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EPISODE 5: Your Habits Determine Your Future
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We often think it is those big things or those big events or situations that determine our future. It is really about the little things that we do, the tasks-everything from getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. The way you get up in the morning if you really broke it down you’ll notice you have certain habits or routines that are the same every day. Thinking about what those habits are. There are bad habits which people can pick up very quickly and there are the good habits those are the habits that support a healthy lifestyle that keeps you well so you can give your gifts and share them with the world.
Some of the bad habits you may have will be listed on the left-hand side and on the right side of the table you will notice ways to reframe them. Talk about how you can shift your bad habits and change them so you can put in more productive ways to improve the habits that you have so you can achieve success that you want. If habits determine your future, it is really important to dig deep, get self-aware and find out what could be holding you back from the success that you desire.
REFRAME GOOD HABITS Avoiding difficult conversations.I am able to have difficult conversations in a timely manner and respectfully.Missing breakfast.I eat breakfast.Staying up late and sleeping in when you have to go to work or be at the office for a big presentation.I ensure I get adequate rest so I can think properly.Avoiding sales calls.I set a time to do the sales calls I need to do.Being late to meetingsI am on time or at least 5 minutes early.Not getting any exerciseI am exercising and feeling strong and confident.Not drinking enough water.I ensure that I am hydrated.Spending your money today without saving for the future.I pay myself first. I am saving for my future.Procrastination.I put my plan into action.PerfectionI get started and adjust as I go.
We talk about smoking and retail therapy – not only can they be a habit but also an addiction to fulfill a need.
At the end of the day, it is all about making a behavioral change. When we think about a changing behavior, we think “No it is not me who needs to make a change, it is the other person who has to change.” The only person you have control over is you and what you are doing for yourself.
Good habits are … see the reframing in the table above.
Imagine if you procrastinated on taking out the trash. Things would get a little stinky and smelly. The same thing happens with life situations, if you do not tend to them or nurture them- it can get out of hand.
Do what you need to do and get it out of the way.
A bad habit has a consequence. Missing breakfast today might not seem like a big deal but if you are missing it or having additional chocolate or extra portions, the consequences won’t be seen today. They are seen in the future – years down the road like with smoking and lung cancer. The consequences are not seen right now.
Good habits can be taken for granted – the healthy eating, going for a walk, walking the dog, or protecting yourself from the sun. These are all things to initiate good habits – good hygiene for example.
Look for the patterns. What are your bad habits? Identify them and write them down. Review your habits and think about 1-2 things you would like to make a plan to change. Financial. Exercise. Your Health. Once you create a plan, get help from someone who has a specialty in that area – someone you trust or great knowledge to help you develop a change. You might a grab a book from the library or bookstore to help you develop a change.
Remember no one can make you change. The change needs to come from within. For example, let’s say weight loss is a subject. It is about gathering those resources and asking those questions. You could have a dietician come on board. You could have an exercise specialist or trainer. Grab some cookbooks from the bookstore. Learn how to cook differently. You may do research online Make sure you are going to credible websites because it seems like everyone is giving out advice.
Your habits will determine your future. What are 1-2 habits you would like to change in the next 30 days?
It is like a goal. We have a time stamp. We will re-evaluate in the next 30 days. Think about the strategies and make a plan for how you are going to make the change. How are you going to be held accountable?
The other things that can be seen as habits are: not brushing your teeth, not speaking up or making a request in the office, not making those sales calls, or doing the follow up with the people you met at the networking event. These are all habits that affect the success and the results you are getting.
The only way to change what you are doing is to ask:
- What is working?
- What is not working?
- What do I need to improve?
Look at your habits and pick 1-2 that would have the greatest impact right on your life right now. We all have habits. When we take the time to reflect and we are self-aware of them that is when we can start creating the change.
When you show up and be the change in the world, you change the world around you. You may say, “Wow! Everyone changed!” Guess what? The change is actually YOU! It is one of the most powerful transformational changes that could be helping propel yourself forward. Take those habits and break them down into smaller pieces. What are you going to do this week? Today? Maybe you need to find an app for entering the data for how many glasses or water you drank or how many sit-ups you did. You may consider using a journal to track things.
Think about all the little things. The little things really affect the big picture.
