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EPISODE 21: Addressing Fears and Feelings

August 25, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 21 – Addressing Fears and Feelings

We all have fears and feelings. The emotions that we feel impact our thoughts, feelings, and actions. They act like a beacon or a lighthouse, letting us know how the world is going on around us. Our emotions are our sensor. But it’s important to develop self-awareness so that you can learn and know yourself and be able to recognize and identify the thoughts associated with the emotions that you’re having. Your beliefs and your belief system (which includes many patterns and behaviors that you learned in childhood and life’s experiences) are how you perceive and interpret the world around you.

Some people believe that if they have a new car, new house, new clothing, or a new relationship that they will be happier than they are currently. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is a choice.

The beliefs you have our choice… You can either choose to believe them or release them – free yourself of the burden and pressure of holding out for happiness until something better comes along.

Why not choose to be happier right now?

Simply by doing more of what makes you happy.

Do you know what makes you happy?

You may be wondering what this has to do with addressing fears and feelings. This is where I jump in because you can’t be happy and fearful at the same time so it’s important to address the fears you have in the feelings that you’re feeling.

People often have fears of success, failure, rejection, or illness. There is nothing more than false evidence appearing real.

Identify what you’re afraid of.

What emotions are you feeling?

What triggered them for you?

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Focus on what you have control over. You have control over yourself and perhaps the environment that you’re in.

Question your beliefs. Ask yourself questions about your assumptions and the beliefs that you have.

If you are afraid of achieving success, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.

What are you afraid of?

What beliefs do you hold around success?

Do you believe success should happen in a certain way?

Who says?

There are many routes to success. As long as no one is harmed or going to jail, you can take as many routes as you want.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Why are you holding yourself back?

Are you afraid to fail or make a mistake?

Guess what? You are farther ahead than those who do not even try.

Mitigate your risks. Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about achieving your goal.

Have others done what you want to do?

Talk to them. I can hear it… “Why would they want to talk to me?”

People like to share how they achieve success. They will even share stories of their mistakes and failures. Why not learn from others mistakes so you don’t repeat what they have done. Save yourself some heartache.

Shift your thinking-failures and mistakes are learning opportunities to improve and grow. They make us stronger. Take a listen to episode blank challenges make us stronger. [EPISODE 16 – Challenges Make Us Stronger]

Some people have a great fear of rejection. As much as we want to hear a “yes”, a “no” can be a great thing. If someone is not interested or not the right fit- you are not wasting your time. If someone says no- it may mean not the right time, not enough money, not enough information.

Discover what their “no” is by asking questions. Get more information.

For others, the fear of illness paralyzes them from taking action. There are risk factors that you can control when it comes to your health and those you cannot. Worrying about what could happen is a waste of time. Imagine what you can accomplish if you use the time you worry about something to be proactive. Some of the risk factors that you can’t control include your age genetics race and for the most part gender. Risk factors that you can control include your waistline, level of stress, eating habits, and level of activity. Get a yearly physical examination by your physician. Get your eyes checked and your teeth checked. Take care of your health. Listen to your body- if you feel different than what your baseline is for you-you should get it checked out.

Be proactive in taking care of your health that you can live long and prosper.

Address your fears and manage your emotions so that you can ask the right questions to achieve your dreams and make them become your reality. You never know the life you change in the process. Often the person’s life you change is your own.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time 11.22 min

EPISODE 20: Being Committed to the Plan

August 23, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 20 – Being Committed to the Plan

“There’s a difference between interest
and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it
only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you
accept no excuses – only results.”
―Kenneth H. Blanchard

It amazes me how many people don’t get past the decision that they know that they need to make a change. Some people are only interested in making a change but do not want to put together a plan of action to really make that change become reality. Commitment is the feeling of dedication and loyalty to a cause, activity, or job; to be wholeheartedly dedicated. Commitment is important in any form of success. You will want to ensure that you have listened to Episode 19-Be Willing to Sacrifice for Success.

How bad do you want what you say you want? Have you been talking about doing something or are you ready and committed to making a plan of action and to follow through?

