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EPISODE 176 – Fear, Success, and Sabotage
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“The ego mind both professes its desire for love and does everything possible to repel it, or if it gets here anyway, to sabotage it. That is why dealing with issues like control, anger, and neediness is the most important work in preparing ourselves for love.”
– Marianne Williamson
Have you ever felt a deep passion for what you do and why you do it? A passion that the thought of not doing it brings you to tears. Knowing your purpose in life is one of the most amazing experiences in your life. Yet it is easy to get detoured away from your true calling. The lure can be well-intended individuals in your life who think they know what is best for you. They are the ones who want you to play safe and stay small because of their own fears and insecurities. It is bad enough we have our own self-doubts we do not need others to confirm those beliefs to be true. These people do not want to see you fail; they want you to play safe for, “What if you fail? Will you be okay?”
What is actually happening is that they are fearful of their own potential failures. They are mirroring this onto you. They are afraid to take chances and your courageousness scares them. You look bold and aware, and fearless. They believe they cannot measure up to you. They get scared, “How can you possibly grow, stretch and reach for your greatness without me?” They start to sabotage your progress with neediness, control, or even anger. They need your attention on them, not on your goals. There is a shift that happens when they realize you are going to achieve your goals and you’re not afraid to fail along the way. You are confident and reassured. Do not let the fears of others dictate your actions.
You have fears, you just don’t allow FEARS to dictate your reality. When you operate from a place of fear, you get anxious, scared, and worry about things. Your imagination takes off. Your mind does not focus on the rewards and the great things that are going to happen to you. No! You think about all the worst-case scenarios. Things that usually never happen. Fear and love cannot exist together. When you are in a state of fear, you do not act or behave the same as you do from a state of LOVE. Love is trusting. It focuses on positive outcomes, whereas, fear spirals into a world of negativity and self-destruction. Choose love.
You can sabotage yourself when you start comparing yourself to others – wanting and desiring what another person has. You never think you are good enough, smart enough, deserving enough but why? You see one moment in time and envy’s ugly head appears. I bet you would not want to wipe out all your memories to live in another person’s shoes or lifetime.
Regret is worse than failing. I often think about all the things I want to achieve in my lifetime. I think of not doing what I am doing and it brings me to tears. When I am eighty years old, I do not want to have regrets saying, “I wish I would have… or If I only…or I should have…” This focus of energy is unproductive. Keep your focus on the goal or dream in front of you. If you feel overwhelmed, think of all the small steps you can take to get closer to your goals and dreams.
Challenge yourself to become better than yesterday. Look for ways you can constantly improve. Take risks. Move forward. Maintain a positive attitude and do not allow yourself to give up!
If you are passionate about something and it makes the world a better place to be, by all means, pursue it! Go after it. The world needs more of it. Imagine if everyone was focused on living out their purpose and giving their best. Wow! We would be amazed.
Are you allowing others to sabotage you or are you doing that job yourself?
Albert Einstein said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
What are you going to do differently?
We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com
EPISODE 119 – Celebrate Your Mistakes
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“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” Johnny Cash
Many people avoid putting effort into projects and tasks because they are afraid to make a mistake. Chances are they associate making mistakes with some sort of punishment. To truly grow as a person, we need to make some allowances for risk and making mistakes. Every successful entrepreneur or leader has made many mistakes and has learned from them. You have heard the saying, “If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.” If something is easy, chances are you already knew how to do it!
You do not learn and grow as a person if you are always doing the EASY stuff!
It may be time to challenge yourself! When you do things that require effort, you are learning and growing and once you complete it you will feel accomplished.
When you make mistakes and take time to self-reflect and learn from those mistakes, your brain grows. When you make the allowance for your mistakes, others will feel they have the permission to do the same. They will start acting, making mistakes, and taking new actions until they accomplish what they set out to do. You may have opened the door to conversation and got them engaged in making improvements or sharing their experiences.
Why celebrate mistakes?
Everyone has a time when they feel challenged or “stuck”. When you able to explain your thinking to another person or even out loud to yourself, you can gain a better understanding of the situation and the actions you need to take. By sharing your mistakes or understanding with others, they may see the gaps that you cannot see as they are not directly involved. They can offer objective feedback and suggest some strategies.
Here’s the thing – you can use the same strategies as someone else and still get different outcomes. It is important to ask yourself: “Am I using the right tools or strategies or could something else work better?” Entrepreneurs are constantly re-evaluating the profits and losses and looking for a better way to accomplish their goals.
Working through your mistakes to learn what you can do differently the next time feels good. Even though, you might not discover the complete answer, it feels good just to know you were working on it and therefore working your brain. Embrace the challenges and build new neuropathways in the brain. Develop a growth mindset and expand your critical thinking skills. You can apply the same process and adjust to new situations.