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time 11:12 min
EPISODE 4 : Receiving Feedback
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We receive feedback all around us every day. This is the world telling us about what’s going on – you receive feedback when you step on a scale or when you pick up the phone. Some feedback is direct and some feedback is in the direct.
Feedback can help us figure out if we are on the right track or the wrong track.
A quote that resonates with me when I think about feedback by Thomas A. Edison, “ I had not failed I have just found 10, 000 ways that won’t work.”
When you get the feedback you can adjust as you go. You can decide whether the feedback has validity and whether or not it is something you want to integrate into what you do on a regular basis.
There are three forms of feedback according to Heen and Stone/;
- Appreciation – which everyone loves – kudos, the praises, and the high fives.
- Coaching – Coaching is meant is for improvement
- Evaluation – Evaluation is seen as judgment – that is when people can become standoffish because if an evaluation is good, “they are like oh – great!” then we are back to appreciation. If they see the evaluation as bad, they feel like what they bring to the workplace or the business front is not recognized and appreciated.
An example of a time when I was coaching someone they thought I was going to come from a place of evaluation and that they would be in trouble for someone. So I said “No, no, no. I am here with the intention of coaching.” We took a step back and I talked about the three types of feedback and that my intent was to from a place of being a coach, “I am here to help you improve and offer suggestions.” At the end of the day, the receiver of the feedback decides whether or not they are going to accept the feedback or not. It changed the whole tone of the conversation. Instead of that person thinking I was making a judgment about their performance, we were able to further discuss how we were going to use this information.to improve for the next time. If the giver and receiver are not on the same page, you will start noticing tension and misunderstanding which can lead to difficult conversations.
If you ensure that your receiver is understanding what you are trying to deliver, (if you are the delivering the feedback) it makes the feedback ready to absorb.
You may be asking yourself, “When is a good time to deliver feedback?” The things you need to keep in mind is that not everyone likes to receive feedback publicly or likes to be coached in front of their peers. One of the things that I find works very well, if you can step aside and go to a quiet area or behind closed doors, so you can have this conversation so the person you are talking with can be very candid and allow for the vulnerability – that deep conversation.
You want to start off by listening for what the receiver hears from the feedback. When you are delivering the feedback, you can remind them from what place you are coming from, appreciation, coaching, or evaluation. Once you make you make that clear, ask to make sure that the receiver knows that. As the receiver, if you are unsure as to where this feedback is coming from you have your own responsibility of saying, “Hey, this is what I am hearing, are you trying to coach me or are you trying to pass a judgment? Because what I am hearing is this…” This makes a huge difference in these conversations and could really avoid any misunderstandings.
Think about how you receive feedback and don’t be afraid to offer feedback in reflection. Something Marshall Goldsmith encourages is Feed Forward – offer suggestions and improvements of what can be better next time. An example he likes to use is to imagine someone did a presentation in a meeting and they did not do a very good job. People were nodding off, distracted and started playing on their phones. It was not well received and instead of telling the person that the meeting did not go well. The FeedForward approach is about offering them suggestions of what they could do better the next time and having the open discussion. Most of the time if the person is self-aware they are going to know if it did not go well especially if they were able to read the room. Instead, of reminding them and rehashing the obvious, let’s talk about how we can make it better. Always focus on the positive side and moving forward.
Think about how you have received feedback before. I myself, while I was reading this book, I had a family situation come up. I was like “Why is this person telling me what to do?” I actually got a little bit defensive and a little bit upset with it. As I was reading the book, I actually took a step away to go to a quiet space to read this book. My ah-ha was “Oh, okay, I get it. Even though they said this, I did not have to accept it. They were offering me feedback without knowing the whole context of the situation. They came in part way and did not think about it. I asked myself, “Were they trying to make a judgment or offer me some improvement?”
I decided to take it as some improvement. So I thought okay – I am not going to let it bother me. It was easier to let it go and move forward. I do not want to be holding grudges and I hope that you don’t either. Because these things hold us back from getting the success that we want. Every time you see that person you will think of that situation and all it becomes is a weight – a weight on your back that stops you from moving forward. If you want to achieve success, you cannot have grudges. You cannot hold onto the past. You need to be able to move forward, learn the lessons that you need to, and see if there is valid information from the information you receive.
