communication Archives - Page 3 of 6

3 Fascinating Reasons Why Conflict Increases Commitment

April 25, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Let’s face it. When you have people with different knowledge, background, experiences, and expertise, eventually, you will face some conflict. People are people. Each person has different ways of dealing with conflict. While some people steer clear of conflict because it makes them uncomfortable not all conflict is bad. There is healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict. We are going to focus on healthy conflict.

You are probably wondering how conflict can be healthy. Healthy conflict is productive conflict – it leads to an outcome where results are achieved. For conflict to be healthy, judgment needs to be dropped. You need to approach conflict with curiosity like someone learning something new for the first time. As you learn more about a person or situation, you can come from a place of empathy and gain a better understanding of why a person does what they do or see how a situation arrived at the point it is at now. Even if you do not agree with another person, you can understand why they believe what they believe. Sometimes team members or partners do not agree on the approach to getting action items done. However, if they believe in the vision of the organization or business, they will often commit to getting things done. Why is that?

Open Communication – When conflict occurs, it can open communication. Stone-walling and silent treatment are not productive. They do not put the issues on the table. When conflict arises, it needs to be tended to quickly allow all parties to have their voices heard. As each person voices their experience and opinion, you can learn what is important to them. Even though there may be a disagreement, keeping an open dialogue can lead to a resolution. The question to be discussed is, “What happened to get us here?” Focus on facts, not emotions.

Set Some Ground Rules to Keep Communication Going:

Stay calm – no yelling! No name calling or walking away from the discussion. Treat people with respect even when you do not agree with them. Everyone’s voice needs to be heard. No talking over one another or interrupting. Actively listen to what is being said and be able to reflect back what you heard or paraphrase your understanding of the situations. Challenge your assumptions and apologizes if you were wrong.

Discover Intentions – A natural first reaction to a situation that is not going in your favor is to think, “Why is this happening to me?” or “Why is this being done onto me?” These questions come up when a person jumps to conclusions or mistrusts another person. When you feel this way, it is beneficial to reflect and gain and understanding of what triggered you to believe something is happening “to you” versus “for you”. What is truly happening? What is being done to me? What was the other person’s intention? Do I have facts to support this intention? If you don’t, you could be fretting over nothing. Save your energy. Start with the belief that a person has good intentions. When you believe otherwise, your actions will match your beliefs.

Examine the Impact – What is the impact of the situation? What do I want to happen? Is there something I need to do differently to get different results?

Healthy Conflict:

Is not judgemental; it comes from a place of curiosity
Allows for open communication and exploration of ideas
Understands that most people have good intention – to do no harm
Keeps the desired outcome in mind
Lets everyone’s voice be heard
Involves taking actions steps toward collaboration and cooperation.

No one said that to gain commitment we must have a unanimous vote, you need to have the facts to make the best decision. What you do need to be able to do is to trust the person or the process. Explore the facts to gain a better understanding and ask questions to learn about the gaps. Healthy conflict leads to forward movement and progression. It helps us move through change.

For many, conflict is an uncomfortable conversation but when you come from a place of being a learner you will be fascinated with your discovery. You may learn to trust yourself and others to do what is right to achieve great things together. Together you are committing to each other and the results you will get.

Skirting an issue does not get your farther ahead. What conversation have you been avoiding? What facts are you missing? Have you been holding off on a decision because you do not have all the answers that you want? Conflict can be healthy, if you are not looking for excuses, blaming, or complaining. It comes down to owning and being accountable for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. You can only do this by being able to deal with conflict in a healthy way.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Episode 88 – Building Trust Within a Team

April 18, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Trust is the glue that holds people together and is the lubricant that keeps an organization moving forward.” Colin Powell

There are a variety of definitions of trust in the dictionary. What it basically comes down to is the belief that you are confident and feel assured in a situation or with a person. A sense of security – saying “I’ve got your back.”

Trust within a team starts with the leader. As a leader, you must lead by example. To develop a high performing team there MUST be trust amongst the members of the team. Trust is the foundation of any winning team. It creates an environment where team members can share their thoughts and concerns even if they challenge the thoughts of the leader or other team members. A diversity of ideas and opinions can be a benefit to achieve results as different perspectives are considered. When there is trust, a team collaborates, cooperates, and works toward a common goal.
When new teams are formed or new members join a team, it is easy to believe that team member should trust each other by default. This belief is not always the case. You need to remember that team members come to a team with past knowledge, experience, skills, and abilities. It can be hard for a person trust new team members when they have had their trust betrayed. Individuals who mistrust may have experienced a traumatic event, had teammates that did not follow through on commitments or had been disappointed because a team member did not live up to their standards.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s an essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen Covey

