Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 528 – Boundaries – You Teach People How to Treat You

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In this podcast, Debra Kasowski talks about the importance of setting boundaries, not as barriers. Boundaries are not about shutting people out; they are about letting the right energy in! Without boundaries, we invite confusion, overcommitment, and often burnout. They are one of the most powerful tools you have in teaching people how to treat you.

Debra Kasowski is the charismatic podcast host of The Millionaire Woman Show, 3X Best Selling Author, Speaker, and Certified Executive Coach. She interviews incredible speakers, authors, CEO, Business and Organizational Leaders and drops solo episodes with tips, strategies, and techniques for your success.

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GPS Your Best Life – Debra Kasowski & Charmaine Hammond

The Entrepreneurial Mom’s Guide to Growing a Business, Raising a Family, and Creating a Life You Love

Let’s Be Curious: Ask the Right Questions, Get Better Answers, and Create What You Want

Boundaries Are Not Barriers — They Are Bridges to Better Leadership & Productivity

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Have you ever found yourself constantly interrupted, putting out fires that aren’t yours, or saying yes when your inner voice is screaming no?

You’re not alone.

As leaders, professionals, and caregivers, we often wear many hats — and in doing so, we can fall into the habit of taking on responsibilities that don’t truly belong to us. But here’s the truth:

We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, what we reinforce, and what we refuse to address.

That’s where boundaries come in.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are intentional limits we set for ourselves to protect our time, energy, values, and well-being. They are not walls that shut others out — they are respectful frameworks that guide how we engage with others and ourselves.

Boundaries are acts of clarity, not cruelty.

They might sound like:

  • “I’m unavailable for calls after 6 p.m.”
  • “Please come with a solution, not just a problem.”
  • “I’m happy to support you, but I won’t do the work for you.”

“A boundary doesn’t tell someone else what to do, it tells them what you will do.” – Melissa Urban

Common Misconceptions About Boundaries

Setting boundaries is often misunderstood, especially in leadership and caregiving roles. Let’s debunk a few of the common myths:

  • Myth #1: Setting boundaries is selfish.

Truth: Boundaries are an act of self-respect and mutual respect. They ensure you’re not giving from depletion but from a place of wholeness.

  • Myth #2: If I say no, people will think I’m not committed.

Truth: Saying no to what’s not aligned allows you to say yes to what truly matters. That’s wisdom, not weakness.

“Boundaries are not walls; they are respect.” -Brene Brown

  • Myth #3: Boundaries will damage relationships.

Truth: Healthy relationships thrive on honesty and mutual understanding. Boundaries improve communication and reduce resentment.

“Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for.” – J.S. Wolfe

  • Myth #4: It’s just easier if I do it myself.

Truth: In the short term, maybe. But in the long term, it builds dependency and burnout — and it stunts the growth of others.

Let’s normalize this: You can be kind and have boundaries. You can be supportive without self-sacrifice. You can lead with compassion without losing yourself in the process.

How to Recognize When Your Boundaries Have Been Crossed

Sometimes we ignore when our boundaries have been crossed. The signs show up in your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your bodies, and even your actions – impacting the results you are getting.

Signs your boundaries may have been crossed:

  • You feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or resentful.
  • You may experience feeling a tightened chest, clenched jaw, curling your hands into fists at your sides, or develop a headache.
  • You may even experience fatigue from taking on too much, or others are demanding more of your energy and time.

These are only a few of the signs you should become aware of so that you can create or maintain your boundaries to protect your heart, soul, and body.

The Productivity Cost of Poor Boundaries

According to a University of California Irvine study, it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to refocus after a single interruption. Now, multiply that by several interruptions a day more — and we quickly see how we lose precious hours that could’ve been focused on high-impact work or intentional rest.

When we’re constantly pulled into other people’s urgencies, we delay our own priorities. We may feel important in the moment, but over time, resentment grows, burnout creeps in, and productivity plummets.

Helping isn’t always helpful. When we repeatedly take responsibility for someone else’s learning or workload, we rob them of the opportunity to develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and confidence.

What feels like kindness can actually be a disservice.

Healthy Boundaries Boost Productivity

Here’s what strong boundaries can unlock.

  • Increased focus and deep work
  • Reduced stress and decision fatigue
  • Greater self-trust and confidence
  • More empowered, accountable teams
  • Clearer communication and expectations

How to Start Setting Better Boundaries Today

  1. Pause before you say yes. Ask: Is this mine to carry?
  2. Communicate clearly and kindly. You can be compassionate and firm.
  3. Be consistent. People may resist at first, but consistency builds respect.
  4. Model what you teach. Boundaries are contagious — when you model them, you give others permission to do the same.
  5. Let go of guilt. You are not responsible for managing others’ emotions about your boundary.

Remember: Boundaries aren’t about controlling others. They are about honoring yourself.

When you respect your own time and energy, others will too.

