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Dr. Mark Goulston
Widely regarded as a “people hacker,” Dr. Goulston began his career as an interventional psychiatrist focusing on suicide and violence intervention and prevention and UCLA professor of psychiatry. He then extended his work to training FBI and police hostage negotiators and then to the corporate world and NGOs.
His “people hacking” has now extended to, “hacking genius,” and he has recently been speaking, writing and providing webinars on “Insanely Great! How to Think Like Steve Jobs.” Along with that he helps companies to see into their futures the way Jobs could. By the way, it is not that difficult, it’s just difficult to envision a different paradigm when you’re within your own paradigm. You know the saying, “When you’re a hammer, the world looks like a nail.”
Past or present companies or institutions, he has worked with or spoken to include: Harvard Business School, IBM, Mattel, Coca Cola, Toyota, Hyatt, Accenture, Ernst & Young, Sodexo, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Northern Trust, Northwest Mutual, YPO, UCLA, USC, University of Alabama, American Bar Association, NACD.
Including, “Just Listen,” Dr. Goulston is the author of seven books with his first book, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, first published in 1996 being in the top 5 self-help books at Amazon for the last seven years. His most recent book is Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life and was recently Oprah.com featured book and was nominated as an Audie Award 2016 Finalist.
He writes for Biz Journals, Harvard Business Review, Business Insider, Huffington Post, Fast Company and Psychology Today and appears widely in the media including CNN, Wall St. Journal, NY Times, Fortune and Forbes.
He serves on the Board of Advisors of Health Corps, Brainrush and Truli Media.
Dr. Goulston earned a BA from UC Berkeley, MD from Boston University School of Medicine, Post Graduate Psychiatry Residency from UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute and is a Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He was selected as one of America’s Top Psychiatrists in 2004, 2005, 2010, 2011 by the Consumers Research Council of America.
Interview Length: 54:56 minutes
Keywords: listening, Steve Jobs, Dr. Mark Goulston, getting through to anyone, connection, intentional listening, communication, relationships, interpersonal relationships, Just Listen
At first, it will seem awkward because you need to think about doing something. Over time it will become automatic. Remember when you first learned to drive or ride a bicycle. You had to think about every action and over time you did not need to think about every step. You may have fallen off your bicycle a couple times until you found your balance. Once you found your balance, you just hopped on your bike and rode. You may have been nervous driving a car, there was so much to remember. Someone may even have honked the horn because you hesitated before you took the turn. The nervousness is now gone and you can get into the car and drive to your destination.
You hear acts of courage such as the firefighter or the police who have run into danger were others retreat. Other heroes of courage include Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Junior, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Theresa. You have even heard stories of the courageous lion in the Wizard of Oz and in the story of David and Goliath. You have been courageous and sometimes you have silenced your courage because it means that you need to step out of what you know to be comfortable.
The one thing that I feel is most important when having a difficult conversation is that everyone’s voice be heard whether you agree with it or not. You must take a nonjudgmental approach where you challenge your assumptions by asking yourself questions. It is important to stick to the facts. I’m not saying that your emotions are not important however they may not be the drivers of the miscommunication or the feedback that needs to be delivered.
One of the best ways to prepare for difficult conversation is to prepare and script out, rehearse, and even role-play what you would like to say to take the anxiety out of having this conversation that you see is difficult. Assess the current situation and compare it to what you expect. What is the gap? Come from a place of curiosity to gain an understanding of what the true picture is versus what is imagined. This way you won’t forget anything and sometimes looking at the written piece of paper may help you control your own emotions.