self sabotage Archives - Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 156 – Waiting to Be Great

May 22, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Subscribe: RSS

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzZb3rNtH64[/embedyt]

“Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.” Robert Anthony

Waiting…waiting is to pause or delay! Why would you want to wait for being great or step into your greatness?

I have heard many reasons (actually, they are excuses and hiding place). They say, “I don’t know enough.” Or “I need more education”. Depending on your expertise, if you are wanting to be an astronaut or a surgeon, I would say yes, you probably do. We want you to know what you are doing. For the most part as a business owner, entrepreneur, or a leader of an organization, you can learn as you go and grow! There are so many resources available literally at your fingertips such as online courses and academies. Coursera and Udemy are popular.

Another reason I hear is that “I need more experience” or “They have more talent than I do.” You gain experience by doing so get out there and start doing. You may need to volunteer with a board or organization to get some of the experience you are looking for. Talent is great but unless you continue to work and grow your talent those who put the effort in and work hard – they will surpass the person with talent alone. Nothing beats grit!

Other reasons include needing everything to be perfect, not enough money to get started, no time or resources, indecision – waiting for the timing to be just right and blaming others for failed expectations. The amount of time you have available to you is no different than the next person. People will say they have no money and some may not. If you pay attention or do a walk through their home, you will soon discover where they spend their money and what’s important to them. It is not the person who has the most resources that succeed it is the person who is most resourceful who WINS!

You may see more reasons than results when you hold yourself back from being vulnerable or hold yourself back from taking action for fear of being criticized by others.

Greatness comes from courage. Courage comes when you step out of your comfort zone and take action. Courage over comfort! You need to start taking actions instead of rationalizing the way things are. Be practical can hold you back from visualizing your end goal and what you want. Being comfortable holds you back… you tell yourself…things are great why ruffle things up, however, there is a part of you that is ready to take a leap and stretch because you know if you don’t there is a part of you dying inside.

You may be waiting or postponing your greatness if you catch yourself saying, “after” or later”. You don’t think you can really pull things off. How do you know 100% you can’t?

Here’s the deal…

When you make a decision to overcome self-doubt, fears, and adversity, that is when you become great. Guess what? You have already overcome some of those – traveling to a new place, asking a guy or girl on a date, getting a college or university education, starting a new business, or going to the bank to ask for a loan. You can either overwhelm yourself or you can overcome yourself and step into the skin you are meant to be in.

Quit playing small it serves no one. You play small when you come up with excuses from taking action. Jim Carey famously said, “So many of us choose our paths in life out of fear disguised as practicality.” Practicality does not allow for dreaming of a bigger future!

One of the most interesting reasons I heard is that people wait to be great because once they achieve the dream or goal there will be nothing more to long for as it has been achieved so they delay it. Gian Carlo Menotti’s quote resonates with this,

“Waiting and hoping are the whole of life, and as soon as a dream is realized it is destroyed.”

My question for you is, “Why not set a new dream or goal?” Chances are you have not fulfilled your full potential. If you only knew how capable you truly are you would astonish yourself? Why not give it a shot and see how close to your potential you can get?

You are here for a reason…discover that reason and live it out!

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

How to Get Rid of the Fear of ‘Putting Yourself Out There’ Once and For All

February 5, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Anyone who wants to grow in their business or in their leadership skills has to learn how to put themselves out there. Putting yourself out there doesn’t mean exposing yourself and every little intimate detail of your life. It is about getting out amongst people and learning about the world around you. The secret sauce is about being curious about what matters most to people and putting yourself out there.

“Believe that if you make courageous choices and bet on yourself and put yourself out there, that you will have an impact, as a result of what you do. And you don’t need to know now what that would be or how will it happen because no one ever does.” – Dick Costolo

Does thought of networking make you queasy?

If you’re shy and feel uncomfortable in networking situations, you might find yourself hiding behind your computer with every excuse why not to go to a networking event. You tell yourself you don’t really like to meet people. Although this may be true, the greater truth may be that you’re more afraid to fail in front of others or say the wrong thing. You may also be afraid to succeed, for the fear of the unknown and how your life will change. Uncertainty can hold you hostage and you may sabotage yourself by letting your imagination go wild with all the “what if” situations that would not support you. You are in the people business. You need to connect with people.

