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Develop Your Flexibility to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

May 25, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

How successful one is in life depends on how well they master themselves. It is important to have the ability to know who you are objectively and gain an understanding of how others see you. This understanding is not so you change who you are for another person but it is about becoming aware about how your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors influence others.

It is said with age a person becomes stuck in their ways and they are often unaware of their own inflexibility. In today’s world of constant change, there is no room to not be adaptable to circumstance. If you don’t become curious about your changing environment, you may get left behind. By becoming adaptable, you create options for yourself and open your mind to possibility of something better.

It is too easy to fall in to the trap of certainty and remained at the  apron strings of our comfort zone. When someone suggests a new way of doing things or offers you feedback, look at what they shared as information for improvement and consider its merits. The offering may just be what you have been looking for.18885382_m

One of the most valuable ways to develop your flexibility is to challenge your assumptions and re-frame your negative self talk. When new situations arise, our negative self talk tends to take over. The self talk overrides and plant seeds of doubt.

You may hear phrases like:

“What makes you believe you can do that.”

“You can’t do that, you are too _________.”

“You don’t have what it takes.” (money, skills, abilities, knowledge, etc)

“You never finish what you start.”

Instead of listening and agreeing to this negative self-talk, start with rejecting it. You can hear it but it does not mean you have to live it and believe it! Change things up – plant new seeds of hope and belief.

“Yes, I believe I can do that.”

“Yes, I can.”

“I have all I need inside of me.”

“I will finish this. I know I can.”

When you re-frame your negative self talk, you change your own beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors to match which you believe. If you become too rigid in your ways, you close yourself off to different ideas and practices. By being tunneled visioned, you may loose your breakthrough opportunity.

You can train yourself to become more flexible in how you approach new situations. Be open to change and learn about the world around you. Be curious and nonjudgmental. Gather information and adapt to the situation as needed. You need to be able to evaluate and shift your priorities in order to navigate your way to success.

Does a simple change in routine create anger and frustration? How you react or respond to change will differ with each situation you encounter. Improving your flexibility has to do with letting go of the little things. Discover the little things that trigger you. Minimize their impact.Sometimes, it is about learning to detach from the outcomes and becoming adaptable to situations as they arise.

Your emotional intelligence increases by how adaptable and flexible you are to situations. Change can be good – change is progress. Be willing to stretch and try new things. If something does not go as you would like, adjust your plan and make it happen or change the plan.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: adaptability, emotional intelligence, flexibility, Self awareness

How Leaders Lead in Times of Uncertainty

May 4, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Copyright Syda Productions
Copyright Syda Productions

Uncertainty comes with change and with change comes a bundle of mixed emotions. The entrepreneur waking up at night wondering how they will pay their bills. The leader who is pacing the floor while sweat drips from their brow as they anxiously await the board meeting to make a big announcement. Big announcements, forecasts, and crystal balls do not guarantee specific results. Today more than ever, leaders are faced with the task of leading others when  they are not even sure of the outcomes. They must display confidence and trust in themselves.

“Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”
― Tony Schwartz

Change is a constant and represents progress. Therefore, uncertainty will always exist to a certain percentage. As a leader, I know there are several things a leader can do to lead others during times of uncertainty:

  1. Focus on the strengths of your people and organization. You have people on your team that have all sorts of knowledge, skills, and abilities. Have you tapped into this resource to its full extent? Ask for their recommendations. Ask you customers for their input.
  2. Face Your Fears. It is okay to share your fears with others. It makes you real. You can share how you have overcome your own fears so you can be the leader they need you to be. Minimize the risks or obstacles you may face.
  3. Arm Yourself with the Facts. Share the facts you have collected. Transparent communication is key. When your people know that you have a plan, they will feel more secure and trust that you are doing what is best.
  4. Seek more knowledge. Continue to do your research and gain more information about how decision will impact the people you lead. Seek out assistance from people who know more about a subject than you. Ask for help – most people are willing to help someone especially when they are using their expertise.
  5. Take Action. Action steps and asking the right questions help develop some certainty and allow you to make better decisions. Taking action moves you out of the paralysis mentality and into solution focused leadership where people feel empowered.

The act of taking the lead and being curious about the world around you allows you to embrace and face fears and navigate the unknown. Asking questions stimulates the brain to start thinking of solutions.

In what ways can I make more money to pay the bills?

How can I involve my team in coming up with a solution as I make this big announcement?

Without action, you are guaranteed – a result – an outcome that you may or may not have wanted. You always have a choice. Taking decisive action positions you for greater certainty. Embrace it! Know this – When nothing is 100% sure, anything is possible!

