Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

Are You Punishing Yourself from Being Successful?

December 16, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Sometimes fleeting thoughts can cause turmoil…

No one ever said that chasing your dreams would be a smooth ride. It is more like a roller-coaster full of ups and downs. Definitely not for the faint of heart but it can be exhausting to the point where you say “That’s it! I give up! If I shut everything down, everyone around me will either back off or be happier if I just stop all this nonsense.”

Before you do, I want you to stop for a minute. Let’s really think this through. Let’s say you do stop due to the pressure of your environment or the belief you have in yourself to make things happen. You may make the choice to do exactly that and accept a different routine as a new normal but eventually you will be miserable and potentially resentful for giving up on your dream or goal. Your unhappiness will overflow into all the other areas of your life: your decisions, the way you communicate with others, and your interpersonal relationships. If you try to please everyone else, you are suffocating your purpose and your passion. What are you teaching people around you? How is quitting going to serve you? Part of you will die.

There is a distinct difference between being no longer passionate about what you are doing and quitting because others do not want you to fail or they are worried about how you will change when you reach your goal. Take notice. Their fears have nothing to do with you! It is their stuff about how they feel about stepping out of their comfort zone and going after their dreams. People want you to succeed and they want to help but they also want to protect you from taking a risk and failing. The greatest thing about life’s failures is that you can get up, learn the lesson, try again or change things up. Surround yourself with people who believe, encourage, and support you and who would not ask you to quit.

You are sabotaging your own success when you step back or worse, stop taking action steps in order to calm the waters of other people’s fears, doubt, or criticism. The number one sign you could be sabotaging your own success is procrastination – basically, doing anything else more pleasurable other than what you need to be doing. Consistency is needed for success to be achieved. It is all the small action steps that set you up for achievement.

People may fall along the wayside for a short time or even longer. They may be caught up in a cycle of envy, unworthiness, or re-evaluation of their own lives. They may compare where they are to where you are. Their imagination could be running wild. They may have realized that they have settled or not challenged themselves or do not wish to do so. They may even think you no longer accept them as they are while you chase your goals. The funny thing is – we do not go after what we want to leave people behind. It is awfully lonely if we cannot share our successes with others.

Stop punishing yourself! Let the way you live inspire others. Recognize everyone is on their own journey. We do not have the same passions or purpose. Holding yourself back to please others does not serve any one. You have set the bar for yourself – do not lower it. Encourage others to raise their own standards of what they expect of themselves. You are not the judge – they are. The goals and dreams you are pursuing are YOURS and no one else’s. If you do not follow your passions and what you believe to be your purpose, we all lose. Punishing yourself to fit into the crowd serves no one.

Be the best version of yourself by being the person you know yourself to be. Your happiness will flood the hearts of all you interact with.

Please comment and share with others so they do not stop chasing their dreams.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Is Multitasking Slowing Down Your Progress?

November 17, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

In the world of competing demands with so little time, no wonder more people are feeling burned out. According to Families and Work Institute, twenty six percent of workers felt they are “often or very often burned out or stressed by their work.” Multitasking was once believed to increase productivity but now research reveals that it can be dangerous and even reduce performance – and slow down your progress. How is that possible?

Switching Gears

You might be thinking you are getting so much more done but what you are really doing is switching gears. In order to switch gears, your brain is continually starting and stopping and restarting again. Recent neuroscience research reveals that the brain doesn’t really multitask. The brain is switching tasks quickly. Momentum is broken.

With so many demands for our attention or “bright shiny objects” (distractions), more people are starting projects and do not follow them through to completion. The clutter and overwhelm begins. There is so much to do. Several things can be occurring: 1) new ideas or projects that come up are more desirable 2) with several things to get done with competing deadlines and a person spreads themselves too thin and gives up because they are completely overwhelmed. A person may think if they attack several things at once that they can get them done and move on to the next thing. Rushing through a project can cause problems.

Focus on One Thing

Focus on doing one thing well. In the book, The One Thing: The Surprising Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, the authors Gary Keller and Jay Papasan explains the importance of concentrating on “the one thing” to keep momentum and achieve so much more. When you give your focused attention to one thing you become more efficient and get more done. You may have heard the acronym for the word “FOCUS” – focus on one course until completed. How engaged are you when you are on a conference call and checking your emails? Have you ever sent an email and forgot the attachment because you want to clear your inbox? One thing done with excellence goes much farther than many things delivered with mediocrity.

Find Your Pace

Finding your pace starts with recognizing the difference between moving too quickly and trying to accomplish a great deal in a short period of time versus completing a task or a project of high quality and striving for excellence. If you do things too quickly and without a lot of thought, you increase the risk of errors and miss out on important details which may be costly to your bottom line.

Think about a runner training for a marathon. If the pace is too fast, you may miss the finish line completely as you may run out of steam before you even get to your destination. If your pace is too slow, you may get to your destination but finish line might be packed up and everyone has gone home. When you are finding your pace realize that multitasking can slow you down. How many things can you do while you are running? You cannot run a race and tie your shoe at the same time. If you try you may fall flat on your face.