Imagine what it would be like to meet like-minded people who could introduce you to other like-minded people to ensure that your pipeline of clients is consistently filled forget the promotion you have been longing for. How would that feel?

Pretty amazing I bet!

People don’t know how great you are and until you show them. They want to know how you will help them. Don’t let your own fears hold you back from providing value to others.

Focus on providing value instead of focusing on your fear. Every person does not like to be put in the spotlight as they feel exposed and vulnerable. You may worry about what others will think of you or wonder if people will like you or your ideas. You may fear being rejected as the expert you see yourself to be. When it comes to your clients, who knows more about your subject matter than you? Most people are wondering what you are thinking about them and their ideas.

If you want to grow and being known as the go-to resource for expert, exposure in the marketplace if necessary. You have to take the risk of putting your ideas and opinions out there.

No, you won’t appeal to everyone but that’s the beauty of it.

This is the exact reason why there is such abundance in the world. Each individual cannot serve everyone and they may not appeal to everyone and that is okay. There is more than enough business to go around for everyone.

“You put yourself out there in the truest way you can and hope others do the same. You’ll connect or you won’t, but you did what you could. “ – Chris Crutcher

Shift your thinking from self-promotion to self-expression. You may think that self-promotion is bragging and conceited. Self-promotion is about promoting oneself and it doesn’t have to mean that you’re arrogant or that you’re better than the next person. If I’m hiring you to do a job, I will look for the person who can best represent themselves and what they stand for. It will come down to how they express themselves. How you express yourself and what you stand for and how you take interest in others will demonstrate your core values and what you believe in.

Whether you’re putting a post on social media or writing your bio for an article, you want to be able to express how you provide solutions and can help others along their journey. Your expression may be in the form of photos, comments, or sharing a little bit about yourself in order to make yourself relatable to those around you. Think about what you’re expressing and how it may help others. Does it inspire? Does it encourage action taking? Does it help people reflect and think about their own situations?

Take action now. Too many people talk themselves out of taking action because they feel that they’ve missed the opportunity but what they’re really doing is coming up with an excuse as to why they haven’t taken action. You can always find evidence for whatever you believe to be true as it is your reality. It is never too late. If you’re waiting for everything to be perfect, you will miss out on those opportunities. New opportunities will arise for you to take action on. Remember that your work in progress in you can adjust your course along the way.

Every successful story from Eleanor Roosevelt to Oprah Winfrey required that they put themselves out there regardless of their fears to share their voice. Their circumstances weren’t perfect. They grew and learned along the way and put new knowledge into action. As one action didn’t work they would try another while they stayed focused and determined to move forward.

You can create your success story by taking the actions required to put yourself out there even when you are afraid. Know that you’re never alone as the like-minded people around you are often experiencing the same thing that you are but never have had the courage to share it with you. As you put yourself out there, you’ll quickly learn that many feel the same as you and you can be reassured that the courage that it takes for you to push through your fears, shift your thinking and take imperfect action, you will be inspiring others to do the same.

Debra Kasowski is an award-winning 2X bestselling author, professional speaker, certified executive coach, and podcast host of The Millionaire Woman Show which discusses topics of leadership, business, and human potential. She has interviewed influencers like Bob Burg from the Go-Giver, Dr. Mark Goulston, John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur on Fire, and TEDx Speaker Teresa de Grosbois. Debra has the heart of a teacher and certified in the areas of Emotional Intelligence and Appreciative Inquiry a positive approach to change. Her work has been published in a variety of traditional and online media. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Episode 66 – The Driving Force – Pain versus Pleasure Principle

January 31, 2017 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

“One must learn to give up momentary, uncertain and destructive pleasure for delayed, restrained, but dependable pleasure.” Sigmund Freud, Pain-Pleasure Principle 1922

When we’re faced with a decision, we often make choices based on previous experiences and how we link pain or pleasure too. In Tony Robbins’ book, Awaken the Giant Within, he states “if we link massive pain to any behaviour or emotional pattern, we will it avoid indulging in it at all costs. We can use this understanding to harness the force of pain and pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives.”

What is it that you would like to change in your life right now?

