Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

Episode 93 – Silence Your Inner Critic

May 4, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Each of us has an inner voice. Some people refer to it as the inner voice of knowing- but does it really know, especially when the negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. Isn’t bad enough you wonder what other people are saying about you or the efforts you put out? You don’t need any extra judgment as you already are your own worst critic. There are times you say things to yourself that you would not voice out loud and direct at anyone else. Why? The inner critic is not compassionate, kind, or respectful. If you wouldn’t say it to anyone else, why say such mean things to yourself. It’s not that you are wanting to get rid of the inner voice, you are managing the negative thoughts.

When you are in a negative state of mind, you will take actions to support your thoughts and feelings, ultimately, impacting the results you are getting. You need to stop the critic because it crushes your self-confidence to take essential actions required to achieve results. Think of your radio dial; you can tune into music and messaging that you choose to listen to. Many of the messages in your mind have been forged from the past and no longer serve the current situation. It may have come from criticism or advice. You may hear the voice of your mother or father commenting on something and you have hung onto to it. Now in the present something comes up and you think it must be true because someone else has said it even it does not even fit the current situation.

You want to be able to silence the inner critic, the chatter, you hear in your head. Managing the thoughts, you are having is not as difficult as you think. Your mind is flooded with over 50,000-70,000 thoughts in a day with many of them being negativity. Most of these thoughts are unconscious until you bring them into your awareness. As soon as you bring a thought into your awareness, you can make a conscious choice whether you want to keep the thought or reject it. Unfortunately, you may grab a single negative thought and play it in your head like a broken record. It does not serve you – it is time to manage your thoughts and toss those negative ones away altogether.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

It all begins with…self-awareness.

What thoughts are you thinking? Once you can notice your thoughts in the moment, now you can change them but before you do, why are you having them, to begin with? Is your self-confidence low? Is fear coming up? Even though negative thoughts come up and their many have been moments that you tell yourself, “I am stupid.”, you need to stop and remember there also have been a time you have shined and felt on top of the world. You are not stupid – your behavior or action you took was not the right one now.

When you catch yourself saying a negative thought, STOP and take notice of it. You can say, “Cancel, cancel, cancel”. Your thoughts are powerful. Your thoughts influence the actions you are going to take. If you are in a bad mood, you may react to a situation or say things you would later regret.

REFRAME the thought into a positive thought. Positive thoughts lead to positive actions. Positive actions will get you closer to the success you are looking for. The reason people do not achieve the success they are looking for is often because the get caught up in the stories they tell themselves.

Get into a positive state of mind. When I studied the morning routines of successful people, I learned that they put themselves into a positive state. To get yourself into a positive state, you can pray or meditate, exercise, write in a gratitude journal, or read a book that gets your mind primed for the day. The morning is not the only time you can do this. You can change your state by simply thinking of a time where you felt unstoppable and you felt at the peak of success.

Your inner voice is not a bad thing…it can warn you or alert you to doing your due diligence. It is a bad thing when you allow thoughts to take root and sabotage your efforts. You need to remind yourself that you have greatness within you – everyone does. Holding back on your greatness serves no one – if you hold back – it is a tragedy. Everything in life is interconnected. If you do not fulfill your purpose, others are impeded from fulfilling theirs.

Make a choice. Your imagination can run wild if you let it. Telling you stories of disempowerment. You need to harness your thoughts and empower yourself. You can break down your stories and examine the words that you use. The word “Can’t” places limits on what you believe is possible and what you think you are capable of doing. Yes, there are somethings that you can’t do such as swim without oxygen in the depth of the sea or fly above the mountains like an eagle. There are things you can do and you are stopping yourself from doing them.

Can’t is a choice. You are choosing not to. Do you notice when you have a choice you suddenly have empowered yourself and taken control of the actions you are taking? What CAN you do? Stephen King said, “you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” Focus on what you can do versus what you cannot.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.”
― Henry Ford

You have more power than you give yourself credit for. When you pay attention to what you are saying and how those words make you feel and the thoughts you are having, you can start taking actions that support your success rather than sabotage it.

Be Aware -Notice and Understand It.

Stop – Cancel the thought.

Reframe It.

Get into a positive state.

CHOOSE – what you are going to say and do that will empower you!

