Debra Kasowski

Why Optimism Beats Pessimism

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You are faced with a variety of life events and circumstances every day. Each event or situation can be viewed in a positive or negative way. Your perspective is your outlook on the world around you. According to psychologists, you are either an optimist viewing the world from the viewpoint of a glass “half-full” or a pessimist viewing the world as a glass “half-empty”. For the most part, you are not happy or sad 100% of the time but you will lean more to one or the other disposition predominantly. Which one are you?

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”
― Noam Chomsky

The Optimist

Optimism is defined as taking on a favorable view of events or circumstances and to expect positive outcomes. Optimistic character symbols are the fish Dory from the Disney Film Finding Nemo with her positive attitude and phrase, “Just Keep Swimming” demonstrating persistence. The Donkey from the movie Shrek does not seem to let anything bother him – everything just rolls off his back. The Disney character Goofy seems to do things without doubting of things with work out; he just does. You may see these characters as overly optimistic but it helps them face any adversity that comes their way.

Optimistic people look for the good in situations and believe that most people’s actions are filled with good intentions. They have a “can-do” attitude and see negative events as a temporary setback and see these hardships as learning opportunities for growth. They persist when faced with adversity. An optimistic person practices gratitude and acknowledges what is going well. They are positive and are confident in their abilities. When optimistic people share the events of their day, they tend to focus on sharing good events over negative ones. Uncertainty does not throw optimists off track; they see unscheduled or unplanned events as an opportunity and adventure to be seized.

The Pessimist

Pessimists are in the state of mind of expecting only the worst outcomes. These people have similar characteristics to the characters of Chicken Little who created a widespread panic that the sky was falling when it was only an acorn that fell, Charlie Brown was full of dread, negativity and worry, and Eeyore who was full of doom and gloom. People with these pessimistic characteristics can wear on the patience of others and suck the energy out of a room.

Pessimistic people believe that negative events were caused by them. What power they have! They believe that one mistake leads to a Domino Effect of mistakes. If something positive was to occur to them like a promotion or winning a prize, they would attribute these successes to luck, chance, or a fluke accident and the likelihood of it ever happening again was nearly impossible.

A pessimist can cause habit in the marketplace, business, or organization. They can negatively influence their employees, colleagues, and co-workers. I have watched this happen and it can move like wildfire. They start demonstrating poor work habits, carelessness, and lack of motivation. They become distracted and disengaged with the people who they are serving. Stress increase as these individuals gossip and complain. Others start to dread coming to work. They see setbacks as permanent and they are less flexible in challenging their perspective. There is increased fear, worry, and anxiety about the future which in turn impacts productivity and performance and thus the bottom line – profits.

Ultimately, optimism beats pessimism. Optimists live longer healthier lives. They have lower stress levels because they do not allow situations and life circumstances to dictate their happiness. They tend to be more successful and have increased productivity. Optimism impacts your overall well-being – it “feels good” to be positive and uplifting.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Way to Beat the Doom and Gloom of Pessimism

  • Challenging assumptions by questioning your thoughts (Is your thought true?)
  • Reframe negative thoughts into positive thoughts
  • Learn from mistakes and adjust your course by doing it again until you get it
  • “Act as if”; be who you need to be now to achieve what you are trying to succeed at. Do not wait to be in the leadership role to become a leader.
  • Look for the good and what you have to be grateful for. The more you are grateful for, the more that will show up in your life to be grateful for.

Each day we have a choice. Which perspective will you choose – the optimist or the pessimist? At the end of the day, optimism beats pessimism. You cannot help wanting to be a part of the positive energy; it contagious. What attitude do you want to spread? How full or empty is your glass?

I believe it is not how full or empty your glass is what determines the quality of your life; it is about the people you meet, the places you travel to, and choices you choose to fill it with. Seize the opportunities live life to its fullest and drink up!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

How to Master the Mental Game to Achieve Peak Performance

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We take for granted the power of our thinking. I was recently talking with my son about his golf game. He was preparing for a golf tournament. I wanted to know how he mentally prepared for his golf game – what was he thinking with every shot? When I asked him, he mentioned that his mind is a clear state. “I try to think of nothing.” How was this possible?

Last year, when he played I noticed that when he was on tournament tour his score was significantly higher than when he was golfing with family and friends. Even though he did not talk about it, I could sense the performance anxiety and the analyzing of every shot. I would talk with him about the power of positive thought and self- talk. Focus on what you want not what you don’t want. Golf, life, and business are all about the mental game.