Every decision you make is based on whether or not you believe that you are going to experience pain or pleasure. Many people make decisions based on the pleasure or instant gratification they will get rather than the long-term consequences of their decisions. When faced with making a decision, one of the most common techniques to make that decision is to make a list of all the positive outcomes and then another list of the negative outcomes. Pay attention to what you focus on. Is it positive or negative? Don’t let fear hold you back from living a bigger life.

Are you letting your imagination run wild with all the “what if” scenarios playing around in your head?

Is the pain real or imagined?

Remember what you believe and focus your attention on, you will find evidence you need to support it.

What is the payoff of not taking the actions that you know you need to take? What is the real reason that you continue to take the same actions and get the same results?

If you’re not getting the results that you want, it’s time to take different actions. It all starts with recognizing whether or not you are linking pain or pleasure to the action you need to take. What emotions come up for you? Your emotions will drive you toward pain or pleasure. If you are happy, you will take positive actions that support your goals. If you are sad, you may take actions that pull you away from what you want to achieve. Every choice you make can lead you to experience pain or experience pleasure.

Look at the choices people make around you. Are they choosing things that cause them pain versus pleasure? When people feel pleasure, they want to sustain it and will take further action to maintain that feeling or reward.

What you perceive to be true is your reality based on your own life experiences. A simple example I think of is the fact that I do not drink coffee. Growing up on the farm, I remember taking meals out to the field and there would be a big thermos of coffee. The aroma was intoxicating but as I saw it poured into a mug I could only think of tar. I think of tar every time I see someone drinking coffee. I experience pleasure when I put on an outfit and I know that my workouts and mindful eating have paid off. Working out at the gym brings me pleasure because of the results I anticipate – a toned strong body and mind. Again, I can easily push aside desserts for the same reason. Other people may think of working out or skipping dessert as painful so they would rather make different choices.

The anticipation of what may or may not occur in the future may also drive your decision making. Are you making assumptions about what may happen? Do you know for sure?

Focus on what the pleasure and the long term gain are of a decision you make.

What emotions are you experiencing?

When emotions are high, rational thinking goes out the window. Daniel Goleman, the Father of Emotional Intelligence refers to this as an “amygdala hijack” – a part of the brain that loses all reason in times of emotional distress.

You need to leverage your emotions and start linking your feelings to what you want to achieve. Look for inconsistencies and ensure your actions are aligned with what you say you want to happen. Imagine what your life would be like if you took the actions necessary to achieve your goals. Magic would happen!

What is really holding you back from taking the actions you know you need to take?

If you want to lose weight, why aren’t you avoiding sugary foods and soft drinks?

If you want to be financially free, why do you spend money you don’t have?

If you want to have better use of your time, why do spend hours surfing the internet or watching television?

Start associating pain with some of the behaviours you want to change. There is a power of association like coffee and tar. I have heard others like, “Kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray.” What would happen if you associated the pleasure of saving money so you could go on that trip you dreamed about or bought that house you have been eyeing. Create your own associations to help make powerful changes in your life.

How will you leverage pain or pleasure to get you desire outcomes?

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

Time: 09:19 min

Keywords: taking control, pain versus pleasure, pain principle, pleasure principle, emotions, control emotions, what is pleasure, what is pain, Tony Robbins, Daniel Goleman, leverage your emotions, Sigmund Freud, what is holding you back, self-sabotage

Why Having a Plan B is Holding Your Success Hostage

November 30, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Many people believe that if Plan A doesn’t work out it’s great to have a Plan B in your back pocket. When I was growing up, it was important to have a backup plan and if Plan B didn’t work you would go down the alphabet that all the way to down to Plan Z. Plan B can actually be a barrier and hinder your success. You could actually be setting yourself up for failure. Just because you hit some obstacles with Plan A doesn’t mean you automatically have to jump to Plan B or give up on Plan A altogether. This obstacle may be giving you the extra time you need to really think things through and decide how to move forward. It may be challenging you and testing whether or not you truly are as passionate about Plan A as you say you are. This test is one of commitment.

Quit holding yourself hostage from achieving your goals and start being the person you wish to show up as in the world. Plan A is only successful as the actions you take to make it become reality. No action, no results. Plan B becomes the default plan. It is where a person goes when they think that they’re not there to be successful.

