emotional intelligence Archives

EPISODE 257 – Becoming an Energy Master to Create Miracles for Quantum Success with Christy Whitman

June 23, 2020 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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#energymaster #quantumsuccess #christywhitman

Debra Kasowski is the charismatic podcast host of The Millionaire Woman Show, 3X Best Selling Author, Speaker, and Certified Executive Coach. She interviews incredible speakers, authors, CEO, Business and Organizational Leaders and drops solo episodes with tips, strategies, and techniques for your success.

In this video, Debra Kasowski talks about how to become an energy master to create miracles for quantum success through self-regulation and self-awareness on The Millionaire Woman Show.

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EPISODE 215 – How to Gain Control and Stop Being Impulsive

September 3, 2019 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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emotionalintelligence #impulsivity #selfawareness Go to www.debrakasowski.com for your FREE e-book 21 Habits High-Achievers Kick download when you sign up for our Success Secrets Newsletter. In this video, Debra Kasowski talks about being impulsive can be sabotaging your success on The Millionaire Woman Show.

EPISODE 183 – Difficult Conversation Made Easier

December 4, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKFTfAJlsmw[/embedyt]

“difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values.”
― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Difficult conversations are never easy. These conversations are often hard to talk about and uncomfortable because you never know how another person will react once the conversation gets started. Many people avoid difficult conversations because they do not like conflict. Avoiding conflict and stuffing down your feelings are not healthy responses. If you shift the focus of the conversation from being one of conflict to one of a learning conversation, you may learn something about the situation you did not know and it may shift your perception.

Conversations can get emotionally charged when you are passionate about your subject or you feel attacked. Your feelings matter and their feelings matter. When a person is emotionally charged, they cannot think rationally. They react often from fear rather than respond to situations. For this reason, it is good to allow some time to pass before engaging in a difficult conversation. Defusing anger and frustration allow both parties to think and approach the situation rationally. If emotions are high, chances are no one is listening and important points can be lost. Take some time to do some self-reflection to see how you may have contributed to the situation. I know you are probably saying excuse me? Yes, each party needs to take 100% responsibility for how they have contributed to the conversation. Mistakes can be made – you are human.

One of the first things to realize assumptions and conclusion are made about what was said and felt but was not said and what was actually said. Don’t let your conclusions be your truth. There is your story, their story, and what happened. You can be adamant about what was said or you can come from a place of curiosity and a desire to learn and understand what the person meant to say. What was the impact? Did you take it personally? Acknowledge where a person is coming from, don’t argue. When expressing yourself, use “I feel…” statements, to avoid judgments and accusations. Difficult conversations should not be about blaming others.

Difficult conversations are not about controlling another person’s reaction or forcing them to see your point of view. If you are doing this, you may notice you are not getting the changes you want to see. Change is an inside job. A person must see the need for change in order to think and do things differently. If you anticipate that you may get a reaction, think about how you can prepare for it. Visualize how you can respond to it rather than react to their reaction. Remember, it’s okay to pause the conversation for 5-10 minutes until emotions settle down to reconvene. You do not want to say things you will regret later. It is important to separate people from the problem.

You want to focus on results not the reasons for the conflict. What is the outcome you desire? In my work with Emotional Intelligence, I teach an ‘XYZ’ method. X is “When this happened…” (describe the situation or event), Y is “I felt this…” (express your feelings), and Z is “The result I would like… or “In the future, I would like…” (focus on results/outcomes). This approach removes judgment and accusation and allows you to express yourself versus bottling up your feelings. You are able to communicate your expectations.

Relationships often become stronger when you are both able to express yourselves and your needs. Discuss what matters not who is to blame. Difficult conversations get easier when you are curious and seek to understand what a person is saying and truly listen to what is being said.

What is the lesson you will take away from your last difficult conversation? Will it matter 5-10 years from now? Perceptive is everything.

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 166 – Simplify Your Leadership Challenges

July 8, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bwl9Pq2Mv0[/embedyt]

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

As you move through different levels of leadership, you learn that new challenges required different approaches and different skillsets. What worked previously may not work again. Challenges appear to more complex in nature. As a leader, you must be able to think on your feet and also be proactive in anticipating situations to minimize how complex the situation can get. Most processes and systems are simple but when you add people to the mix things can get a bit complicated.

Today, you can be working with individuals of 3 or more generations and each communicating and making decisions differently. Although they have different needs, some characteristics do not change, each generation has core values that guide them, they want to be respected for who they are, their ideas, and what they can bring to the table, they want to be heard and receive feedback on their performance. Most people communicate the way they want to be communicated to. If you receive a text, they would appreciate a text. If they left you a voicemail, you would be best to call rather than respond by email. Keep it simple; respond in the same mode of communication they sent the message. Whenever unsure, pick up the phone and call or arrange a face to face meeting.

How you respond to leadership challenges depends on what you know and the experience you have as you have grown in the organizational culture. These experiences have helped you develop your emotional intelligence or what some people refer to as the “soft skills” or “common sense”. Common sense does not appear to be that common. There is nothing soft about soft skills. Soft skills are hard to master and can be difficult to learn. Learning requires that a people be self-reflective and self-aware of their own behaviours and how they communicate with others. Developing soft skills can bring about the BEST in you and your people. With self-awareness, there is accountability and an increase in responsibility for one’s actions.

