fear of success Archives - Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 165 – Real Power Real Responsibility

July 2, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” – Eckart Tolle

There are times in life, in business, or your career where you feel life is happening to you versus for you. How do you know if you are stuck in one of those times? When you are stuck, you get caught up in assigning blame to others, complain about what’s not going right, and you make excuses for not getting the results that you want. You are viewing the world from a place of lack or scarcity. You have negative self-talk and you catch yourself falling into a negative spiral of emotion. You stop taking actions because you figure there is no point. It can be a tough place to be.

Everything can change when you decide to make a change. The smallest change in making intentional choices in different aspects of your life can make the biggest shifts. If you decide to be more conscious of your spending or food choices or preparation, chances are you will save money and eat out less. If you start to build and nurture relationships, you will be long lasting connections. If you decide to walk among the people you lead and take interest in them, they will take interest in you. It all starts with intention.

When you start to shift your thinking from the belief that other people are responsible for making the change or creating what you want (they owe you – NO RESPONSIBILITY) to realizing you are the one who has the control. Taking responsibility means you are taking control. That’s when the real power comes into play. You have more power than you realize and give yourself credit for. Start giving yourself permission to create a life or business you really want and believe you deserve it!

NO RESPONSIBILITY = NO POWER

REAL RESPONSIBILITY = REAL POWER

If you want to create more success in your life, you need to take 100% responsibility for all you experience. It starts with no complaining, no blaming, or finding excuses for why you are not getting the results you want. It’s easy to celebrate the great things and not so easy to learn from things that did not go as planned – because sometimes it stings. The question you need to ask yourself is, “What could I have done differently to get the results I wanted?” Pay attention to what you are thinking and how you feel. Focus on the actions to get results. It is not someone else’s job to deliver the results you want. You are responsible for everything from your achievements, education, personal relationships, your finances, and your thoughts and feelings. You create your results. You are not responsible for the way others react or respond. You are responsible for you!

Some people would rather avoid responsibility as it adds extra pressure and expectation – and of course, effort. They do not want to put in the hard work required to get the results. When you are focused on the penalties – less TV time, less sports time, less social time, spend some money, and the list goes on, you will not take action. Although sacrifice is temporary, it feels like something is taken away versus helping you get closer to the goal. Time for a reframe. Otherwise, maybe you do not want it as badly as you say you do. When this happens, it is a great time to investigate a bit deeper. You could be trapped in the fear of success. You are probably thinking – “Don’t I want success?” People tend to avoid taking the actions needed or they sabotage themselves because success comes with an increase in responsibility and expectation. They worry about how they will maintain or exceed the results they have achieved. There is a T-shirt saying that says, “Easy doesn’t make you proud.” You are most proud of the moments where you push through limits or adversity.

Start taking responsibility by doing 3 things:

Develop a Growth Mindset – Mistakes and failures are life’s greatest learning opportunities. Learn from them. What are the possibilities? Focus on solutions and you will find them. Focus on problems and you will see obstacles. Learn through trial and error, educate yourself, take a course, develop a new skill, and take on new roles.

Share Your Voice – Quit holding back! Share your observations and opinions. Don’t complain. Come up with and offer suggestions or solutions to improve a situation. People are not mind-readers. When people complain, they often have a view of what they would like to see instead. Encourage them to share their thoughts without judgment. You – included.

Set a Standard for Yourself – Raise the bar by continually challenging yourself to become better. Produce more. Be more efficient. Create more. Listen to podcasts and audiobooks. Read books. Expect more to achieve more.

BONUS TIP: Above all, start taking action. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Don’t sell yourself short. The real power comes when you take 100% responsibility for your results. What can you start doing to take more responsibility in your life? Remember you have three choices: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. What will you choose?

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 136 – Stop! No Excuses Allowed

October 17, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.” George Washington Carver

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One habit you are going to want to break free from is the habit of making excuses. Excuses are the long litany of reasons or rationale as to why you did not take action or do what you said you were going to do. Excuses defend your behaviours. When you fall on excuses, you are avoiding taking ownership of your life and responsibility for the outcomes and results that you want to get. It always seems to be someone else’s fault why they are not getting the success that they want. They play the victim. They often claim that their situation is different and no one understands what they are going through. Excuses are a way of avoiding reality and looking in the mirror.