“There’s no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A.”― Will Smith

Let’s call Plan A your “true goal” or “ultimate outcome”. If you spend time focusing or creating Plan B, you are no longer spending your time and attention on what you really want which is Plan A. Your energy and attention will be focused on creating a successful Plan B should Plan A not work out. Your passion will wane because you will start beginning to think that Plan A is not likely to happen and you will be less motivated to put in the effort to make Plan A become a reality.

You cannot truly build a successful plan a while you are building Plan B at the same time. When your attention and focus are split and therefore you’re not putting in the 100% effort into either plan. In order to succeed, you need to be able to put your full attention and focus on your end goal. Your end goal is your target of what you’re aiming for. When having two plans and two targets, you can lose focus on where you want to put your time and energy and get off track. Eventually, you will see Plan B start gaining some traction. Opportunities and successes will arrive and you will look longingly and Plan A and wonder, “What happened? This is not what I really wanted.”

If you catch yourself spending more time than you thought focused on Plan B, it is time to stop and evaluate where you are. Make a decision to focus on Plan A. You will be motivated and passionate about what you do. Your happiness will be the driver of your actions. Spend your time, attention, and focus on creating the successful Plan A. As you start taking consistent actions toward Plan A, you will notice that Plan B will become an afterthought. Plan B is not a default due to risks or failure. It is another options – the backup should A fail. Why plan for failure? Spend more time planning for your success and what it will mean to you and those it impacts. When you start seeing results, you will be putting, even more, energy into ensuring those results are sustainable and successful. How do I know this? I caught myself focusing on Plan B and I started to see Plan A slip away. I knew if I did not do something soon I would be on the fast track to making Plan B the new Plan A even though it was not what I truly wanted. When I shifted gears and focused on Plan A, results started to occur.

If Plan A is truly what you want, why are you denying yourself? Don’t let anyone talk you out of making Plan A become your reality especially yourself. Go after it and take the steps you need to make it happen. Success may be only an action away!

The Hidden Truth behind Not Good Enough and Good Enough

July 27, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

Have you, a friend, or colleague ever made a proclamation “I am not good enough”? This self-sabotaging belief is a common roadblock or obstacle hindering a person’s success.

If you catch yourself saying this, I am guessing that you heard this message growing up or you are a perfectionist. Often, perfectionists fail to execute or take action because they believe they do not measure up – everything needs to be perfect.

Perfection paralyzes taking action. Striving for perfection can be exhausting. This belief of not being good enough is just a thought. What matters is the meaning and the power you give to the thought of “not being good enough” is where the problem lies.

You could create a long laundry list of areas that you are not good enough: you’re not slim enough, you’re not tall enough, your teeth not white enough, you’re not pretty or handsome enough to get the man or woman of your dreams or you’re not smart enough to get the promotion or land the big contract and the list goes on. What is good enough?

Not good enough… By whose definition? Whose terms?

“Being not good enough” is a harsh judgment you put on yourself. Would you place the same judgment on your family member or best friend? You are comparing yourself to people who are also comparing themselves to others. With each comparison, you those sight of what makes you unique and valuable. Their measurements for themselves are not the same as how you measure yourself. We do not all use the same yardstick.

You are good enough.

Focus on making progress not making perfect. Let go of perfection for it is an illusion. You may still attend to the details as long as you take action steps to move forward.

The person who sees themselves with humility knows that there may be someone better than they are or someone just beginning their journey. Good for them-they are on their journey and you and yours.

Use the phrase “not good enough” to fuel you becoming better than you were yesterday-skills and abilities can be developed.

Don’t let it stop you from taking action.

I’d rather work with someone who will put in the effort than someone who says that’s “good enough” to get by. You cannot be an Olympic athlete, real estate mogul, bestselling author, or top 100 best businesses to work for by just getting by.

Raise the bar. Just good enough is often not enough.

Give 100% of your best effort into all that you do on any given day.

Live, work, and play with no regrets.

Progress ignites belief in oneself to take more inspired action. The mindset of only putting enough effort to get by has poor results to show for it.

Do you want to just get by or do you want more for yourself?

By putting in your best effort into your work, relationships, and your life, you will achieve greater happiness and fulfillment.

The hidden truth is your personal best is enough. You more than enough – get started and adjust your course along the way. You are further ahead than those who have yet to get started.

You are enough now in this moment.

Now go out and start taking action!