Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

Episode 57: Watch Your Language: The Power of Words

December 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 57: Watch Your Language: The Power of Words

The words we use have more power than we give them credit for. We take words for granted. Several years ago I remember reading a person’s blog about a child who was scolded the Costco store while his parents were waiting in return line. The child started to get restless as many children would have. You can watch the confident child who was playful shrinking down into silence. Words can deflate and destroy or words can create confidence and empower. Words do matter.

35552684 - farmer hand planting a seed in soil

You may have heard statements throughout your childhood from teachers, parents, coaches, or even your peers. The statements good or bad you have allowed to grow -for they planted a seed. The seed you had a choice to either hold onto and play over and over in your mind or reject it. The seed only grows when you nurture it or give it attention. You may have even heard people making fun of others in derogatory ways. Even with joking, people do not always realize that they can be hurtful.

“An Old Cherokee Tale of Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’

The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’” –
Native American Legend

When we look at communication, we pay attention to the words but also to the tone and intent of what is being said. People make judgments very quickly. It is important that you choose to speak impeccably about yourself and others. There is so much power in the words that we use. I remember when the speaker sharing with me a conversation that occurred in the restroom about one of the other speakers at a conference without realizing that their microphone was on. Not only was it embarrassing for the conference organizers, it was also hurtful to the person that they were speaking about which was broadcasted to the people attending the conference. I never heard the outcome but I sure hope that a public apology occurred.

The other thing I want to remind you is to not judge others by an appearance or get caught up in gossip. If you’re upset, take the time to remove yourself from the situation if possible see you can think clearly and speak with intention. When people are upset they often say things that they later regret. You don’t want to burn bridges, you never know where someone is going in their lives which could later influence or impact the direction that you had as well. If you want others to speak well of you, you must speak well of others.

The words you use become your reality. The thoughts and feelings that you have influence the actions and words that you speak. If you say “I am not enough” and think and believe this, your actions will follow. You will not fully give of yourself because you believe you’re not enough. You’ll end up sabotaging yourself by holding back on what you’re capable of. You may even tell yourself “why bother?” If you say, you’re “not smart enough”, you will take actions to support that or look for ways to rationalize why this may be the truth. You may speak words of lack and scarcity and because that is your focus that’s what you will see in your reality. If you speak of abundance and use positive words, you will see abundance in your life and show gratitude. Remember you are planting seeds when you speak whether it is about yourself, about others or to others.

In Dr. Marshall Goldsmith book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, he talks about Habit #5: Starting with “no”, “but”, or “however”. When he was working with a coaching client, he would charge them $20 every time they stated no, but, or however in a statement. One CEO he was working with within an hour was charged $420 but was later donated to a charity. When you are using these words with the people you work with, you are stating that they are wrong and you were right.

“For example, “That’s true, however…” (Meaning: you don’t think it’s true at all.,.) Or the particularly common opener, is “Yes, but…” (Meaning: Prepare to be contradicted.)” –Dr. Marshall Goldsmith

The statement can be frustrating to the people that you’re working with because they see it as a no-win situation.

The word “try” really means that you’re totally not committed. In the words of Yoda from Star Wars, “There is no try you either do or you do not.” When I started catching myself saying the word try I also asked myself if I was wholeheartedly in or just interested. What I learned was if I really want something to happen I need to make a choice to do something not just to dabble in it. What are you “trying” to do and wondering why it’s not working?

In conversation sometimes I’ll hear someone say, “I think this.. is possible”. You want to speak with conviction you must know and believe something to be true. I think comes across as wishy-washy not something spoken with conviction and intent.

Beware of extreme words. These are words such as always and never. Is it true that someone always does something 100% of the time? Is it true that someone never does what they’re told hundred percent of the time? The word “can’t” also be considered extreme as you either you can or you cannot. Many people focus on what they can’t do that they never can realize what they can do it they only put in the effort. They talk themselves out of even making the attempt before even doing something.

