Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

5 Things You Can Do to Get Out of Your Own Way

April 25, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

No matter how successful you are or how driven you are, resistance to change is sure to show up. It shows up in the form of anxiety, self-doubt, and guilt. In order to accomplish what you want, you need to step out of your comfort zone but as soon as you do this, your mind starts playing games with you. It wants to keep you safe and protect you from any risks. This mindset chatter is the biggest obstacle to your success because it allows you to get in your own way. You end up reverting to patterns you have had in the past that no longer serve you.

The fear and resistance can paralyze you and stop you from taking any action at all. The resistance you face can prevent you from asking for a raise or the overdue promotion. Resistance can prevent you from making the sacrifices required in order to get control of your health and wellness. The only one who could put this resistance on and set the brakes is you. The person who can make the change is also you. If you want to achieve things that you never thought possible, you must start taking action steps that will help get you to where you want to be.

Pay attention to your self-talk. Listen to the words that you are saying. Are they positive or negative? Do you hear yourself saying “I wish I was more confident” or “I wish I could handle difficult conversations better?” Instead of wishing, why don’t you be more confident or choose to handle difficult conversations better? Everything starts with a choice.

Drop the words “can’t” and “try” from your vocabulary. When people say “can’t”, they often mean I don’t want to and when they say “try” they often mean I don’t think I can do it. You want to start using empowering language.

Zero in on the Barriers You Tell Yourself. What are the barriers to achieving what you want? One of the most powerful things you can do is ask questions and gain different perspectives of a single situation. Take your emotions out of the equation and take a serious look at the facts. Do you have the information you need? These real or perceived barriers can be overcome when you get more information. When you get more information, you can ask better questions and get better answers.

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
― Winston S. Churchill

Don’t let the fear of failure be the one thing that holds you back. Failure is actually your greatest teacher. It allows you to ask the next questions: What worked? What didn’t work? What can I do differently? It is by asking questions that you stimulate your brain to focus on solutions. Turn your challenges into opportunities to get creative and innovative.

Improve your skills. Improving your skills is one of the most under estimated keys to success. People often think if they read one book or attend one seminar that they should be achieving success; however, if you don’t apply what you learned and put it into action the reading and attending were a waste of valuable time. By improving your skills, you build confidence and competence in your abilities. You can improve your skills through the work that you do, volunteering, or trying new things.

Set goals. By just taking time to write down your goals, you become more focused on what you want and look for opportunities to support what you want to achieve. Don’t let the size of the goal overwhelm you. Break the goal into smaller pieces whether it be quarterly, monthly, weekly, or daily tasks. You may choose to delegate some of the work required. You might be telling yourself there’s so much to get done and I just don’t know where to start. Have no fear -start by blocking off time in your calendar to work on the task at hand. When you focus your time and attention, you will intentionally do the work you need to do. You are making a commitment to yourself. The more manageable the task, the greater likelihood you will achieve it.

Take bold action and celebrate your success. One of the things that allow you to get in your own way is waiting for someone to come and save you or hand success take you on a silver platter. Don’t wait for others to give you success. Success comes from you and the work that you put in. Positive thinking alone does not accomplish what you need to do; it comes from taking some serious bold action toward what you say you want to do. Celebrate every success along the way. These mini celebrations will help create a momentum that will drive you forward and help you bust through your fears and get out of your own way.

Resistance appears just when you get close to accomplishing a major milestone. This resistance serves you to reinforce the importance of why you set out to accomplish what you want to accomplish. Why is what you’re doing so important? What is the impact it will make? And what is the risk of you not following through? How many lives including your own will be affected?

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
― Peter F. Drucker

You are meant to do great things. Leverage the anxiety, self-doubt, and guilt to your advantage by changing your self-talk, staying focused on your priorities and getting the facts, improving your skills, setting goals, and taking bold action steps that truly make you an unstoppable force in the world.

