listening Archives - Debra Kasowski

Episode 96 – Consciously Connecting with Holland Haiis

May 16, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Cu8PUkMxb4[/embedyt]

Meet Our Guest:

Holland Haiis has been dubbed the Digital Detox Expert. She is often called upon by CNN International, CBS, NBC, FOX News, Sirius Radio and many others to discuss how to increase connection within ourselves while finding a technological balance.

Holland is a speaker, corporate team builder and the author of the well received book; Consciously Connecting: A Simple Process to Reconnect in a Disconnected World.

Holland’s mission is to help the world understand how our brain’s and our live’s are changing due to using too much technology and how we can find that perfect balance. By consciously connecting we find the power to our goals, boundaries, creativity and so much more! Holland works with individuals, families and corporations on their path to honoring relationships and understanding how to live and work more human.

In 2016 Hay House voted Holland one of 100 Global Thought Leaders and she spoke at their World Summit. She is also a contributing editor for HuffPost.

For more information on Holland and her services visit her website at www.hollandhaiis.com

Episode 49: Creating the Collaborative Advantage

December 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much”
― Helen Keller

The saying “If you can’t beat them join them.” holds true when it comes to creating the collaborative advantage. The collaborative advantage is the ability to form beneficial and rewarding relationships with other businesses and organizations. When forming a collaboration, it is important to create a relationship that has mutual benefits in which both feel like they’ve achieved a win-win toward meeting their goals. It’s not a trade-off that if I do this for you that you will do this for me that’s not true collaboration. Many partnerships are screened for their financial contribution, however in their missing the key piece in a successful collaboration-the people.

Commitment can be high in collaboration when the value is available to both parties in a joint venture or partnership that are not in direct competition but actually complement each other. There can be barriers preventing collaboration. The barriers may occur with shared values and goals as well as behaviours. Having shared values is a good thing, there are times when collaborators try to please each other and they’re afraid to call things out when something goes wrong. Behaviours that can impact the collaboration are not seeking help or asking for help when needed, having the belief that you need to solve it all yourself, and also you may face people who were unwilling to help.

Even though we’re looking for cooperation, collaboration should not be confused with teamwork. Teamwork is when you work together to meet a common goal or vision whereas collaboration is when you work together to meet your individual or organizational goals. For example, you may see a car manufacturing company collaborate with the sound system company to ensure high-quality sound systems in their vehicles. They are working together for the interests of their own organizations. In working together you are gaining new perspectives and have the ability to brainstorm creative and innovative solutions.

“As a collaborative leader, you support people in their work—you remove roadblocks and help them win.”
― Kenneth H. Blanchard

There may be times when you need to know when not collaborate with others. There is a cost to collaborating that sometimes people don’t consider resources, money, and time. Learn and forecasts your return on investment.

There are times when the collaborative advantage is more valuable than a competitive advantage. You get to expand your network and available resources. Creating the collaborative advantage requires strategic intent. It’s important to listen and understand align with the needs of each business and organization. There has to be a commitment to the partnership.

This partnership or collaboration creates accountability and you have an opportunity to learn from each other. This is paramount. It is important to have agreements in writing as to what each partner is willing to do and not do. There needs to trust that each partner is working for the best interest of working together even though they are working for their own business and organizational gain. Boundaries need to be in place. You may even consider having an exit strategy where partners have permission to withdraw from the partnership.
Business and organizational relationships are no different than personal relationships. People need to know like and trust a business or organization before they plan to do any business with it. Conflicts and misunderstandings may occur. It is important to recognize that each party may have their own opinions and it is okay to respectfully disagree. You will just need to work together in figuring out a solution.

“When people feel trusted, they’ll begin to understand they are contributors–and you’ll get great ideas and happy people.”
― Eunice Parisi-Carew

It’s important to note that when you take the time to get to know the people of the organization that you will be able to have more influence than if you would just looking at the financial advantage. As you get to know the strengths and talents of each partner, you will be able to recognize ways to leverage it to your advantage. When someone finds you relatable based on having a family or pets or a similar hobby, they may be more apt to choose you over a competitor because you show up as a person first. A collaboration that brings out the best in each partner ends up creating a competitive advantage.

Questions to Ask Yourself When Creating a Collaborative Advantage:

How will this get me closer to my goals or my organization’s goals?
What is my level of commitment to creating this collaborative advantage?
What would I like to learn from this partnership?
How will we hold each other accountable?
In what ways, can we encourage co-operation within our teams?
What are the boundaries that need to be in place?
How can this collaboration bring out the best in us?
What are the needs of my partner and how can I understand how I can help them fulfil those needs?

Who would you like to create a collaborative advantage with? Accelerate your results by collaborating with others.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 09:03 min

Keywords: collaboration, collaboration advantage, cooperation, working together, collaborating with clients, sustainability, competitive advantage, accountability, creating a collaborative advantage

Episode 48 – How to Be Insanely Great as a Leader

November 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2NiG1Yg-58[/embedyt]

Dr. Mark Goulston

markgoulston-original Widely regarded as a “people hacker,” Dr. Goulston began his career as an interventional psychiatrist focusing on suicide and violence intervention and prevention and UCLA professor of psychiatry. He then extended his work to training FBI and police hostage negotiators and then to the corporate world and NGOs.