Get Your Mind Right. First of all, you need to believe you can do it when you believe that you can accomplish something you will persevere when tough times come upon you.

Interest is talking about getting into shape; commitment is getting up and going to the gym regularly.

Interest is surfing the Internet or researching information about a topic; commitment is about creating content and publishing it.

Interest is buying a book on financial management; commitment is reviewing your numbers, tracking your spending, and implementing what you have read.

Have you noticed the difference between interest and commitment?

Interest is a passive activity; whereas, commitment is active.

47421557_s Commitment is about taking action and getting results.

We can slip into the habit of interest very easily. If we look at the different areas of our lives, we might notice that some areas were more committed at certain times than we are at others.

I was taken back recently as I was sharing many of the accomplishments and the growth of the podcast with a friend. She knows that I’m a big dreamer and I would like to accomplish so many more things.

And then she posed the question, “Why are you stalling?” “Why are you holding yourself back?”

She caught me off guard but at the same time, I had a moment of clarity.

“Why wasn’t I taking the actions steps I knew I needed to do?”

I told myself that I have competing priorities. I had to remind myself where my greatest return on investment would be. If there is one thing I could be doing right now that would make the biggest difference, why wasn’t I doing it?

I had no excuse. I knew what I needed to do.

I came home that evening and completed the paperwork that I needed to do to put the closure of something I had been delaying and to move forward direction. I contracted a freelancer to do some graphic design work for my speaker one sheet that I kept telling myself I had to edit. I stayed up till 3 AM because when you that I needed to get this done once and for all.

No excuses! I made it a priority. I texted my friend and her with a response was awesome! It is interesting to me how others can see which you need to do but sometimes when you’re so close to what your goal is for whatever reason you fail to see it. That is why it is important to surround yourself with people who support you and want to help you achieve your goals. When I was sharing this story with a mutual friend, she stated the same thing which reinforced to me that these new actions needed to be taken.

My next question was: Do I truly believe the thoughts I have been having?

No…so why should I hang on to the belief? Do what you need to do and see what happens? The “yes” you have been waiting for could be closer than you think.

Sometimes we think that we need to be at a certain level of knowledge, fitness, or finances to be credible or believe that others will value what we have to say. You already know enough, you are perfect the way you are, and rich or poor no one can define your worth but you. Let others hear your voice and step up to the table. Share your ideas and go after your dreams, you never know whose life will change when you follow through on doing what you need to do.

Rise Up. People who rise up are the most committed. You will need to be dedicated to doing the work even when you don’t feel like it. A friend of mine recently returned from some naval training, he posted a picture of his troop doing push-ups in the rain and mud.

Permission Granted from Steve Welton Facebook

The picture was worth 1000 words when it comes to commitment. I’m sure many of us might say, “You know what? We can do those inside.” These individuals defined commitment- rain or shine they got it done. This is what we need to do -it is to know that each day we need to do what we say we need to do in order to get closer to our goals. Sometimes what happens is when you skip one day it is too easy to skip the next day? You need to build habits that when you don’t feel like it, you take some sort of action to keep the momentum going. When you face uncertainty, you need to continue taking action. Your action may be gaining knowledge by doing research or asking a mentor. No matter what that is you are still taking action – step into it!

Make a Plan. Don’t hold anything back. Make a plan and be very clear as to what that will look like. Set goals and break down those goals into smaller manageable pieces. These are the actions steps that you need to take to help get you closer to where you want to be. Plans can change as you go. It is about progress, not perfection.

Maintain Your Focus. Focus on what’s most important to you. Learn what your values are. Set your priorities. When you align your decisions with your values setting priorities becomes easy. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. Remember they are on their own path reaching their own goals. Your goal may not be the same as the goal that they set for themselves so focus on what you need to do. People who are able to define what’s important to them can be intrinsically motivated to go after their goals. Others do not mean to nag or prod them to go after what they say is important to them they do it because they want to get the results.

Set Up Accountability. Track goals, put a stake in the ground and tell people what you’re and planning to do, or hire a coach or invest in an accountability partner. Setting up accountability will keep you on track and committed because you have to answer to yourself or someone else.