And when we stop taking on what’s not ours to fix, we allow others the dignity of their own growth journey.

Let’s lead with courage, clarity, and compassion. Let’s teach others how to treat us — by how we treat ourselves first.

Debra Kasowski is a two-time TEDx speaker, executive coach, three-time bestselling author, and host of The Millionaire Woman Show podcast. With a background in healthcare leadership and a passion for personal mastery, she helps high-achieving professionals silence self-doubt, lead with confidence, and take bold, intentional action. Currently pursuing her Master’s in Organizational Leadership, Debra blends real-world experience with evidence-based strategies to empower others to live and lead with purpose. A triathlete and resilience advocate, she inspires others to push beyond perceived limits and embrace the power of choice. Learn more at www.debrakasowski.com.

EPISODE 462 – Setting Boundaries in Life and Leadership

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In this podcast, we’re diving into a topic that’s essential for both life and leadership; setting boundaries. This episode is all about empowering ourselves to establish healthy limits, and why they’re crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, both personally and professionally. Boundaries need to be set proactively not reactively. It’s about establishing them before issues arise. #boundaries #wellbeing #success

Episode 111 – Setting Boundaries

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“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
― Henry Cloud

Boundaries are set to create clear separations between yourself and others. They are created so you can honour your needs and self respect. When you set boundaries, you are telling others what you want and what to expect. The best way to set boundaries is to do some self-reflection. Pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel stress? Resentful? Angry? Frustrated? Taken Advantage of? You need to give yourself the permission to take care of you first.

Pay attention to your own thoughts before you take notice of others. Your first step in setting boundaries may mean that you need to shut down your own negative thinking. Are you taking things personally? Do you believe that your circumstance is permanent? If so, you are stuck in a rut. You will not find a way out until you shift your thinking and realize that a persona’s response comes from their own experiences and perception. You need to discover what that is and challenge any assumptions you may be having and get some clarification. There may be a misunderstanding. Life is fluid. Good and bad circumstances are temporary. The way you choose to respond and the choices you make will determine how long you stay in that state. Choose to do nothing and the longer you will be there. Choose to take action and you will have progress.

Identify what drains you. If you are not sure whether you need to set some boundaries, consider the people and places that drain you. The places may be noisy, dirty, or cluttered. The people may be miserable, gossipers, or complainers. They complain about their spouses or partners or they speak poorly about others identifying every flaw they can find. They complain about their boss. You may have increased demands placed on you because you are the expert in a certain area. These people may even be family members that call you to see if you can run errands, after all, if you work at home you must not be doing anything. At some point, you need to stop the madness!

Know you core values. Not only do you make better decisions when you know your core values, you can set boundaries more effectively because you know what you stand for. You know what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not willing to tolerate. Use your core values as your guideposts. If someone violates one of your core values, they need to know that there is a consequence. For example, if someone cheats or steals, they may be fired from a job or have criminal charges placed on them. Your values drive your results.

Remember you cannot change others, you can only change yourself. In Dr. Henry Cloud’s book, Boundaries for Leaders, he talks about how leaders get what they allow. You can choose to respond or reactive to any given circumstance. The one thing you can do to change the way you act toward them is to provide direct honest heart to heart communication. I know some organizations do like to talk about matters of the heart, however, being heart centred is about allowing people to express themselves and have a voice.

Here’s what you can do. If you do not like how someone is treating you, you can use the communication method often taught in emotional intelligence.

When you…

I feel…

What I want…

You start to focus on facts, express how you are feeling, and set expectations for the future. People will start changing their behavior and outcomes when they understand how it impacts others. I have used this method on many occasions and it saves many relationships. People often avoid sharing how it impacts them and what their needs are because they fear how the other person will react. I want to remind you what you think and feel is important. If you do not express yourself, you may become resentful because you feel taken advantage of. Communicate what you want and need. Others will respect you for setting limitations and feel that they have the permission to do the same.

Decide what the consequences are if someone crosses the line. If someone says that they are going to deliver on something and they don’t, there needs to be some consequence. A person’s actions should be stronger than their word to demonstrate how committed they are to your wants and needs. Consequences do not have to be negative. A positive consequence can be holding someone accountable for their actions and demonstrating that you believe in their capacity to change and become a leader. The consequence of not achieving a goal can be a positive consequence that also motivates a person to put in the work required to get there.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Setting boundaries takes courage and practice. It gets easier over time. When people set boundaries, it creates a safe environment in which people feel comfortable to share and express themselves. By clearing communicating and setting boundaries, you will be able to be present and calm in the moment. Your quality of life also improves. You sleep better and face fewer distractions and you can separate events or circumstances from overflowing into what you are doing.

It is not “if” someone will cross your boundaries, it will be, “When?” How will you decide handle it?