Recently, he came home from the driving range and stated, “Mom, guess what? My friend asked me the same question you did. What are you thinking before you take your shot?” He laughed and mentioned that I ask him that question regularly – nothing. His friend went on to tell him about the power of positive thinking and how golf was a mental game. I was grinning, “Son, what does your mother tell you and what does she teach others?” Yeah, I know Mom. He said it would change my game if I thought that every shot I take I thought about hitting a great shot. You know what? It works!”

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

Buddist Proverb

Maybe I was not the right teacher. I even talked to him about the Power Poses that Amy Cuddy talks about in her TEDTalk. I asked him to do the “Victory Stance” with his arms up in the air. He teased me, “My mom is crazy!” with his arms up the air beaming ear to ear. Teenagers! It definitely created a positive state. Now his friends have even started doing it. Subliminal messaging may work!

How does apply to life and business? Your mindset directly influences how your act and perform. Your self-talk directly impacts your thinking and ultimately your focus.

Personal Mantras

Golf performance coach, David MacKenzie talks about having personal mantras. Keeping a positive focus is a must. Whether you are on the golf course, selling your products, or delivering a business presentation, you need to keep your head in the game.

The most powerful phrase is… “I am…”

Joel Osteen talks about “Whatever follows I am will follow.”

Make it empowering. Say things like…

I am a great presenter.

I am an effective leader.

I am mentally tough.

I am capable of overcoming any challenge.

The way you speak to yourself does matter. You may not think anything of it but it does. You can be sabotaging your own success.

Focus on the present…be mindful

Take a deep breath when you are faced with a challenge. Deep breathing is not only calming but it helps bring you back to the present moment – the opportunity at hand. Your mind can be freed of the mental chatter clouding your judgment. Whatever challenge you are facing, know that you can figure it out.  Just Breathe.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

We can be our worst critics pointing out every fault, flaw, or failure. We are harder on ourselves than we are with others. What we say and think about ourselves is not always the realistic. Your thinking can be distorted.

Challenge your assumptions and question your thoughts. Remember you are a work in progress.

Exaggerating. Are you thinking of the situation as the end of the world? This is it – it’s over. If so, you are missing out on the learning and the possibilities that lie in front of you.

Black and White Thinking. There is no room for compromise. If it not a certain way, it is not right. Remember there is more than one way to get to your destination. What else can you do?

Emotional Reasoning. No matter what you are thinking, you can find proof to demonstrate you are right even though it may not be the what is actually going on. “I think and feel it is true. I can find evidence to prove it.”

Mindreading. You are assuming what others are thinking or saying about you without even knowing the truth. If you really want to know ask. Otherwise, remember the saying, “What other people think of you is none of your business.”

Reframe & Replace

Pay attention to your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself? We have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts in a day and the majority of thought is said to be 80% negative so it is very important to pay attention to what you are thinking and reframe and replace it with positive thinking and words.

If you are saying…

“The presentation (meeting) was awful.”  Change it to… “I can do better on the next one.”

“I am a failure.” Change it to… “I am learning and growing.”

“I will never get it right.” Change it to… “I will take a different approach next time.”

Drop words like always, never, and can’t from your vocabulary. Shift your thinking from thinking things are impossible to possible.

Positive thinking impacts your performance. When I work with my clients, your mindset is a key piece that we focus on. Utilize these strategies to develop mental toughness and confidence so you can master your mental game and achieve peak performance. As the saying goes, “What you think about you bring about.”

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

How to Shift Out of Negative Thinking to Positive Thinking

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Everyone has their own story of how their day went. What you see and how you think all depends on what you focus on. A positive thinker, the optimist, will share their story with excitement ensuring they don’t miss out on the details. They are hopeful and anticipate that good things will happen in the future. Whereas the negative thinker, the pessimist has a tendency to see the worst aspects of things and believe that the worst will happen. They lack hope and confidence in the future. They see positive results a just flukes. Do you know anyone with these qualities? Which one are you?

Knowing the Difference

The negative thinker is often exhausted, depressed, moody, irritable, and easily frustrated. Little things increase their stress level. Some negative thinkers are prone to overeating as they use food to comfort them. Positive thinkers tend to be healthier, more successful, and happy and fulfilled.