Create a No Excuse Zone. A person who is committed to their plan doesn’t make excuses they go and make things right. This is when you see ordinary people doing extraordinary things. It is all because of their level of commitment.

Make Quitting Not an Option. A person can only quit when they decide that the goal is no longer important to them and that they are no longer intrinsically motivated to obtain that goal. There will be times when you will feel like you’re tested and you come so close to achieving your goal and you may have a setback. This setback is not the time to quit it is a test to challenge you and help you push further out of your comfort zone. You will figure it out allow yourself time to be in the space of growth.

I watched a Big Think Video narrated by Jesse Itzler. He mentioned that he met a Navy Seal at a race and decided to cold call him to see if he would come and live with his family for a month. He figured he could learn a thing or two from him. The video is about the Navy Seal 40% Rule. When we feel that we are done, we have only utilized 40% of what we have in our tanks. We do not utilize our full capacity – there is so much more in us to give.

An article in Inc magazine stated, “For the SEAL, though, it’s about realizing where your comfort level is and completely ignoring it. Sometimes it truly is hard to know whether something is worth doing.” Are you going to do what is easy or are you going to do what you need to do because it will be worth it?”

I want to leave you with a quote:

“If you had started doing anything two weeks ago, by today you would have been two weeks better at it.” ― John Mayer

You are enough! Be committed to the plan and make what you want to happen! No stalling! No holding yourself back – go get it!

Time: 16.22 min

Why Optimism Beats Pessimism

July 20, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

You are faced with a variety of life events and circumstances every day. Each event or situation can be viewed in a positive or negative way. Your perspective is your outlook on the world around you. According to psychologists, you are either an optimist viewing the world from the viewpoint of a glass “half-full” or a pessimist viewing the world as a glass “half-empty”. For the most part, you are not happy or sad 100% of the time but you will lean more to one or the other disposition predominantly. Which one are you?

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”
― Noam Chomsky

The Optimist

Optimism is defined as taking on a favorable view of events or circumstances and to expect positive outcomes. Optimistic character symbols are the fish Dory from the Disney Film Finding Nemo with her positive attitude and phrase, “Just Keep Swimming” demonstrating persistence. The Donkey from the movie Shrek does not seem to let anything bother him – everything just rolls off his back. The Disney character Goofy seems to do things without doubting of things with work out; he just does. You may see these characters as overly optimistic but it helps them face any adversity that comes their way.

Optimistic people look for the good in situations and believe that most people’s actions are filled with good intentions. They have a “can-do” attitude and see negative events as a temporary setback and see these hardships as learning opportunities for growth. They persist when faced with adversity. An optimistic person practices gratitude and acknowledges what is going well. They are positive and are confident in their abilities. When optimistic people share the events of their day, they tend to focus on sharing good events over negative ones. Uncertainty does not throw optimists off track; they see unscheduled or unplanned events as an opportunity and adventure to be seized.

The Pessimist

Pessimists are in the state of mind of expecting only the worst outcomes. These people have similar characteristics to the characters of Chicken Little who created a widespread panic that the sky was falling when it was only an acorn that fell, Charlie Brown was full of dread, negativity and worry, and Eeyore who was full of doom and gloom. People with these pessimistic characteristics can wear on the patience of others and suck the energy out of a room.

Pessimistic people believe that negative events were caused by them. What power they have! They believe that one mistake leads to a Domino Effect of mistakes. If something positive was to occur to them like a promotion or winning a prize, they would attribute these successes to luck, chance, or a fluke accident and the likelihood of it ever happening again was nearly impossible.

A pessimist can cause habit in the marketplace, business, or organization. They can negatively influence their employees, colleagues, and co-workers. I have watched this happen and it can move like wildfire. They start demonstrating poor work habits, carelessness, and lack of motivation. They become distracted and disengaged with the people who they are serving. Stress increase as these individuals gossip and complain. Others start to dread coming to work. They see setbacks as permanent and they are less flexible in challenging their perspective. There is increased fear, worry, and anxiety about the future which in turn impacts productivity and performance and thus the bottom line – profits.

