Debra Kasowski

How Does Your Inner Game Impact Your Leadership?

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ID-10066401Leaders come from all walks of life. Leaders are not born; they are developed. some people believe that leadership is assigned by title. I believe leadership is a choice and we all have it. It starts with believing you are a leader and living your life as an example – expecting the best from yourself. The most important ingredient in becoming a leader is that you have a following or a “tribe”.

A following starts with one person. Tribes are formed by having an individual or a group of people holding a common vision or belief in a message or movement that people want to be a part of. Think about who you admire or follow. What qualities do they possess? What is it about these leaders that draws you to them? Is it their outward appearance or the way they express themselves? Confidence is an inner game that influences a leader’s decisions and actions. A leader believes in themselves and their vision; this is demonstrated by their actions and the results they get.

Your inner game is about how you get the best out of yourself as a leader. Before you expect others to give the best of themselves, you must start with expecting more of yourself. When I speak about being a leader, I mean as a leader in your family, office, business, organization, and community. Leadership is not limited to the board room. Your leadership starts with understanding yourself and then understanding others. In essence, your leadership is influenced by your emotional intelligence.

How you think and act influences the outcomes you get. Even though it seems like no one is watching or paying attention, there are people who are watching you as a role model. They are waiting for you to share your vision and take action so they may learn from you and become a part of it. Most of all, they want to know how it impacts them. Will following you increase their happiness or make them more fulfilled? Will they be inspired to take action?13038476_l

Your emotions impact your thoughts and your thoughts impact how you act. Those thoughts are determined by the stories you tell yourself about your experiences. The stories can be could or they can be bad – it all depends on your perception.

Telling stories is how we make sense of our experiences. If you are self-reflective you will try to understand what happened and why it may have occurred as you try to rationalize your outcomes. We all have stories from our school days, our first job, first boss, the presentation that went wrong, and the challenges of teamwork.

My first boss wanted to protect me from the choices she made in her life so I would not make the same choices. I thought I had my own parent for that but she thought she needed to share her story. I was no where near from being on the same path or choices she had made. Our decisions and thinking were not aligned. I can dwell on the story as to whether or not she was a good boss or bad boss or I can choose to look for the lesson and remind myself that I am accountable and responsible for my own actions. After all, a story is just that – a story that you tell yourself!Businesswoman smiling, portrait

Remember it is your story and you have the ability to change the story. You have choices. A leader must know their strengths and limitations.

  • What are your strengths?
  • What are your limitations?
  • What do you believe yourself to be capable of?
  • What do you feel is missing from your leadership?

What got you to where you are will not get you to the next level. You need to get clear about what you want, identify the gaps, and step into who you need to be. Do you need to grow your knowledge, develop your skills, and fine tune you abilities? Depending on what you need, these days you can find many resources to support you through books and the internet that are available 24/7 through websites and apps like Udemy and Coursera.

Your inner game influences how you show up in the world. First of all – you need to see yourself as a leader. Focus on your daily habits and take intentional actions toward what you want to achieve. How are you going to hold yourself accountable? Are you going to keep a log, share it with your spouse, partner, or close friend? It is all the small acts that add up in the end. Who do you want to show up as? What do you want people to remember you for?As a coach, it is my role to help you understand the impact of your story and how it has played a part in shaping your thoughts and actions and where you are today.

Everything starts with a choice. What will your next one be?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Develop Your Flexibility to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

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How successful one is in life depends on how well they master themselves. It is important to have the ability to know who you are objectively and gain an understanding of how others see you. This understanding is not so you change who you are for another person but it is about becoming aware about how your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors influence others.

It is said with age a person becomes stuck in their ways and they are often unaware of their own inflexibility. In today’s world of constant change, there is no room to not be adaptable to circumstance. If you don’t become curious about your changing environment, you may get left behind. By becoming adaptable, you create options for yourself and open your mind to possibility of something better.

It is too easy to fall in to the trap of certainty and remained at the  apron strings of our comfort zone. When someone suggests a new way of doing things or offers you feedback, look at what they shared as information for improvement and consider its merits. The offering may just be what you have been looking for.18885382_m

One of the most valuable ways to develop your flexibility is to challenge your assumptions and re-frame your negative self talk. When new situations arise, our negative self talk tends to take over. The self talk overrides and plant seeds of doubt.

You may hear phrases like:

“What makes you believe you can do that.”

“You can’t do that, you are too _________.”