Leaders create a vision of certainty from where they are to where they wish to be.

How do you face or lead in times of uncertainty?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: asking for help, asking questions, lead in times of uncertainty, solution focused leadership

What Positive Thinkers Do that Negative Thinkers Do Not

March 30, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

“you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” Stephen King

People often refer to positive thinkers as the people who wear “rose-coloured glasses” or as people who see a glass as “half-full” versus half-empty. Positive thinkers do have a different approach to life than negative thinkers.

Yes, bad things happen in life.

Positive thinkers are not ignoring life circumstances. They do attempt to explore, learn and understand the life events.

Positive thinkers are:

Open to Change and Opportunity. They are open and willing to trying new things, developing new skills, and gaining new knowledge. They look for the possibilities in new situations or in times of uncertainty. Negative thinkers shut down opportunities out of fear. They are not willing to learn and grow. They are often happy with the status quo even if they do complain about it. They do not want to change.

Better Decision Makers. Positive thinkers look for the strengths, opportunities, and best possible outcomes and strive to meet the outcomes they desire. They are open to trying new things and do not close themselves off from opportunities as negative thinkers do.

Courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos.net
Courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos.netos

Solution-focused. Positive thinkers do not dwell on problems but rather focus on positive solutions. They have the ability to see look at the big picture and brainstorm ways to overcome any challenges that may arise. Negative thinkers focus only on the problem and see change as impossible.

More Resilient. They do not unravel easily. They are in tune with their emotions and see setbacks as a chance to stop, breathe, and re-focus – a set up for success. Negative thinkers see situations as permanent and get stressed out. They tend to over-react to situations and do not see the impact of their outbursts or behavior on others.

Resourceful. When they do not know an answer to a question, they will seek out the information or refer to someone who does have this information. They often have a “quitting is not an option” attitude. Negative thinkers are not willing to look for new ways of doing things because they think everything is going to fail anyway or they say “what’s the point?”

Grateful. Positive thinkers enjoy the little things life has to offer. They look for and are grateful for the positive things in their life. Things as simple as being able to: take a breath, for there are others in the world struggling to breathe; hear the sound of music, for there are many who cannot enjoy someone singing off key; or to smell the aroma of mom’s baked apple pie from the kitchen, for there are others who cannot smell. Negative thinkers complain and blame others for their life circumstances.

Positive thinkers also energize relationships and social interactions. You cannot help but want to be around them. They make you feel good about yourself and life in general. In the workplace, these are people you want on your team. These are people who get things done. They are productive and they are high performers. Negative thinkers are just the opposite.

The best thing about thinking is that you can choose to be a positive thinker or you can choose to be a negative thinker. Making the shift can make you stand out of the crowd. You can get promoted, develop stronger relationships, and be given opportunities a negative thinker would not get. Positive thinkers – DO what negative thinkers are not willing to DO.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: negativity, optimism, positive thinking, positivity

How Taking Responsibility Can Transform Your Life

March 30, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

From an early age, we have learned that life comes with responsibilities. We all have responsibilities but do we fulfill those responsibilities to the best of our ability? When things do not go as planned, you may have caught yourself blaming, complaining, or making excuses.

Granted, life happens along the way.

Some things are not in our control but there is a great number of things that are.18342524_l

Blaming, complaining, and making excuses will not change a thing. Alright, maybe the change will be that people start avoiding you as they do not want to get caught up in negative energy.

Don’t wait for a fairy godmother to wave her magic wand?

You need to step up and take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions. You can much more control than you give yourself credit for.

When things do not go as planned, you can choose to react or to respond. For example, if you receive an email that is devastating. Do not react with CAPITALIZED letters. Do not spend time analyzing the person’s intent. An email is nothing more than words on a screen. Give yourself some time to think about what has triggered you instead of creating a volcanic eruption of emotions. Pick up the phone or arrange for an in-person meeting to voice your concerns, get rationale, and ask for what you need to understand the message received.

See every situation is an opportunity to learn or teach others.

Reflect on situations that you have reacted to rather than responded to. What can you do differently if the situation presented itself again?

You have the ability to control your thoughts, habits, and actions. Step up and do what you say you are going to do. If you are not doing what you say you must do, why not? Is it important to you? Are you holding yourself back or holding people up? Inaction is an action. Taking responsibility and responding to life events can help you create a life that you are in control of.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: action, responding to email, taking responsibility

Are You Working a Job While Working Your Dream?

March 24, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: employee to entrepreneur, entrepreneur; dreams;

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