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Episode 45 – Having the Courage to Be Great

November 17, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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When I think of the word courageous, I think of greatness and someone who appears to be unstoppable. They are empowered, they are decisive, and they know exactly what they want.

“Courage is the most important of all virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. “ Maya Angelou

Courage is something that everyone wants and it comes from your own thoughts and beliefs. For whatever you think and believe, your actions will be determined. According to the Oxford Dictionary the word “courage” is “the ability to do something that frightens one.” To me it is about getting out of your own comfort zone or having the ability to take a risk without knowing the outcome.

36749124_s You hear acts of courage such as the firefighter or the police who have run into danger were others retreat. Other heroes of courage include Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Junior, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Theresa. You have even heard stories of the courageous lion in the Wizard of Oz and in the story of David and Goliath. You have been courageous and sometimes you have silenced your courage because it means that you need to step out of what you know to be comfortable.

Courage is equivalent to strength.

Courage is having the ability to say no and setting boundaries when people make unreasonable demands of our time money or resources.

Courage is acknowledging your fears and choosing to take action anyway.

Courage comes in the form of taking responsibility for your actions and the outcomes or results that you get.

Courage is being able to ask for help and knowing that in order to succeed you may need the help of others.

Courage involves trusting yourself and following your heart to dream bigger than ever.

Courage is standing up for what you believe in even when you don’t know the outcome.

Courage is having the ability to forgive and not hold resentment.

Courage is giving up resistance and learning to trust the process regardless of the outcome.

Courage is persevering even when the odds are against you.

When have you been courageous?

It takes courage…

To ask someone on a date
To ride a bike
To try a new recipe
To participate in a sporting activity that you never tried before like a triathlon
To have a difficult conversation
To chair a board meeting for the first time
To go to a job interview
To call someone for an interview
To submit your manuscript for a book
To pitch an idea
To admit you made a mistake
To introduce yourself to a stranger
To eat dinner alone
To go to a movie by yourself
To share your fears
To ask for help

There are much more!!! You take it for granted that you may have lost your courage or believe that you never had any. You have had it all along. You just need to put it into action.

In order to be courageous and step into your greatness, you must be aware of your inner critic. The voice that talks you out of what you truly want to achieve. The voice makes assumptions about whether or not you will be successful and traps you with self-doubt and the fears of others. Shift that critic to your champion and speak words of affirmation and listen to empowering messages. If you are afraid to take on a challenge, start small and ask for help. People want you to succeed and they may be waiting for you to ask. People like to help others and like to be a part of the journey to success. Give them this gift. Prepare and plan for your execution.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

Remember that the discomfort that you are feeling is that you are growing and stepping into your potential. We all admire courageous people mainly because we want some of that courage.

Tap into your courage and strength. Feel the fear and take the action required getting what you want. Don’t be afraid of your fears they are not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 7:00 min

Keywords: be more courageous, being courageous, qualities of courageous people, courageous leaders, everyday acts of courage, developing courage, bravery, being brave

Episode 44 – Making Difficult Conversations More Comfortable

November 15, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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How many of you enjoy difficult conversations? How many of you have had a difficult conversation? My guess is many of you have. It doesn’t make it any easier. Each situation you face requires courage and empathy. Difficult conversations are often viewed as conflicts. Difficult conversations are never easy but they are simple.

Some people believe that if you avoid having these difficult conversations or avoid discussing the elephant in the room that they’ll just go away. What happens when you will avoid a difficult conversation? This behaviour actually compounds it adding more discomfort and even tension to the room. It could eventually blow up and cause a lot of damage in relationships.

Avoiding Difficult Situations

Why do you think we avoided it? There can be a number of reasons why we avoid having difficult conversations:

Some people believe that if you talk about the difficult situation you’re only making it worse by adding fuel to the fire per se.
Others believe that difficult conversations make both parties feel that so why would we want to go there?
When we have those difficult conversations, sometimes there’s nothing preparing us for what we might be told.
The uncertainty of the impact and the outcome can make people uneasy.

I remember when I was a new manager at performance conversation my manager had suggested that an area of personal development for me was to get more involved in people management and being able to handle those difficult conversations. I was very wary about inking that on paper. I now understand why because as soon as I inked it on paper it was like the universe was saying and ‘Here it is!” Difficult conversations seem to come fast and furious. There were times that I could feel my stomach flipping but play out the conversations in my head and sometimes I was even sick to my stomach because I was so uncertain of the outcome. As time went on, I developed a system in which I no longer am afraid to have a difficult conversation and my stomach doesn’t flip out as much on occasionally uneasy but not to the point that I feel I need to visit the bathroom.