Ultimately, optimism beats pessimism. Optimists live longer healthier lives. They have lower stress levels because they do not allow situations and life circumstances to dictate their happiness. They tend to be more successful and have increased productivity. Optimism impacts your overall well-being – it “feels good” to be positive and uplifting.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Way to Beat the Doom and Gloom of Pessimism

Challenging assumptions by questioning your thoughts (Is your thought true?)
Reframe negative thoughts into positive thoughts
Learn from mistakes and adjust your course by doing it again until you get it
“Act as if”; be who you need to be now to achieve what you are trying to succeed at. Do not wait to be in the leadership role to become a leader.
Look for the good and what you have to be grateful for. The more you are grateful for, the more that will show up in your life to be grateful for.

Each day we have a choice. Which perspective will you choose – the optimist or the pessimist? At the end of the day, optimism beats pessimism. You cannot help wanting to be a part of the positive energy; it contagious. What attitude do you want to spread? How full or empty is your glass?

I believe it is not how full or empty your glass is what determines the quality of your life; it is about the people you meet, the places you travel to, and choices you choose to fill it with. Seize the opportunities live life to its fullest and drink up!

How to Master the Mental Game to Achieve Peak Performance

July 6, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

We take for granted the power of our thinking. I was recently talking with my son about his golf game. He was preparing for a golf tournament. I wanted to know how he mentally prepared for his golf game – what was he thinking with every shot? When I asked him, he mentioned that his mind is a clear state. “I try to think of nothing.” How was this possible?

Last year, when he played I noticed that when he was on tournament tour his score was significantly higher than when he was golfing with family and friends. Even though he did not talk about it, I could sense the performance anxiety and the analyzing of every shot. I would talk with him about the power of positive thought and self- talk. Focus on what you want not what you don’t want. Golf, life, and business are all about the mental game.

Recently, he came home from the driving range and stated, “Mom, guess what? My friend asked me the same question you did. What are you thinking before you take your shot?” He laughed and mentioned that I ask him that question regularly – nothing. His friend went on to tell him about the power of positive thinking and how golf was a mental game. I was grinning, “Son, what does your mother tell you and what does she teach others?” Yeah, I know Mom. He said it would change my game if I thought that every shot I take I thought about hitting a great shot. You know what? It works!”

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

Buddist Proverb

Maybe I was not the right teacher. I even talked to him about the Power Poses that Amy Cuddy talks about in her TEDTalk. I asked him to do the “Victory Stance” with his arms up in the air. He teased me, “My mom is crazy!” with his arms up the air beaming ear to ear. Teenagers! It definitely created a positive state. Now his friends have even started doing it. Subliminal messaging may work!

How does apply to life and business? Your mindset directly influences how your act and perform. Your self-talk directly impacts your thinking and ultimately your focus.

Personal Mantras

Golf performance coach, David MacKenzie talks about having personal mantras. Keeping a positive focus is a must. Whether you are on the golf course, selling your products, or delivering a business presentation, you need to keep your head in the game.

The most powerful phrase is… “I am…”

Joel Osteen talks about “Whatever follows I am will follow.”

Make it empowering. Say things like…

I am a great presenter.

I am an effective leader.

I am mentally tough.

I am capable of overcoming any challenge.

The way you speak to yourself does matter. You may not think anything of it but it does. You can be sabotaging your own success.

Focus on the present…be mindful

Take a deep breath when you are faced with a challenge. Deep breathing is not only calming but it helps bring you back to the present moment – the opportunity at hand. Your mind can be freed of the mental chatter clouding your judgment. Whatever challenge you are facing, know that you can figure it out. Just Breathe.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

We can be our worst critics pointing out every fault, flaw, or failure. We are harder on ourselves than we are with others. What we say and think about ourselves is not always the realistic. Your thinking can be distorted.

Challenge your assumptions and question your thoughts. Remember you are a work in progress.

Exaggerating. Are you thinking of the situation as the end of the world? This is it – it’s over. If so, you are missing out on the learning and the possibilities that lie in front of you.

Black and White Thinking. There is no room for compromise. If it not a certain way, it is not right. Remember there is more than one way to get to your destination. What else can you do?