Open communication is imperative. Patrick Lencioni addresses the absence of trust as one of the dysfunctions of a team. To build trust within a team, you must seek to understand the perceptions, assumptions, and opinions of your members. Be curious like a learner. Set aside any judgments, assumptions, or bias you have as they may cloud or discoveries. Team members should begin with the main assumption that each person comes to a team with the positive intention to do good work. There is a common trust we assume that people will not steal from or damage the place in which they work. Lencioni discusses “vulnerability-based” trust is his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. Vulnerability-based trust is when you feel that you can share your strengths and forthcomings with a team, take a risk, ask for help, or make mistakes. When you are in a team that is built on this kind of trust, you create a circle of safety to which people belong and feel comfortable to share your ideas and concerns.

Establishing ground rules and having an open discussion about what trust means to each team member and as a group is beneficial. Ground rules like no blaming, complaining, or finger pointing help members take personal accountability, and no gossiping about others help to ensure cliques do not form. Encourage team building exercises that help people get to know each other as people not only as a colleague in their role. Ensure that team member are clear about their roles and expectations and that when leaving a meeting that they know what they have committed to doing. Create milestones where you can touch base with one another to ensure everyone is on task. If there is a breakdown in trust or conflict, it should be addressed as soon as possible. Putting aside these conversations because they are uncomfortable could lead to a crisis that could have been averted. Deal with trust issues and conflict as soon as they arise to keep your foundation strong.

You have a personal team which includes your: doctor, dentist, eye doctor, hairstylist, banker, accountant, mortgage broker, realtor, etc. You need to have trust in them to take care of you for you to look, feel, and perform at your best.

High performing teams are built on trust. What does trust look like to you? How much do you know about your team members as a person? How are these individual like you? What core values do you share? What is their “Why” for doing what they do? During this process, you may learn that we are more alike than different.

“When you’re surrounded by people who share a passionate commitment around a common purpose, anything is possible.” – HOWARD SCHULTZ

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

Time: 11:18 min

Episode 77 – Fighting Negativity

March 9, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So, change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

We have all encountered people who have the glass half full viewpoint (optimist) and those with the glass half empty viewpoint (pessimist). Which one are you? Did you know we have 50,000-70,000 thoughts a day? 98% of those thoughts you have had the day before. Eighty percent of those thoughts are negative. It sounds crazy but most of your thoughts are not conscious thoughts. You have not brought them to your attention. When you do bring those thoughts to your attention, you have a choice whether to respond or not respond to them. If you focus or put your attention on a thought, you are giving energy to it or empowering that thought even if that thought could be wrong.

Don’t believe everything you think without questioning it. Your imagination can run away from itself – thinking often the worst of a situation rather than the best. To fight negativity, you must start with dealing with the negativity within.

Defeat the Negativity Within

Start by paying attention to what your inner voice is saying in any given situation. Is it empowering you or shaming you?

You cannot think a negative thought and a positive thought at the same time. When you think a negative thought, identify the thought and challenge your thought by questioning any assumptions you may be making. Surely, you have never made an assumption that was wrong before. I have I know I am not the only one. Remember though only have the meaning we give them. So, if you do not like the thought you are thinking, think a different thought or don’t give it meaning or your attention. Shift your energy by reframing the thought positively. Reframing will help change your perspective on some of the limiting beliefs you may be having. For example,

“I am not good enough to be chosen for the promotion.”

Is this thought true?

How do you know?

What do you want to be thinking?

“I AM good enough to be chosen for the promotion.”

Feel the energy shift. Wherever you focus your time and attention to, you will get more of. What are some of the self-limiting beliefs that you are having? Write out what your self-limiting beliefs are. Challenge the assumptions you may be making. Reframe the thought to an empowering thought. What do you want to be thinking? Consider capturing your thoughts by writing them down in a journal and reframing them.

Stop exposing yourself to negativity. Steer clear from watching the news first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed. There is a lot of negative news going on the world that can really affect your mood and mindset. What kind of movies and books to you read? What are you feeding your mind with? I am hoping is entertaining you, inspiring you, or educating you to become the best you can be!

Develop an attitude of gratitude. Start and end your day in gratitude. Gratitude is about being thankful and appreciative of something tangible or intangible and how it has impacted our lives. What are you grateful for? Positive psychology research shows that people who are grateful tend to be happier. Tell people in your life that you are grateful for them in your life or send them a thank you card. Too busy to write (even though I still suggest you send a card) – you may choose to thank them mentally.