Does this sound like you? If you catch yourself making excuses, STOP right there.

Do you want different results?

Yes!

You need to take 100% responsibility for your results. No excuses allowed.

You will find a way to figure it out. If you need to ask for help, you will ASK!

The excuses you are making tend to be due to FEAR!

Yes, that’s right. FEAR and there is a pay off for not taking action.

Some of the most common fears are:

Fear of Success
Fear of Failure
Fear of Rejection
Fear of Uncertainty
Fear of Responsibility
Fear of Change

Your fears hold you back from what you really want. If you allow your fears to hold you hostage, you cannot experience success. Your passion for what you want needs to be greater than you fear to step into your potential. When your fear is greater than your passion, you will make bad judgments, lack the self confidence to take responsibility to take charge of your life and may even live with regrets.

Start by taking a look at the excuses you have been making. What are they?

Not sure, listen to these excuse starters…

“I don’t have enough time…”

“I do not have enough education OR I am not smart enough.”

“It’s not the right time.”

“I don’t feel like it…OR I am not inspired to do it.”

”I do not know how to get started… OR how to do it”

“I am too old or too young.”

“I do not have the money.”

Challenge your excuses! Are you making excuses or do you have a REAL reason for something not turning out as you wished?

We all have the same amount of time in a day; it all depends on how you allocate the time you have available.

You can learn new information by researching and reading, watching YouTube Videos, taking a course, and asking others who already know how to do what you want to do.

Where do you prioritize your money? There is a tendency to focus your money where you feel is most important. Can you find a way to change the priorities assigned to your money?

When you feel its not the right time, you will note that there is a lack of resources, information, or confidence in your abilities.

When age is the excuse, it is due to a lack of confidence.

Whether you feel like it or not, you need to do it, Otherwise, you will always have a reason for not getting the results you want.

Focus on the here and now! What is in your control? You cannot change the past.

Stop comparing your situation to others. Don’t worry about what others are doing. Everyone is on their own journey and has different passions. Avoid comparing your situation or circumstance with others.

Focus on the solutions and opportunities in front of you and coming your way.

Look at your situation from different perspectives before making a decision.

Tap into your strengths. You are more talented and capable than you give yourself credit for.

You will find a way! No excuses allowed!

Excuses do not allow you to move ahead or grow in the process.

“If you have passion, there is no need for excuses because your enthusiasm will trump any negative reasoning you might come up with. Enthusiasm makes excuses a nonissue.” Wayne Dyer

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7 Reasons Why People Are Resistant to Goal Setting

November 5, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Have you ever had a new idea or want to implement something and you face resistance? Do you ever feel that you’re defending yourself or your ideas? Do you sometimes feel that you’re lowering your standards because you can’t get others to buy in? Facing resistance can be very challenging when you’re goal setting. Resistance can also work in your favour if you know how to leverage it. When you are faced with resistance, I want you to challenge your assumptions and ask more questions to identify, “Where this resistance is coming from?” Is this resistance coming from yourself and your own beliefs or is this resistance being placed on you do to another person’s belief?

“Resistance is a powerful motivator precisely because it enables us to fulfill our longing to achieve our goals while letting us boldly recognize and name the obstacles to those achievements.”
― Derrick A. Bell

Many people attribute their success to goal-setting. There are other individuals who do not see the reason or the importance of setting goals. They are what we will call the “resistors”. These are the people that no matter how much you are going to try and convince them; they are just not going to buy in. According to the online Oxford dictionary, resistance is “the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.”

Resistors are the ones who will see the world through a different lens than you. Instead of fueling the resistance, it can be helpful to gain an understanding of their perspective. It has been my learning through appreciative inquiry that when faced with resistance or someone providing negative feedback it is important to gain an appreciation of that person’s viewpoint. There may be nuggets of information that can be considered valuable to a project or to the goals set themselves.