When you hear people come up with great ideas or do something outstanding, take the time to give these people credit for their ideas. Your voice and message have so much power. You never know who needs to hear those words of encouragement and how their lives can be changed because you took the time to listen for acknowledging something that they have said. The change that we wish to see the world begins with us and it begins with the power we have with the words we use. Don’t abuse the power. Use the power to build others up and help them step into the potential of food they have yet to be.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time:13:32 min

Keywords: the power of words, power of words, build people up, speak impeccably, power of intention, tone, communication, Marshall Goldsmith, habits

Episode 56: Outsourcing for Quality of Work Life Balance

December 27, 2016 by Debra Kasowski 2 Comments

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Meet Our Guest:

Cheryl Davey is a self-proclaimed online marketing junkie and “tech skills” addict. Over the years, Cheryl has trained herself to take the path of least resistance. If there’s a better, faster way to do something, she probably already knows about it. She has developed a reputation for being efficient and resourceful. She’s been able to work with some of the top 6- and 7-figure business coaches in the industry. These people dread wasting time and money – and they pay Cheryl top dollar because they know she doesn’t mess around. Cheryl is an Infusionsoft Certified Partner and Certified Online Business Manager.

Episode 55 – Effort Surpasses Talent Any Day

December 22, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Your level of effort tends to come from how much you believe in yourself. If you are overcome with self-doubt or have a lack of belief you will cap the level of your success. The only way you can see what you capable of, is to take action. We do not tap into all of our skills as much as we could. We usually need to be challenged in some way to tap into our internal resources. What you will probably learn is that many of the challenges we face are the challenges created in our minds.

An effort is fueled by a person’s passion for achieving a goal. With commitment, determination, and perseverance achieving what seemed impossible can become possible. Don’t be afraid to put in the hard work necessary to achieve your goals. You will get better through repetition and pay attention to the smallest increments of change.

Daniel Coyle also talked about how hockey great Wayne Gretzky would fall while doing solitary drills on the ice. Gretzky purposely did this so he would find ways to improve his skating ability. In Hank Haney’s book about Tiger Woods, he talks about how Tiger Woods would change up his swing so that he could develop greater precision with his swing. By disrupting patterns and practicing a new ways, you create new neuropathways that provide an opportunity to rewire the way you do things and by doing so they achieve greater success. Even with talent in order to get better you have to be willing to make mistakes and to learn from them see you can become better at your strengths.

Put in the effort let them take your talents farther than you allow them to be. You are meant for greatness- don’t hold back.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Episode 54: Say Yes to Your Success

December 20, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpX-cdo1oSY[/embedyt]

Meet our Guest:

Debra began transforming lives in the 1970’s when she studied at the feet of the greatest spiritual masters of the east — often in deep meditation for 10 to 12 hours a day and complete silence for weeks at a time – and then taught meditation to thousands around the world.

In the 1980’s Debra immersed herself in the knowledge of the Masters of western metaphysical thought and founded Yes to Success Seminars bringing then radical ideas like “your thoughts create your reality” into the mainstream.

Within a few short years, Debra’s seminars were being taught in cities across the US and in seven countries on four continents – before the days of the Internet. Debra appeared regularly in publications as well as on radio and TV.

As a sought-after trainer, her clients included McDonnell Douglas, Mattel Toys, and the Xerox Management Group—at a time when it was practically unheard of for women to be doing trainings in corporate America.

Using the knowledge they learned from Debra, her students went on to become mega-successful entrepreneurs, NY Times bestselling authors, millionaires, billionaires—even household names.

In 1988, at the height of her success, on the verge of launching her own national TV talk-show, Debra walked away from her career and disappeared from the public eye for over 20 years when she chose to follow a different passion—to be a stay-at-home mom.

Now a best-selling author, world-renowned speaker, and the co-founder of Your Year of Miracles mentoring program for women, with thousands of students from over 50 countries around the world, Debra has taken the idea of success and abundance to a whole new level as she now teaches how to create a life filled with miracles.

