Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 186 – Compete Every Day with Jake Thompson

January 29, 2019 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Jake Thompson is a speaker, coach, and the Chief Encouragement Officer at the Compete Every Day. He started his global brand by selling t-shirts out of the trunk of his car in 2011 and is distributed through retailers in five countries and the brand’s own online store.

Jake helps individuals learn how to use The Competitor Mindset to push past their fears, smash their goals, and live up to their full potential leaders to make the biggest impacts in their career and life.

Jake is a third-generation entrepreneur, the youngest strategic advisory board member at the University of Dallas’ College of Business, and a graduate of both Texas Christian University (B.S.) and University of Dallas (M.B.A.).

EPISODE 185 – Build Success Habits Made to Stick

January 20, 2019 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Rohn

Look around you, everything you have achieved or not achieved is a result of your choices and habits. If you do not like your results, it is time to change your habits and build success habits into your daily routines. You have good habits and bad habits – we all do. It is a matter of examining what habits are working for you and which habits are not. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, says “every habit is just an obstacle to getting what you really want. Dieting is an obstacle to getting fit. Meditation is an obstacle to feel calm. Journaling is an obstacle to thinking clearly.” What do you want?

Keep an Open Mind. The thought of changing something may make you uneasy or anxious. Changes do not have to be big to make an impact. Small shifts in habits can lead to big results. The challenge of coaching adults is that they have deeply ingrained habitual ways of doing things. You have to put in a great deal of conscious effort such as writing with your non-dominant hand. It can feel awkward at the beginning. Change can happen, however, you must be open to possibility and change to get the results you want. You have to unlearn bad habits to learn and apply new good habits.

Discover What You Want. It can often be challenging for people to come up with what they want for their results and outcome. You certainly know what you don’t want. Let’s start there and explore what it is you truly want. What are results or outcomes do you not want? Make a list. Now, reframe your responses to what you DO want. For example, you don’t want to feel tired and sluggish when you get up in the morning. What you really want is – to wake up well rested and energized for the day. By know what you do want, you can hit the ground running with developing night and morning routines that will get you excited and enthusiastic about your days.

Pay Attention to Your Language. Do you catch yourself saying “I have to do this…or that…” with a feeling of resentment even though you know you need to do it? Saying this can catch you in a cycle of procrastination and frustration. Why not reframe your language, “I get to…”? You will find evidence for whatever your thinking.

Choose the mind-set you want. You may not believe it, however, there are many things you “get to do” that many other people wish they could do and can not. Someone who is bedridden would love the opportunity to walk a dog or take out the trash if they could. Someone who is trying to conceive would love to play with a child of their own. Often, what we think is a chore or an obstacle to getting things done or requires some effort another person would be willing to do it if they had the chance. Because you have the opportunity, you get to!

Make a Commitment. There is a difference between being interested in changing a habit and being committed to making a habit stick. If you are interested, chances are you will only do what you feel like doing when it is convenient for you. Whereas, the person who is committed, they will do what they need to do even when they do not feel like it because they are focused on the results and outcome they want to achieve.

Focus on the Benefits. Reframe your habits by highlighting their rewards. By doing so, you make the habit more appealing! Let’s say you get nervous or “have a case of the butterflies” when you are about to speak in front of a group of people. Reframe the nervousness into, “I am going to move my butterflies into a formation and use this energy to fuel my passion for the topic I am speaking on.” Shifting and reprogramming your thinking into the positive.

Be Patient with Yourself. Changing a habit is one thing. Making it stick is another. Changing a habit requires that you make a decision. Once you make the decision, you are half way to accomplishing it. Pick one habit you would like to change or improve on. Work on this habit until you succeed before working on another habit. Otherwise, you will have spilt focus and may feel overwhelmed. Experts have said it takes 21 days to change or create a new habit. It takes about 66 days to make the habit stick and become a part of your routines.

Get started – NOW. In Gretchen Rubin’s book, Better than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits – To Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, And Generally Build a Happier Life, she says, “The desire to start something at the “right” time is usually just a delay for justification. In almost every case, the best time to start is now.” There is no RIGHT time. Go do it! Adjust the course as you take action. Time is wasted when you do nothing.

Connect Your New Habit to a Current Habit. It is easier to make a habit stick when you connect your new habit to something you are already doing. Let’s say you want to save time and eat healthy. You buy your groceries on Sunday. You can do you food preparation, plan, and make your meals for the week because the food is there and ready and available. Make it easy and appealing! Automatic.