Everyone Wants to Be Heard

listening The one thing that I feel is most important when having a difficult conversation is that everyone’s voice be heard whether you agree with it or not. You must take a nonjudgmental approach where you challenge your assumptions by asking yourself questions. It is important to stick to the facts. I’m not saying that your emotions are not important however they may not be the drivers of the miscommunication or the feedback that needs to be delivered.

When Emotions Run High

When emotions are high, it’s best to give it space and time to let it settle out. When emotions are high, people may say things that they later regret and did not intend. What happens is, there is a part of the brain that tries to protect you and when emotions are high you do not think rationally. Knowing this, you might choose to step back from the situation to really gain a clear picture and gather those facts. Acknowledge that there may be differences. Even though, you are putting the emotions aside as you review the facts, it doesn’t mean that what had occurred or the feedback gifts delivered to have an impact on you.

Take Time to Self-Reflect

It is important to do some self-reflection especially when the miscommunication may be with you and another person. Do check-in on yourself and take responsibility for your contribution to the miscommunication or the problem – I call this “owning your stuff.” People forget that it takes two people to tango and have a conversation. Each person comes forward with their own contribution to a situation. Put aside all blaming or complaining. Faultfinding does not help people move forward.

Preparation Meets Conversation

One of the best ways to prepare for difficult conversation is to prepare and script out, rehearse, and even role-play what you would like to say to take the anxiety out of having this conversation that you see is difficult. Assess the current situation and compare it to what you expect. What is the gap? Come from a place of curiosity to gain an understanding of what the true picture is versus what is imagined. This way you won’t forget anything and sometimes looking at the written piece of paper may help you control your own emotions.

Difficult conversations need to be discussed in a private area between the parties involved. Remember that you are working toward preserving a relationship and even though you may think differently and you may agree to disagree, you want to make sure that each person walking away from this conversation still remains intact. Let the person that you are speaking with know that you might be feeling uncomfortable. Pay attention to the other person’s emotions and your own. Watch their body language if face to face. I do not encourage anything but! It is not good to have these conversations by phone as you miss the visual or body language and there is no tone in email or text. It is okay to share how you’re feeling about the discussion. You will also want to express what you look need and expect for future actions of another person or what you are willing to do. Knowing that outcome can help you understand if you actually met the needs of that conversation.

Awesome Strategy

This discussion has often been referred to as the XYZ method:

X – When this happened…(What was said – facts!)

Y- I felt …(Feelings)

Z – In the future, I would like…(Expectations)

I have used this method on several occasions and I do have to tell you that not only is it empowering but it allows you to focus on the facts without bottling up your emotions.

No matter what the difficult conversation, you need to remember that both parties come with their own perspectives, knowledge, and experiences. They are upset is about them because you cannot be responsible for someone else’s feelings and they cannot be responsible for yours. Ask yourself why you feel triggered in the conversation. Is it that you never felt heard, valued, or appreciated? Treating people with respect is imperative even if we disagree with what they might be saying. You too, come with your own perspectives, knowledge, and experiences. Expectations may be different. Work toward finding a common ground that both parties feel comfortable with as they walk away from that conversation.

Every difficult conversation is different. People are driven by emotion and also need to be where the facts. With practice and the use of these simple steps, you will be able to have difficult conversations with grace and you will find them more comfortable as you develop confidence and competence in having them. Sometimes you may realize that the bond between two people gets even stronger because they’ve been able to have a difficult conversation. No one said it would be easy but it will be worth it even if it is for your own peace of mind in ensuring that you say what you needed to say versus holding onto it.

Time: 11:54 min

Keywords: having difficult conversations, managing difficult conversations, fierce conversations, communication, miscommunication, overcoming difficult conversations

Episode 43 – Start Thinking Differently

November 10, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
― Henry Ford

In today’s podcast I wanted to talk about the thinking differently. All too often and I’m going to say myself included that we can get stuck in one way of thinking and we box ourselves in. This is why it’s so important when you hear the phrase think out-of-the-box that you’re trying to gain a perspective from many different angles and that you’re challenging assumptions that you have to ensure that you got the whole picture. If you’re like me you can be a high visionary thinker and also have the capacity to pay attention to the details. What we need to be cautious of is not to get hung up on the details.

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
― Albert Einstein

When you feel stuck, you could be getting in your own way of getting to the end result that you truly want.

Thinking differently applies to everyone. No matter if your parent, leader, project manager, middle management to senior management or business owner, we all have times when we need to push out of the comfort zone. When you stretch your thinking and start thinking differently, you allow for creativity to blossom and the birth of innovation to begin. Many great ideas have transformed the boundaries of technology just think of Microsoft and Apple as examples. The companies and organizations that think differently are on the leading edge and have a competitive advantage.

There are some leaders or managers who get concerned that when they open the doors of creativity and innovation that there’ll be no structure or rules in place. This is where I believe people give away their power. Choosing to think differently does not mean you can’t have a structure or that you can’t have rules. There can be boundaries and there can be deal breakers. What is most important is that these rules or boundaries be communicated and be open to being challenged on them.