She is also the proud mom of two amazing young adult children.

Expect the Unexpected by Taking a Coach Approach in Difficult Conversations

December 18, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Anticipating a difficult conversation can be gut wrenching at times. We let our imagination go in so many different directions as to how the person might respond or even react. We make assumptions and judgments before we even walk in a room. No matter what the difficult conversation is, I am always surprised in some way as to how the conversations turn out. Not only do I learn a little bit about the other person, I learned a lot about myself.

As I reflect on some challenging situations in which difficult conversations had to be had, I may prepare and plan and there will be sometimes the plan needs to get pushed aside because the unexpected occurs. There will be times when a conversation doesn’t go as planned. There’ll be more times that your conversation will go better than expected if you are able to recognize your own emotions and how they are serving you before you enter the conversation.

By taking a coach approach to a difficult situation, you help others become self-reflective and more self-aware. When a person is self-aware, change may begin. You can step into a difficult conversation with ease when you go win with the expectation that the unexpected may occur.

1. Be open minded. When you enter a conversation, Park your judgments and assumptions at the door. Your preconceived ideas only taint the situation. If you come from a place of curiosity you will learn so much more.

“The single most important thing [you can do] is to shift [your] internal stance from “I understand” to “Help me understand.” Everything else follows from that. . . .

Remind yourself that if you think you already understand how someone feels or what they are trying to say, it is a delusion. Remember a time when you were sure you were right and then discovered one little fact that changed everything. There is always more to learn.”

― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

2. Trust the process… Detach from the outcome. Ask questions that allow you to gain more information and then ask more questions. Allow the person to share their story. Avoid asking “Why?” or “How?” as these questions tend to put people on the defensive. Ask “What?” questions to explore.

3. Let go-don’t take things personally. When emotions are high, people can say and do things that they normally wouldn’t say to you. Long-winded e-mails or e-mails in CAPLOCKS say more about the other person than they do you. Do not respond right away especially if your emotions have shifted to high. You may choose to pick up the phone or meet in person instead of making assumptions about a person’s intent or tone in an email.

A person’s reaction or response is based on their perception of the world or situation. It is up to you to learn and understand what that perception is. Their reaction is often not about you; it’s how they feel about the situation. They may be triggered by something in their past or even their environment and you have no clue what that may have been.

4. Acknowledge the courage it takes for the person expressing themselves. It takes a lot of energy to have the courage to be vulnerable in front of your peers or colleagues. Take notice of the effort it takes to share their feelings as no one wants to be seen as weak and often this is what hinders people from asking for help when it is truly needed.

5. Clarify any misunderstandings. Now that you have heard the other person’s perception, ask for permission to share yours. This is your opportunity to ask more questions or further discuss each other’s perceptions of the situation.

6. Discuss next steps. Everything is laid out on the table. Now you have the opportunity to talk about the next steps and how you plan to move forward together. There may be times when you agree to disagree. No matter what the situation looks like there needs to be a plan to move forward. What will that look like?

7. Express gratitude. Thank the other person for meeting with you to have the discussion as this was an opportunity to be curious and to learn more.

When you take the time to be fully present in open, you become curious and willing to gain a full understanding of the situation. You don’t allow hearsay or your imagination to dictate what the outcome may be.

There have been times when people have vented their thoughts and I do know what to say. What I learned is that if I ask questions and stay curious I can discover what the ideal is that the person is trying to express. I can read frame they’re venting energy and ask them what that ideal is. There have also been times when people have been so overwhelmed in their lives that they didn’t hear a person’s concern or see the help that someone was offering until there was some quiet time to self-reflect. I find these to be some of the most rewarding conversations because there is no agenda and there is a free-flowing dialogue in which everyone is heard, valued, and appreciated. Be open to expecting the unexpected by using a coach approach to a difficult conversation and you will be pleasantly surprised.