When hiring for the right fit, you are not only looking for technical skills but you are looking for those intangibles – soft skills that are reflected in their general disposition, attitude, and personality. You do not want to hire someone who lacks awareness and erodes trust by being passive aggressive or gossips. You want to know that you can trust their word and their work ethic to get things done, done well, and they value the people they work with. Trust is the foundation of everything without it the department or organization can crumble.

You need to be able to communicate what the vision is for the organization and what success would look like when achieved. To gain buy-in, people need to be invested in the vision. When you can communicate it in a clear and concise way then you can plan and strategize how to make the vision become a reality.

Ultimately, how you perceive the challenges you face as a leader and how your people perceive the challenges are key. Your perception drives your willingness to take action and the decisions you make. You need to be able to weigh the options based on what you perceive a situation to be and the impact that will occur based on your decision. Be careful as your perceptions can be influenced by your emotions. Don’t forget to review the facts before acting impulsively. You simplify your leadership challenges by stepping out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to as many new situations as you can so you can develop and hone your skills. Boosting your emotional intelligence will help you unravel the complexity of some of your leadership challenges. Remember to keep it simple.

EPISODE 161 – Willpower and Why It Matters

June 14, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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I was diving into the book, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It by Dr. Kelly McGonigal and instructor at Stanford University and thought it would be a great topic of discussion. Some people claim to have willpower and others do not. It is topics like these that get me excited about being human – I get curious! According to Dr. McGonigal, “For most of us, the classic test of willpower is resisting temptation, whether the temptation is a doughnut, a cigarette, a clearance sale, or a one-night stand. When people say, “I have no willpower, “what they usually mean is, “I have trouble saying no when my mouth, stomach, heart, or (fill in your anatomical part) wants to say yes.” Think of it as “I won’t” power.” She refers to “I will” power as the ability to do what you need to do, even if part of you does not want to.

“I will power… I won’t power…I want power…

She talks about how “I will” and “I won’t” power being two sides of self-control and alone do not define willpower as the is one more power. That is – “I want” power. McGonigal describes this as the ability to “To say no when you need to say no, and to say yes when you need to say yes” …a third power: the ability to remember what you really want.” We all have willpower.

Why does willpower matter? It has been said that those people who have willpower are not impulsive so they are able to focus their attention and control their emotions and thus their actions. They tend to have more satisfying and meaningful relationships. Those people with willpower tend to make more money and take their careers and businesses to the next level. When you are able to control impulsive behaviours, you are better able to handle stress and deal with conflict. She goes on to discuss how some colleagues would argue that the prefrontal cortex part of the brain – right behind your forehead – helps you do the “hardest thing” otherwise the brain likes to default to the easiest. The easiest being to stay on the couch and binge on Netflix or play video games or eating that dessert but what you really want is to fit into that new pair of jeans. What are some of the “hard things” you know you need to do?

Self-awareness is key in recognizing what we are doing and why we do it. Is what you are doing aligning to what you want and value? Most choices are made on autopilot – yes, without even thinking about the upside or downside of your actions. What’s even worst is that we are surrounded by distractions and multitasking not paying attention to what we are doing. When you are distracted you are more likely to give in to distractions. Your impulsivity kicks in as you are not stopping to assess whether or not your choice will be a good choice or not. Track some of your choices and any excuses for not following through on what you say you want to do. The more aware you become the more you understand why your impulse to do something arises. These impulses could be to check email, social media, or scroll through the last news feeds.

Willpower is like a muscle. When you want something, you will find a way to make it happen. To strengthen your willpower, it is important to tap into your WHY. What motivates you? What is your biggest WANT power? Your WANT power is your motivation that will keep you on track when you face weaker moments – the times you want to follow through on your impulses. Obviously, what weakens willpower is the opposite of what strengthens it – lack of sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, excessive spending, lack of self-awareness, and the inability to deal with stress and the list could go on.

Here are 9 ways to help you strengthen your WILLPOWER:

Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that when you get less than 6 hours of sleep certain part of your brain are more susceptible to cravings and impulsive behaviour.
Deal with stress. Discover what helps you deal with stress. It can be going for a walk-in nature, talking things out with friends, getting exercise, or listening to music. What gets you into a state of calmness?
Plan for good nutrition. Eat a more plant-based diet. Be aware of food choices that you are making. Keeping a food diary helps you become more aware of the choices you are making. Ever notice when you have food that is high in sugar or greasy that they tend to make you feel slow and sluggish.
Engage in regular physical activity. Your body was meant to move. Physical exercise increases blood flow and oxygen to your body and brain. It also increases the amount of dopamine in the bloodstream that leads to you feel good! Why not do more of what makes you feel good?
Focus on the HERE and NOW. Energy flows to what you focus on. The present is the only thing you really have any control of. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and how they are impacting the actions you plan to take.
Focus on your posture. Stand tall not only is having good posture good for your organs and body but it also exudes confidence.
Pray or meditate. Some people are worried about whether they are praying or meditating well. It comes with practice and taking notice of your thoughts. When you take notice of your thoughts, you can change them if they do not serve you.
Create and meet self-imposed deadlines. Goal-setting can play a big role in helping you improve your willpower. Without a deadline, what you say you want is ONLY a wish.
Track your decisions throughout the day. When you become mindful of the choices that we make, we can recognize choices are serving us and not serving us. These choices may include – TV viewing, spending, eating habits, speech, or exercise. We can quickly recognize what is working and what is not working and the things we can change to get closer to what we want.

Strengthening your willpower does not have to be a daunting task. Choose one thing to work on for the next 30-90 days before you choose another thing. Get the new habit to “stick” to be successful.