Schedule Your Habit into Your Calendar. Studies have shown that you are more likely to do something when you write it down. Make the commitment to yourself! Positive results come from consistently doing what works! Plus, now that it is in the calendar, you do not have to think about it, you can move to taking action!

Track Your Habits. You can only adjust and change things if you know whether or not they are working. What gets measured will get managed. Monitor your habits – write down your results. Keep what you are wanting to do top of mind. Otherwise, you know the saying, “out of sight, out of mind.”

Change Your Environment. You may consider changing up your environment to eliminate distractions or provide a fresh perspective. When I was writing my book, Let’s Be Curious, I seconded myself to the university library for evenings at a time. This way I was not distracted by dishes piled in the kitchen sink or the dryer buzzing to let me know it was finished. You may consider designing your space with accessories or motivational sayings to keep you mentally on top of your game.

Eliminate the Cues of a Bad Habit. In Atomic Habits, James Clear explains, “Eliminate the cue and your habit will never start. Reduce the craving and you won’t have the motivation to act. Make the behaviours difficult and you won’t be able to do it.” You may want to quit eating sugary foods. In order to eliminate the cues, you would take the cookies and sweets out of the pantry. Make them invisible and you won’t crave them. For those people who are wanting to cut down on their retail therapy or credit card use, they may freeze their credit cards in the freezer making it difficult to access and use. In delaying the craving, you may realize you didn’t need to spend or want the item you were buying anyway.

Start slow, in increments of time, as the running programs do. Run for a 1-minute walk for a minute and repeat. Soon enough you will be running for 5 minutes and walking for 1 minute and repeat. With consistency and practice, your performance will improve. Your habits work the same way.

Don’t get caught up in worrying about what others will say and do about your new habits. You are doing them for you. When you make the changes you want to make, the world around you will adjust. People may decide to change the habit of their own.

A few of the top success habits are:
• Waking up early and having a morning routine.
• Writing out the things you are grateful for.
• Eating a healthy breakfast.
• Reading for 30 minutes a day.
• Exercising for 30-60 minutes a day.
• Scheduling out your day and habits.
• Motivating yourself with a podcast or video.
• Budgeting and tracking expenses.
• Learning something new every day.
• Being organized.
• Contributing to others.
• Being resourceful.
• Getting ample rest.
• Journaling your thoughts.
• Enjoying “me” time.

“We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

What habit do you want to change or implement? Schedule it in your day and it will be automatic in no time!

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has the heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 184 – The Fortune is in the Follow-Up

December 10, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfu0gK6AkNQ[/embedyt]

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Business networking is more than a social outing. It is a chance to prospect and meet your ideal client. Networking events are not for distributing your card to as many people as possible, selling people at your first meeting, setting appointments, or closing the sale. You don’t need to meet all the people in the room. You need to meet one to three meaningful connection that could change your business.

Networking events are a great way to make connections and start meaningful conversations. If you are doing the majority of the talking, you are not listening. Listen carefully to what is said in conversation, focus on the person you’re speaking with, and seek to learn and understand what they do. By doing this you make people feel important. The conversation becomes more important than giving out your business card and waiting for them to return the phone call. Even if they do not give you a card, take a blank one or an index card and let them write down their information for you to follow up.

Sadly, many business owners and leaders come home from a networking event with a pile of cards that sit on their desk. Most people do not follow-up post an event. Ultimately, they are leaving money on the table and missing out on a meaningful connection that could transform their leadership or business. Some people say they don’t follow-up because they don’t have enough time or they’re afraid of rejection. You need to set aside time to follow up after each networking event or connection. Write down notes about where and when you met them, what you discussed and what you learned about them. By doing so, you will be able to continue the conversation and solidify your relationship. When your focus is on building a relationship, discovering how you can serve, and add value (and, yes money), you can set aside the concern of being rejected.

According to the online Oxford dictionary, follow-up is “a continuation or repetition of something that has already been started or done.” You do the follow-up to continue to build and nurture relationships without expectation. No one wants to be sold to. As people become more familiar with you, your brand, and your company, they will be more likely to accept your social media connection, reply to your emails, and accept or return your phone calls.

There are so many places where you can meet people who are potentially in need of your service. You can find them at conferences, trade shows, church events, chatting with them during the commute, sporting events, a grocery line up, at the gym, or even at your kids’ activities. Wherever there are people, there is an opportunity. You want to be very clear on who your target market is because your product or service may not be for everyone. By following up, you are able to get to know a person, qualify them, and also determine what their needs may be.