What are you resisting right now? How are you getting your own way? And what actions are you going to do take to change it?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

How to Test Your Reality and Combat Negative Thinking

April 6, 2016 by Debra Kasowski 2 Comments

Negative thinking can cause a person to jump to conclusions without checking out all the facts. We all have negative thoughts at one time or another; negativity is normal. When we start to “paint every situation with the same brush”, we fail to remain objective and make effective decisions.

Have you ever let your imagination run wild wondering why you haven’t heard from someone? Have you ever wondered why someone else got promoted over you? Have you ever made an assumption and realized you are totally wrong? Reality testing helps you remain objective so that you can identify and understand the emotions you are feeling and deal with what drives them.

“The things that never happen, are often as much realities to us, in their effects, as those that are accomplished.” – CHARLES DICKENS, David Copperfield

Reality testing is part of Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory in which the ego is able to recognize the difference between the external world (reality) and the internal world-the world of the mind. Testing reality is the ability to see a situation for what it really is and allows the ego to distinguish between fears, beliefs, hopes and actual reality.

When you think negatively about a situation, you may think that the worst will happen which destroys any positive energy which drives you toward a purpose and drains the possible resources. Doubt creeps in. Negativity is compounded when there is a sense of distrust or you get involved in gossip.

Negativity or errors in one’s thinking such as over-generalization, “all or nothing” thinking, blaming others or excepting blame when there’s no one to blame to be had can all lead to anxiety which in turn impacts a person’s behavior. Your thoughts and feelings influence the actions you take. When a negative outcome comes occurs, you may feel defeated and discouraged. Your mind will start searching for negative memories to rationalize the outcome to support why something happened to you and this rationale will become a new belief.

“Reality is determined not by what scientists or anyone else says or believes but by what the evidence reveals to us” –Alan Hale

In order to combat this way of thinking, you need to consider everyone involved in a situation, the circumstances, environment, and all potential outcomes and effects. Re-frame the situation into a positive thought or feeling. By putting things into perspective, you become “emotionally balanced” and you are able to make effective decisions. You can get rid of negative emotions through utilizing positive self-talk, reminding yourself that first impressions are not always correct, challenging assumptions, self-reflecting on strong emotions when they arise, or by asking someone you trust for their perspective. When you purge negative emotions, you are able to adapt to situations with ease and you are able to face life situations with courage and conviction therefore, improving your coping skills.

How do you ensure your emotions do not get the best of you when making decisions?

What ways do you challenge your assumptions to verify if something is true of not?

Reality testing helps combat negativity. You can choose to stay away from being a part of the water cooler gossip or negative conversations. Re-frame your negative self-talk. Remember your emotions guide you and give you information about your reality. Treat each situation as a new situation. Ask questions. Check out all the facts before jumping to conclusions and letting the negative part of your imagination run too wild before determining the truth.

What ways do you combat negative thinking?

How has negative thinking impacted your reality?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

Why You Should Banish the Word TRY from Your Vocabulary

April 2, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

The words we use to communicate carry so much power. There are some words that we just need to drop from our vocabulary for they carry nothing but a negative context.

I was speaking with a business owner whose focus was in real estate who needed someone to provide interior design and decor. I referred someone who is very professional and I respect. As you can appreciate, when you provide a referral you are providing someone that you know, like, and trust and who will do a good work. Right before their meeting, the business owner called me to let me know that they were about to meet. I wished them well and I had asked that this business owner treat my referral well. The business owner’s response was, “I will try.” To which my response was, “There is no try in how you treat people. You either choose to treat someone well or you choose not to.” The business owner became flustered and stated “What do you mean? I replied that how you treat someone is a choice.

“Do or do not do. There is no try.” Star Wars character Yoda

Yoda’s philosophy applies to all opportunities that are presented to you. You cannot just sit on the fence or put in partial effort. You’re either in or you’re out. Your results are in direct proportion to whether you’re willing to make a commitment to choose to do something versus not doing something.

By reflecting on this conversation, I have made it my mission to help you, my reader, eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary. Try is a destructive word for two main reasons: (1) it’s a cop-out or way to get you off the hook; you really don’t have to put the effort and (2) it points to self-doubt – doubt and fear that you are able to turn out the results you have been asked to deliver or hope to deliver. There is no real firm commitment to say, “Yes, I can do this!”