There may be several reasons behind they are resisting setting goals or following through on them even though many people have proved to be successful goal setting.

#1 Afraid Of Commitment By “Inking” The Goal. For some people, writing out a goal on paper means that they’re making a declaration or a commitment to what they are doing. Suddenly they go from talking a good talk to actually walking the talk in doing what they say they want to do. This can be frightening and at the same time so powerful. When a person sets the goal and writes it down, the mere writing it down in ink suddenly makes it seem more real. This is when all the doubts, self-limiting beliefs, and all the internal chatter comes up.

What to Do: Tap into the “why”. What makes this goal so exciting? What is holding the resistor back from inking the goal? What is their true fear? What will it feel like to achieve the outcome that is desired? What impact will it make? How will they be part of making a difference?

# 2 Different View of How Things Should Be Done. Similar to the sales process or a person’s view of change, you may be faced with objections or resistance. There are many ways to get to the same outcome. Sometimes when we face resistance we feel challenged and get frustrated.

What to Do: Ask insightful questions to learn more about the other person’s perspective and share your perspective. Are there any similarities? What can you learn from the other person’s viewpoint? Is it possible that there could be more efficient and effective way of getting to the same outcome?

#3 Different Vision of the Outcome. People may become disinterested in supporting a project or goal because they have a different vision of what the outcome could be. Resistance may show up because the resistor doesn’t have enough information or has not been influenced to believe that this vision is compelling.

What to Do: You may consider saying the following:

“It sounds like you have a different view of how things should be. What vision do you see? What approach do you believe we should be taking? Tell me more…”

#4 Fear Sets In. There may be many fears that creep up when setting goals. There is the fear of rejection and not being accepted. You may believe that people will laugh at your goals or the ideas you present. Remember is that your goal is your goal and it needs to be important to you. People will always have their opinions. It is important not to take them personally. People often fear change due to uncertainty. The fear of success may also challenge you. Your imagination starts to take over and you think about all the things that could happen should your project or goal be achieved. Many of the things that you think of may or may not even happen and you may even feel that there’s a loss of control. The fear of failing may come up for you and this will prevent you from taking action steps required to go to war the goal. You become fearful of making mistakes and sometimes will not even try.

What to Do: Withholding your ideas does not serve anyone. Your idea could be the game changer that helps you reach the next level or transform approach if you might be working on. Whether it be that you have a fear of success, change, uncertainty, loss of control, or failure, know that you can take 100% responsibility for the choices that you make. Seek to gain more information and ask questions. Remember indecision is a decision. When you’re setting goals, evaluate the risks and be prepared for obstacles that don’t focus on. Focus on what you have control over and the actions steps that you can do. If mistakes occur, learn from them and move forward. Dwelling on them steals your energy and joy in moving toward the destination.

# 5 The Belief That Goal-Setting Stifles Creativity. For the creatives out there, you may see goal-setting is suffocating with tight deadlines and the need to multitask. The structure of goal setting can actually be beneficial to you so that you’re not distracted by all the other ideas that are streaming through your mind at any point in time.

“Every creative person, and I think probably every other person, faces resistance when they are trying to create something good…The harder the resistance, the more important the task must be.”
― Donald Miller

What to Do: Be open and present to new opportunities while pursuing a goal. Look for ways that a can in rich and allow for creativity along your journey. Know that there will be adjustments along the way. As you adjust be aware of your distractions, stay focused on the direction that you want to go. When creative people become resistant, it important to engage them in brainstorming and coming up with solutions. This is where they shine.

#6 Self-Limiting Beliefs Can Sabotage Goal-Setting. A person’s belief in their own ability to perform or deliver on tight deadlines can hold them back from achieving the goal or delivering the final product. Often these individuals lacked confidence in their abilities and sometimes believe that others are better than themselves. This comparison can hold them back from sharing their talents and abilities even if you see that they are capable and competent.