His “people hacking” has now extended to, “hacking genius,” and he has recently been speaking, writing and providing webinars on “Insanely Great! How to Think Like Steve Jobs.” Along with that he helps companies to see into their futures the way Jobs could. By the way, it is not that difficult, it’s just difficult to envision a different paradigm when you’re within your own paradigm. You know the saying, “When you’re a hammer, the world looks like a nail.”

Past or present companies or institutions, he has worked with or spoken to include: Harvard Business School, IBM, Mattel, Coca Cola, Toyota, Hyatt, Accenture, Ernst & Young, Sodexo, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Northern Trust, Northwest Mutual, YPO, UCLA, USC, University of Alabama, American Bar Association, NACD.

Including, “Just Listen,” Dr. Goulston is the author of seven books with his first book, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, first published in 1996 being in the top 5 self-help books at Amazon for the last seven years. His most recent book is Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life and was recently Oprah.com featured book and was nominated as an Audie Award 2016 Finalist.

He writes for Biz Journals, Harvard Business Review, Business Insider, Huffington Post, Fast Company and Psychology Today and appears widely in the media including CNN, Wall St. Journal, NY Times, Fortune and Forbes.

He serves on the Board of Advisors of Health Corps, Brainrush and Truli Media.

Dr. Goulston earned a BA from UC Berkeley, MD from Boston University School of Medicine, Post Graduate Psychiatry Residency from UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute and is a Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He was selected as one of America’s Top Psychiatrists in 2004, 2005, 2010, 2011 by the Consumers Research Council of America.

Interview Length: 54:56 minutes

Keywords: listening, Steve Jobs, Dr. Mark Goulston, getting through to anyone, connection, intentional listening, communication, relationships, interpersonal relationships, Just Listen

EPISODE 23: Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

September 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 23 – Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

“The world is giving you answer each day. Learn to listen.” – Unknown

There is a significant difference between hearing and listening. I discovered the best definition of the differences on a website called The Difference Between, “Hearing is the act of perceiving and receiving sound waves or vibrations through the ear. Listening is the act of hearing a sound and understanding what you hear.”

Do you know someone who hears that you’re speaking but never seems to be listening?

I think we all know someone like that. It can become frustrating and lead to arguments and disagreements especially emphasizing that they weren’t listening.

WE REMEMBER
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss with others
80% of what we personally experience
95% of what we teach others

– Edgar Dale

Studies have shown that we remember approximately 25 to 50% of what we hear. I find this statistic shocking. It is the time we do something different. It is the time that we become intentional with our listening so we can learn. How much more would you accomplish if you took the time to truly listen?

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

One of the principles of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by Stephen Covey states, “Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood”. Intentional listening begins when we focus and listen to what the other person is saying. It is the ability to put aside any distracting thoughts and truly be present. If we listen to our own thoughts we’re going to want to interrupt the other person and share our ideas or solutions of what we have done because we have this fear of losing our thoughts. This is where the arguments and disagreements come in because are thinking too far ahead and were not really listening to what is being said.

Arguments and disagreements are a reactive approach to conversation versus a responsive approach. When emotions are high, our brains move into a “fight or flight” response. Your amygdala, a small area of your brain, reacts to protect you and shuts down other areas of the brain that would otherwise analyze the threats. Psychologist Daniel Goleman refers to this as the boiling over point or that amygdala hijack where the intelligent part of your brain is no longer in control and you no longer reason with what’s being said. You cannot often reason with someone who is gone past their boiling point. You can learn to choose the words that you use to meet a person where they are at and truly listen to understand where they’re coming from, what their expectations are, what their hopes and fears are to really gain a clear picture of a situation.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

How Do I Begin?

There is so much more to listening than keeping your mouth closed and being silent. When you’re listening you are coming from a place of being nonjudgmental and simply curious about what the other person is saying. You let them know that you’re engaged through your body language by nodding your head and maintaining eye contact with them while they speak to demonstrate an interest in what they’re saying. You wait for the person who’s speaking for a pause to ask questions regarding what they said or to clarify what you been reading between the lines. You may paraphrase what they’ve said to ensure that your understanding what they’re saying.

Another way to truly understand what a person is saying is by putting yourself in another person’s shoes, being empathetic, and try to gain an understanding of what they might be thinking and feeling. You might want to repeat facts that you’ve heard or knowledge their emotions. You may say something like, “I am trying to get a sense of how you’re feeling … Are you feeling __________?” to ensure your perceptions are correct. When you do this you make people feel like they’re the most important person in the world and at the moment they should be if you’re truly listening.

The book Just Listen: Discover The Secret To Getting Through To Absolutely Anyone by Dr. Mark Goulston is one of the best books out there on the topic of listening. He shares strategies and techniques that are designed to help you successfully communicate with anyone. He has trained the FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life or death situations. The same tips and techniques can be used by you. One of the techniques he describes in the book is called The Persuasion Cycle that was inspired by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente from Their Trans-Theoretical Model of Change. Dr. Goulston states that you need to speak with a person in a manner that moves them.

