Debra Kasowski

7 Things You Can Do When Life Knocks You Down

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No matter how planned and prepared you are, life can throw you a curve ball that you did not expect. You may have been passed over for promotion that you had been anticipating and had worked hard for. Your investments took a loss or your business failed. You may be the salesperson who is constantly faced with rejection. An injury may have ended a career. No one would blame you for feeling down and out. You may experience depression and feel unworthy; however, nothing will change until you make the change.

“It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up.”

Vince Lombardi

Change begins with a choice. The choice is to not let a situation or circumstance keep you knocked down and define your future. It does not matter if you are an entrepreneur, business owner, or part of an organization these strategies apply everyone.

Perspective is everything. Your perspective is your reality. Being knocked down is not a permanent state if you plan to get up. This setback is temporary and you are setting up for your greatest comeback.

Find the lesson. Every situation can be viewed as a good thing or bad thing. Again it’s a matter of perspective. What is it that you can learn from this situation to assist you in the future? What can be improved? What can you stop doing? What do you need to start doing?

Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a negative downward spiral; the trouble is your comparisons are usually to one moment of time and not a person’s lifetime. By comparing yourself to others you are discounting your own skills, abilities and talents that you bring to the table. Your self-confidence decreases when you don’t believe that you measure up.

Start celebrating your small successes. Make plans to celebrate your small achievements as these small successes create momentum and motivate you to continue working toward achieving your goal. It is so easy to move on to chasing your next achievement. You won’t realize how far you’ve come until tell you acknowledge where you came from.

Compete with yourself. People often get frustrated when they’re trying to compete with someone else for time, money, resources, and even attention. Your focus should be on being a better you today than you were yesterday. Can you lead to better today than you did yesterday? Can you ask better questions today than yesterday? Can you put in more effort today than you did yesterday? Effort will always surpass talent.

Make you use of the resources you currently have. So many people get stuck because they think they need to have certain things in place before they can take action. Truth is most of the time you have everything you need in front of you to take action. They have to shift their mindset from scarcity to one of abundance. There is enough resources for everyone. People will complain or come up with excuses that they don’t have enough time or money. The economy is bad. Create your own economy. There are businesses and organizations prospering – why can’t you. Everyone has the same amount of time it is all about how it’s being used. Although we don’t all have the same amount of money, every dollar that you have can be assigned to the use. There are many ways to earn more money based on your talents, skills and abilities. You just need to put your thinking cap on and get creative.

Take massive action. Don’t let the fear of failure have a chance to grow. The longer you avoid taking action the harder it will be to take action in the future. Nothing will keep you down for long when you make a plan to take massive action where you can see results almost immediately or within a short time frame. When you start seeing results, you get a boost in self-confidence and are more likely to take action.

You may be down for a short time but what matters is how you handle it and how soon you get up. Setbacks can be a blessing in disguise. Take time to recognize that you are getting stronger every day and with each new experience you are more competent. You can handle anything that comes your way and you have abundant resources around you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Start being inspired by your own actions.

Never quit. See the challenge as an opportunity – get up and go back into the ring!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up for Debra’s Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

7 Things Will Happen When You Start Tracking Your Progress

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Setting goals has always been seen as one of the most important pieces attributing to a person’s success. You can’t achieve success if you are not measuring the achievement of your goals. If you want to perform at your top level of potential, you need to start tracking your progress. By tracking your progress, you will accelerate your success faster than if you did not track it.

Write out your goals and track your progress. There are many app based tracking tools for your smartphone like LifeTick, BackPack, 43 Things, Stickk, and Achievr to help you keep on track. You can track the progress of any goal you set has long as it is S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely). You can track the cups of coffee you are drinking, the amount of money you are spending, how many kilometers you are driving, and the number of referrals you have followed up with after a networking event. If you are not tracking you are not making progress. Ink it so you can think it!

“Progress is the activity of today and the assurance of tomorrow” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Once you start tracking, you will start noticing a shift in how you approach your goals:

  1. You will be excited to keep track of a visual of your progress. Colour code it. Set milestones that you can celebrate along the journey to achievement. Tracking a goal makes the goal itself more tangible. You can already feel closer to your goal.
  1. You will be more intentional with how you use your time. You will start to notice where you are spending your time, money, and resources and whether or not you are getting a greatest return on your investment.
  1. You will make a plan in alignment with where you want to be. Are the actions that you are taking getting you closer to achieving your goal or farther away?
  1. You will start self-reflecting and adjust your course of action toward the achievement of your goals. What is working? What is not working? What can you stop doing?
  1. You will make better decisions based on the facts that you have at hand. You will be able to evaluate your resources and ask better questions about information you need to make an informed decision.
  1. You will be able to say “no” or set boundaries with greater ease. You have made a commitment to yourself. By tracking your progress, you will feel less guilt because you can see how close you are getting to achieving your goals. Whether you or saving for the new car, starting a new business, or saving up for your dream vacation, you will start to track spending patterns and areas where you need to cut back on your spending. It may be easier to eat a meal or make a coffee at home instead of going out.
  1. You will be more solution focused on getting your desired results. You will come up with new ideas on how to approach things. What you did not know “how” to do, you will start figuring out or you will start asking for assistance.