What to Do: Identify your strengths and acknowledge that we all have some limitations. Know what you’re good at and delegate what you do not believe you’re strong at. If you’re managing a team, let these individuals know the value that they bring to the project and that you acknowledge their knowledge, skills, and abilities. People can work harder when they know that someone has taken an interest in who they are and what they have to offer. Don’t just focus on people for the task by what they bring to the table and who they are.

#7 Personal Habits Can Get In The Way. Habits are often underestimated is the reason people resist setting a goal. Some people resist setting the goal because they’re procrastinating. They avoid goal setting versus setting up a strategic approach to conquering the goal. For some, they may believe that it will take up too much time, too much money, or it’s going to take away from their lives in some way. There are times when I believed people avoid setting goals because they know that setting a goal requires hard work and they just don’t want to put that work in. Some of these people do just enough to get by. Other habits that get in the way of goal achievement and goal setting are perfection, lack of attention to detail, distractions, and being overscheduled. Don’t forget a person’s attitude can forecast their altitude!

What to Do: Examine your habits and determine if they are serving you are holding you back. Ask yourself or the resistor if they may be procrastinating or what they may be trying to avoid. Learn how much time, money, and effort is required for each milestone dedicated toward the goal. Along the way, put out the following questions:

What is working?

What is not working?

What do I need to stop doing?

What needs to be improved?

What can I be doing differently?

No matter if you are managing your own resistance or the resistance of another person, there are ways to motivate and encourage individuals to raise their standards while also holding them accountable for their actions. Self-reflection is an important part of a person’s growth. It allows for self-awareness, self-management, and self-development. People cannot improve what they’re not aware of.

My challenge for anyone facing resistance is that you challenge your assumptions and assumptions of others. Resistance means that you must be curious and gain an understanding of what is being resisted. Discover new perspectives and realize that there are more ways to achieving the desired outcome. Trust your people and trust the process along the way.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. Debra is the host of The Millionaire Woman Show podcast helping people live rich from the inside out through leadership, business, and human potential. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 31: The Knowing and Doing Gap

September 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 31: The Knowing and Doing Gap

Many of us know what to do but fall short on doing what we know we need to do. The difference between knowing and doing is that in knowing-what you believe to be true and is based on the knowledge and experience you have. Whereas, doing is about the actions you take based on the knowledge and experiences you have.

The gap between knowing and doing can be small as dime or as large as the universe. We filter the world through what we believe-what we know. Our perception is our reality. It does not mean it is always correct. Have you ever made an assumption and realized that you are totally wrong?

id-10087374 Doing means taking action – it means taking a risk. Why is it that so many of us know what to do but do not do it? You are operating from a place of fear. You’re scared to take risks because you scared to step out of that comfort zone. The comfort that you believe will protect and keep you from harm. It is a human need to feel safe and secure. You can take calculated risks. Calculated risks are where you have done your homework and decreased the risk, and lessened the uncertainty. And most of all minimized your fears.

Conduct Research– Get more information by surfing the web or reading articles or magazines or books in the area that you need more information.
Ask Questions. Interview someone who has been where you want to be or has the knowledge that you are seeking.
Challenge Assumptions. Challenge others assumptions because the best way is not always the way things have been done. Encourage people to look for better ways of doing things and exploring more perspectives and options.
Learn Best by Doing. Take small actions. Learn and adjust as you go. Learn from mistakes and experiences.

33059352 - if you never do you will never know !

Knowing is one thing. Talking the talk. Walking the talk means that you are acting based on what you know. Talking is not the same as taking action. Talking may make you make you look smart; however, acting and doing will give you the results that demonstrate you are truly smart.

The biggest gap between knowing and doing is procrastination. As you may know what to do, this means not hesitate on taking actions. The reason for this is sometimes you don’t realize the impact on your results by not taking those actions. You could be self-sabotaging yourself from getting the success you say that you want. If you’re not willing to do and take the actions necessary, it really means that you’re not really concerned about it all. Some people just believe that they’re entitled to the results they want. Taking action means that you must put in effort and the work required getting the results you desire. Some people procrastinate because they don’t believe in themselves or they don’t have a clear vision of what they’re trying to achieve. Whereas, others are in search for perfection and they hold themselves back from taking action. By wasting time you’re wasting money, resources, and the only time you’ve got. Time is not replaceable.