“From resisting to listening
from listening to considering
from considering to willing to do
from willing to do to doing
from doing to glad they did it and continue doing.”

He believes that you can get through to absolutely anyone when you can have them buy into what you’re saying and it all stems back to listening.

Where Does it All Begin

You must truly understand yourself, your emotions, and what triggers you to react and circumstances versus respond. One of the things that Dr. Goulston says, “If you want to open the lines of communication, you must open your mind first.” It begins with suspending all judgment. When you remove judgment, everyone is on equal playing field and your mind is open to the possibilities.

One of the acronyms that we used in my coaching program was W.A.I.T.

“Why Am I Talking?”

If you start talking while another person is speaking, no one is listening. You learn so much more when you spend time listening intentionally.

When is Listening Important?

Listening is important in everything we do. Intentional listening can prevent misunderstandings, de-escalate and resolve conflict, discover solutions to problems. Listening is important in parenting in understanding the needs of your child.

Listening is important in leadership to learn what your people want and need. We need to learn a person’s preferences. An introvert may have different needs than an extrovert. The Disney Institute had an article about intentional listening in the workplace. They stated the importance of learning people’s preferences and gaining an understanding of whether they like to work individually or in a team or in a combination of both. By learning this information you can better suit the person to the role and the responsibilities that they need to fulfill. They will be more likely to be successful if they’re working in their preference. Resistance occurs when we have people doing things that do not suit them or do not align with who they are.

Listening is important in sales and understanding your customers wants and needs and learning whether or not you have the ability to fulfill them. When customers have complaints or want to vent, this is a great opportunity for learning. For when someone complains events about a situation, they often have a picture of what the ideal situation would be. It is up to you to learn what that is. If you listen with sincerity and interest in what they are saying, you may be able to resolve conflict easily and create a win-win situation.

Why is listening important to you? What are you listening to? What do you need to be listening for? Where in your life do you need to be more intentional with your listening?

Be intentional with your listening. There is more to listening that what you are hearing. When you listen to podcasts like this one, grab the show notes when you can. Choose to take action or integrate one of your learnings into who you are or how you want to show up in the world.

There is a big difference between what you hear and what you listen to learn and understand!

I would love to hear about how intentionally listening has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 12:23 min

5 Ways to Lead and Influence by Actively Listening

May 9, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Have you ever been part of a conversation where someone is finishing your sentences before you’ve even completed your thought? Have you ever had someone interrupt you just before you are about to make an important point? Have you ever had a conversation where you couldn’t get a word in edgewise?

You’re not alone.

For some reason, some people think that they need to respond to what you’re saying right away without taking a breath or they need to interrupt you because they need to share their idea immediately before they forget it. Whereas, others may dominate the conversation just because they like to hear themselves talk or that no one has ideas as great as theirs. These individuals fall short of being a great leader because they lack the emotional intelligence skill of active listening.

Now take a moment to think of the people you know who make you feel valued and appreciated when you speak with them. It is like you are “the most important person in the room”. These people have the power to influence and persuade. They are great leaders. What qualities do they possess? Do they have a superpower that no one else has? What separates them from everyone else?

There are five ways that you can lead and influence others by actively listening so you position yourself as a person who makes others feel like they are the most important person in the room.

Listen to your own inner chatter.

Stop and ask yourself these questions:

Am I coming from a place of judgment or am I trying to learn about another person and what they are saying?
What thoughts and emotions are coming up for me?
Am I truly being present and mindful of the conversation?
Am I catching myself already formulating a response to what they’re saying?

Turn your attention to the speaker.

Give them your full attention by maintaining appropriate eye contact, smiling appropriately, and nodding where you have agreement.
Eliminate distractions by turning off your cell phone, closing the door or moving to a private area, and turn off your computer so you are not tempted to multitask.
Don’t interrupt the conversation. Wait at least 3 seconds before you start to speak to ensure that they have finished their thought.
Don’t finish the other person sentences before they finish talking.

“There is a big difference between showing interest and really taking interest.” Michael P. Nichols

Ask thoughtful questions or make a positive statement about something that they have said. By asking purposeful questions, you are demonstrating that you are actively listening to the conversation and interested in what the other person has to say. When you make a positive statement about something someone has said, they feel good because you took notice which makes them feel valued and appreciated.

“Effective questioning brings insight, which fuels curiosity, which cultivates wisdom.”

Chip Bell

Reflect, paraphrase, and expand. Reflect back and paraphrase what you have heard. You can gain more information and gain understanding by asking probing questions or simply stating “Tell me more.”

Allow for pauses in the conversation. Pauses are very powerful as they help eliminate filler words like “ums”, “uhs”, or “ers”. Pauses allow the speaker as well as the listener to gather their thoughts and reflect on what has been said.

Great leaders were not born. They learned what separated good from great and they worked at making people feel important. You can up level your leadership style by practicing these active listening skills. People will become magnetically drawn to your leadership presence and describe you as a great leader.

What can you start doing to become a better listener?