Slow Down to Speed Up

By slowing down, you allow yourself to be more aware of your environment and situation. Slowing down can allow you to be more present and be in the moment. You can pay attention to trends in your industry and what the competition is doing. You open the doors to innovation and creativity. Allow yourself time to brainstorm new ideas and do your research so you can deliver top quality work and make better decisions. Delegate tasks to others who excel in areas of weakness. Productivity will increase. Performance will also increase because you can become more solution focused and respond to situations that come up versus react to them.

Everyone needs some downtime to recharge and regroup. You can only run at full speed for so long before something happens to slow you down. Stress takes a toll on your mind, body, and spirit. It impacts relationships and your ability to make decisions.

What is multitasking costing you? Why not slow down so you can accelerate your results?

How Does Your Inner Game Impact Your Leadership?

November 9, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Leaders come from all walks of life. Leaders are not born; they are developed. some people believe that leadership is assigned by title. I believe leadership is a choice and we all have it. It starts with believing you are a leader and living your life as an example – expecting the best from yourself. The most important ingredient in becoming a leader is that you have a following or a “tribe”.

A following starts with one person. Tribes are formed by having an individual or a group of people holding a common vision or belief in a message or movement that people want to be a part of. Think about who you admire or follow. What qualities do they possess? What is it about these leaders that draws you to them? Is it their outward appearance or the way they express themselves? Confidence is an inner game that influences a leader’s decisions and actions. A leader believes in themselves and their vision; this is demonstrated by their actions and the results they get.

Your inner game is about how you get the best out of yourself as a leader. Before you expect others to give the best of themselves, you must start with expecting more of yourself. When I speak about being a leader, I mean as a leader in your family, office, business, organization, and community. Leadership is not limited to the board room. Your leadership starts with understanding yourself and then understanding others. In essence, your leadership is influenced by your emotional intelligence.

How you think and act influences the outcomes you get. Even though it seems like no one is watching or paying attention, there are people who are watching you as a role model. They are waiting for you to share your vision and take action so they may learn from you and become a part of it. Most of all, they want to know how it impacts them. Will following you increase their happiness or make them more fulfilled? Will they be inspired to take action?

Your emotions impact your thoughts and your thoughts impact how you act. Those thoughts are determined by the stories you tell yourself about your experiences. The stories can be could or they can be bad – it all depends on your perception.

Telling stories is how we make sense of our experiences. If you are self-reflective you will try to understand what happened and why it may have occurred as you try to rationalize your outcomes. We all have stories from our school days, our first job, first boss, the presentation that went wrong, and the challenges of teamwork.

My first boss wanted to protect me from the choices she made in her life so I would not make the same choices. I thought I had my own parent for that but she thought she needed to share her story. I was no where near from being on the same path or choices she had made. Our decisions and thinking were not aligned. I can dwell on the story as to whether or not she was a good boss or bad boss or I can choose to look for the lesson and remind myself that I am accountable and responsible for my own actions. After all, a story is just that – a story that you tell yourself!

Remember it is your story and you have the ability to change the story. You have choices. A leader must know their strengths and limitations.

What are your strengths?
What are your limitations?
What do you believe yourself to be capable of?
What do you feel is missing from your leadership?

What got you to where you are will not get you to the next level. You need to get clear about what you want, identify the gaps, and step into who you need to be. Do you need to grow your knowledge, develop your skills, and fine tune you abilities? Depending on what you need, these days you can find many resources to support you through books and the internet that are available 24/7 through websites and apps like Udemy and Coursera.

Your inner game influences how you show up in the world. First of all – you need to see yourself as a leader. Focus on your daily habits and take intentional actions toward what you want to achieve. How are you going to hold yourself accountable? Are you going to keep a log, share it with your spouse, partner, or close friend? It is all the small acts that add up in the end. Who do you want to show up as? What do you want people to remember you for?As a coach, it is my role to help you understand the impact of your story and how it has played a part in shaping your thoughts and actions and where you are today.

Everything starts with a choice. What will your next one be?

Do You Run When There is a Fire in the Kitchen?

November 2, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Every day we are faced with situations that can trigger our emotions and how you respond can make all the difference. You may be dealing with a difficult colleague or a sabotaging boss, or entitled teenager. You may see these conflicts as manipulative, undermining, or even as a personal attack. Your first instinct may be to express your anger and frustration; however, often the first thing said can be your greatest regret. For some people, when there is a “fire” or conflict, it is easier to just run out of the kitchen and not deal with the issue or concern at hand.

What happens when you run out?

The fire can get out of control. When I am talking about fire, I am not talking about a physical building where your life is in danger. If your life is in danger – RUN and get help! In conflict, your mind perceives conflict as stress and so your body may move into the “fight or flight” response depending on how you react to the situation versus respond. I am not asking you to suppress your emotions but I do want you to stop and take a deep breath. When you are emotional, you do not think rationally. Your imagination can run wild making assumptions about what the intended tone in an email was, comments or questions during a meeting, or why your colleague failed to make a deadline. Psychologist, John Gottman says, “When you’re furious, you can’t be curious.” This is so true. How well you cope or do not cope depends on the perceived threat of the situation.

