Debra Kasowski

How to Use Your Emotional Triggers to Your Advantage

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42201048_lEmotional triggers are thoughts, feelings, or events that trigger an emotional response. These emotional triggers can be positive or negative. It all depends on how you choose to react or respond. Your responses may have been negative at some point but along the way you learned how to deal with these emotions constructively and turn them into a positive lesson or just simply let it go. Ultimately, it is a matter of choice. We’ve all been triggered at some point in our lives. You may have lost your cool at a board meeting or you may have been elated for being acknowledged for an award.

“How you react emotionally is a choice in any situation.” – Judith Orloff

What Triggers You?

Every day you encounter things that trigger you. Think about how you feel when you watch your children play sports or read to you. Think about how you feel when someone cuts you off in traffic. A song may remind you of an event in your past and flood you with memories. Whereas, a pile of dishes on the counter may trigger an emotional response of frustration, disappointment, or anger after you had asked your teenager several times to put them in the dishwasher. When you get angry, your body responds like it being attacked. It jumps into the “fight or flight” mode to keep you safe. It is times like this that your body is in “fight or flight” mode that you will not think rationally and you may say things that you may regret.

“Certain things leave you in your life and certain things stay with you. And that’s why we’re all interested in movies-those ones that make you feel, you still think about because it gave you such an emotional response, it’s actually part of your emotional makeup-in a way.” Tim Burton

Use Emotional Triggers to Your Advantage

It is important to take notice of what things emotionally trigger you. Your 47322169_lenvironment may be an emotional trigger for you: clutter, noise, or conflict. You can try and run and hide and avoid situations that trigger your emotions or you can deal with it head on. Positive emotions do not appear to cause much of a problem because people are happy and joyful and act in a positive way. The negative emotions can hinder communication and potentially harm relationships if not used constructively. You can use your emotional triggers to your advantage and express your emotions in a positive way.

“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why he you no longer need to feel it.”-Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven

Recognize you’re being emotionally triggered. If you pay attention to how your body reacts or feels in a situation, you will be able to notice that you are being emotionally triggered.

Identify the emotion you’re having. What is the emotion that you’re feeling? Stop and take notice of what emotion you are feeling. When you identify it, you can manage it.

Choose to react or respond. Your thoughts and feelings influence your actions and behaviors. How do you choose to use the emotion that you are feeling? Remember avoidance is a choice and the response.

Regulate your emotions. What is the emotion you want to feel? What will you do differently based on the new emotion to respond or react to the situation?

When Emotions are Running High

Here are some simple things that you can do when your emotions are running high due to lack of sleep, increased stress, and lack of me time. Research studies show that sleep deprivation impairs accurate a recognition of emotions and impairs emotional judgment and decision-making. Lack of sleep also impacts your attention and impairs your performance. Before you react, take a step back from the situation for a short time to compose yourself and choose to respond.

  • Take a deep breath. Remember you work worked with everything you need to handle a situation.
  • Splash some cold water on your face and wait till you have calmed down.
  • Take a walk.
  • Sit in silence.
  • Have a cup of coffee or tea.
  • Listen to music
  • Keep a journal and track your emotional triggers recording what thoughts you’re having and what is going on around you. Think about how you could respond persist react.
  • Talk to family and friends when times get tough.
  • Be kind to yourself. Ensure that you are getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and getting enough exercise.
  • Be aware of self-talk that does not serve you.

As you learn more and understand your own triggers, you will also be more empathetic to those around you. You have been there and you understand that it’s not easy but you made a choice to respond. Being able to use you emotional triggers to your advantage can build strong relationships, improve your communication, improve performance, and make better decisions.

How will you use your emotions to your advantage?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

How Do Leaders Hold People Accountable Without Micromanaging?

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Leadership and management go hand in hand. There are times to lead and there are also times to manage. We need to strike a balance between the two to hold people accountable including ourselves. They complement each other and are often used interchangeably but do mean different things.

Managers are focused on the bottom line and getting results within a short range of time. They want to ensure that policies, processes, procedures are followed. The manager wants to ensure that things are done correctly and stay within the norm. Leaders, on the other hand, want to create a long-term vision for their followers which allows for creativity and innovation. They share intent behind their actions to help people understand their goals as well as the goals of others. A leader focuses on developing the people they work with so they too can lead. The leader encourages the people to ask questions and be curious about information available to them.

Leaders cringe at the thought of being labeled as “a micro-manager”.

Do you know a micro-manager? Are you one?

What is the difference between micromanaging and holding someone accountable for their actions?

Micromanagement and accountability are often misunderstood. Micromanagement is when the manager closely observes or takes control of the work of the people that report to them. They monitor and assess every step of the way. A micro-manager does not ask for input and may hide information to have the upper hand. These individuals do not trust that their people can do the job they were hired for.

Accountability is about the willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions. There is personal accountability as well as team accountability. When the manager shares information that involves facts and figures, they often need to look at how things happened and when. The leader will ask what happened and why. They will encourage their people to ask the tough questions and even challenge them to come up with solutions. When an individual or team takes responsibility for outcomes and results, they can reflect and look for the gaps from where they are to where they want to be. The manager often has to be accountable for the outcomes that their team delivers. A leader will inspire accountability by example.