People who think differently are driven and sparked by their curiosity and they allow it to guide them to their destination. They are willing to disrupt their own personal habits to focus on one thing. They know the power of asking questions and they asked more than they tell. One thing is for certain what sets them apart is that they value experiences over things. We are not linear thinkers we have ideas coming forth all the time and it’s what we pay attention to that we truly notice.

I personally have considered myself a person who thinks differently. I see possibility and opportunity where people told me there would be none. My first exposure to the entrepreneurial mindset or world per se was through an e-Women network luncheon. I was so excited to be there and listened intensively to what people were talking about and the actions they were taking. I thought it was cool that you could be your own boss and create something for your own. The difference to me was that you could take that creativity and be the solution.

The biggest thing that I noticed was that any of the challenges that were shared were seen as an opportunity. I have an investigator character so this intrigued me. I know there’s always a way that we can figure something out because others have been there before. The more and more I listened the more I saw this way of thinking similar to putting together a puzzle. I heard people speaking of abundance and not falling into a comparison trap for they were choosing to learn from their competitors and not compete. There are so many people in the world and not just one can serve them. I also took notice that complacency is the enemy and hard work is necessary. It’s not that people don’t work hard when you’re in a job but when you’re working for yourself you will work even harder. You take pride in your own efforts to get the results you desire and envision.

There are several ways you can expand your thinking and start thinking out-of-the-box:

start asking more questions
be open to working in diversity and learning from others
take up a new physical activity for the next 30 days
change a habit that you been working on for the next 21 days
read books or watch movies of different genres
take a different route home
travel to new places
join a Mastermind group or an association where you can be a part of collaborative thinking and learn from others
take a risk in making a decision after you have done your due diligence

As you shake up your routines, you begin to think differently. You expand your thinking and you realize that not everyone sees the world as you do. We learn that being judgmental does not serve us. Be open to new possibilities and think about implications and impact to dig deeper and expand your knowledge. Make a list of the questions that you want to know and then start asking them. Chances are others may have the same question as you- have the courage to ask knowing that the solution may be the key you been looking for.

Time: 08:29 min

Keywords: mind mapping, stretch your thinking, think outside the box, expand your thinking, thinking, think differently, think different, thinking in new ways, gaining new perspective

Episode 42 – Stop Analyzing Everything

November 8, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“The only people who see the whole picture are the ones who step outside the frame.”
― Salman Rushdie

Do you spend a lot of time in your own head? Are you replaying every situation over and over reliving every moment? Do you regret not taking action? If you answered yes to any of these questions you’re probably someone who analyzes every situation and you are an over thinker.

How do I know? I know because I used to be that person. About 8 or 9 years ago, I was sitting in the audience of a real estate seminar and I heard the speaker talking about online marketing and the potential of sharing information and educating people to help them make decisions and take actions that would transform their lives. As I was sitting there, all I could tell myself if I could do that. I went up to speak with the speaker after the event sharing my ideas as well as my thought process. He looked at me and said, “You don’t have to overthink things; it’s a lot simpler than you think.” He became my mentor. He challenged me to think differently than I ever had for this I am grateful because now I can see opportunities and possibilities.

Whenever I would start overthinking, I started to feel stressed out and even get anxious about the “how” of getting things done. I waffled when it came to making some key decisions. Sometimes I would even wake up at night wondering how will I ever get through this…make the money I want or even pay my assistant. You may have even caught yourself in the negative spiral thinking getting ready to believe the worst case scenario. All of this drains your energy. Thinking about a decision and making the decision are two different things. Decisive action is important if you are not going to miss out on opportunities. I know there were opportunities that passed by. My overthinking held me back from taking the action I needed.

How do you know if you are overthinking? You can’t stop thinking about anything else. It feels like the movie, Ground Hog Day, where the day gets played over and over. One of the most common thoughts is wondering what others think of you. You may have heard the saying, “What others think of you is none of your business.” It’s true. If you have not read, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel de Ruiz, I highly recommend it.

One of the agreements is not to take things personally. No matter if someone compliments – saying something great about you or criticizes you, saying something negative about you, it is their perception of their reality. I happen to want to take the compliments personally. We can definitely learn from and choose whether or not we with accept the latter. It does not need to define you. What matters is your perspective. Replaying what you could have done is sheer punishment, quit doing this to yourself.

