toxic people Archives - Debra Kasowski

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“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So, change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

We have all encountered people who have the glass half full viewpoint (optimist) and those with the glass half empty viewpoint (pessimist). Which one are you? Did you know we have 50,000-70,000 thoughts a day? 98% of those thoughts you have had the day before. Eighty percent of those thoughts are negative. It sounds crazy but most of your thoughts are not conscious thoughts. You have not brought them to your attention. When you do bring those thoughts to your attention, you have a choice whether to respond or not respond to them. If you focus or put your attention on a thought, you are giving energy to it or empowering that thought even if that thought could be wrong.

Don’t believe everything you think without questioning it. Your imagination can run away from itself – thinking often the worst of a situation rather than the best. To fight negativity, you must start with dealing with the negativity within.

Defeat the Negativity Within

Start by paying attention to what your inner voice is saying in any given situation. Is it empowering you or shaming you?

You cannot think a negative thought and a positive thought at the same time. When you think a negative thought, identify the thought and challenge your thought by questioning any assumptions you may be making. Surely, you have never made an assumption that was wrong before. I have I know I am not the only one. Remember though only have the meaning we give them. So, if you do not like the thought you are thinking, think a different thought or don’t give it meaning or your attention. Shift your energy by reframing the thought positively. Reframing will help change your perspective on some of the limiting beliefs you may be having. For example,

“I am not good enough to be chosen for the promotion.”

Is this thought true?

How do you know?

What do you want to be thinking?

“I AM good enough to be chosen for the promotion.”

Feel the energy shift. Wherever you focus your time and attention to, you will get more of. What are some of the self-limiting beliefs that you are having? Write out what your self-limiting beliefs are. Challenge the assumptions you may be making. Reframe the thought to an empowering thought. What do you want to be thinking? Consider capturing your thoughts by writing them down in a journal and reframing them.

Stop exposing yourself to negativity. Steer clear from watching the news first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed. There is a lot of negative news going on the world that can really affect your mood and mindset. What kind of movies and books to you read? What are you feeding your mind with? I am hoping is entertaining you, inspiring you, or educating you to become the best you can be!

Develop an attitude of gratitude. Start and end your day in gratitude. Gratitude is about being thankful and appreciative of something tangible or intangible and how it has impacted our lives. What are you grateful for? Positive psychology research shows that people who are grateful tend to be happier. Tell people in your life that you are grateful for them in your life or send them a thank you card. Too busy to write (even though I still suggest you send a card) – you may choose to thank them mentally.

The Negative Relationships – The Toxic People

Attitudes are contagious. Be careful who you surround yourself with; ensure you are spending time with positive people who encourage and support you. One of the greatest lessons I have learned is to not take other people’s negativity personally. Their reaction to things is about what is going on for them in their mind and life and often has very little to do with you. A toxic person is someone who makes a person feel bad about themselves by talking down to them, criticizing them, or belittling them. They may tell you that you can’t do things or you’re not good enough or talented enough to be successful. Do you know where that is coming from? It comes from their own fears of you succeeding or even that fact that they are not and did not go after their own goals.

Gandhi once said, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with dirty feet.” You get to choose whether you will respond or react. Sometimes the toxic people may be people you are related to. Often the best things to do in these cases are to change the subject of the conversation or set boundaries by expressing what you are willing to talk about and what you are not willing to talk about. You are in control of letting that messaging in or keeping it out and how it impacts you. Limit your contact with toxic people.

The Negative Environment

Somethings you can control and somethings you cannot. You want to focus on what you can control.

Focus on solutions and the next positive step. It is easy to replay negative experiences over and over in our heads like a movie – reliving every moment. Is that what you really want? Learn to let go of past hurts. They occurred in the past and they cannot be changed.

Focus on the present – it what you can control. Redirect the topic and take control of the situation.

Keep the lines of communication open. Talk about your concerns openly and ask questions to avoid any misunderstandings. Again, your imagination can run wild if you do not ask questions to ensure you understand things correctly.

Deal with issues/concerns head on. Do not avoid having important conversations that you need to have. They can fester and exploded into much bigger problems and damage morale if not tended to immediately.

Follow up with others that you work and spend time with. This “pulse check” can help you determine if everyone is getting along or there are any concerns you may not be aware of. By being aware, positive changes can create positive results. Be proactive.

Be careful not to minimize the positive. Fighting negativity is a work in progress. It is too easy to fall into the trap of getting caught up in negative thinking, gossiping with others, and creating a toxic environment if you do not pay attention to where your thoughts are at any given moment.