What is your reaction when an unexpected event occurs? Do you focus on the negative ignoring the positive? Do you look for the imperfections? Are you jumping to conclusions or trying to read someone’s mind? Do you take things personally regardless if it’s one person’s opinion? Chances are you are a pessimist or negative thinker if you have said yes to these questions.

Your self-talk is that internal dialogue that runs through your head that continuously interprets, judging, analyzes, and explains situations. This self-talk has a tendency to make negative statements, judgments, and assumptions. Often what is believed can be completely off track and easily blown out of proportion. When you are stressed out, you cannot think rationally and make good decisions. Your thoughts and feelings impact your behaviors and actions. Negative thoughts lead to negative outcomes. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.

In order to start getting the outcomes that you want, you need to shift your thinking to a more positive outlook. By doing so, you will decrease your stress level and you will be able to handle such a situation objectively and with ease. You can feel energized and hopeful for your future. Remember your thoughts are just thoughts they are not facts. 13038476_l

Let’s say you made a mistake. A pessimist is quick to look for fault or blame themselves for any shortcomings. They see situations as permanent and almost impossible to get out of. The optimist believes that they are responsible for their results and view as a mistake as a learning opportunity to move forward. They see setbacks as temporary and with this new knowledge they will advance further. Optimists are better at finding solutions to problems that arise.

A Choice

At one time or another, you may have caught yourself thinking negatively. Most people are able to shift their thinking to a more positive outlook without blanketing one situation as impacting the rest of their lives. Some people feel that their childhood upbringing is responsible for their outcomes of their adulthood. However, if you truly think about it, your youth could be considered as the age of less than 21 years. I’m not discounting that some people have led challenging lives with neglect, abandonment, anxiety, abuse, or depression. What I am saying is that: Each person has a choice each day to choose their thoughts and how they feel to direct their actions and behavior. This choice is power – the power to live a life that you choose to live.

What will you choose?

“Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.” – Dallin H. Oaks

Shift Your Thinking

What dialogue will are having right now about a situation or event? What emotions are coming up for you?

Ask yourself questions to challenge your thoughts because you could be wrong:

Is the thought that you’re having helpful or unhelpful?

What do you believe to be true?

Is there any evidence to disprove your thought?

What would you say to a friend or colleague in a similar situation?

What are the costs and benefits of you thinking in this way?

What other ways to look at this situation?

What thoughts do you wish to have instead?

What action(s)will you take to support your positive outlook?

Your thoughts are like magnets. If you are thinking positively, you will look for evidence that positively supports your belief. If you are thinking negatively, you will look for the negative that supports that belief. Start looking for the good – build on the small success. Every situation can be seen from a positive or negative perspective. You have the opportunity to make a choice that could change her life. How will you describe your story or your day?

You get what you focus on. – Anthony Robbins

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has the heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Falling on Tough Times Means You Need to Adjust Your Focus

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We don’t have to go too far to get drawn in to negativity. You can go to any social media page and see someone ranting about the political climate or their frustrations with the economy and the impact on their lives.

Tough times don’t last forever. They don’t impact everyone at the same time. There are industries that are growing and thriving by choice. They have learned to think creatively and to be innovative with what they have. They recognize that they are the creator of their own outcomes and experiences. Personal accountability and determination are what make the best rise to the top.

Change means different things to different people but for the most part change means progress and moving forward. Change may provoke feelings of anxiety, fear, and nervousness. It is the uncertainty and the feeling of loss of control that can get a person worked up. When you are driven by your fears, you become caged in your belief that things cannot get better and your actions and behavior with match that belief. You may even start settling for less than you deserve because you’ve adopted a small picture thinking or “victim mentality”. You view the world as things happening “to you” rather than “for you” and because of this small minded thinking you could be missing out on a grand opportunity.

“Whether you think you can or you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Small picture thinkers are reactive rather than responsive. They focus on the small things versus the impact on the bigger picture. They fail to see that all circumstances are temporary and anything that is temporary can change. They do not ask questions about how thinks can be different. Small picture thinkers focus on counting their losses versus the gains that they have. They focus on the negativity of a situation and get lost in the blur activities that take up their day and exhaust them.

Worrying and complaining changes nothing. If we want greatness and abundance, we must be looking at what already is going well and celebrate those successes and build upon them. In my training in Appreciative Inquiry, a positive approach to creating meaningful and sustainable change, we guide people through a process of discovery by asking questions and focusing on existing strengths.