Use the feedback you receive to your advantage. Is there some truth to the feedback you are receiving? Is there something you can do with it? Is there something you need to stop doing? Adjust your course as you go – soon enough you will be on the right path to your success.
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time 10:15 min
EPISODE 3: Set Goals That Stretch You
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Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
One of the big things about setting goals is that people don’t dream big enough. They sit back and wonder what is possible for them. Tony Robbins said, “Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into visible.”
One of the things you need to do is really decide what it is that you really want. What I have found when I work with individuals that they have never stopped long enough to take time for themselves, “You know what, what is it I truly want?” They get so involved in the hustle and bustle of life that they get carried away with the next big thing or they are doing what that their mom or dad told them to do. It seemed like the natural thing to do but instead they need to step into who they are. They had their life experiences to bring this point to be able to make the decision of what they want. If they are unsure of what they want, set aside some and maybe even have a friend beside you ask you “What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? Repeatedly 10-15 minutes until you fill the pages or a journal or a page at least until you figure out what you really want.
I did this exercise with someone at a coffee shop and I kept saying, “What do you want? What do you want? What do you want?”
She said, “Alright already!” She wanted to get married in Jamaica.
Then I asked her, “How much does it cost to go to Jamaica?”
She said, “I have no idea.”
I looked at her and said, “How do you know that the dream is not possible already?”
She had a partner. She wanted to have this big dream but she didn’t do some of the leg work involved.
A few years later I have received an invite that she was getting married in Jamaica!
Unfortunately, I was unable to go but it was exhilarating to me that she fulfilled a dream that was important to her.
Get clear on what you want to achieve. What would you like to BE, DO, or HAVE?
Once you gave an idea of what it is you want, you can share it with people who you can trust who are going to be there to support you. Otherwise, keep it to yourself if you need to but if it something like weight loss or other things it sometimes helpful to have a person to keep you accountable and do the work with you like going to the gym or doing a road race. Having an accountability buddy is helpful. If you have people who are going to talk you out of it or question whether or not you can do something, don’t let them stop you. The only person who needs to believe in your vision for yourself is YOU. When you believe in yourself you make the possibilities happen. We can’t sit around waiting for someone else.
Decide on 1-3 goals short term goals (30-90 days) and 1-3 long-term goals (6- 12 months). Avoid setting too many goals so you do not feel overwhelmed. If you have way too many, you will not even know which one to start on! The goal is not important to me anymore. Start with 1-2 goals for right now! Start slow! Create your own action log!
Write out a SMART goal. If you INK it, you will THINK it.
S=Specific – What do you want to achieve?
M = Measurable – How will you measure it so you know you have achieved it? E.g. Rating Scale
Sometimes people get stuck on this one. If you care thinking about an action – something you can measure that is easy but if it is based on how you perceive or feel about something a rating scale would be better.
On a scale on 0 -10 you feel a 3/10 and you want to feel 6/10 in 2 weeks (as an example). What strategies will you put in place to do this?
A= Achievable – Can you achieve this goal with the resources you have? Do you need to ask for help? Do you need to delegate something?
R=Realistic – Is this goal something that you can actually accomplish?
T=Timely – In what time frame do you wish to achieve this goal?
“A goal without a deadline is just a wish.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Make sure that you put a deadline to it, hold yourself accountable, and reward yourself along the way. Don’t be afraid to dream big!
Tom Landry said, “Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about it, achieving it, and staying with that plan.” You know that there will be test along the way and distractions but it all comes down to how committed you are to making your goal come true.
Break your goal into small manageable pieces or mini goals. What are the strategies or action steps do you need to take daily, weekly, or monthly? Is there anything you need to delegate? What resources of time, money, or people do you need?
Break it down into a chart. It works really well if you are a visual person.
Review and track your goals daily, weekly, and monthly. Adjust as you go. Keep taking intentional action to create momentum. If you create momentum, you with be motivated no matter what obstacle may arise! Remember to celebrate your successes because they will remind you how far you have come!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time: 9:04 min
EPISODE 2: Taking Inspired Action and Celebrate Success
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“I have found that there is a difference in the type of action you take and the results that you receive. My definition of action that gets the results you desire – is relaxed inspired action- not desperate action or desperate reaction.”
