Debra Kasowski

Episode 59: Painful Truths Why People Fail to Meet Their Goals

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“Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan.” – Tom Landry

Goal setting can occur at any time of the year. People seem to think that New Year’s resolutions or goals are only set when the clock strikes midnight; however, the resolutions are things that you’re wishing to happen there are no definite measurements or time frame in which you wish to achieve it. There’s no game plan. It is simply an announcement of something you wish to resolve.

Interested versus committed. Some people steer away from setting goals for the fear of truly making a commitment. One of the number one reasons that people fail to meet their goals is that they are more interested in having it happen and actually truly committed to making it happen. Commitment takes discipline, hard work, and even some sacrifice along the way. If you really want to achieve something you must maintain focus on the right things.

Focus on the wrong things. When people set goals, there are times when they set goals that they’re trying to avoid something they end up focusing on what they don’t want. As the saying goes you get more of what you focus on. If you continually put your time, attention, and focus on avoiding what you don’t want, for some reason it always seems to be there. Your focus needs to be on what you want to achieve.

TMW_PDFDon’t know what you want. Another reason people fail to meet their goal is that they lack clarity. They have never stopped and really thought about or reflect on what they truly want in their life. They didn’t think about where their career would take them were what type of legacy that they would like to leave. If you don’t know where you’re going you can end up anywhere. If you’re frustrated you need to change what you’re doing.

No action plan. Imagine getting into your car. You’re sitting behind the steering wheel you turn on the ignition. You have no idea where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. There are many people out in the world wandering with no real sense of direction and no plan. You can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t have a plan to get there. I’m not saying focus on the how initially. That’s where the clarity came in. You need to know where you want to go and as you focus on what that is. You will become a creative thinker and figure out the “how”. What will it take for you to get to where you want to be? What knowledge skills and ability you have to gain and learn? Who do you need to speak to get more information?

Cannot make a decision. Making decisions is a big part of a person success. Indecisiveness can lead to missing opportunities. Opportunities don’t wait in the wings for when you decide the time is right. People who are ready to take action will seize the opportunity. You need to be prepared to be ready. Way out the facts and trust yourself and your judgment – make a decision.

No emotional connection to the goal. I’ve seen many people set goals that have no meaning to them. Some are chasing it for material wealth and others realize they have no emotional connection to the goal that they had set. The issue is often that someone else set the goal for them. The end up self-sabotaging every action is not truly what they want and are not being true to themselves. You may have faced that internal struggle of doing things that you no longer feel that are important to you or you lack the emotional connection.

Setbacks lead to paralysis. Another painful truth about why people fail to meet their goals are that when a setback occurs they shift into an “all or nothing” thinking. They are devastated by any failure. They fail to see the lesson and self-correct quickly and move forward. These people lose motivation quickly and often give up. They need to rally and put strategies in place that when a setback occurs that they can prepare for the greatest comeback. They need to take the lessons they’ve learned with them.

Playing it safe. When you avoid taking risks you miss out on opportunities of growth and challenge. I’m not saying put all that eggs in one basket. Do your due diligence it is important. Too many people fail to take a risk because they haven’t assessed and analyzed any of the information available to them they simply just brush it off. Sometimes it takes only one action that can propel you so much farther than you ever have before if you’d only stop and take the time to learn what you need to learn and make a decisive decision.

Comparing yourself to others is a trap! The other painful truth is that comparison trap. We often catch ourselves comparing ourselves to others thinking that there is so much farther ahead – where they have the skill or something that you would like to have. Everyone in life faces challenges you are not unique in that aspect. They might not display it to the world especially through social media which is always everybody’s greatest day. Focus on your own strengths and what you have to offer. You can learn from others but don’t compare where you’re at to or someone else’s is you don’t know the other person struggle.

There is no magic wand or silver bullet to success! You need to stay driven and committed to your goals. You need to be clear on what it is you truly want, make a decision, and a plan to make it become your reality. It is time to end the frustration and disappointment of not meeting your own expectations.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 11:20 min

7 Reasons Why People Are Resistant to Goal Setting

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Have you ever had a new idea or want to implement something and you face resistance? Do you ever feel that you’re defending yourself or your ideas? Do you sometimes feel that you’re lowering your standards because you can’t get others to buy in? Facing resistance can be very challenging when you’re goal setting. Resistance can also work in your favour if you know how to leverage it. When you are faced with resistance, I want you to challenge your assumptions and ask more questions to identify, “Where this resistance is coming from?” Is this resistance coming from yourself and your own beliefs or is this resistance being placed on you do to another person’s belief?