The Negative Relationships – The Toxic People

Attitudes are contagious. Be careful who you surround yourself with; ensure you are spending time with positive people who encourage and support you. One of the greatest lessons I have learned is to not take other people’s negativity personally. Their reaction to things is about what is going on for them in their mind and life and often has very little to do with you. A toxic person is someone who makes a person feel bad about themselves by talking down to them, criticizing them, or belittling them. They may tell you that you can’t do things or you’re not good enough or talented enough to be successful. Do you know where that is coming from? It comes from their own fears of you succeeding or even that fact that they are not and did not go after their own goals.

Gandhi once said, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with dirty feet.” You get to choose whether you will respond or react. Sometimes the toxic people may be people you are related to. Often the best things to do in these cases are to change the subject of the conversation or set boundaries by expressing what you are willing to talk about and what you are not willing to talk about. You are in control of letting that messaging in or keeping it out and how it impacts you. Limit your contact with toxic people.

The Negative Environment

Somethings you can control and somethings you cannot. You want to focus on what you can control.

Focus on solutions and the next positive step. It is easy to replay negative experiences over and over in our heads like a movie – reliving every moment. Is that what you really want? Learn to let go of past hurts. They occurred in the past and they cannot be changed.

Focus on the present – it what you can control. Redirect the topic and take control of the situation.

Keep the lines of communication open. Talk about your concerns openly and ask questions to avoid any misunderstandings. Again, your imagination can run wild if you do not ask questions to ensure you understand things correctly.

Deal with issues/concerns head on. Do not avoid having important conversations that you need to have. They can fester and exploded into much bigger problems and damage morale if not tended to immediately.

Follow up with others that you work and spend time with. This “pulse check” can help you determine if everyone is getting along or there are any concerns you may not be aware of. By being aware, positive changes can create positive results. Be proactive.

Be careful not to minimize the positive. Fighting negativity is a work in progress. It is too easy to fall into the trap of getting caught up in negative thinking, gossiping with others, and creating a toxic environment if you do not pay attention to where your thoughts are at any given moment.

Empower yourself by thinking empowering thoughts. When you think positive, you are giving a boost to your mood and you will take more affirmative actions to support your goals and objectives.

Time: 12:25 min

5 ‘TED Talks’ Every Entrepreneur Must Watch

February 26, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

The most successful business owners and entrepreneurs know it is important to commit to lifelong learning to be successful. One of the most accessible curated variety of resources lies in TED Talks. TED Talks are a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas and they cover a wide range of topics in business, technology, educations and so much more. I was fortunate to attend one a few years ago and was inspired by many of the speakers’ journeys and messages. I hope one day I too will share an idea worth spreading in a TED Talk.

Entrepreneurs think much differently than the average person. They are willing to take risks and can size up a situation quickly. They are open to learning and trying out new ideas. They know that they must shift their mindset at a moments notice when faced with rejection. There are TED Talk ideas that speak directly to the heart of the entrepreneur that every entrepreneur needs to watch.

SIMON SINEK: START WITH WHY

Powerful Quote:
“Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief – WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?

People don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it.” – Simon Sinek, Start with Why

Lesson: Discover Your Why for Doing What You Do

GARY VAYNERCHUK: Building a Personal Brand Within the Social Media Landscape

Powerful Quotes:

“Legacy is greater than currency.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

“We only get to play this game once. ONE LIFE.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

Lesson: Believe in what you do. Quit doing things you are not passionate about.

SETH GODIN: How to get your ideas spread

Powerful Quote:

“The thing that going to decide what gets talked about, what gets done, what gets purchased, what gets built is, “Is it remarkable?”…worth making a remark about.” – Seth Godin

Lesson: Decide if what you are doing and offering is worthing remarking on. Word of mouth is the most powerful form of marketing.

MEL ROBBINS: How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over

Powerful Quote:

“It’s simple to get what you want BUT it’s not easy. You have to force yourself.” – Mel Robbins

“Anything that requires a break from routine requires force.” – Mel Robbins

“You kill your own ideas because you do not act on it.” – Mel Robbins

Lesson: Write down the ideas that come to you and decide what you are going to act on.

CARRIE GREEN: Programming Your Mind for Success

Powerful Quote:

“Success is NO accident. Living an incredible life is NO accident. You have to do it on purpose. And it starts by knowing exactly what it is you want to achieve. Knowing why you want to achieve it. Knowing the kind of person you need to become in order to make it happen and then programming your mind to make it happen.” Carrie Green

Lesson: Be intentional with your actions. Program your mind with the belief that no matter what comes your way. You will figure it out.

Entrepreneurs need to be connected with their “why” and be able to focus on positive and empowering thoughts so they can get the results they are wanting to achieve. Success is about putting in the work or “hustle” as Gary Vaynerchuk puts it. You must be willing to put in uncommon dedication, commitment, and hours that when you work for someone else that you would not do. It is about making yourself do the things you know you should do but do necessarily “feel” like doing. You need to do it anyway in order to move forward. Stay committed to life-long learning and the application of put new ideas into practice. At the end of the day, you will turn the ordinary into extraordinary and you will become remarkable! People will be compelled to remark on their experience or connection with you.