What can you do about the “overthinking” or analyzing? You can start by taking action and doing more instead of learning more. You cannot start getting things into motion if you are hiding behind your computer or a book continuously working at learning more without taking action steps to move forward.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them” – Albert Einstein

Here are some actions you can start taking:

Quiet your mind: meditation, prayer, or even sit in silence
Research new information
Make a to-do list
Journal out your thoughts in an objective way
Create an actionable plan
Set goals
Lay out a timeline with milestones
Ask questions: “If I could stop thinking about it, I would…” OR “Will what I am thinking about matter 1 year from now? 3 years from now? 5 years from now?
Listen to your advice. What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?
Distract yourself and put your attention elsewhere
Stop talking about the situation with others. Continuing to talk about it and ask advice from everyone we know we are continually thinking about the situation.

Action starts with making a deliberate proactive choice to get a different outcome. Put your energy on where you want your results to come from. I know it may feel like it is easier said than done. I challenge you to try it. Action is the cure for overthinking.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

Time: 8:43 min

Keywords: What Causes Overthinking, Why Do I Overthink Everything, How to Stop Over-Analyzing, Over Thinking in Relationships, How to Stop Thinking, Overthinking Definition, Overthinking Quotes, How to Stop Overthinking Things, Stop Overthinking

where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

Time: 8:43 min

Episode 41- How to Deliver Value

November 3, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”
― Albert Einstein

Leaders, business owners, managers, and entrepreneurs are often striving for new ways to deliver value to those they serve. When your customer or client receives the value from your product service or offering, you will notice an increase in your profits and sales. You may even develop a consistent and loyal following. Thin about the brands and products you invest in. Do you have an emotional or social connection to them or is it because of the function it offers?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online:

“Simple Definition of value

: to make a judgment about the amount of money that something is worth
: to think that (someone or something) is important or useful”

How does one create and deliver value? Value is in the perception of the client or customer. It is up to you to determine and learn what your customer value. Some customers are on the lookout for price savings. Whereas others are looking to save time or decrease the amount of stress that they may be occurring in their life or business. Another group of individuals may value increased efficiency and performance through creativity and innovation. Customers and clients are always looking for why something is relevant to them. The common question is “What is in it for me?” When they discover the value that it brings, the value you deliver goes up. Delivering value is not a one-time event, you need to be consistent in your delivering of that value.

Inspire your customers or clients through your “why”. Share why you do what you do and why it’s important to you.

Share your core values. When you share your core values, you are demonstrating how you and your company operate and make decisions. Core values help determine whether or not your client or customer is the right fit for your company.

Deliver on your promises. It is much better to under promise and over deliver than to over promise and fall short on delivery. Adding that element of surprise or over delivery makes a statement and makes something memorable.

Be consistent in your delivery and your messaging. Share testimonials in your marketing. You make decisions easier for your clients when they’ve heard what others have said about their experience of working with you and the benefits they have received. Consistency also demonstrates credibility. As people get to know you, they’re developing that know like and trust factor.

Save your client or customer time, money, or decrease their stress level. People are willing to pay sometimes more money than what others offer because it gives them peace of mind, increases efficiency, and increases performance.

Allow people to experience the benefits. People tend to see themselves in the testimonials and endorsements found in your marketing materials. If you offered a solution to one person, you may be providing the same solution to the person that is focused on in the marketing. This creates a very powerful experience as it drives an emotional connection to you.

Deliver to your client’s true need. Collaborate with others to discover you customers/clients’ needs, wants, and true need. Your client may describe a need or want but it’s important to really dig deeper into why they need it or why they want. When you are able to help your client to achieve their true need, they will champion you.

Ways You Can WOW Your Customer/Clients by Delivering High-Value Content

Articles-Share tips and strategies to help your client with the challenge or to improve. You can share them on LinkedIn, selfgrowth.com, other article directories, or your website.
Newsletters-Use your newsletter to communicate upcoming events and educate them on a specific topic.
Video-Create videos that motivate, inspire or educate your clients or customers.
Facebook Live – Share behind the scenes work or introduce members of your team and what they do.
Infographics-Infographics are great for those who are visual. They provide quick snippets of information along with the visual icon or picture which people can relate to.
Books – Send your customer a book you have read that may be a solution to a challenge they may be facing.
Testimonials/Endorsements– Use testimonials/endorsements in your marketing materials or visuals online. Word of mouth is one of the most powerful methods of marketing.
Visuals– Use visuals. People like and retweet an average of 35% more when a tweet or post has a visual.
Social Media – Demonstrate and share the value and benefits that your product or service provides. Be the solution.

Ensure you are focusing on your customer or client and NOT how much money they are making you. It is so important to trust the process and detach from the outcome. If you attach to the outcome your decisions with being based on fear and it may come across as an entitlement instead of delivering value and coming from a place of service.

Time: 12:51 min

Keywords:testimonials, endorsements, Client Value Creation, Drives Value for Clients, Creating Value for the Customer, Providing Value to Customers, Marketing and Customer Value, Marketing Creates value by, How Do You Create Value, How Does Marketing provide Value