“Resistance is a powerful motivator precisely because it enables us to fulfill our longing to achieve our goals while letting us boldly recognize and name the obstacles to those achievements.”
― Derrick A. Bell

Many people attribute their success to goal-setting. There are other individuals who do not see the reason or the importance of setting goals. They are what we will call the “resistors”. These are the people that no matter how much you are going to try and convince them; they are just not going to buy in. According to the online Oxford dictionary, resistance is “the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.”

Resistors are the ones who will see the world through a different lens than you. Instead of fueling the resistance, it can be helpful to gain an understanding of their perspective. It has been my learning through appreciative inquiry that when faced with resistance or someone providing negative feedback it is important to gain an appreciation of that person’s viewpoint. There may be nuggets of information that can be considered valuable to a project or to the goals set themselves.

There may be several reasons behind they are resisting setting goals or following through on them even though many people have proved to be successful goal setting.

#1 Afraid Of Commitment By “Inking” The Goal. For some people, writing out a goal on paper means that they’re making a declaration or a commitment to what they are doing. Suddenly they go from talking a good talk to actually walking the talk in doing what they say they want to do. This can be frightening and at the same time so powerful. When a person sets the goal and writes it down, the mere writing it down in ink suddenly makes it seem more real. This is when all the doubts, self-limiting beliefs, and all the internal chatter comes up.

What to Do: Tap into the “why”. What makes this goal so exciting? What is holding the resistor back from inking the goal? What is their true fear? What will it feel like to achieve the outcome that is desired? What impact will it make? How will they be part of making a difference?

# 2 Different View of How Things Should Be Done. Similar to the sales process or a person’s view of change, you may be faced with objections or resistance. There are many ways to get to the same outcome. Sometimes when we face resistance we feel challenged and get frustrated.

What to Do: Ask insightful questions to learn more about the other person’s perspective and share your perspective. Are there any similarities? What can you learn from the other person’s viewpoint? Is it possible that there could be more efficient and effective way of getting to the same outcome?

#3 Different Vision of the Outcome. People may become disinterested in supporting a project or goal because they have a different vision of what the outcome could be. Resistance may show up because the resistor doesn’t have enough information or has not been influenced to believe that this vision is compelling.

What to Do: You may consider saying the following:

“It sounds like you have a different view of how things should be. What vision do you see? What approach do you believe we should be taking? Tell me more…”

#4 Fear Sets In. There may be many fears that creep up when setting goals. There is the fear of rejection and not being accepted. You may believe that people will laugh at your goals or the ideas you present. Remember is that your goal is your goal and it needs to be important to you. People will always have their opinions. It is important not to take them personally. People often fear change due to uncertainty. The fear of success may also challenge you. Your imagination starts to take over and you think about all the things that could happen should your project or goal be achieved. Many of the things that you think of may or may not even happen and you may even feel that there’s a loss of control. The fear of failing may come up for you and this will prevent you from taking action steps required to go to war the goal. You become fearful of making mistakes and sometimes will not even try.

What to Do: Withholding your ideas does not serve anyone. Your idea could be the game changer that helps you reach the next level or transform approach if you might be working on. Whether it be that you have a fear of success, change, uncertainty, loss of control, or failure, know that you can take 100% responsibility for the choices that you make. Seek to gain more information and ask questions. Remember indecision is a decision. When you’re setting goals, evaluate the risks and be prepared for obstacles that don’t focus on. Focus on what you have control over and the actions steps that you can do. If mistakes occur, learn from them and move forward. Dwelling on them steals your energy and joy in moving toward the destination.

# 5 The Belief That Goal-Setting Stifles Creativity. For the creatives out there, you may see goal-setting is suffocating with tight deadlines and the need to multitask. The structure of goal setting can actually be beneficial to you so that you’re not distracted by all the other ideas that are streaming through your mind at any point in time.