Empower yourself by thinking empowering thoughts. When you think positive, you are giving a boost to your mood and you will take more affirmative actions to support your goals and objectives.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 12:25 min

I have always enjoyed studying people and performance. I love to learn about what makes them tick and what ticks them off? What is the trigger? How do they switch gears when things do not go as planned? What do they do differently that the average person?

I would like to consider myself a high performer but I also know that I can become more disciplined as sometimes those late nights do not lead to early morning starts. I love mornings but I can also get caught up in my work because I love it so much!

Think about the successful people in your life, what are their daily habits? How did they become successful?

Many people see the success and think it was handed to them on a silver platter. Here you go! I wish it was that easy but – it is not so!

There is so much more that you do not see. What goes on behind closed doors…the long hours, missed vacations, and all the small daily sacrifices to reach their end goal.

Get Up Earlier than The Rest.

Prepare yourself for the day before everyone else is up. 5 am is a great start. Your body is for movement. Fit in some morning exercise at least 30 minutes. Eat breakfast. Read an industry related book or write in a journal for about 20 minutes. You may even consider meditation or prayer to clear your mind of any doubts or worries you may have. High performers are go-getters.

You can get a few more hours up on the world – watch your productivity soar. Why? You will feel stronger, more clear on what you need to do, your body is fueled and energy is up. You are in position to conquer the world.

Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life.

High performers do not make excuses for their actions. They own them and if something did not go as planned they look for a solution or admit their involvement. High performers do not complain or look to blame any one. They look for what they may have done to change the outcome or what their contribution was. There is no sense dwelling on something you have no control over as a root cause analysis does not change the outcome. Positive forward thinking builds momentum. It is an unshakeable attitude – an air of confidence that says – this is my life and I have choices.

Learn from Your Mistakes.

I know people who are afraid to try new things because they are perfectionists and are afraid of failure – perhaps you feel the same way. If you do not try new things, you are depriving yourself of a lifetime of new experiences and opportunities. There is no guarantee of success or failure without an attempt. What you think is playing it safe can actually be your greatest risk. Instead, look for the lessons and try to not make the same mistake twice.

Progress Before Perfection.

If you wait for everything to be perfect, you may never get started. Strive for your personal best. Don’t worry about what others are doing – they are not living your journey. Stop comparing yourself to others and devaluing yourself.

Go the extra mile.

Work harder than the competition and deliver more than expected. Do what others do not do and you will be noticed and remembered. High achievers ensure they make an impact in the lives of others whether it be providing more value or helping them reach their goals.

Take time to learn more to earn more.

High performers do not watch a lot of television unless it is part of their work. According to some reported statistics collected by A.C. Nielsen Co. and reported by Norman Herr, PhD from California State University, Northridge on Television and Health, the average North American watches 4 hours a day of television (28 hours/week). To a high performer, time is money. Time is relationships. Time is education, knowledge, and experience. Time is health. The most shocking information I noted when reading Television & Health was that parents only have 3.5 minutes of meaningful conversation with their children a week.How are we as a society encouraging the high performers of the future?

You have the same amount of time as the next person to achieve success. What are you doing with the time you have? You can be reading and researching to learn more about your industry, and investing in yourself both professionally and personally. The more you learn and apply your learning the greater your earning potential.

Write down your goals.

Make it real. By putting your goals on paper and inking them, you are make more of a commitment. Keep your goals visible so they stay top of mind. Write down strategies that you plan to take to achieve them. This exercise will help you stay focused and more inspired to take action. Breaking down your goals makes them less overwhelming. High performers know that once a ball is in motion and action is taken. Momentum occurs.

Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People.

You are the average of the five people you surround yourself the most. You may have heard the phrase, “You become the company that you keep.” Stop and think about the people you spend the most time with. Eliminate or limit the interaction you have with toxic people and surround yourself with people who elevate you and want you to help you reach your goals. High performers are always stretching themselves by getting to know new people and learning new things. Positive environments fosters growth. Raise the bar!

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone.

Complacency is like the kiss of death. When you get to comfortable, you begin to resist growth and change. Change is progress. You may be afraid to take a risk. Remember the more knowledge or you have about a subject, the more competent and confident you feel. High performers know that risks can lead to great rewards. Do your homework and make your own decision about whether you want to go ahead with something. Trust your gut.

High performers create their own success through sacrifice, discipline, and hard work. They even ask for HELP! Look at the high achievers in your life. What are they doing?

If they can do it so can you!

The question is..what are you willing to do?

Episode 77 – Fighting Negativity

9 Powerful Habits of the High Performer