Ideally, you want to follow up within 24 to 48 hours up to a week to stay top of mind. You will earn respect because you did what you said you would do. Promise only what you can deliver.

You may follow-up with a nice to meet you card, text, or email requesting an opportunity to have a phone call or face-to-face meeting.

Continue the conversation by sharing article, podcast, or book related to what you discussed. Ensure it has a value for your reader or listener.

Speak from your heart and be authentic.

Focus on engagement and creating a meaningful conversation without expecting anything in return. You may even consider inviting them to another networking event or function.

Send a gentle reminder if you have not heard back within a few days of doing your follow-up. Don’t take it personally if you have not heard back from them as everyone has something going on in their lives and it does not mean that they are not interested.

Before you meet or speak with your new connection or prospect, you will want to do a little bit of research and reflection. Empathy in business is important in understanding your prospects needs, wants, and desires. Imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes. You want to be able to connect with them on an emotional level. People make decisions based on how they feel in light of the facts.

Remember people want to know how much you care before they want to know how much you know. Listen to their responses. Discover their goals. Learn how you can support them by anticipating their needs. You must build trust; this is where your real power exists. Take time to give, serve, and add value to every conversation. As you become more familiar to people, they are more likely to do business with you and refer you to others because they’ve gotten to know like and trust you. It can take an average of 5 to 12 connections before someone will do business with you. People are turned off by hard selling tactics. When you are passionate about what you do and the results you provide, your prospects are going to want to do business with you because you make the focus on them and not yourself. You want to create the feeling of what it would be like for them to do business with you by asking the right questions for your prospect to get to their own conclusion. A lack of follow-up could be costing you in your business.

Share a positive story of how follow-up has transformed your business or leadership.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today

EPISODE 183 – Difficult Conversation Made Easier

December 4, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKFTfAJlsmw[/embedyt]

“difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values.”
― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Difficult conversations are never easy. These conversations are often hard to talk about and uncomfortable because you never know how another person will react once the conversation gets started. Many people avoid difficult conversations because they do not like conflict. Avoiding conflict and stuffing down your feelings are not healthy responses. If you shift the focus of the conversation from being one of conflict to one of a learning conversation, you may learn something about the situation you did not know and it may shift your perception.

Conversations can get emotionally charged when you are passionate about your subject or you feel attacked. Your feelings matter and their feelings matter. When a person is emotionally charged, they cannot think rationally. They react often from fear rather than respond to situations. For this reason, it is good to allow some time to pass before engaging in a difficult conversation. Defusing anger and frustration allow both parties to think and approach the situation rationally. If emotions are high, chances are no one is listening and important points can be lost. Take some time to do some self-reflection to see how you may have contributed to the situation. I know you are probably saying excuse me? Yes, each party needs to take 100% responsibility for how they have contributed to the conversation. Mistakes can be made – you are human.

One of the first things to realize assumptions and conclusion are made about what was said and felt but was not said and what was actually said. Don’t let your conclusions be your truth. There is your story, their story, and what happened. You can be adamant about what was said or you can come from a place of curiosity and a desire to learn and understand what the person meant to say. What was the impact? Did you take it personally? Acknowledge where a person is coming from, don’t argue. When expressing yourself, use “I feel…” statements, to avoid judgments and accusations. Difficult conversations should not be about blaming others.

Difficult conversations are not about controlling another person’s reaction or forcing them to see your point of view. If you are doing this, you may notice you are not getting the changes you want to see. Change is an inside job. A person must see the need for change in order to think and do things differently. If you anticipate that you may get a reaction, think about how you can prepare for it. Visualize how you can respond to it rather than react to their reaction. Remember, it’s okay to pause the conversation for 5-10 minutes until emotions settle down to reconvene. You do not want to say things you will regret later. It is important to separate people from the problem.

You want to focus on results not the reasons for the conflict. What is the outcome you desire? In my work with Emotional Intelligence, I teach an ‘XYZ’ method. X is “When this happened…” (describe the situation or event), Y is “I felt this…” (express your feelings), and Z is “The result I would like… or “In the future, I would like…” (focus on results/outcomes). This approach removes judgment and accusation and allows you to express yourself versus bottling up your feelings. You are able to communicate your expectations.

Relationships often become stronger when you are both able to express yourselves and your needs. Discuss what matters not who is to blame. Difficult conversations get easier when you are curious and seek to understand what a person is saying and truly listen to what is being said.