“Every creative person, and I think probably every other person, faces resistance when they are trying to create something good…The harder the resistance, the more important the task must be.”
― Donald Miller

What to Do: Be open and present to new opportunities while pursuing a goal. Look for ways that a can in rich and allow for creativity along your journey. Know that there will be adjustments along the way. As you adjust be aware of your distractions, stay focused on the direction that you want to go. When creative people become resistant, it important to engage them in brainstorming and coming up with solutions. This is where they shine.

#6 Self-Limiting Beliefs Can Sabotage Goal-Setting. A person’s belief in their own ability to perform or deliver on tight deadlines can hold them back from achieving the goal or delivering the final product. Often these individuals lacked confidence in their abilities and sometimes believe that others are better than themselves. This comparison can hold them back from sharing their talents and abilities even if you see that they are capable and competent.

What to Do: Identify your strengths and acknowledge that we all have some limitations. Know what you’re good at and delegate what you do not believe you’re strong at. If you’re managing a team, let these individuals know the value that they bring to the project and that you acknowledge their knowledge, skills, and abilities. People can work harder when they know that someone has taken an interest in who they are and what they have to offer. Don’t just focus on people for the task by what they bring to the table and who they are.

#7 Personal Habits Can Get In The Way. Habits are often underestimated is the reason people resist setting a goal. Some people resist setting the goal because they’re procrastinating. They avoid goal setting versus setting up a strategic approach to conquering the goal. For some, they may believe that it will take up too much time, too much money, or it’s going to take away from their lives in some way. There are times when I believed people avoid setting goals because they know that setting a goal requires hard work and they just don’t want to put that work in. Some of these people do just enough to get by. Other habits that get in the way of goal achievement and goal setting are perfection, lack of attention to detail, distractions, and being overscheduled. Don’t forget a person’s attitude can forecast their altitude!

What to Do: Examine your habits and determine if they are serving you are holding you back. Ask yourself or the resistor if they may be procrastinating or what they may be trying to avoid. Learn how much time, money, and effort is required for each milestone dedicated toward the goal. Along the way, put out the following questions:

What is working?

What is not working?

What do I need to stop doing?

What needs to be improved?

What can I be doing differently?

No matter if you are managing your own resistance or the resistance of another person, there are ways to motivate and encourage individuals to raise their standards while also holding them accountable for their actions. Self-reflection is an important part of a person’s growth. It allows for self-awareness, self-management, and self-development. People cannot improve what they’re not aware of.

My challenge for anyone facing resistance is that you challenge your assumptions and assumptions of others. Resistance means that you must be curious and gain an understanding of what is being resisted. Discover new perspectives and realize that there are more ways to achieving the desired outcome. Trust your people and trust the process along the way.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. Debra is the host of The Millionaire Woman Show podcast helping people live rich from the inside out through leadership, business, and human potential. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

3 Reasons You Should Hire a Coach to Help You Manage Your Next Project

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Whether you are a project manager or a member of a team, coaching can help you navigate the challenges you face. There are many roles and responsibilities and expected results. It takes each member of the team to take full responsibility for their actions to move towards making the vision of the project a reality. Project managers are challenged with leading teams through projects with tight deadlines and increasing demands with decreasing resources. Strong leadership skills are needed to ensure that priorities are tended to before a whirlwind of urgent requests interferes with execution.

A coach is someone who acts as your thinking partner or sounding board who helps you uncover solutions by asking thought-provoking questions to overcome the challenges you face when working on a project. The fundamental premise underlying coaching is that you already have the answers within. A coach helps you generate solutions and identify resources. Coaches can accelerate your effectiveness and improve your collaboration efforts to get the outcomes you want. The agenda of the conversation is yours.

Strengthen Your Capacity as a Leader. In order to lead others, you need to be able to lead yourself. As you improve leading yourself, you can better lead others by creating a compelling vision in which your team would like to be a part of. A coach can help you identify your strengths and leverage the strengths and skills of your team members. The coach helps you challenge your assumptions to gain new perspectives. A leader needs to have the ability to motivate the members of the team and empower the team members by asking questions to engage the team in coming up with solutions that mitigate risks. Not only are you mitigating risk, you are encouraging ownership of results. It demonstrates that you trust your team members in providing solutions. This confidence in your people leads to increased productivity and morale.