“The world as we have created is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. – Albert Einstein

Appreciative Inquiry is not about getting short-term results although many people would like immediate change (perhaps you they think it will hurt less or be more satisfied due to immediate gratification). People and organizations are living things that learn, grow, and evolve over time. Change takes time and commitment by each individual. You can start with focusing on what’s working and ask ourselves, “What do we/I need to be doing to be our best?”

What lens are you looking through? Are you looking at the upside or the downside? What strengths do you have that you can contribute to make a difference? It will be the big picture thinkers will who will keep the economy going. They know that now is not the time to stop learning, building relationships, or marketing because when the market changes (and it eventually will), they will be top of mind.

Think a little bit differently about the world around you. Ask yourself the following appreciative questions:

  1. Let’s capture your best experience. Recall a time when you felt on top of your game and most alive in your business, organization, or life. Who was involved? What made it such an exciting experience? Write down details.
  2. What do you bring to the table? Without being humble, what do you value about yourself as a person and what you contribute to your business or organization?
  3. The Magic Lamp. What three wishes would you make that would make the biggest difference in your business or organization right now?

Can you feel the shift in focus and energy? When you focus on the best of what is, you can think of ways to enjoy more of the best. Use your best experience, your strengths, and your three wishes to build and grow your business or organization to where you want to be. The same practices can be used in your personal life. Focus on what’s working right now. Celebrate and rave about it – shift the venting and gossip on social media to a positive and meaningful experience. Change starts with YOU!

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”Dr. Wayne Dyer

What is the one thing you are willing to commit to in moving toward making a positive change?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Are You Punishing Yourself from Being Successful?

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Sometimes fleeting thoughts can cause turmoil…

No one ever said that chasing your dreams would be a smooth ride. It is more like a roller-coaster full of ups and downs. Definitely not for the faint of heart but it can be exhausting to the point where you say “That’s it! I give up! If I shut everything down, everyone around me will either back off or be happier if I just stop all this nonsense.”ID-10096420

Before you do, I want you to stop for a minute. Let’s really think this through. Let’s say you do stop due to the pressure of your environment or the belief you have in yourself to make things happen. You may make the choice to do exactly that and accept a different routine as a new normal but eventually you will be miserable and potentially resentful for giving up on your dream or goal. Your unhappiness will overflow into all the other areas of your life: your decisions, the way you communicate with others, and your interpersonal relationships. If you try to please everyone else, you are suffocating your purpose and your passion. What are you teaching people around you? How is quitting going to serve you? Part of you will die.

There is a distinct difference between being no longer passionate about what you are doing and quitting because others do not want you to fail or they are worried about how you will change when you reach your goal. Take notice. Their fears have nothing to do with you! It is their stuff about how they feel about stepping out of their comfort zone and going after their dreams. People want you to succeed and they want to help but they also want to protect you from taking a risk and failing. The greatest thing about life’s failures is that you can get up, learn the lesson, try again or change things up. Surround yourself with people who believe, encourage, and support you and who would not ask you to quit.

ID-10089448You are sabotaging your own success when you step back or worse, stop taking action steps in order to calm the waters of other people’s fears, doubt, or criticism. The number one sign you could be sabotaging your own success is procrastination – basically, doing anything else more pleasurable other than what you need to be doing. Consistency is needed for success to be achieved. It is all the small action steps that set you up for achievement.

People may fall along the wayside for a short time or even longer. They may be caught up in a cycle of envy, unworthiness, or re-evaluation of their own lives. They may compare where they are to where you are. Their imagination could be running wild. They may have realized that they have settled or not challenged themselves or do not wish to do so. They may even think you no longer accept them as they are while you chase your goals. The funny thing is – we do not go after what we want to leave people behind. It is awfully lonely if we cannot share our successes with others.

Stop punishing yourself! Let the way you live inspire others. Recognize everyone is on their own journey. We do not have the same passions or purpose. Holding yourself back to please others does not serve any one. You have set the bar for yourself – do not lower it. Encourage others to raise their own standards of what they expect of themselves. You are not the judge – they are. The goals and dreams you are pursuing are YOURS and no one else’s. If you do not follow your passions and what you believe to be your purpose, we all lose. Punishing yourself to fit into the crowd serves no one.

Be the best version of yourself by being the person you know yourself to be. Your happiness will flood the hearts of all you interact with.

Please comment and share with others so they do not stop chasing their dreams.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com