There is a distinct difference between “trying” and “doing”. I had read a story in which Tony Robbins was speaking to a woman in one of his audiences about her marriage. She told him that she had tried everything to save their marriage and that her husband had done nothing. So in hearing this, Tony Robbins had asked her to try to pick up a chair. The woman obliged and picked up the chair. He stated that he told her to “try to pick up the chair”. The woman was confused; she did not understand. He went on to explain that if you tried to pick up the chair you would not actually pick it up because you are making an attempt you weren’t doing. If I said pick up the chair to you, you could physically pick up the chair but if I ask you to try you will not succeed.

Really listen to the power of the word “try” and how it sabotages your efforts-it all starts in your mind. It’s time to shift to making a commitment. 100% all in where failure is not an option.

The words or phrases you should be using instead include:

I will…

I can…

Let’s get to it…

Can you hear the difference in the power of those phrases? How much stronger is your belief in yourself? How much more will you be able to accomplish or achieve?

Be aware of the words that you use. Make a commitment to yourself and to others when you say you will do things. Give it your best! Remember when you offer a referral you were hoping that they will treat your referral with the same respect and appreciation as the relationship they have formed with you.

What are some words you have eliminated from your vocabulary?

Please share this article with others who need to eliminate the word TRY!

How to Pivot and Position Yourself in Changing Economic Times

March 23, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

The economy is constantly changing whether it is due to the current political party or available resources. It does not matter if you have right sized, downsized, or any sized, you need to adapt to the fluctuation of the marketplace. If you are a business owner, you know that you can’t sit around and wait for the timing to be just right.

You’ve probably learned that there are times you have needed to dig deep and tap into creativity and lead the way in innovation. You may have heard the entrepreneurial saying, “build the plane as you fly”. Entrepreneurs are constantly pivoting or course correcting to reveal the blueprint or formula that allows for a model that scalable and rinse and repeatable. If everyone waited for the right time, nothing would happen.

During tough economic times, you need to be adaptable to what is going on in your environment. Not just tough times – anytime. Pivoting allows you to refine your initial vision and re-position yourself with the economic changes .You may take a look at the skill set of your team or brainstorm new programs and services to support your clients. At the end of the day, your clients or customers are looking to receive solutions to their pain points and provide the greatest value. Ensure you are using your team’s assets. Even if you readjust your product line, products or services, you still need to market and let people know about what you have to offer them. Now is not the time to stop marketing. You can’t be on the mind of your customer if no one knows that you are the solution that they’ve been searching for.

“The easy way to get into a person’s mind is to be first.” Al Ries and Jack Trout

You don’t have to wait for the market to turn to prosper. Market your message to the masses. Create your own economy. Distinguish yourself from your competitor by being the best in your industry. This doesn’t mean comparing yourself to your competitor. It means being your best-be so good that people rave about you. What makes you unique? What do you do or offer that makes you stand out from the crowd? What emotions do you trigger that causes people to want to choose you… How do you make them feel?

You want to create that hunger or desire that people need to have your product or service and that you are the only one with a solution to their pain point or problem. Why do people need you? What do you offer that others do not?

TICE Strategies to Put Yourself Out of Your Comfort Zone and Into the Marketplace

Tell –Tell people what you need. Tell people what you need them to do. Tell people what you offer.
Inquiry – Discover the needs and wants of your clients. Aim to fulfill those with your products, programs, and services.
Collaborate – Connect with other business owners that offer complementary services for a joint venture or collaboration. Ensure they are like minded and have the same vision and values you do.
Escape the Office Computer – Get out from behind your computer and connect with people. Learn what is important to people and how you can help them without being salesy. Listen to what they want and need.

By doing these four things, you can redefine or reinvent your business strategy and marketing plan to suit the needs of the ever-changing environment. Set yourself up for success so you can pivot, position, and profit.

5 Reasons People Push Back or Resist Change

March 13, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Have you ever had someone give you push back when you were trying to implement something new? Have you been ever questioned about a change you were trying to make? Have you asked yourself why the change needs to occur?