When you make a mistake, you could be opening the door to opportunity that would not have occurred had you not made the mistake. There are many mistakes that life-changing inventions. Spencer Silver, a researcher in the 3M laboratories was trying to make a strong adhesive but it was weaker that what currently existed. He spread the new adhesive on a piece of paper and realized he could remove it without leaving a mark. He was attempting to find a marker for his choir hymn book when the idea of Post-It Notes were born. Richard Jones, a naval engineer, was working on a meter to monitor power on naval battleships when one of the tension springs fell to the ground and the “Slinky” was born. There many more examples for you to be inspired by.
Mistakes are how creativity and innovation are born. We discover new ways to do things. Peter Drucker has suggested that if your people do not make mistakes that you should fire them as they are not doing anything interesting. Ultimately, mistakes lead to progress.
Ask yourself…
What is RIGHT about the mistake?
Are you on route to achieving your goal or finding the answer?
Are you able to identify your mistakes?
Are you able to remove the emotion and focus on the facts?
Are you being solution focused?
Remind yourself – it is okay to make mistakes! When you are making mistakes, you are growing and learning so make many and learn quickly.
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.”
Neil Gaima
We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. Book your complimentary Discovery Session by going to the Coach with Debra page on my website and send me your interest and we will set up a time and date to learn about how coaching can benefit you. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Episode 53: Seeing the Opportunity in the Struggle
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When you decided to become an entrepreneur, chances are you became one for one of the following reasons. You may have been climbing the corporate ladder and decided that it wasn’t taking you to where you wanted to go. You became bored or your work lacked meaning. You decided that you could make a bigger difference by doing something on your own or with the team that you helped put together. You may have decided to become an entrepreneur because you needed an outlet where you could be innovative and use those creative juices. Another reason for choosing this lifestyle may have been because you wanted to have control over your own actions or maybe even for work life balance. You chose this route for flexibility and to develop a deeper connection with people. You may have even chosen to be an entrepreneur because you just didn’t feel like you fit into the mold of the business or organization you are working for. You may have seen the pain point in the industry and you decided that you are going to provide a solution. All of these were game changing decisions to live life differently.
Do You Really Work?
To the outside world, being an entrepreneur might look like you have no rules or boundaries. You may be attending charity events and socials more than they see you work. What the outside world doesn’t know, is that you put in a lot of hard work and many long hours that are on not on display for them to see.
Are You Struggling in Silence?
There may be even times where you’ve been struggling in silence not wanting anyone to know about some of the lack of results for the lack of money coming in. This can be devastating as you may have family or yourself counting on you and you feel like you’re failing. The fear of failure may consume you to the point that you may become depressed. Where there is action, failure is seen as optional. Where true failure occurs, there is no action and hence no results. You may have a fear of uncertainty not knowing what the future will hold. I fear is more common than you think whether you are an entrepreneur are not everyone faces an uncertainty the moment they awaken.
What ACTION can you take? Know your numbers so you can make better decisions. Pay attention to what money is coming in and what money is going out. Look at your sales process, do you need to change up your approach?
“Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing.” Neil Patel
You may be overwhelmed by the increasing competition. One of Neil Patel’s business philosophies is to not talk about your successes as you may be bringing on more competition. It is more powerful for others to share your successes. Be careful not to get caught up in the comparison trap. W
hen you start comparing other people successes to your own you diminish your own worth. You need to be aware of the strength that you bring to the marketplace and how you and what you deliver is different and can stand above the crowd. Ensure that competition and comparisons don’t lead you into a Lone Ranger mentality. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Sometimes when were lonely we latch on to anyone -even if they’re not the ideal client. But when you are alone, you can be true to yourself and get really clear about your compelling vision. Your job is to delegate or outsource to others so that they can help you achieve that compelling vision. Build your team gradually. They don’t need to be full-time team members; you can hire people on a part-time basis or by contract. If you tried to do everything by yourself for a long period of time, your business will not be sustainable. You may even burn out.
As an entrepreneur, know that you are not alone. Know that the struggles you face others are also facing, they are just not talking about it. Join groups and associations were you can surround yourself with like-minded people who can help push you to the next level and who can see the potential of your greatness. Talk with others who been where you want to go or find a mentor to share their experiences. Use competition to your advantage by paying attention to the finer details of what you deliver and truly listen to your customers’ needs and wants and deliver value.
Go to networking events and build relationships beyond the hello. Connect with associations in your industry. Discover what their goals are and how you can help. As you help others achieve their goals, they in turn will want to help you. This is called the law of reciprocity. You will build a loyalty and trust like no other. Learn to be happy for those who are succeeding around you instead of being caught in the comparison trap. Believe in yourself and believe that your success is on its way as well. What you are admiring is one moment or period of time. Their dream is their dream. Your dream is yours. You need to stay focused on why you are doing what you’re doing and what you want to accomplish. The outcomes may not be the same. Don’t lose sight of yourself by wishing that you are living someone else’s life, you have so much to offer and we need it done your way.