You will begin to notice how vital it is to track your progress. You will be more committed to your goals than ever before. Each action you take gets you closer to your goals so go and be a goal getter!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her work has been published in Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

5 Ways to Lead and Influence by Actively Listening

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Have you ever been part of a conversation where someone is finishing your sentences before you’ve even completed your thought? Have you ever had someone interrupt you just before you are about to make an important point? Have you ever had a conversation where you couldn’t get a word in edgewise?

You’re not alone.

For some reason, some people think that they need to respond to what you’re saying right away without taking a breath or they need to interrupt you because they need to share their idea immediately before they forget it. Whereas, others may dominate the conversation just because they like to hear themselves talk or that no one has ideas as great as theirs. These individuals fall short of being a great leader because they lack the emotional intelligence skill of active listening.

Now take a moment to think of the people you know who make you feel valued and appreciated when you speak with them. It is like you are “the most important person in the room”. These people have the power to influence and persuade. They are great leaders. What qualities do they possess? Do they have a superpower that no one else has? What separates them from everyone else?

There are five ways that you can lead and influence others by actively listening so you position yourself as a person who makes others feel like they are the most important person in the room.

Listen to your own inner chatter.

Stop and ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I coming from a place of judgment or am I trying to learn about another person and what they are saying?
  • What thoughts and emotions are coming up for me?
  • Am I truly being present and mindful of the conversation?
  • Am I catching myself already formulating a response to what they’re saying?

41461729_lTurn your attention to the speaker.

  • Give them your full attention by maintaining appropriate eye contact, smiling appropriately, and nodding where you have agreement.
  • Eliminate distractions by turning off your cell phone, closing the door or moving to a private area, and turn off your computer so you are not tempted to multitask.
  • Don’t interrupt the conversation. Wait at least 3 seconds before you start to speak to ensure that they have finished their thought.
  • Don’t finish the other person sentences before they finish talking.

“There is a big difference between showing interest and really taking interest.” Michael P. Nichols

 

Ask thoughtful questions or make a positive statement about something that they have said. By asking purposeful questions, you are demonstrating that you are actively listening to the conversation and interested in what the other person has to say. When you make a positive statement about something someone has said, they feel good because you took notice which makes them feel valued and appreciated.

“Effective questioning brings insight, which fuels curiosity, which cultivates wisdom.”

Chip Bell

Reflect, paraphrase, and expand. Reflect back and paraphrase what you have heard. You can gain more information and gain understanding by asking probing questions or simply stating “Tell me more.”

Allow for pauses in the conversation. Pauses are very powerful as they help eliminate filler words like “ums”, “uhs”, or “ers”. Pauses allow the speaker as well as the listener to gather their thoughts and reflect on what has been said.

Great leaders were not born. They learned what separated good from great and they worked at making people feel important. You can up level your leadership style by practicing these active listening skills. People will become magnetically drawn to your leadership presence and describe you as a great leader.

What can you start doing to become a better listener?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

5 Things You Can Do to Get Out of Your Own Way

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No matter how successful you are or how driven you are, resistance to change is sure to show up. It shows up in the form of anxiety, self-doubt, and guilt. In order to accomplish what you want, you need to step out of your comfort zone but as soon as you do this, your mind starts playing games with you. It wants to keep you safe and protect you from any risks. This mindset chatter is the biggest obstacle to your success because it allows you to get in your own way. You end up reverting to patterns you have had in the past that no longer serve you.

The fear and resistance can paralyze you and stop you from taking any action at all. The resistance you face can prevent you from asking for a raise or the overdue promotion. Resistance can prevent you from making the sacrifices required in order to get control of your health and wellness. The only one who could put this resistance on and set the brakes is you.  The person who can make the change is also you. If you want to achieve things that you never thought possible, you must start taking action steps that will help get you to where you want to be.

Pay attention to your self-talk.  Listen to the words that you are saying. Are they positive or negative? Do you hear yourself saying “I wish I was more confident” or “I wish I could handle difficult conversations better?” Instead of wishing, why don’t you be more confident or choose to handle difficult conversations better? Everything starts with a choice.

Drop the words “can’t” and “try” from your vocabulary. When people say “can’t”, they often mean I don’t want to and when they say “try” they often mean I don’t think I can do it. You want to start using empowering language.

Zero in on the Barriers You Tell Yourself. What are the barriers to achieving what you want? One of the most powerful things you can do is ask questions and gain different perspectives of a single situation. Take your emotions out of the equation and take a serious look at the facts. Do you have the information you need? These real or perceived barriers can be overcome when you get more information. When you get more information, you can ask better questions and get better answers.