Pushback or resistance to change can show up in many ways. A person can get defensive in trying to get their point. Whereas another person, may choose to be defiant and not do what they have been directed to do. Individuals may procrastinate in moving forward with their part of the change and do things last-minute or miss deadlines completely thus sabotaging the change.

Even though push back and resistance to change can be frustrating, it is important to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself:

Why might this person be challenging or questioning me?
Is there value in what they are saying?
What is the impact that they see that I may not?

Sometimes we think that the person who’s playing the devil’s advocate is resisting change but what they’re really doing is looking at the situation from different angles. It is important to differentiate whether this person is pushing back or resisting change or are they providing you with valuable shifts in perspective?

Don’t get me wrong…

There are people who resist change. Instead of seeing change as progress, they see change as paralysis.

There are several reasons people resist change and the questions you should be asking yourself?

Lack of Control When people feel that things are done “to them” rather than “with them”, they feel a loss of autonomy. Sometimes these changes are a surprise and the ideas of change are imposed upon them. What information do they need to feel more in control?

Fear of Failure If you’ve ever been a part of a group or an organization with seasoned members, you may have heard the phrase “We’ve done it before and it didn’t work”. These individuals often operate from a place of fear – the fear of failure. They come from the premise that because it didn’t work before, it may not work again and they don’t want to fail. However, they fail to recognize that even though the concept has been used before, it didn’t mean that it was the right time, the right resources were available, or that organization has new people and has gone through a many new experiences. Just because something didn’t work before doesn’t mean, it might not work this time. Have you ever been a part of a group or organization like this? How did it make you feel? What opportunity can you offer for someone to try out their idea?

Too Much Uncertainty Some people resist change because the uncertainty or the “not knowing” makes them feel uneasy and fearful. They do not want to step out of their comfort zone. When people make decisions out of fear, they move into a fight or flight mode and cannot think rationally. They also may make decisions hastily without thought.

We forget we wake up every day with a whole to-do list of different things not knowing what the entire outcome will be. Life would be pretty boring if we knew everything that was going to happen. There would be no excitement or anticipation. There may even be a lack of motivation or effort to pursue and achieve a certain result. What can you do to support your customers or the people you work with when faced with uncertainty?

People are Creatures of Habit We fall into unconscious routines and are creatures of habit. We rely on structure of schedules, calendars, and processes to carry things out. One change can make everything feel completely different. When everything is different, we feel uncertainty creep in. What processes or structures will stay the same and what will be different? What will the “new normal” look like?

Change creates work. People may not buy-into the change, thinking that the change is not necessary or change is occurring just for the sake of change. You may see this when people are suffering from change fatigue. They may be unwilling to learn one more thing. Change is happening so much that they do not have the time to adjust and adapt to the change because what they just changed is changing again so they start thinking, “What’s the point?” We need to be aware of having too many changes to a process. It may mean that the change needs to be thought through a bit more. What impact will the changes make? Are the changes being made necessary? What else do you need to consider when making the change?

“In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” – Eric Hoffer

Change represents progress and growth. If you are not changing and adapting to the world that is going on around you – you may get left behind.

“You must embrace change before change erases you.” – Rob Liano

Anchor yourself in the vision, mission, and core values that you live and abide by – this grounding exercise can provide you with the familiarity you seek. When you feel you are asked to do more with less and resources appear scarce, it is time to innovate and get creative. Do not hold back in trying to understand what is behind the push back. You may be too close to the situation to see the value in what the “devil’s advocate” is offering you.

Share the vision for what you want to achieve. Engage the individuals the change impacts whenever possible. The more they are part of the process, the less resistant they will be to implementing a change. Appreciate their thoughts, ideas, and suggestions by allowing them to share the possibilities. By gathering information from diverse groups and individuals, you strengthen the strategies for managing transition. Use push back and resistance to change as your opportunity to gain insight to the larger picture.

Have you experienced push back or resistance to change – share your story about what you did?

Share this article with someone who may be experiencing this right now!