It is time to do the things we know we should be doing. If you haven’t listened to the Episode 28: Committed to Lifelong Learning take a listen as soon as possible after this podcast. Start scheduling what is important to you and stay focused on your course of action. It is one thing to know what to do and how to do it and another to actually take the steps required to make it become reality. Remember nothing happens without action.

What is the between what you know and what you know you must do?

What action steps are you ready to take?

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

Time: 7:17 min

Keywords: Taking action, belief, challenge assumptions, knowing and doing gap, conduct research, step out of your comfort zone, questioning, leadership, engagement, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of rejection

EPISODE 21: Addressing Fears and Feelings

August 25, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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EPISODE 21 – Addressing Fears and Feelings

We all have fears and feelings. The emotions that we feel impact our thoughts, feelings, and actions. They act like a beacon or a lighthouse, letting us know how the world is going on around us. Our emotions are our sensor. But it’s important to develop self-awareness so that you can learn and know yourself and be able to recognize and identify the thoughts associated with the emotions that you’re having. Your beliefs and your belief system (which includes many patterns and behaviors that you learned in childhood and life’s experiences) are how you perceive and interpret the world around you.

Some people believe that if they have a new car, new house, new clothing, or a new relationship that they will be happier than they are currently. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is a choice.

The beliefs you have our choice… You can either choose to believe them or release them – free yourself of the burden and pressure of holding out for happiness until something better comes along.

Why not choose to be happier right now?

Simply by doing more of what makes you happy.

Do you know what makes you happy?

You may be wondering what this has to do with addressing fears and feelings. This is where I jump in because you can’t be happy and fearful at the same time so it’s important to address the fears you have in the feelings that you’re feeling.

People often have fears of success, failure, rejection, or illness. There is nothing more than false evidence appearing real.

Identify what you’re afraid of.

What emotions are you feeling?

What triggered them for you?

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Focus on what you have control over. You have control over yourself and perhaps the environment that you’re in.

Question your beliefs. Ask yourself questions about your assumptions and the beliefs that you have.

If you are afraid of achieving success, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.

What are you afraid of?

What beliefs do you hold around success?

Do you believe success should happen in a certain way?

Who says?

There are many routes to success. As long as no one is harmed or going to jail, you can take as many routes as you want.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Why are you holding yourself back?

Are you afraid to fail or make a mistake?

Guess what? You are farther ahead than those who do not even try.

Mitigate your risks. Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about achieving your goal.

Have others done what you want to do?

Talk to them. I can hear it… “Why would they want to talk to me?”

People like to share how they achieve success. They will even share stories of their mistakes and failures. Why not learn from others mistakes so you don’t repeat what they have done. Save yourself some heartache.

Shift your thinking-failures and mistakes are learning opportunities to improve and grow. They make us stronger. Take a listen to episode blank challenges make us stronger. [EPISODE 16 – Challenges Make Us Stronger]

Some people have a great fear of rejection. As much as we want to hear a “yes”, a “no” can be a great thing. If someone is not interested or not the right fit- you are not wasting your time. If someone says no- it may mean not the right time, not enough money, not enough information.

Discover what their “no” is by asking questions. Get more information.

For others, the fear of illness paralyzes them from taking action. There are risk factors that you can control when it comes to your health and those you cannot. Worrying about what could happen is a waste of time. Imagine what you can accomplish if you use the time you worry about something to be proactive. Some of the risk factors that you can’t control include your age genetics race and for the most part gender. Risk factors that you can control include your waistline, level of stress, eating habits, and level of activity. Get a yearly physical examination by your physician. Get your eyes checked and your teeth checked. Take care of your health. Listen to your body- if you feel different than what your baseline is for you-you should get it checked out.

Be proactive in taking care of your health that you can live long and prosper.

Address your fears and manage your emotions so that you can ask the right questions to achieve your dreams and make them become your reality. You never know the life you change in the process. Often the person’s life you change is your own.

Time 11.22 min