“You don’t have what it takes.” (money, skills, abilities, knowledge, etc)

“You never finish what you start.”

Instead of listening and agreeing to this negative self-talk, start with rejecting it. You can hear it but it does not mean you have to live it and believe it! Change things up – plant new seeds of hope and belief.

“Yes, I believe I can do that.”

“Yes, I can.”

“I have all I need inside of me.”

“I will finish this. I know I can.”

When you re-frame your negative self talk, you change your own beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors to match which you believe. If you become too rigid in your ways, you close yourself off to different ideas and practices. By being tunneled visioned, you may loose your breakthrough opportunity.

You can train yourself to become more flexible in how you approach new situations. Be open to change and learn about the world around you. Be curious and nonjudgmental. Gather information and adapt to the situation as needed. You need to be able to evaluate and shift your priorities in order to navigate your way to success.

Does a simple change in routine create anger and frustration? How you react or respond to change will differ with each situation you encounter. Improving your flexibility has to do with letting go of the little things. Discover the little things that trigger you. Minimize their impact.Sometimes, it is about learning to detach from the outcomes and becoming adaptable to situations as they arise.

Your emotional intelligence increases by how adaptable and flexible you are to situations. Change can be good – change is progress. Be willing to stretch and try new things. If something does not go as you would like, adjust your plan and make it happen or change the plan.

Are You Limited by Your Personal Vision?

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I am amazed at how many people do not have a vision for their life beyond the next 12 months. I have always considered myself a high achiever however I have learned that often my vision was limited. People entered my life challenging the way I did things and how I thought about the world. People, circumstances and experiences tend to stretch us to new heights. I am grateful for those lessons even though when I was in the midst of some of them I recall saying to myself, “And what did I do to deserve this.?” Now I embrace each situation as an opportunity and I find something to be grateful for in the lesson I am to learn. It is not always easy but it can be very rewarding.

Imagine creating the life of your dreams. How vivid is the picture in front of you? Does it feel like it is fading away beyond your grasp? Pack up the clutter of your mind and send it away. It no longer serves you in achieving what you want. To really create a life of your dreams, you need to have a powerful and detailed vision of what that is. Remember, this vision is not about what you think others want you to be, do or have. This is your dream. Scrap the thoughts of feeling it is impossible or not within in your reach. If you could have the life of your dreams, what would it look like? What are you doing? How do you feel when you think about living this life? Female Runner Winning Marathon

Do you feel a little scared? If so, you are probably stretching into your greatness. When I talk about greatness, it means that you are not only using your skills, talents, abilities, and knowledge base but you are trying new things, becoming more self-aware, and honing your strengths.

If you are not a little scared or uncomfortable, perhaps you are not dreaming big enough? I remember talking with a friend of mine who had just gotten back from a yachting vacation. The first thing I thought was, “Wow! What an incredible experience! I wonder how much that cost?” When I asked our friend a little bit more I learned it was not as significant of an investment as I thought. I simply wasn’t dreaming big enough. Now I have built my bucket list of BIGGER DREAMS.

Maybe you are not like me and have already realized everything you want to achieve but I find many people are blinded by their immediate situations. They only see their immediate situation and find it difficult to look beyond next week. Your today is temporary; it does not define your tomorrow.

Look beyond today. Give yourself something to look forward to. It gives you hope and seeing possibility in the future. When you start making a list of what your most powerful vision would be, you start to putting you plan into motion. You see, it all starts with a decision – the stake in the ground to say – I am claiming this dream for myself. Discover your “why” for wanting your dream. The more emotionally attached you are to your dream, the more motivation you will have to make it happen.

How to start creating your powerful vision:

  • Discover what you want your life to look like. (Ask yourself this several times and write it down: What do I want?)
  • Make a decision that you will do some research around this dream. (What needs to be done? Who is involved? What is the investment of money, time, and resources?)
  • Share your powerful vision with others; they can not help you if they do not know about it.
  • Decide to show up in the world the way you need to – to make your vision reality.
  • Start taking small action steps toward making your vision come true.
  • Revisit your vision every 3- 6 months to ensure that this is something you still want for yourself.
  • Celebrate your success along the way. You are getting closer with every action you take.

Creating a powerful vision can be done for other areas of your life as well. Think about what impact creating a powerful vision would do for your relationships, finances, or your business?

Imagine how much more confident you will be. Make the impossible possible. You deserve it – you have everything you need right here and right now. It starts with a decision!

Start by giving yourself the gift of discovering what you want.

Your life depends on it.