There are situations in which micromanaging may help improve specific areas of a problem but should never be used as a long-term solution. Micromanaging is a strategy to improve performance and should not be used alone. We often have to take a step back and look at the big picture of what is going on in the system but we also need to take a closer look at the parts that make up the big picture. By doing so, individuals and teams can uncover where improvements can be made. This discovery can help us determine where accountability lies.

You can hold people accountable for their actions and results without micromanaging by asking powerful questions:

  1. What are the expectations? Clearly communicate and set expectations. Set the stage by explaining what is expected of an individual or team. Create a vision in their minds of what they should aim for.
  2. What is accountability when it comes to performance? Openly talk about accountability and performance so it’s not seen as micromanaging.
  3. How do they want to be held accountable? Ask the individuals or a team how they would like to be held accountable for their actions and agree on the process.
  4. What are the results and outcomes? Explain what the outcomes are if a person is not meeting expectations or performing well
  5. Where are the gaps? Share your observations of the gap between expectation and performance.
  6. What do they have to say about it? Ask for input.
  7. Who is best to come up with the solution? Give the individual or team ownership of the problem. Let them come up with a solution.
  8. What questions do they need answers to make informed decisions? Encourage them to ask questions and gather more information about what the facts and figures mean.
  9. What are actions with support the results and outcome we wish to achieve? Focus on results and outcomes and what actions can improve a problem versus focusing on the activities that cause the problem.

Let your people know what your intention is as you work with them. The people you manage and lead are your greatest resource and often will come up with the best solutions. Foster trust by demonstrating to the people you work with that they are capable of creating the results and outcomes shared in the vision. They are owners of the vision. Ask the questions that create accountability and allow the people to make the vision a reality under your leadership.

Leading and managing effectively can be an art. How do you hold people accountable?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Personal Mastery is the Key to Professional Mastery

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Grab your free gift at www.debrakasowski.com by Signing Up for the Success Secrets Newsletter. Debra Kasowski International – Personal Mastery is the Key to Professional Mastery. Personal and Professional Success does not occur in silo. Become a better version of yourself today.

Falling on Tough Times Means You Need to Adjust Your Focus

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We don’t have to go too far to get drawn in to negativity. You can go to any social media page and see someone ranting about the political climate or their frustrations with the economy and the impact on their lives.

Tough times don’t last forever. They don’t impact everyone at the same time. There are industries that are growing and thriving by choice. They have learned to think creatively and to be innovative with what they have. They recognize that they are the creator of their own outcomes and experiences. Personal accountability and determination are what make the best rise to the top.

Change means different things to different people but for the most part change means progress and moving forward. Change may provoke feelings of anxiety, fear, and nervousness. It is the uncertainty and the feeling of loss of control that can get a person worked up. When you are driven by your fears, you become caged in your belief that things cannot get better and your actions and behavior with match that belief. You may even start settling for less than you deserve because you’ve adopted a small picture thinking or “victim mentality”. You view the world as things happening “to you” rather than “for you” and because of this small minded thinking you could be missing out on a grand opportunity.

“Whether you think you can or you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Small picture thinkers are reactive rather than responsive. They focus on the small things versus the impact on the bigger picture. They fail to see that all circumstances are temporary and anything that is temporary can change. They do not ask questions about how thinks can be different. Small picture thinkers focus on counting their losses versus the gains that they have. They focus on the negativity of a situation and get lost in the blur activities that take up their day and exhaust them.

Worrying and complaining changes nothing. If we want greatness and abundance, we must be looking at what already is going well and celebrate those successes and build upon them. In my training in Appreciative Inquiry, a positive approach to creating meaningful and sustainable change, we guide people through a process of discovery by asking questions and focusing on existing strengths.

“The world as we have created is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. – Albert Einstein

Appreciative Inquiry is not about getting short-term results although many people would like immediate change (perhaps you they think it will hurt less or be more satisfied due to immediate gratification). People and organizations are living things that learn, grow, and evolve over time. Change takes time and commitment by each individual. You can start with focusing on what’s working and ask ourselves, “What do we/I need to be doing to be our best?”

What lens are you looking through? Are you looking at the upside or the downside? What strengths do you have that you can contribute to make a difference? It will be the big picture thinkers will who will keep the economy going. They know that now is not the time to stop learning, building relationships, or marketing because when the market changes (and it eventually will), they will be top of mind.

Think a little bit differently about the world around you. Ask yourself the following appreciative questions:

  1. Let’s capture your best experience. Recall a time when you felt on top of your game and most alive in your business, organization, or life. Who was involved? What made it such an exciting experience? Write down details.
  2. What do you bring to the table? Without being humble, what do you value about yourself as a person and what you contribute to your business or organization?
  3. The Magic Lamp. What three wishes would you make that would make the biggest difference in your business or organization right now?

Can you feel the shift in focus and energy? When you focus on the best of what is, you can think of ways to enjoy more of the best. Use your best experience, your strengths, and your three wishes to build and grow your business or organization to where you want to be. The same practices can be used in your personal life. Focus on what’s working right now. Celebrate and rave about it – shift the venting and gossip on social media to a positive and meaningful experience. Change starts with YOU!

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”Dr. Wayne Dyer

What is the one thing you are willing to commit to in moving toward making a positive change?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com