Self awareness Archives - Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 161 – Willpower and Why It Matters

June 14, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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I was diving into the book, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It by Dr. Kelly McGonigal and instructor at Stanford University and thought it would be a great topic of discussion. Some people claim to have willpower and others do not. It is topics like these that get me excited about being human – I get curious! According to Dr. McGonigal, “For most of us, the classic test of willpower is resisting temptation, whether the temptation is a doughnut, a cigarette, a clearance sale, or a one-night stand. When people say, “I have no willpower, “what they usually mean is, “I have trouble saying no when my mouth, stomach, heart, or (fill in your anatomical part) wants to say yes.” Think of it as “I won’t” power.” She refers to “I will” power as the ability to do what you need to do, even if part of you does not want to.

“I will power… I won’t power…I want power…

She talks about how “I will” and “I won’t” power being two sides of self-control and alone do not define willpower as the is one more power. That is – “I want” power. McGonigal describes this as the ability to “To say no when you need to say no, and to say yes when you need to say yes” …a third power: the ability to remember what you really want.” We all have willpower.

Why does willpower matter? It has been said that those people who have willpower are not impulsive so they are able to focus their attention and control their emotions and thus their actions. They tend to have more satisfying and meaningful relationships. Those people with willpower tend to make more money and take their careers and businesses to the next level. When you are able to control impulsive behaviours, you are better able to handle stress and deal with conflict. She goes on to discuss how some colleagues would argue that the prefrontal cortex part of the brain – right behind your forehead – helps you do the “hardest thing” otherwise the brain likes to default to the easiest. The easiest being to stay on the couch and binge on Netflix or play video games or eating that dessert but what you really want is to fit into that new pair of jeans. What are some of the “hard things” you know you need to do?

Self-awareness is key in recognizing what we are doing and why we do it. Is what you are doing aligning to what you want and value? Most choices are made on autopilot – yes, without even thinking about the upside or downside of your actions. What’s even worst is that we are surrounded by distractions and multitasking not paying attention to what we are doing. When you are distracted you are more likely to give in to distractions. Your impulsivity kicks in as you are not stopping to assess whether or not your choice will be a good choice or not. Track some of your choices and any excuses for not following through on what you say you want to do. The more aware you become the more you understand why your impulse to do something arises. These impulses could be to check email, social media, or scroll through the last news feeds.

Willpower is like a muscle. When you want something, you will find a way to make it happen. To strengthen your willpower, it is important to tap into your WHY. What motivates you? What is your biggest WANT power? Your WANT power is your motivation that will keep you on track when you face weaker moments – the times you want to follow through on your impulses. Obviously, what weakens willpower is the opposite of what strengthens it – lack of sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, excessive spending, lack of self-awareness, and the inability to deal with stress and the list could go on.

Here are 9 ways to help you strengthen your WILLPOWER:

Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that when you get less than 6 hours of sleep certain part of your brain are more susceptible to cravings and impulsive behaviour.
Deal with stress. Discover what helps you deal with stress. It can be going for a walk-in nature, talking things out with friends, getting exercise, or listening to music. What gets you into a state of calmness?
Plan for good nutrition. Eat a more plant-based diet. Be aware of food choices that you are making. Keeping a food diary helps you become more aware of the choices you are making. Ever notice when you have food that is high in sugar or greasy that they tend to make you feel slow and sluggish.
Engage in regular physical activity. Your body was meant to move. Physical exercise increases blood flow and oxygen to your body and brain. It also increases the amount of dopamine in the bloodstream that leads to you feel good! Why not do more of what makes you feel good?
Focus on the HERE and NOW. Energy flows to what you focus on. The present is the only thing you really have any control of. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and how they are impacting the actions you plan to take.
Focus on your posture. Stand tall not only is having good posture good for your organs and body but it also exudes confidence.
Pray or meditate. Some people are worried about whether they are praying or meditating well. It comes with practice and taking notice of your thoughts. When you take notice of your thoughts, you can change them if they do not serve you.
Create and meet self-imposed deadlines. Goal-setting can play a big role in helping you improve your willpower. Without a deadline, what you say you want is ONLY a wish.
Track your decisions throughout the day. When you become mindful of the choices that we make, we can recognize choices are serving us and not serving us. These choices may include – TV viewing, spending, eating habits, speech, or exercise. We can quickly recognize what is working and what is not working and the things we can change to get closer to what we want.

Strengthening your willpower does not have to be a daunting task. Choose one thing to work on for the next 30-90 days before you choose another thing. Get the new habit to “stick” to be successful.