Mitigate Risks. A coach can ask insightful questions as you progress through the milestones of a project. The most important time to ask is – before the project even starts. It is imperative to collaborate with your team members as they may hold the key to the solutions you need. As the leader, you do not need to know all the answers. You need to know what resources are available and how to mobilize them if required.

What could possibly go wrong in this project?

How can we mitigate or decrease the risk?

What are some potential scenarios that could come up?

What can we do to manage the risks and move forward?

 

“Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.”
― Paulo Coelho

 

Ask the Right Questions to Clearly Define the Right Goals or Objectives. One of the greatest challenges you face managing a project is that your goals are not clearly defined so there is no target to aim at. A coach can ask you questions that will assist you and your team in define the right goals to get the results that you want. By asking the right questions, you can establish specific goals, break them down into manageable pieces, and create measurable outcomes. With clearly defined goals, you will be able to articulate and prioritize your needs, expectations, and resources.

Coaching can play a significant role in getting the results you desire in a more efficient and effective way. A coach can you help brainstorm new ideas and maintain focus and direction with the right goals in place by leveraging your strengths and making an impact.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. Debra is the host of The Millionaire Woman Show podcast helping people live rich from the inside out through leadership, business, and human potential. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

5 Steps to Finding Your Sweet Spot and Turning Goals into Reality

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Some people search their whole lives in search of their sweet spot. The sweet spot is the intersection between doing what you love and having the ability to make money at it. Many entrepreneurs and artists pursue this quest. Your sweet spot can also be defined as “being in the zone” while you are working on a goal. An example of this is the team that is working synergistically toward a common goal to reach their desired outcome. Everything seems to be falling into place and everyone is getting along.

Success doesn’t happen by accident! You do need to put in the work to make things happen. It doesn’t happen without a vision. There are certain steps that you need to take to hit your sweet spot.

Get Clear on What You Want. What result or outcome do you want to achieve?

Set a Goal. When you set a goal, you are setting a target to aim at. As you set your goals, ensure it stirs up some emotions of excitement and enthusiasm inside of you. Emotional connection is important in goal setting. What will it feel like when you achieve your goal? The emotional connection helps you face challenges and obstacles in pursuit of the goal.

A friend of mine set up a Facebook group and challenged us to set a swim goal. I had set my goal to be 4000 metres in 10 weeks. I would average 400 m per week. I watched others post their weekly accomplishments and asked myself – “Am I holding anything back?” My next swim I swam 1000 metres and the swim after that I did the same. I ended up reaching my goal in 4 weeks. I raised the goal to 10000 in 10 weeks as I had 6 weeks left. I met 10000 metres in 10 weeks. It felt amazing! I amazed myself!

Ink your Goal. Setting a goal requires you to set a SMART goal. When you INK your goals, you THINK about them.

Your goal must have the following criteria:

Your goal needs to be SPECIFIC. What do you want to accomplish?

Your goal needs to be MEASURABLE. How will you measure your goal? (numbers, rating scales, dollars) If you do not have a measure, how will you know you have met your goal?

Your goal needs to be ACHIEVABLE. Can you achieve this goal? What resources are available? What do you need to help you get there? Your goals should stretch you to help you grow. It cannot be too easy that you can achieve without effort. It cannot be too hard that you give up before you even try. What goal can you make that will stretch you and require some effort?

Your goal needs to be REALISTIC. Is this goal something you can achieve with all the resources and know how in the timeframe you set?

Your goal needs to be TIMELY. What timeframe do you want to achieve your goal? Your time frame should not be too early that it is not realistic and not too far into the distant future that you may forget about it or procrastinate on getting started. The best time to begin is – NOW!

Make a Plan. Break down your goal into smaller manageable pieces. What needs to be done to get reach the end goal? Use reverse engineering to plan backwards and create milestones or accomplishment markers of what needs to be done. These markers are there for you to see the progress and help you gain momentum to work toward the next marker.

Keep your Goals in Front of You. Review your goals 3-4 times per day. Keep them where you can see them in your forefront. Post sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, on your steering wheel, or on your computer monitor. Seeing and feeling the goal being achieved helps you feel that it will become a reality – it’s possible.

