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Each of us has an inner voice. Some people refer to it as the inner voice of knowing- but does it really know, especially when the negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. Isn’t bad enough you wonder what other people are saying about you or the efforts you put out? You don’t need any extra judgment as you already are your own worst critic. There are times you say things to yourself that you would not voice out loud and direct at anyone else. Why? The inner critic is not compassionate, kind, or respectful. If you wouldn’t say it to anyone else, why say such mean things to yourself. It’s not that you are wanting to get rid of the inner voice, you are managing the negative thoughts.

When you are in a negative state of mind, you will take actions to support your thoughts and feelings, ultimately, impacting the results you are getting. You need to stop the critic because it crushes your self-confidence to take essential actions required to achieve results. Think of your radio dial; you can tune into music and messaging that you choose to listen to. Many of the messages in your mind have been forged from the past and no longer serve the current situation. It may have come from criticism or advice. You may hear the voice of your mother or father commenting on something and you have hung onto to it. Now in the present something comes up and you think it must be true because someone else has said it even it does not even fit the current situation.

You want to be able to silence the inner critic, the chatter, you hear in your head. Managing the thoughts, you are having is not as difficult as you think. Your mind is flooded with over 50,000-70,000 thoughts in a day with many of them being negativity. Most of these thoughts are unconscious until you bring them into your awareness. As soon as you bring a thought into your awareness, you can make a conscious choice whether you want to keep the thought or reject it. Unfortunately, you may grab a single negative thought and play it in your head like a broken record. It does not serve you – it is time to manage your thoughts and toss those negative ones away altogether.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

It all begins with…self-awareness.

What thoughts are you thinking? Once you can notice your thoughts in the moment, now you can change them but before you do, why are you having them, to begin with? Is your self-confidence low? Is fear coming up? Even though negative thoughts come up and their many have been moments that you tell yourself, “I am stupid.”, you need to stop and remember there also have been a time you have shined and felt on top of the world. You are not stupid – your behavior or action you took was not the right one now.

When you catch yourself saying a negative thought, STOP and take notice of it. You can say, “Cancel, cancel, cancel”. Your thoughts are powerful. Your thoughts influence the actions you are going to take. If you are in a bad mood, you may react to a situation or say things you would later regret.

REFRAME the thought into a positive thought. Positive thoughts lead to positive actions. Positive actions will get you closer to the success you are looking for. The reason people do not achieve the success they are looking for is often because the get caught up in the stories they tell themselves.

Get into a positive state of mind. When I studied the morning routines of successful people, I learned that they put themselves into a positive state. To get yourself into a positive state, you can pray or meditate, exercise, write in a gratitude journal, or read a book that gets your mind primed for the day. The morning is not the only time you can do this. You can change your state by simply thinking of a time where you felt unstoppable and you felt at the peak of success.

Your inner voice is not a bad thing…it can warn you or alert you to doing your due diligence. It is a bad thing when you allow thoughts to take root and sabotage your efforts. You need to remind yourself that you have greatness within you – everyone does. Holding back on your greatness serves no one – if you hold back – it is a tragedy. Everything in life is interconnected. If you do not fulfill your purpose, others are impeded from fulfilling theirs.

Make a choice. Your imagination can run wild if you let it. Telling you stories of disempowerment. You need to harness your thoughts and empower yourself. You can break down your stories and examine the words that you use. The word “Can’t” places limits on what you believe is possible and what you think you are capable of doing. Yes, there are somethings that you can’t do such as swim without oxygen in the depth of the sea or fly above the mountains like an eagle. There are things you can do and you are stopping yourself from doing them.

Can’t is a choice. You are choosing not to. Do you notice when you have a choice you suddenly have empowered yourself and taken control of the actions you are taking? What CAN you do? Stephen King said, “you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” Focus on what you can do versus what you cannot.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.”
― Henry Ford

You have more power than you give yourself credit for. When you pay attention to what you are saying and how those words make you feel and the thoughts you are having, you can start taking actions that support your success rather than sabotage it.

Be Aware -Notice and Understand It.

Stop – Cancel the thought.

Reframe It.

Get into a positive state.

CHOOSE – what you are going to say and do that will empower you!

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

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EPISODE 21 – Addressing Fears and Feelings

We all have fears and feelings. The emotions that we feel impact our thoughts, feelings, and actions. They act like a beacon or a lighthouse, letting us know how the world is going on around us. Our emotions are our sensor. But it’s important to develop self-awareness so that you can learn and know yourself and be able to recognize and identify the thoughts associated with the emotions that you’re having. Your beliefs and your belief system (which includes many patterns and behaviors that you learned in childhood and life’s experiences) are how you perceive and interpret the world around you.

Some people believe that if they have a new car, new house, new clothing, or a new relationship that they will be happier than they are currently. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is a choice.

The beliefs you have our choice… You can either choose to believe them or release them – free yourself of the burden and pressure of holding out for happiness until something better comes along.

Why not choose to be happier right now?

Simply by doing more of what makes you happy.

Do you know what makes you happy?

You may be wondering what this has to do with addressing fears and feelings. This is where I jump in because you can’t be happy and fearful at the same time so it’s important to address the fears you have in the feelings that you’re feeling.

People often have fears of success, failure, rejection, or illness. There is nothing more than false evidence appearing real.

Identify what you’re afraid of.

What emotions are you feeling?

What triggered them for you?

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Focus on what you have control over. You have control over yourself and perhaps the environment that you’re in.

Question your beliefs. Ask yourself questions about your assumptions and the beliefs that you have.

If you are afraid of achieving success, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.

What are you afraid of?

What beliefs do you hold around success?

Do you believe success should happen in a certain way?

Who says?

There are many routes to success. As long as no one is harmed or going to jail, you can take as many routes as you want.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Why are you holding yourself back?

Are you afraid to fail or make a mistake?

Guess what? You are farther ahead than those who do not even try.

Mitigate your risks. Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about achieving your goal.

Have others done what you want to do?

Talk to them. I can hear it… “Why would they want to talk to me?”

People like to share how they achieve success. They will even share stories of their mistakes and failures. Why not learn from others mistakes so you don’t repeat what they have done. Save yourself some heartache.

Shift your thinking-failures and mistakes are learning opportunities to improve and grow. They make us stronger. Take a listen to episode blank challenges make us stronger. [EPISODE 16 – Challenges Make Us Stronger]

Some people have a great fear of rejection. As much as we want to hear a “yes”, a “no” can be a great thing. If someone is not interested or not the right fit- you are not wasting your time. If someone says no- it may mean not the right time, not enough money, not enough information.

Discover what their “no” is by asking questions. Get more information.

For others, the fear of illness paralyzes them from taking action. There are risk factors that you can control when it comes to your health and those you cannot. Worrying about what could happen is a waste of time. Imagine what you can accomplish if you use the time you worry about something to be proactive. Some of the risk factors that you can’t control include your age genetics race and for the most part gender. Risk factors that you can control include your waistline, level of stress, eating habits, and level of activity. Get a yearly physical examination by your physician. Get your eyes checked and your teeth checked. Take care of your health. Listen to your body- if you feel different than what your baseline is for you-you should get it checked out.

Be proactive in taking care of your health that you can live long and prosper.

Address your fears and manage your emotions so that you can ask the right questions to achieve your dreams and make them become your reality. You never know the life you change in the process. Often the person’s life you change is your own.

Time 11.22 min

Episode 93 – Silence Your Inner Critic

EPISODE 21: Addressing Fears and Feelings