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Episode 92 – Maximize Your Strengths with Alissa Daire Nelson

May 2, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Meet Our Guest:

Alissa Daire Nelson is regularly featured on television news segments, inside major blogs and publications, and on podcasts from all over the globe.

She’s an accomplished Success Coach, Speaker, host of the Maximize Your Strengths podcast, as well as published Author of the hot new book; From Frustrated to Frickin’ Awesome: 4 Steps to Achieve the Success You’re Wired For.

But more than anything else she’s an exceedingly proud wife and mother of two, who loves helping others discover how to make their businesses and relationships thrive in harmony.

7 Critical Mistakes Business Owners Make and How to Avoid Them

May 2, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

At one time or another, we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others. Some mistakes are more forgiving than others. The most important take away from a mistake is to hopefully learn from them so you do not make the same mistake twice or even three times. Often, we do not know what we do not know until we realize what we don’t know shows up in ways we would not rather remember.

“Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.”
― George Bernard Shaw

There are several business owners who think I will build it and they will come. I was one of those people. I have learned many lessons along the way about attention to detail to making decisions based on cash flow to remembering to hit the record button when doing an interview for a new product or podcast. All mistakes have a consequence whether it be in loss of time, money, resources, or even reputation. All mistakes can teach us a lesson. Mistakes are an opportunity to make better decisions and take different actions which lead to different results. There are many critical mistakes that can be impacting your bottom-line.

No clear vision. You need to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve with your business. If you do not have a vision, you cannot expect to take actions the will create meaningful results. You cannot expect your employees or customers to follow you if do not have a clear message around your vision. Everything in business starts with a clear vision! Get clear on what you are wanting to achieve before you invest a ton of money and time.
No goals or plan of action. If you do not know where you are going how do you expect to get there? You need to get your ideas and plans out of your head and onto paper. Write out your SMART goals – they need to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. Once you have the goal, you can come up with strategies to achieve it – otherwise, you will wander aimlessly.
Not tracking your numbers. We all love it when money is coming in and the bank account numbers get increasing; we do not always love it so much when the numbers are decreasing. Keep a simple spreadsheet and track the flow of money coming in and going out of your business. It can be very eye-opening. When you track your numbers, not only to you see what is working and what is not working, you can make decisions about you need to stop doing or what you need to start or to continue doing. Keep doing what works – sounds obvious but if you are not measuring it you will never know.
Do it all ‘solo’. One of the biggest mistakes as a business owner or entrepreneur is that you want to do everything yourself. Your business or start-up is your “baby” and no one can look after as well as you do. In the beginning, you may do everything. As your business grows, you can only stretch yourself so far before you will need to start delegating to be able to meet the demands of the marketplace. Initially, do everything is an asset. You understand what needs to be done and you can also set expectations around how you want it done or not done. Start delegating small projects or tasks and as you feel comfortable delegate more. You need to focus on your strengths on what you do well.
Not looking for ways to improve. Too many people when they hit success get complacent. They fail to see that they need to be on the look out for new ways to do things. It may be streamlining systems and processes to become more proficient. It may be implementing ideas discussed with a mentor or something you read in a book. Try new ideas. Test new ideas. You never know when that one tweak increases customer demands.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
― Albert Einstein

Looking for ‘get rich’ quick strategies. There is no ‘magic’ pill or ‘get rich’ quick strategy that is going to grow your business. Many people are drawn to this type of marketing because of the promise of a quick fix to a problem ailing them. Cookie strategies do not work. If you want your business to grow, you need to build relationships, let people know what you are doing, and take the actions necessary to make things happen. You may need to sacrifice outings, lattes, and shopping sprees in the process. A sustainable business takes time and patience to grow. Put in the work and reap the rewards.

Not celebrating success – big or small. You might jump out of the gate with great vision and focus on building your business. If you do not stop or at least pause and acknowledge your smallest wins you will not notice the big ones. You will run out of motivation and the steam to persevere through tough times. Tough times can happen but they do not last. The duration is even shorter when you celebrate and are motivated to continue to take action before halting production. Therefore, you hear about people who quit too soon.
Avoid making these critical mistakes. It was Maya Angelou that said, “When you know better, you do better.” If you have been making these mistakes, you need to make a change to get the results you want. There is no turning back once you have this awareness. Your business success depends on you learning from your mistakes.
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Episode 91 – The Leadership Gap with Lolly Daskal

April 27, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Meet Our Guest:

Lolly Daskal is one of the most sought-after executive leadership coaches in the world.
Her extensive cross-cultural expertise spans 14 countries, six languages and hundreds of companies.