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

When Your Plan to ‘Have it All’ Backfires: How to Balance Your Commitments

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The quest for work-life balance and ‘having it all’ can be a disillusion for many as they work long hours trying to give equal attention to each area of their lives. Not only is this disappointing, it leaves people literally exhausted and feeling over-extended. People are shuttling children to and from activities, cleaning house, buying groceries, making meals, writing reports and blog posts while making meals, and balancing the budget. They have become so task-oriented that they are no longer pursuing and living a life of significance and meaning. What was once a mission to achieve meaningful goals and leave a legacy has now left individuals disinterested and forgetting why they were on their mission altogether.

When everything around you seems to be falling apart, it is time to step back and take a look at what is going on around you and re-evaluate. There are no easy solutions or one-size fits all solutions. You are a work in progress and what works for you may not work for others. You can adjust your plan as you go. What’s most important is that you honour who you are and what you want in your life. Remember balancing your commitments does not mean that you need to give equal attention to everything. Most of the time is comes down to dedicating some quality time versus worrying about the quantity of time you have.

Decide what ‘having it all’ means to you. What do you want to be, do, and have in your life? What are you willing to sacrifice or put aside for the time being as you focus on a different priority?

Know what your “WHY” is. What motivates you to go after your dreams and goals? What is behind your actions? What are you hoping to achieve?

“If you know the why, you can live any how.

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Make tough decisions around your priorities. Even though you do not want to out on a social engagement, you know family movie night is important to you. Sometimes you must miss out on good to achieve the great things that you want in your life. When you are clear on what is important to you; it is easy to make the right decision for you. Make a list of your top 5 priorities. They say you can tell a person’s priorities by what they worry about. What do you worry about? What do you focus on most? Tough decisions are easy when you know your priorities – everything seems to fall into place.
Learn to stand up and speak up for what you want and need. People are not mind-readers; they do not know what you want and need. You need to get in the habit of asking – asking questions to gain more information or asking for help. The most successful people in this world did not do it alone. They have had help along the way.

Delegate where possible. You may say, “But no one does it as good as me!” Although this may be true, are you using your time most effectively? Can you block off smaller increments of time over the week to do household chores instead of spending your whole Saturday cleaning the house and running errands? Can you hire someone to clean house or order your groceries online and then pick them up or have them delivered? Can you ask the kids to help with things that you usually do? Remember you are teaching them great life skills!

“If you want to do a few small things right, do them yourself. If you want to do great things and make a big impact, learn to delegate.”
― John C. Maxwell

You want to be focusing where your strengths lie. If it takes you two hours to hem one pair of pants, wouldn’t it be easier to get a tailor to do the job? No matter what you are doing, you are making these choices based on time, money, resources, and your beliefs about “how things should be.” Is it really how things should be? What if you came up with a “new normal” of the way you believe things should be? Would you be happier or more satisfied?

Make self-care a priority. Eat healthy meals and get regular exercise. The body you have is the only one you got so look after it. Your body does amazing things and gives you the support needed to function but it needs its rest too. Sleep does wonders for us. When you get enough sleep, you deal with life stressors much easier than if you were exhausted. You think more clearly and are not apt to jump to conclusions as easy.

Tap into your support system. When you get caught up in the hustle and bustle of work, life, and family, it can be easy to take what is important to you for granted. Communication is key. Share your goals and dreams with those most important to you. Let them know how important they are to you. Make time to support them with their goals too. They will be more apt to help you as well.

Choose to have an attitude of gratitude. The whirlwind of daily activities and financial strain can leave people feeling helpless and that their world has gotten out of control. They become resentful when things get in between what they want and what is currently happening. Remember that everything around you is based on choices you have made. What can you be grateful for?
There are some external forces influencing some of the outcomes but overall you are responsible for the results you have received. Instead of being resentful, be grateful and trust that you are exactly where you need to be now. Look for the lesson. Do you need to evaluate spending habits? Do you need to get rid of clutter? Do you need to ask for or give forgiveness? Maybe the flat tire you had kept you at home to avoid a major accident on the highway. The missed opportunity made room for a new opportunity that you otherwise would not have been available for.

Set clear boundaries of what you can take on and what you will not take on. There are people in our lives who can make their emergencies ours if we let them. You have one life to live – make sure you are doing what you want and need to do for yourself. Help people along the way but don’t just drop everything for fear of people getting upset with you or you feel obligated to. Choose a time that works best for you and does not take you away from your own priorities. Priorities change depending on the given situation; you core values of what you believe in do not.
Live with intention. Make a plan but be okay with adjusting as you need to. Be kind to yourself. Block off dedicated time to work on what you need to get done. Block off free time in your calendar for self-care and separate time for family or date nights.
You can have it all. You first need to define what “having it all means”. Be clear on your priorities and make your decisions based on your priorities. You will not be disappointed. Make plans and take intentional actions to achieve what you want and need. You can have it. And if it backfires, take a step back and re-evaluate again! Stay committed to what you want and need to make an impact and live a life of significance!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com