― Sheri Kaye Hoff, Relax Into Inspired Action: Connect the Pieces and Live Fulfilled
Desperate action versus desperate reaction. How profound…
Some people talk about action being different than inspired action. We can do a lot of little task and little actions but are we doing them intentionally. Think about the actions you have been taking, are you doing them with intention?
Focus your intention and attention on what you want. If you are distracted or just doing things without thinking about the results that you want, you are going to miss out on a lot of different things.
Visualize achieving your end goal. Imagine how it will feel and what rewards you will reap from taking actions that you have.
Set goals and break them down into smaller manageable pieces. Set goals that help you stretch – in our next podcast.
Spend 20 minutes a day researching, reading, listening to a podcast, and increasing your knowledge about your “want”. People make lists of their dreams and when they are thinking about all the things that they want to do – maybe it is their bucket list. They think it is so far-fetched. It’s so far away from what is possible for me. What I want to do is to help you to shift your thinking from thinking of “impossible” to “I am possible”. I can make anything happen. Do a little bit of research and increase your knowledge. It might break down the some of the barriers of your thinking about why something might not be achievable for you. A lot of people do not investigate the things they truly want. They automatically think things are too expensive or they think something is not achievable.
Several years ago I was doing a vision board workshop and I was talking with different people about their vision boards. There was one lady who had cut out a picture of a bride and she said, ‘I do not know why I am even bothering putting this there.” I told her she did not believe she deserved it. She looked at me and said, “Yes you are right!” After a bit of laser coaching, she ended up putting it on her visions board and to have that on there and start believing in something for her was HUGE! You need to start believing in yourself for these things to happen.
When you take the time to investigate what the cost might be or the things you want, like the promotion or you want more clients, there are phenomenal books and podcasts that you can have these strategies on your fingertips.
We have the internet. People do not have excuses about how to improve their business, how to get more clients – that pipeline and how to improve our lives with living more healthy. There are books, articles, and podcasts. There is so much information. There are seminars and conferences you name it – things are available to you. You just need to start asking the right questions and spending the time doing it. The world is not going to just hand it to you and say, “Oh, here it is!” It is the positive thinking that a lot of people that people were talking about from “The Secret”; The Secret does have a lot of truth to it. What you need to do is, to take the action and the positive thinking together to take inspired action. The inspired action is the gentle nudge or voice that is telling you what your true calling is that purpose that you need to do something.
The same goes for growing in your industry – do some research and learn more about it so you can ask more thoughtful questions and help where you are to get better results. Success leaves clues. Leave your track record, create those footprints and take the time to mentor others. It is all the little things that are going to help you excel.
ASK questions and learn as much as you can about what you want. Once you find some information as more questions. Find ways to achieve what you want to. There is always more than one way to get what you want.
Find a mentor who is willing to share their knowledge with you and who has done what you want to achieve. They have great wisdom and are not asked for their expertise a lot of the time. They will find it flattering but don’t just go up to them and ask if you can pick their brain. Find a way to create a win-win situation; it might be you who shares what the latest and greatest is in the industry.
Make a list of pros and cons. Simply, put a piece of paper in front you with a line down the middle with pros on one side and cons on the other. Take a look at the list and eliminate any risks so your actions can be deliberate. What can you do so the consequence does not outweigh the positive result? If there is a risk, how can you mitigate the risk so that you can ensure some smooth sailing? This way you are being proactive versus reactive in getting what you want.
Trust yourself to make the best decisions with the information you have. No one is stopping you from asking additional questions. You can adjust your course as you go. If you are going to wait for the perfect moment, you will either procrastinate or it is never going to be good enough to move forward. Take a chance and adjust as you go and you will be better every single time.
Celebrate your small wins and successes along the way. I often encourage the individuals I work with to keep track of the small wins and successes. Show gratitude. When you have a bad day, go back to those small wins and successes and read them over to shift your mindset but also to help you realize you have been through barriers and obstacles before and you have been able to hit a breakthrough to get you to where you are now. Don’t let it stop you from achieving success. Celebrating your small wins and successes will help increase your motivation and momentum to keep going toward your end goal.
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time 10:37 min