What is the lesson you will take away from your last difficult conversation? Will it matter 5-10 years from now? Perceptive is everything.

EPISODE 182 – Find Purpose in Your Pitfalls

November 26, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4blW9R0wSrQ[/embedyt]

“As you begin to take action toward the fulfillment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect. Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right.” – Jack Canfield

If you have ever taken action, you know that with every action there can be a positive or negative outcome. Every decision or choice has a risk. To be human is to know that mistakes, shortcomings, failures, and pitfalls will occur. Perfection does not exist. When pitfalls do occur, it is important for you and I find purpose in those pitfalls.

According to an online Dictionary, a pitfall is “a hidden or unsuspected danger or difficulty.” Otherwise, known as the speed bump in the road of life believed to slow us down and on the rare occasion speed things up. To find purpose is to give meaning to the pitfalls. The purpose is to discover what happened and what the cause was to prevent those pitfalls from reoccurring.

Pitfalls can tell you a great deal about yourself, others, and the world around you. If you have the courage to share your pitfalls publicly or with your small circle of friends, you may even inspire someone with your vulnerability. Mistakes and pitfalls give you an opportunity to review your intentions, evaluate your commitments, and adjust your actions to align with your values.

Acknowledge Your Pitfall. The first step in finding purpose in your pitfalls is to acknowledge that a pitfall or mistake happened. We make mistakes every day. With some mistakes, you self-correct so quickly that you do not even notice. It is instinctual. Other mistakes will set you back or repeat themselves until you discover the lesson, make a different decision, and take a different action.

“Own” It! Accept 100% Responsibility. Sometimes when mistakes or pitfalls happen people minimizing them as insignificant, “It really doesn’t affect things.” or “It’s not a big deal.” Some people turn to blame others because they could not have made a mistake. Do you know anyone like this? When you accept responsibility for what is you control, you can turn things around and maintain trust and respect of others. People are gracious towards you when you “own your stuff” because they know there will be a time when they make a mistake and will need the same favour.

Reflect and Ask Powerful Questions. Taking time to reflect brings about self-awareness. Once you are self-aware, there is no turning back! When you have the awareness of what happened and what the cause was you cannot intentionally repeat the same mistake or error. You will need to make a change especially if you are looking for positive results.

What were the steps leading to this pitfall?

What could be done to prevent this pitfall from repeating?

What needs to be adjusted to get the desired result?

Mistakes teach us about integrity. Mistakes and pitfalls often happen when you have overcommitted yourself, avoided conflict, broken promises, failed to listen, or rushed to get something done. They teach us that sometimes we need to slow down and become mindful of our interactions with others, how we feel, and what is going on around us. According to Dr. Carol Dweck’s work, if you have a “growth” mindset, you will see your mistakes as an opportunity to improve. Whereas, if you have a “fixed” mindset, you will see your mistakes as fatal and something that cannot be corrected.

Fail Forward with a Plan. There is no sense in beating yourself up over a pitfall. It is done and often cannot be changed. Focus on what CAN be done. Now that you have determined what may have led to this pitfall, you can make a plan of action to get the outcome you desire. What will be your next steps to set up for one of your greatest comebacks?

Discipline Yourself to Avoid Falling into Old Patterns. When you have determined what led you astray and you have made a plan, you need to become disciplined and eliminate distractions taking you off track. You heard through a trusted source that your team wonders if you care about them as people. You may choose to get up from your desk two times a day to interact with your team members or staff instead of hiding behind your desk. Positive changes do not have to be big to make an impact. In this example, your team members want to know you care. You can demonstrate this by getting to know them as people and not just the people who work for you. Set a notification to ensure you do this otherwise it will be too easy to fall into old habits.

Pitfalls can:

Invite us to make better choices in the future.
Reveal insights into new ideas leading to innovation and creativity.
Show us that a person has changed.
Deepen our knowledge.
Inform our values.
Expose our true feelings.
Keep us humble.
Teach us the value of forgiveness.
Tell us when it is time to move on.

We should take time to celebrate these mistakes and pitfalls for we have the ability to learn and improve – become better versions of ourselves. Your pitfalls are part of your journey of discovery of who you are and the strengths, talents, and abilities that you have to share with others. They provide you with an opportunity to develop mental toughness. You can practice mental toughness; the true strength comes from your resilience.

Please share how your pitfalls have made you mentally stronger.

“When you make a ‘mistake’, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. ‘Mistakes’ are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” -Hugh White