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
― Winston S. Churchill

Don’t let the fear of failure be the one thing that holds you back. Failure is actually your greatest teacher. It allows you to ask the next questions: What worked? What didn’t work? What can I do differently? It is by asking questions that you stimulate your brain to focus on solutions. Turn your challenges into opportunities to get creative and innovative.

Improve your skills. Improving your skills is one of the most under estimated keys to success. People often think if they read one book or attend one seminar that they should be achieving success; however, if you don’t apply what you learned and put it into action the reading and attending were a waste of valuable time. By improving your skills, you build confidence and competence in your abilities. You can improve your skills through the work that you do, volunteering, or trying new things.

Set goals. By just taking time to write down your goals, you become more focused on what you want and look for opportunities to support what you want to achieve. Don’t let the size of the goal overwhelm you. Break the goal into smaller pieces whether it be quarterly, monthly, weekly, or daily tasks. You may choose to delegate some of the work required. You might be telling yourself there’s so much to get done and I just don’t know where to start. Have no fear -start by blocking off time in your calendar to work on the task at hand. When you focus your time and attention, you will intentionally do the work you need to do. You are making a commitment to yourself. The more manageable the task, the greater likelihood you will achieve it.

Take bold action and celebrate your success. One of the things that allow you to get in your own way is waiting for someone to come and save you or hand success take you on a silver platter. Don’t wait for others to give you success. Success comes from you and the work that you put in. Positive thinking alone does not accomplish what you need to do; it comes from taking some serious bold action toward what you say you want to do. Celebrate every success along the way. These mini celebrations will help create a momentum that will drive you forward and help you bust through your fears and get out of your own way.

Resistance appears just when you get close to accomplishing a major milestone. This resistance serves you to reinforce the importance of why you set out to accomplish what you want to accomplish. Why is what you’re doing so important? What is the impact it will make? And what is the risk of you not following through? How many lives including your own will be affected?

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
― Peter F. Drucker

You are meant to do great things. Leverage the anxiety, self-doubt, and guilt to your advantage by changing your self-talk, staying focused on your priorities and getting the facts, improving your skills, setting goals, and taking bold action steps that truly make you an unstoppable force in the world.

What are you resisting right now? How are you getting your own way? And what actions are you going to do take to change it?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

How to Test Your Reality and Combat Negative Thinking

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Negative thinking can cause a person to jump to conclusions without checking out all the facts. We all have negative thoughts at one time or another; negativity is normal. When we start to “paint every situation with the same brush”, we fail to remain objective and make effective decisions.

Have you ever let your imagination run wild wondering why you haven’t heard from someone? Have you ever wondered why someone else got promoted over you? Have you ever made an assumption and realized you are totally wrong? Reality testing helps you remain objective so that you can identify and understand the emotions you are feeling and deal with what drives them.

“The things that never happen, are often as much realities to us, in their effects, as those that are accomplished.” – CHARLES DICKENS, David Copperfield

Reality testing is part of Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory in which the ego is able to recognize the difference between the external world (reality) and the internal world-the world of the mind. Testing reality is the ability to see a situation for what it really is and allows the ego to distinguish between fears, beliefs, hopes and actual reality.

When you think negatively about a situation, you may think that the worst will happen which destroys any positive energy which drives you toward a purpose and drains the possible resources. Doubt creeps in. Negativity is compounded when there is a sense of distrust or you get involved in gossip.

Negativity or errors in one’s thinking such as over-generalization, “all or nothing” thinking, blaming others or excepting blame when there’s no one to blame to be had can all lead to anxiety which in turn impacts a person’s behavior. Your thoughts and feelings influence the actions you take. When a negative outcome comes occurs, you may feel defeated and discouraged. Your mind will start searching for negative memories to rationalize the outcome to support why something happened to you and this rationale will become a new belief.

“Reality is determined not by what scientists or anyone else says or believes but by what the evidence reveals to us” –Alan Hale

 

In order to combat this way of thinking, you need to consider everyone involved in a situation, the circumstances, environment, and all potential outcomes and effects. Re-frame the situation into a positive thought or feeling. By putting things into perspective, you become “emotionally balanced” and you are able to make effective decisions. You can get rid of negative emotions through utilizing positive self-talk, reminding yourself that first impressions are not always correct, challenging assumptions, self-reflecting on strong emotions when they arise, or by asking someone you trust for their perspective. When you purge negative emotions, you are able to adapt to situations with ease and you are able to face life situations with courage and conviction therefore, improving your coping skills.

How do you ensure your emotions do not get the best of you when making decisions?

What ways do you challenge your assumptions to verify if something is true of not?

Reality testing helps combat negativity. You can choose to stay away from being a part of the water cooler gossip or negative conversations. Re-frame your negative self-talk. Remember your emotions guide you and give you information about your reality. Treat each situation as a new situation. Ask questions. Check out all the facts before jumping to conclusions and letting the negative part of your imagination run too wild before determining the truth.

What ways do you combat negative thinking?

How has negative thinking impacted your reality?

 

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com