Conflict is fused with emotions. Moving through conflict is not easy and can be uncomfortable. There are ways to manage it more effectively. We know that if you fail to control your emotions, they will control you because your thoughts and feelings impact your behaviours and the actions you will take.

Start by simply stopping and taking a deep breath, this pause can help you reconnect with yourself and think about what is happening more clearly. It may take several minutes or even hours. You do not always need to respond right away – especially to emails. If emotions are charged, it is best to speak face to face or at least by phone.

Acknowledge and accept your emotions. Reflect on why you are triggered emotionally. Separate the facts from the emotions that you are feeling, you will discover a wealth of information. Pay attention to what those emotions are telling you. What expectation or values were violated? Why are you experiencing the conflict? What was the impact? What would you like to experience? Listen to what these emotions are telling you, this will help you identify the underlying cause of the conflict.

Remove the focus from yourself and try to gain an understanding where the other person is coming from. Clarify their needs and share your needs. People often fail to meet expectations or meet your needs because they do not know what they are. Most people have good intentions but fail to communicate their needs or decisions. Your colleague may have missed the deadline because he was waiting for information from someone else or he did not have the skillset. Your boss may have some inside information she has not shared with you yet and brought it up in a meeting and you felt blind-sided. Your teenager assumes you will drive them to the mall but does not understand you have an important meeting because no one communicated with each other. When you express how you are feeling, what you want, and do not want, you will be able to work more collaboratively in coming up with a win-win situation or solution to the problem.

You can deal with conflict more effectively and discover your voice when you stay in the kitchen and do not fan the flames. Own your emotions and uncover the facts. Stop, Breathe, and Be Curious!!!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

What Big Picture Thinkers Can Do and Why Small Picture Thinkers Should Stretch

November 2, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

When it comes to strategic thinking, perspective matters. I recently came across a cartoon about a man on a deserted island, he was jumping for joy and there was a boat coming toward him. Finally, he would be rescued. The next cartoon had a man rowing his boat pumping his arms in the air saying “Land!” He has been lost at sea and now can rest on land. We can have similar experiences but how we interpret them differs.

Big picture thinkers have a very different view of a situation, challenge, or problem. They are the individuals who take a step back and try to see things from all angles. They take the 30,000 foot perspective to get the bird’s eye view. Whereas, the small picture thinker or “detailed-oriented” thinker pays attention to all the details and sometimes can overthink things and miss the big picture.

Even though small picture thinkers are hardworking; they often fail to prioritize and may even procrastinate while perfecting the details. Detail-oriented thinkers limit the possibilities by only thinking about how something will impact them versus the greater good. They worry about what others think of their work and are easily influenced by others. Don’t get me wrong though – we do need detail-oriented thinkers on a team, project, or board. Detail-oriented thinkers can inform big picture thinkers of the risks associated before decisions are made.

Small picture thinkers need to stretch out of their comfort zones and explore what it would be like to be a big picture thinker. In doing so, they can ask more effective questions. The better the questions you ask, the better decisions you make. Big picture thinkers are not afraid to test the waters and try new creative ideas and concepts. They have a low tolerance for the busyness in the details. They are results driven. Big picture thinkers tend to be entrepreneurs, life coaches, and campaign managers.

If you are a detail-oriented thinker, you are probably wondering how you can stretch to think bigger than you have been. It is not that hard.

Think like a Child. Remember when you were a child you have no fears and no limitations – everything was possible.
Believe in the Possibilities. Believe what you want to achieve is possible.
Use Empowering Language. Focus on “how can I” contribute or make something happen. No excuses, no complaining, and no criticism.
Take a Solution-focused Approach. Break down barriers by asking powerful questions.
Set Action Oriented Goals with a Deadline. Break down goals into small manageable pieces over a period of time. Each action will build momentum for the next until you have achieved what you are after.
Take Time to Think. We all have the same 24 hours in a day but so many people are caught up in the busyness that they fail to take time to think things through.
Focus on Your Strengths and Abilities. No one expects you to be good at everything. Surround yourself with people who are skilled in the areas you are not. Let them strengthen the vision and offer new perspectives.
Surround Yourself with Ambitious Like–Minded People. You want to surround yourself with people who help you stretch, grow, and become a better version of yourself. These are the people who support you and want you to succeed.

Big picture thinkers have insight into what the impact on a decision will be. Before acting on the big picture, take time to think things through. Challenge your assumptions by asking questions and gaining more knowledge. What do you need to stop doing? What do you need to start doing? What do you need to do less of? What do you need to start doing more of? By asking questions, you are setting yourself up for long term success.

Are you the man on the island or the man in the row boat? Maybe, you will be the pilot of the helicopter looking down at two people to rescue? Stretch out of your current way of seeing things; you could be holding yourself back from seeing all the possibilities and opportunities in front of you.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She is has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com