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Episode 111 – Setting Boundaries

July 6, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
― Henry Cloud

Boundaries are set to create clear separations between yourself and others. They are created so you can honour your needs and self respect. When you set boundaries, you are telling others what you want and what to expect. The best way to set boundaries is to do some self-reflection. Pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel stress? Resentful? Angry? Frustrated? Taken Advantage of? You need to give yourself the permission to take care of you first.

Pay attention to your own thoughts before you take notice of others. Your first step in setting boundaries may mean that you need to shut down your own negative thinking. Are you taking things personally? Do you believe that your circumstance is permanent? If so, you are stuck in a rut. You will not find a way out until you shift your thinking and realize that a persona’s response comes from their own experiences and perception. You need to discover what that is and challenge any assumptions you may be having and get some clarification. There may be a misunderstanding. Life is fluid. Good and bad circumstances are temporary. The way you choose to respond and the choices you make will determine how long you stay in that state. Choose to do nothing and the longer you will be there. Choose to take action and you will have progress.

Identify what drains you. If you are not sure whether you need to set some boundaries, consider the people and places that drain you. The places may be noisy, dirty, or cluttered. The people may be miserable, gossipers, or complainers. They complain about their spouses or partners or they speak poorly about others identifying every flaw they can find. They complain about their boss. You may have increased demands placed on you because you are the expert in a certain area. These people may even be family members that call you to see if you can run errands, after all, if you work at home you must not be doing anything. At some point, you need to stop the madness!

Know you core values. Not only do you make better decisions when you know your core values, you can set boundaries more effectively because you know what you stand for. You know what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not willing to tolerate. Use your core values as your guideposts. If someone violates one of your core values, they need to know that there is a consequence. For example, if someone cheats or steals, they may be fired from a job or have criminal charges placed on them. Your values drive your results.

Remember you cannot change others, you can only change yourself. In Dr. Henry Cloud’s book, Boundaries for Leaders, he talks about how leaders get what they allow. You can choose to respond or reactive to any given circumstance. The one thing you can do to change the way you act toward them is to provide direct honest heart to heart communication. I know some organizations do like to talk about matters of the heart, however, being heart centred is about allowing people to express themselves and have a voice.

Here’s what you can do. If you do not like how someone is treating you, you can use the communication method often taught in emotional intelligence.

When you…

I feel…

What I want…

You start to focus on facts, express how you are feeling, and set expectations for the future. People will start changing their behavior and outcomes when they understand how it impacts others. I have used this method on many occasions and it saves many relationships. People often avoid sharing how it impacts them and what their needs are because they fear how the other person will react. I want to remind you what you think and feel is important. If you do not express yourself, you may become resentful because you feel taken advantage of. Communicate what you want and need. Others will respect you for setting limitations and feel that they have the permission to do the same.

Decide what the consequences are if someone crosses the line. If someone says that they are going to deliver on something and they don’t, there needs to be some consequence. A person’s actions should be stronger than their word to demonstrate how committed they are to your wants and needs. Consequences do not have to be negative. A positive consequence can be holding someone accountable for their actions and demonstrating that you believe in their capacity to change and become a leader. The consequence of not achieving a goal can be a positive consequence that also motivates a person to put in the work required to get there.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Setting boundaries takes courage and practice. It gets easier over time. When people set boundaries, it creates a safe environment in which people feel comfortable to share and express themselves. By clearing communicating and setting boundaries, you will be able to be present and calm in the moment. Your quality of life also improves. You sleep better and face fewer distractions and you can separate events or circumstances from overflowing into what you are doing.

It is not “if” someone will cross your boundaries, it will be, “When?” How will you decide handle it?

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

3 Reasons You Should Hire a Coach to Help You Manage Your Next Project

November 4, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Whether you are a project manager or a member of a team, coaching can help you navigate the challenges you face. There are many roles and responsibilities and expected results. It takes each member of the team to take full responsibility for their actions to move towards making the vision of the project a reality. Project managers are challenged with leading teams through projects with tight deadlines and increasing demands with decreasing resources. Strong leadership skills are needed to ensure that priorities are tended to before a whirlwind of urgent requests interferes with execution.

A coach is someone who acts as your thinking partner or sounding board who helps you uncover solutions by asking thought-provoking questions to overcome the challenges you face when working on a project. The fundamental premise underlying coaching is that you already have the answers within. A coach helps you generate solutions and identify resources. Coaches can accelerate your effectiveness and improve your collaboration efforts to get the outcomes you want. The agenda of the conversation is yours.

Strengthen Your Capacity as a Leader. In order to lead others, you need to be able to lead yourself. As you improve leading yourself, you can better lead others by creating a compelling vision in which your team would like to be a part of. A coach can help you identify your strengths and leverage the strengths and skills of your team members. The coach helps you challenge your assumptions to gain new perspectives. A leader needs to have the ability to motivate the members of the team and empower the team members by asking questions to engage the team in coming up with solutions that mitigate risks. Not only are you mitigating risk, you are encouraging ownership of results. It demonstrates that you trust your team members in providing solutions. This confidence in your people leads to increased productivity and morale.