Emotional Reasoning. No matter what you are thinking, you can find proof to demonstrate you are right even though it may not be the what is actually going on. “I think and feel it is true. I can find evidence to prove it.”

Mindreading. You are assuming what others are thinking or saying about you without even knowing the truth. If you really want to know ask. Otherwise, remember the saying, “What other people think of you is none of your business.”

Reframe & Replace

Pay attention to your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself? We have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts in a day and the majority of thought is said to be 80% negative so it is very important to pay attention to what you are thinking and reframe and replace it with positive thinking and words.

If you are saying…

“The presentation (meeting) was awful.” Change it to… “I can do better on the next one.”

“I am a failure.” Change it to… “I am learning and growing.”

“I will never get it right.” Change it to… “I will take a different approach next time.”

Drop words like always, never, and can’t from your vocabulary. Shift your thinking from thinking things are impossible to possible.

Positive thinking impacts your performance. When I work with my clients, your mindset is a key piece that we focus on. Utilize these strategies to develop mental toughness and confidence so you can master your mental game and achieve peak performance. As the saying goes, “What you think about you bring about.”

3 Ways High Performers Get into the Zone

June 9, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Have you ever wondered how they do it? You know how the high performers get so laser focused on achieving their goals.

Some people call it “getting into the zone” or “into the flow”; this is where you are super focused and your concentration is full on. You become an unstoppable force in pursuit – in pursuit of a grand vision.

You may think that getting into the zone was only reserved for athletes; however, it applies to anyone who wants to be a high performer. You could be preparing for the big board meeting or pitching a business idea. You could be an artist painting a picture, a musician preparing for a big gig, or a student studying for an exam. What areas of your life do you what to be known as a high performer?

High performers all have three things in common: motive, mindset, and mastery.

Motive

High performers have a clear understanding of what motivates them. High performers are motivated from within and do not necessarily need someone outside in themselves to push them toward their goals. Recognition and rewards can be motivating but are not often the sole motivators. They know their “why” for doing what they want to do and they make specific plans to get there. They take time to learn how to do what they want to do and break it down into smaller manageable pieces. These performers have a clear picture of how everything may unfold; and they learn to let go and trust in their abilities.

Mindset

High performers prepare their mindset by eliminating as many distractions as possible. Have you ever seen the movie “The Legend of Bagger Vance” with Will Smith and Matt Damon? Matt Damon’s character was a golfer who needed to have the ability to zone the crowd out and focus on his next shot. When high performers get in the zone they are able to move be laser focused on what they are working on without distraction.

They may eliminate clutter or create a space or environment where they feel at their best. Clutter can be external like messy desk or piles clothing waiting to be folded. Internal clutter such as negative self-talk can create self-doubt and sabotage your actions. Listening to music or podcasts can put you in a good mood and leave you in a positive state.

Exercise is an excellent way to set your mindset. It increases blood flow to the brain making you more alert and awake during exercise but more focused after exercise. Yoga, meditation, and prayer also focus the mind. For some high performers timing can be everything, they work when their energy is the highest to achieve the greatest results. An example of this is the person who gets up early or the person who stays up late to do what they need to do.

Mastery

High performers imagine their success and m person mastery. They do this through the power of visualization and acting as if they have already achieved what they already want. Start each day or end every evening visualizing achieving success in details as if it was reality. Actor Jim Carrey credited his success to the power of visualization. He wrote himself a check for $10 million dollars for acting services rendered. Vision boards are a very powerful tool to keep what you want top of mind.

“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey

Journaling your success is another way to focus on what you wish to achieve. Write out the events as if everything was unfolding the way you want it to be. Your perception is your reality.

Remember the brain cannot distinguish between what is real and imagined so putting yourself in the state and imagining yourself as of achieving it makes it real. Your positive thoughts influence your feelings and the actions you will take to achieve your goals. High performers often attribute practice and more practice as the key to their success. They aim to give their very best to succeed.

To be a high performer, you must be persistent and stay committed to your course of action. You must know what you want and why you want what you want. You must enjoy what you do in order to do it well.

What actions will you take to get into the zone and become a high performer?