As founder and CEO of Lead From Within, her proprietary leadership program is engineered to be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their lives, and the world. Based on a mix of modern philosophy, science, and nearly thirty years coaching top executives, Lolly’s perspective on leadership continues to break new ground and produce exceptional results.

Of her many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and
Management Expert by Inc. magazine.

Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others.

Lolly’s proprietary insights are the subject of her new book, The Leadership Gap:
What Gets Between You and Your Greatness, and is available for pre- order www.theleadershipgapbook.com

3 Fascinating Reasons Why Conflict Increases Commitment

April 25, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Let’s face it. When you have people with different knowledge, background, experiences, and expertise, eventually, you will face some conflict. People are people. Each person has different ways of dealing with conflict. While some people steer clear of conflict because it makes them uncomfortable not all conflict is bad. There is healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict. We are going to focus on healthy conflict.

You are probably wondering how conflict can be healthy. Healthy conflict is productive conflict – it leads to an outcome where results are achieved. For conflict to be healthy, judgment needs to be dropped. You need to approach conflict with curiosity like someone learning something new for the first time. As you learn more about a person or situation, you can come from a place of empathy and gain a better understanding of why a person does what they do or see how a situation arrived at the point it is at now. Even if you do not agree with another person, you can understand why they believe what they believe. Sometimes team members or partners do not agree on the approach to getting action items done. However, if they believe in the vision of the organization or business, they will often commit to getting things done. Why is that?

Open Communication – When conflict occurs, it can open communication. Stone-walling and silent treatment are not productive. They do not put the issues on the table. When conflict arises, it needs to be tended to quickly allow all parties to have their voices heard. As each person voices their experience and opinion, you can learn what is important to them. Even though there may be a disagreement, keeping an open dialogue can lead to a resolution. The question to be discussed is, “What happened to get us here?” Focus on facts, not emotions.

Set Some Ground Rules to Keep Communication Going:

Stay calm – no yelling! No name calling or walking away from the discussion. Treat people with respect even when you do not agree with them. Everyone’s voice needs to be heard. No talking over one another or interrupting. Actively listen to what is being said and be able to reflect back what you heard or paraphrase your understanding of the situations. Challenge your assumptions and apologizes if you were wrong.

Discover Intentions – A natural first reaction to a situation that is not going in your favor is to think, “Why is this happening to me?” or “Why is this being done onto me?” These questions come up when a person jumps to conclusions or mistrusts another person. When you feel this way, it is beneficial to reflect and gain and understanding of what triggered you to believe something is happening “to you” versus “for you”. What is truly happening? What is being done to me? What was the other person’s intention? Do I have facts to support this intention? If you don’t, you could be fretting over nothing. Save your energy. Start with the belief that a person has good intentions. When you believe otherwise, your actions will match your beliefs.

Examine the Impact – What is the impact of the situation? What do I want to happen? Is there something I need to do differently to get different results?

Healthy Conflict:

Is not judgemental; it comes from a place of curiosity
Allows for open communication and exploration of ideas
Understands that most people have good intention – to do no harm
Keeps the desired outcome in mind
Lets everyone’s voice be heard
Involves taking actions steps toward collaboration and cooperation.

No one said that to gain commitment we must have a unanimous vote, you need to have the facts to make the best decision. What you do need to be able to do is to trust the person or the process. Explore the facts to gain a better understanding and ask questions to learn about the gaps. Healthy conflict leads to forward movement and progression. It helps us move through change.

For many, conflict is an uncomfortable conversation but when you come from a place of being a learner you will be fascinated with your discovery. You may learn to trust yourself and others to do what is right to achieve great things together. Together you are committing to each other and the results you will get.

Skirting an issue does not get your farther ahead. What conversation have you been avoiding? What facts are you missing? Have you been holding off on a decision because you do not have all the answers that you want? Conflict can be healthy, if you are not looking for excuses, blaming, or complaining. It comes down to owning and being accountable for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. You can only do this by being able to deal with conflict in a healthy way.