Episode 57: Watch Your Language: The Power of Words

December 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 57: Watch Your Language: The Power of Words

The words we use have more power than we give them credit for. We take words for granted. Several years ago I remember reading a person’s blog about a child who was scolded the Costco store while his parents were waiting in return line. The child started to get restless as many children would have. You can watch the confident child who was playful shrinking down into silence. Words can deflate and destroy or words can create confidence and empower. Words do matter.

35552684 - farmer hand planting a seed in soil

You may have heard statements throughout your childhood from teachers, parents, coaches, or even your peers. The statements good or bad you have allowed to grow -for they planted a seed. The seed you had a choice to either hold onto and play over and over in your mind or reject it. The seed only grows when you nurture it or give it attention. You may have even heard people making fun of others in derogatory ways. Even with joking, people do not always realize that they can be hurtful.

“An Old Cherokee Tale of Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’

The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’” –
Native American Legend

When we look at communication, we pay attention to the words but also to the tone and intent of what is being said. People make judgments very quickly. It is important that you choose to speak impeccably about yourself and others. There is so much power in the words that we use. I remember when the speaker sharing with me a conversation that occurred in the restroom about one of the other speakers at a conference without realizing that their microphone was on. Not only was it embarrassing for the conference organizers, it was also hurtful to the person that they were speaking about which was broadcasted to the people attending the conference. I never heard the outcome but I sure hope that a public apology occurred.

The other thing I want to remind you is to not judge others by an appearance or get caught up in gossip. If you’re upset, take the time to remove yourself from the situation if possible see you can think clearly and speak with intention. When people are upset they often say things that they later regret. You don’t want to burn bridges, you never know where someone is going in their lives which could later influence or impact the direction that you had as well. If you want others to speak well of you, you must speak well of others.

The words you use become your reality. The thoughts and feelings that you have influence the actions and words that you speak. If you say “I am not enough” and think and believe this, your actions will follow. You will not fully give of yourself because you believe you’re not enough. You’ll end up sabotaging yourself by holding back on what you’re capable of. You may even tell yourself “why bother?” If you say, you’re “not smart enough”, you will take actions to support that or look for ways to rationalize why this may be the truth. You may speak words of lack and scarcity and because that is your focus that’s what you will see in your reality. If you speak of abundance and use positive words, you will see abundance in your life and show gratitude. Remember you are planting seeds when you speak whether it is about yourself, about others or to others.

In Dr. Marshall Goldsmith book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, he talks about Habit #5: Starting with “no”, “but”, or “however”. When he was working with a coaching client, he would charge them $20 every time they stated no, but, or however in a statement. One CEO he was working with within an hour was charged $420 but was later donated to a charity. When you are using these words with the people you work with, you are stating that they are wrong and you were right.

“For example, “That’s true, however…” (Meaning: you don’t think it’s true at all.,.) Or the particularly common opener, is “Yes, but…” (Meaning: Prepare to be contradicted.)” –Dr. Marshall Goldsmith

The statement can be frustrating to the people that you’re working with because they see it as a no-win situation.

The word “try” really means that you’re totally not committed. In the words of Yoda from Star Wars, “There is no try you either do or you do not.” When I started catching myself saying the word try I also asked myself if I was wholeheartedly in or just interested. What I learned was if I really want something to happen I need to make a choice to do something not just to dabble in it. What are you “trying” to do and wondering why it’s not working?

In conversation sometimes I’ll hear someone say, “I think this.. is possible”. You want to speak with conviction you must know and believe something to be true. I think comes across as wishy-washy not something spoken with conviction and intent.

Beware of extreme words. These are words such as always and never. Is it true that someone always does something 100% of the time? Is it true that someone never does what they’re told hundred percent of the time? The word “can’t” also be considered extreme as you either you can or you cannot. Many people focus on what they can’t do that they never can realize what they can do it they only put in the effort. They talk themselves out of even making the attempt before even doing something.

When you hear people come up with great ideas or do something outstanding, take the time to give these people credit for their ideas. Your voice and message have so much power. You never know who needs to hear those words of encouragement and how their lives can be changed because you took the time to listen for acknowledging something that they have said. The change that we wish to see the world begins with us and it begins with the power we have with the words we use. Don’t abuse the power. Use the power to build others up and help them step into the potential of food they have yet to be.

Time:13:32 min

Keywords: the power of words, power of words, build people up, speak impeccably, power of intention, tone, communication, Marshall Goldsmith, habits