ability to move through your decisions with grace and resilience, if needed. Let anxiety you have guide you into making the “perfect choice” for you in that moment.

Don’t overthink it…make a decision…take action…and follow through.

EPISODE 157 – Discipline Gets a Bad Rap

May 23, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” – Jim Rohn

When building success habits, you probably don’t think about the discipline it takes to achieve what you want to. Discipline paired with desire and intention are what get results. You must have the desire and drive to go after what you want. You also need to take intentional action to get to the result you desire. In order to do so, you create a plan to achieve and you work the plan. This is where discipline comes into play.

Discipline is a game changer. It builds consistency. People often give discipline a bad rap because they see discipline as constraining or regimented. They will say, “This is not the military.” No, it may not be. Navy Seals get results and now teach leadership? To achieve a goal, you require discipline and effort to get to what you want. I saw a post that resonates with me on Instagram – “If it was easy, it would not make you proud.” You are most proud of the things you earned and worked towards.

Discipline is an activity or experience that provides mental or physical training. You are training yourself physically and mentally to build the stamina to get results and face challenges in your way. Discipline helps you make deliberate choices rather than be steered by your emotions at any given moment or bad habits to create a satisfying life.

Great things happen for those who are disciplined. You get things done!!! When you are disciplined, you are focused on what needs to get done and you do it. You are respected by others and often have self-control. You are confident. Not only do you get more done, you have more time in your day but you have less stress. You actually avoid problems by staying healthy and physically active.

Where people steer away from discipline, is when they steer away from results and focus on penalties of giving up the things they enjoy – desserts, greasy or fast foods, Netflix binges, daily lattes, and shopping sprees. They often feel that they are giving up fun and relaxation. It no longer becomes fun when you obsess over it. You need to shift your focus and reframe into the rewards you are seeking.

Would you rather get things done OR wonder when they are going to get done?

It takes discipline to…

Build an empire
Pay off debt
Climb the corporate ladder
Speak impeccably about yourself and others
Track your finances
Train for a road race
Create a marketing campaign
Declutter your desk or home

You may have your own list. Before you see discipline as limiting, ensure you are no holding yourself back from getting the results you want and desire. Short term sacrifice and structure for long-term sustainable gains…sounds like quite the toss-up to me…NOT!

Discipline is where IT IS AT! Focus on the rewards!

EPISODE 156 – Waiting to Be Great

May 22, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.” Robert Anthony

Waiting…waiting is to pause or delay! Why would you want to wait for being great or step into your greatness?

I have heard many reasons (actually, they are excuses and hiding place). They say, “I don’t know enough.” Or “I need more education”. Depending on your expertise, if you are wanting to be an astronaut or a surgeon, I would say yes, you probably do. We want you to know what you are doing. For the most part as a business owner, entrepreneur, or a leader of an organization, you can learn as you go and grow! There are so many resources available literally at your fingertips such as online courses and academies. Coursera and Udemy are popular.

Another reason I hear is that “I need more experience” or “They have more talent than I do.” You gain experience by doing so get out there and start doing. You may need to volunteer with a board or organization to get some of the experience you are looking for. Talent is great but unless you continue to work and grow your talent those who put the effort in and work hard – they will surpass the person with talent alone. Nothing beats grit!

Other reasons include needing everything to be perfect, not enough money to get started, no time or resources, indecision – waiting for the timing to be just right and blaming others for failed expectations. The amount of time you have available to you is no different than the next person. People will say they have no money and some may not. If you pay attention or do a walk through their home, you will soon discover where they spend their money and what’s important to them. It is not the person who has the most resources that succeed it is the person who is most resourceful who WINS!

You may see more reasons than results when you hold yourself back from being vulnerable or hold yourself back from taking action for fear of being criticized by others.

Greatness comes from courage. Courage comes when you step out of your comfort zone and take action. Courage over comfort! You need to start taking actions instead of rationalizing the way things are. Be practical can hold you back from visualizing your end goal and what you want. Being comfortable holds you back… you tell yourself…things are great why ruffle things up, however, there is a part of you that is ready to take a leap and stretch because you know if you don’t there is a part of you dying inside.

You may be waiting or postponing your greatness if you catch yourself saying, “after” or later”. You don’t think you can really pull things off. How do you know 100% you can’t?

Here’s the deal…

When you make a decision to overcome self-doubt, fears, and adversity, that is when you become great. Guess what? You have already overcome some of those – traveling to a new place, asking a guy or girl on a date, getting a college or university education, starting a new business, or going to the bank to ask for a loan. You can either overwhelm yourself or you can overcome yourself and step into the skin you are meant to be in.

Quit playing small it serves no one. You play small when you come up with excuses from taking action. Jim Carey famously said, “So many of us choose our paths in life out of fear disguised as practicality.” Practicality does not allow for dreaming of a bigger future!

One of the most interesting reasons I heard is that people wait to be great because once they achieve the dream or goal there will be nothing more to long for as it has been achieved so they delay it. Gian Carlo Menotti’s quote resonates with this,

“Waiting and hoping are the whole of life, and as soon as a dream is realized it is destroyed.”

My question for you is, “Why not set a new dream or goal?” Chances are you have not fulfilled your full potential. If you only knew how capable you truly are you would astonish yourself? Why not give it a shot and see how close to your potential you can get?

You are here for a reason…discover that reason and live it out!