Turn inwardly and look for the opportunity that exists in your struggle. What are you struggling with? What is the lesson that you are learning from the situation? What can you do differently? Whose knowledge skills and abilities can you tap into to share their experiences? Ask for recommendations or resources. In what ways, can you view this situation differently? Is it time to let go of one idea to really focus and develop another?
How are you getting in your own way? You may be preventing yourself from achieving success with your own mindset. Are you willing to take a risk, at least a calculated one? Are you willing to go out and meet people and move beyond the hello? Are you willing to follow-up and ask for the sale? Listen to what you are telling yourself. Are you being supportive and encouraging to yourself? Challenge your assumptions. Push yourself farther than the day before. You do not have to feel alone. You may want talk to a trusted friend or a mental health professional. Sometimes when you are too close to your problem you cannot see the solution. Asking for help is a strength. What would you tell someone in the same situation? Follow your own advice!
We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time: 12:22 min
Keywords: entrepreneur, struggle in silence, struggle, see the opportunity, solution focused, entrepreneur lifestyle, lone ranger mentality, failure, success, reasons why you became an entrepreneur, entrepreneur struggles, entrepreneur strategies, entrepreneur strengths and weaknesses
EPISODE 21: Addressing Fears and Feelings
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EPISODE 21 – Addressing Fears and Feelings
We all have fears and feelings. The emotions that we feel impact our thoughts, feelings, and actions. They act like a beacon or a lighthouse, letting us know how the world is going on around us. Our emotions are our sensor. But it’s important to develop self-awareness so that you can learn and know yourself and be able to recognize and identify the thoughts associated with the emotions that you’re having. Your beliefs and your belief system (which includes many patterns and behaviors that you learned in childhood and life’s experiences) are how you perceive and interpret the world around you.
Some people believe that if they have a new car, new house, new clothing, or a new relationship that they will be happier than they are currently. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is a choice.
The beliefs you have our choice… You can either choose to believe them or release them – free yourself of the burden and pressure of holding out for happiness until something better comes along.
Why not choose to be happier right now?
Simply by doing more of what makes you happy.
Do you know what makes you happy?
You may be wondering what this has to do with addressing fears and feelings. This is where I jump in because you can’t be happy and fearful at the same time so it’s important to address the fears you have in the feelings that you’re feeling.
People often have fears of success, failure, rejection, or illness. There is nothing more than false evidence appearing real.
- Identify what you’re afraid of.
What emotions are you feeling?
What triggered them for you?
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
- Focus on what you have control over. You have control over yourself and perhaps the environment that you’re in.
- Question your beliefs. Ask yourself questions about your assumptions and the beliefs that you have.
If you are afraid of achieving success, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.
What are you afraid of?
What beliefs do you hold around success?
Do you believe success should happen in a certain way?
Who says?
There are many routes to success. As long as no one is harmed or going to jail, you can take as many routes as you want.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
Why are you holding yourself back?
Are you afraid to fail or make a mistake?
Guess what? You are farther ahead than those who do not even try.
- Mitigate your risks. Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about achieving your goal.
Have others done what you want to do?
Talk to them. I can hear it… “Why would they want to talk to me?”
People like to share how they achieve success. They will even share stories of their mistakes and failures. Why not learn from others mistakes so you don’t repeat what they have done. Save yourself some heartache.
- Shift your thinking-failures and mistakes are learning opportunities to improve and grow. They make us stronger. Take a listen to episode blank challenges make us stronger. [EPISODE 16 – Challenges Make Us Stronger]
Some people have a great fear of rejection. As much as we want to hear a “yes”, a “no” can be a great thing. If someone is not interested or not the right fit- you are not wasting your time. If someone says no- it may mean not the right time, not enough money, not enough information.
- Discover what their “no” is by asking questions. Get more information.
For others, the fear of illness paralyzes them from taking action. There are risk factors that you can control when it comes to your health and those you cannot. Worrying about what could happen is a waste of time. Imagine what you can accomplish if you use the time you worry about something to be proactive. Some of the risk factors that you can’t control include your age genetics race and for the most part gender. Risk factors that you can control include your waistline, level of stress, eating habits, and level of activity. Get a yearly physical examination by your physician. Get your eyes checked and your teeth checked. Take care of your health. Listen to your body- if you feel different than what your baseline is for you-you should get it checked out.
- Be proactive in taking care of your health that you can live long and prosper.
Address your fears and manage your emotions so that you can ask the right questions to achieve your dreams and make them become your reality. You never know the life you change in the process. Often the person’s life you change is your own.
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time 11.22 min