Mitigate Risks. A coach can ask insightful questions as you progress through the milestones of a project. The most important time to ask is – before the project even starts. It is imperative to collaborate with your team members as they may hold the key to the solutions you need. As the leader, you do not need to know all the answers. You need to know what resources are available and how to mobilize them if required.

What could possibly go wrong in this project?

How can we mitigate or decrease the risk?

What are some potential scenarios that could come up?

What can we do to manage the risks and move forward?

“Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.”
― Paulo Coelho

Ask the Right Questions to Clearly Define the Right Goals or Objectives. One of the greatest challenges you face managing a project is that your goals are not clearly defined so there is no target to aim at. A coach can ask you questions that will assist you and your team in define the right goals to get the results that you want. By asking the right questions, you can establish specific goals, break them down into manageable pieces, and create measurable outcomes. With clearly defined goals, you will be able to articulate and prioritize your needs, expectations, and resources.

Coaching can play a significant role in getting the results you desire in a more efficient and effective way. A coach can you help brainstorm new ideas and maintain focus and direction with the right goals in place by leveraging your strengths and making an impact.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. Debra is the host of The Millionaire Woman Show podcast helping people live rich from the inside out through leadership, business, and human potential. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 30: A Change of Plans

September 27, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 30: A Change of Plans

Life doesn’t always go as perfectly as we planned. There are times when our best intentions are met with disaster or misunderstandings. When life changes your plan, what do you do? As many of you know I have been writing my third book called Let’s Be Curious: How to Ask the Right Questions, Get Better Answers, and Make the Best Decisions™ which was due to come out November 2016. There has been a change of plans – the book will now be released September 2017. What happened? A change of plans…

What Happened?

Six months ago, I committed to writing this book. During this time frame, I have worked on the book that I put aside all workshops and limited networking activities. The book was in pre-launch and I was so proud that I had 13 people pre-buy the book. In discussions with my business coach – Colin Sprake, it was suggested that I postpone the launch of my new book to September 2017.

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My first reaction was “You want me to do what?” My business coach suggested that I spend the next 12 months building my following through networking, host my workshops, speaking and developing my podcast. Questions flooded my mind, “What about the 13 people who already purchased the book? What will they say or think? What does this say about who I am?” He recommended that I call each one and tell them that I have had a discussion with my business coach and that I would either offer them a refund or they could be one of the first to receive the book next year along with an added bonus for their patience. I have to tell you – I felt resistance.

I questioned where this resistance was coming from and I knew I need to gain a deep awareness. It has been my experience that asking questions is the best way to do this. What and why was I resisting? I’m one of those people that I feel that I can adapt and be quite flexible when faced with change. It wasn’t so much the change in plans of making the book come out a year later. It was calling those individuals and letting them know that there was a change. Normally, I would not think to share a change of plans as to be such a big deal. What I do know is I like to stick to promises that I make and I deliver on my word. I knew this resistance was because I was concerned about aligning with my values – one of integrity.

Words of Wisdom

My business coach reminded me that I wasn’t acting out of integrity. I was doing the right thing at the right time not only for me but also for the people receiving the book. You see during the six months I had been saying “no” to more things instead of “yes” to things that were important to me. I was still involved in my kids’ activities that there were times when I wanted to do things and said “no” as I needed to focus on writing. So for one thing – this change plan actually allows me to build a richer book with more thought-provoking content where I can share some of those growing edges. I reminded myself that my publisher had once said to me, “Debra a book is ready on its own time. You can’t force it.” I’ve carried that saying with me to remind me that the time will be right. Even though I was nervous about calling each of the 13 people, especially since one person had just bought the book the night before, I knew it was the right thing. Whether I contacted them by e-mail or by phone, every single person wanted to stay on the list and they wanted to be one of the first to receive the book September 2017. They were so gracious and very excited to be a part of this journey. They were understanding and kind. What I realized is that I was being very hard on myself and I shared my concern regarding it integrity with one of my followers and she said, “We know your reputation for delivering on your word. There are no concerns. We just want the great content.” This was most comforting to me. I am grateful.

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We all come to places of transition. I know plans change all the time and I also know that I have a tendency to love to be in control of all of that and sometimes it’s not the best thing. It made sense to adjust the course and in the big picture of things, this is one small adjustment that could be the biggest difference in my business but also for the people were waiting to read this book. I am very excited about this book because the more I share the concept with people and my enthusiasm; the more they are excited about receiving a copy.

There are two quotes that caught my attention that I needed to share with you:

“Don’t let your plans or goals become more important than yourself, or the ones you care about!” Jose N Harris.