Possibility pushes self-doubt aside. Focus magnifies and shines a spotlight on the direction you are heading. Intentional actions stake your path to success. When you discover your sweet spot and get into the zone, you will not feel like you are working because you are enjoying what you are doing so much. The focus and drive will lead you to turn your goal into reality. It all starts with ink on your pen. Now make it happen.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Why Aren’t There More Goal Diggers in the World?

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“You were born to win, but to be a winner you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.” ― Zig Ziglar

Everyone has a goal or dream. The goal is something that you want to accomplish or do, become, or have. The goal is an intention. Intentions are wonderful but without a plan of action they’re meaningless. We often hear people talk about some of their goals and dreams or organizational strategies however not everyone takes the time to plan and prepare to execute and make things happen.

Excuses, objections, and reasons for not pursuing goals are numerous.

Time Some people will tell you that they don’t have enough time. We all have the same 24 hours in a day it is how we allocate that time. I remember when I decided to go after my graduate certificate in executive coaching that I questioned the amount of time I had available. I knew I needed to block off every Wednesday from 5-7 p.m. that time was dedicated to online classroom and working with my team. I realized that what I had to drop off my children to their activities an hour before it the start time that I had time to sit and do my readings or go to the gym instead of visiting and sometimes getting drawn into gossip. It ended up that it was better that I walked away from those conversations and focused on what I was doing. At the end of the program, I realized that I had this extra time on my hands which I thought I didn’t have before. When you block or allot time to something and maintain that commitment you can get things done and your results will be because of the compound effect of your efforts.

Money   When discussing goals you will often hear people talk about how they don’t have enough money to invest in themselves. What I have observed is they have money for the daily cup of coffee or tea, lunches, the latest outfits, or vacation. Pay attention to what you spend on groceries and the gas your spending when you’re running errands. There may be ways where you can organize your lists and your errands so that there are ways to save you money. When you have a goal in mind sometimes you need to sacrifice what you want but you’re not willing to do so. Part of this resistance is that it requires you to change the way you do things. Many of the things that you currently do are due to habit. When you start becoming aware of where your money is coming and going, you start to recognize ways in which you can improve your situation and start putting money aside to goals.

Smarts and Resources There’ll also be those people who tell you that they don’t believe they’re smart enough or don’t have the resources available to go after their goal. It may be that someone has told him that the goal that they have is not reasonable. I believe if you know you need to do something with your whole heart that you will find a way to achieve it. The most successful people in the world don’t know everything but they know where to find the answers that is what makes them truly successful. They’re not afraid to ask for what they need or for help when necessary. That is where true smarts come from.

Where I see a lack is that people are not clear on what it is they want to do. They lack intention. Without intention, you can’t make a plan and prepare to take action. People are overwhelmed by the variety of choices that they don’t always stop and take inventory or truly assess where they are at in their lives. This is often referred to as the midlife crisis and it can occur at any time. For some people, they suddenly evaluate their life and realize that they’re not doing the things that they thought that they would be doing. They ask themselves, “Is this what I want?”

I want to encourage you to be a gold digger. Someone goes after what they say they want. When is the right time you ask? The right time is now. Don’t wait for someone to fulfill one of your dreams or goals. What you want is in your hands.

Goal diggers set goals. They think about what outcome or desired result that they want to achieve. They use this as a target. This part it helps improve their focus and provide direction. When they focus on this target they are better able to make decisions and take actions to move toward what they wish to achieve. When people set goals they actually deepen their commitment to what they say they want to do. I actually writing down your goals and breaking it down into smaller pieces and tracking the progress of your goal you will start seeing evidence of getting closer to your target and this will create a momentum and motivate you to work toward what you said you wanted to achieve. Goal diggers will sometimes declare their goal on social media or they’ll hire a coach or find an accountability partner. When you have someone to be accountable to, you are more likely to push yourself and achieve more. By tracking and checking your progress and paying attention to numbers you become more informed and make better decisions.

The reason why there are not more goal diggers in the world is because many are afraid to fail and some may not want to put in the effort. It is not just the destination is the journey that you take to get there that will be the most meaningful and fulfilling. Imagine how satisfying it will be when you reach your goals. If you’re not going to do it now, when will you do it? There is never a right time other than the present moment. Seize your goal digging opportunity.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Debra is the host of The Millionaire Woman Show podcast focusing on leadership, business, and human potential. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com