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” ~ Confucius

The one thing I noticed the most, the day after calling every single person reaching out to them in some way that I had contact information for, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was calmer and more connected with those around me as I wasn’t continuously thinking, “When I might can a squeeze in the time to write today?” When plans change all we’re doing is adjusting the course, I am the one who is adjusting the course and doing what works best for me instead of allowing outside circumstances to do it for me.

I want to share this with you in this podcast because everyone faces a change of plans or is in the place of transition that they didn’t think that they be in. Each one of us faces uncertainty and inner resistance. It is important to ask ourselves questions to understand where this fear is coming from and why are you we resisting? What we resist persists! If you continue to align with your values when you make a decision, you will always be at peace. Sometimes we’re so close to a situation, it takes a business coach friend or mentor to shift our perspective to see clearly again. I am so excited for the upcoming months in finishing off this book to deliver some my best work and reward those were patiently waiting. In the meantime, be curious about the world. Ask tons of questions! It is okay to have a change of plans especially it gets you closer to where you want to be.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

Time 9:46 min

Keywords: Colin Sprake, business coach, mentorship, change management, change of plans, self-awareness, dealing with inner resistance, fear of uncertainty, facing uncertainty, curiosity, asking questions, build your tribe, build your following, book launch, adjust the plan, sense and adjust, quotes about plans, quotes, leadership. Personal mastery

EPISODE 21: Addressing Fears and Feelings

August 25, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 21 – Addressing Fears and Feelings

We all have fears and feelings. The emotions that we feel impact our thoughts, feelings, and actions. They act like a beacon or a lighthouse, letting us know how the world is going on around us. Our emotions are our sensor. But it’s important to develop self-awareness so that you can learn and know yourself and be able to recognize and identify the thoughts associated with the emotions that you’re having. Your beliefs and your belief system (which includes many patterns and behaviors that you learned in childhood and life’s experiences) are how you perceive and interpret the world around you.

Some people believe that if they have a new car, new house, new clothing, or a new relationship that they will be happier than they are currently. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is a choice.

The beliefs you have our choice… You can either choose to believe them or release them – free yourself of the burden and pressure of holding out for happiness until something better comes along.

Why not choose to be happier right now?

Simply by doing more of what makes you happy.

Do you know what makes you happy?

You may be wondering what this has to do with addressing fears and feelings. This is where I jump in because you can’t be happy and fearful at the same time so it’s important to address the fears you have in the feelings that you’re feeling.

People often have fears of success, failure, rejection, or illness. There is nothing more than false evidence appearing real.

Identify what you’re afraid of.

What emotions are you feeling?

What triggered them for you?

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Focus on what you have control over. You have control over yourself and perhaps the environment that you’re in.

Question your beliefs. Ask yourself questions about your assumptions and the beliefs that you have.

If you are afraid of achieving success, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.

What are you afraid of?

What beliefs do you hold around success?

Do you believe success should happen in a certain way?

Who says?

There are many routes to success. As long as no one is harmed or going to jail, you can take as many routes as you want.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Why are you holding yourself back?

Are you afraid to fail or make a mistake?

Guess what? You are farther ahead than those who do not even try.

Mitigate your risks. Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about achieving your goal.

Have others done what you want to do?

Talk to them. I can hear it… “Why would they want to talk to me?”

People like to share how they achieve success. They will even share stories of their mistakes and failures. Why not learn from others mistakes so you don’t repeat what they have done. Save yourself some heartache.

Shift your thinking-failures and mistakes are learning opportunities to improve and grow. They make us stronger. Take a listen to episode blank challenges make us stronger. [EPISODE 16 – Challenges Make Us Stronger]

Some people have a great fear of rejection. As much as we want to hear a “yes”, a “no” can be a great thing. If someone is not interested or not the right fit- you are not wasting your time. If someone says no- it may mean not the right time, not enough money, not enough information.

Discover what their “no” is by asking questions. Get more information.

For others, the fear of illness paralyzes them from taking action. There are risk factors that you can control when it comes to your health and those you cannot. Worrying about what could happen is a waste of time. Imagine what you can accomplish if you use the time you worry about something to be proactive. Some of the risk factors that you can’t control include your age genetics race and for the most part gender. Risk factors that you can control include your waistline, level of stress, eating habits, and level of activity. Get a yearly physical examination by your physician. Get your eyes checked and your teeth checked. Take care of your health. Listen to your body- if you feel different than what your baseline is for you-you should get it checked out.

Be proactive in taking care of your health that you can live long and prosper.

Address your fears and manage your emotions so that you can ask the right questions to achieve your dreams and make them become your reality. You never know the life you change in the process. Often the person’s life you change is your own.

Time 11.22 min