self-confidence Archives - Debra Kasowski

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Each of us has an inner voice. Some people refer to it as the inner voice of knowing- but does it really know, especially when the negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. Isn’t bad enough you wonder what other people are saying about you or the efforts you put out? You don’t need any extra judgment as you already are your own worst critic. There are times you say things to yourself that you would not voice out loud and direct at anyone else. Why? The inner critic is not compassionate, kind, or respectful. If you wouldn’t say it to anyone else, why say such mean things to yourself. It’s not that you are wanting to get rid of the inner voice, you are managing the negative thoughts.

When you are in a negative state of mind, you will take actions to support your thoughts and feelings, ultimately, impacting the results you are getting. You need to stop the critic because it crushes your self-confidence to take essential actions required to achieve results. Think of your radio dial; you can tune into music and messaging that you choose to listen to. Many of the messages in your mind have been forged from the past and no longer serve the current situation. It may have come from criticism or advice. You may hear the voice of your mother or father commenting on something and you have hung onto to it. Now in the present something comes up and you think it must be true because someone else has said it even it does not even fit the current situation.

You want to be able to silence the inner critic, the chatter, you hear in your head. Managing the thoughts, you are having is not as difficult as you think. Your mind is flooded with over 50,000-70,000 thoughts in a day with many of them being negativity. Most of these thoughts are unconscious until you bring them into your awareness. As soon as you bring a thought into your awareness, you can make a conscious choice whether you want to keep the thought or reject it. Unfortunately, you may grab a single negative thought and play it in your head like a broken record. It does not serve you – it is time to manage your thoughts and toss those negative ones away altogether.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

It all begins with…self-awareness.

What thoughts are you thinking? Once you can notice your thoughts in the moment, now you can change them but before you do, why are you having them, to begin with? Is your self-confidence low? Is fear coming up? Even though negative thoughts come up and their many have been moments that you tell yourself, “I am stupid.”, you need to stop and remember there also have been a time you have shined and felt on top of the world. You are not stupid – your behavior or action you took was not the right one now.

When you catch yourself saying a negative thought, STOP and take notice of it. You can say, “Cancel, cancel, cancel”. Your thoughts are powerful. Your thoughts influence the actions you are going to take. If you are in a bad mood, you may react to a situation or say things you would later regret.

REFRAME the thought into a positive thought. Positive thoughts lead to positive actions. Positive actions will get you closer to the success you are looking for. The reason people do not achieve the success they are looking for is often because the get caught up in the stories they tell themselves.

Get into a positive state of mind. When I studied the morning routines of successful people, I learned that they put themselves into a positive state. To get yourself into a positive state, you can pray or meditate, exercise, write in a gratitude journal, or read a book that gets your mind primed for the day. The morning is not the only time you can do this. You can change your state by simply thinking of a time where you felt unstoppable and you felt at the peak of success.

Your inner voice is not a bad thing…it can warn you or alert you to doing your due diligence. It is a bad thing when you allow thoughts to take root and sabotage your efforts. You need to remind yourself that you have greatness within you – everyone does. Holding back on your greatness serves no one – if you hold back – it is a tragedy. Everything in life is interconnected. If you do not fulfill your purpose, others are impeded from fulfilling theirs.

Make a choice. Your imagination can run wild if you let it. Telling you stories of disempowerment. You need to harness your thoughts and empower yourself. You can break down your stories and examine the words that you use. The word “Can’t” places limits on what you believe is possible and what you think you are capable of doing. Yes, there are somethings that you can’t do such as swim without oxygen in the depth of the sea or fly above the mountains like an eagle. There are things you can do and you are stopping yourself from doing them.

Can’t is a choice. You are choosing not to. Do you notice when you have a choice you suddenly have empowered yourself and taken control of the actions you are taking? What CAN you do? Stephen King said, “you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” Focus on what you can do versus what you cannot.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.”
― Henry Ford

You have more power than you give yourself credit for. When you pay attention to what you are saying and how those words make you feel and the thoughts you are having, you can start taking actions that support your success rather than sabotage it.

Be Aware -Notice and Understand It.

Stop – Cancel the thought.

Reframe It.

Get into a positive state.

CHOOSE – what you are going to say and do that will empower you!

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DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

This past month, I spent a great deal of time reflecting on my business growth and reviewing where I came from. I was listening to a Louise L. Hay’s audiobook, The Power of the Spoken Word. Hay talked about how powerful the words we use are and how they can affect the outcomes we get. She stated that the Universe or God loves us so much that we are granted what we ask for and speak of. Her example was how we look at ourselves and speak to ourselves in the morning when we get up. Think about what you say to yourself when you look into the mirror. The words we chose affect the outcome of our day. Louise L. Hay also mentions that if you say: “I hate my job.” while you are looking for another one, you will soon not be happy when you start the new job as you will continue to attract what you think.

Your thoughts are powerful and your words are powerful. Her words triggered something inside of me. I remember and sometimes I will admit I catch myself saying, “Boy, that was dumb.” Hay states we should show compassion and empathy for ourselves as well as others. We were only functioning with what we know to be true at the time.

Oprah Winfrey often speaks the words of Maya Angelou, “When we know better, we do better.”

It is important not to beat yourself up. Would you berate your best friend for not succeeding on the first try? As long as you are living, strive to learn , improve, and grow. Speak kindly to yourself and about others. It is said that what you put out into the world comes back to you. Quit gossiping or people will be gossiping about you. If you want more patience and understanding, you need to be patient and understanding. I you want more clients to come into your life, do not spend your time wallowing in self pity saying, “I have no clients, I will never get any clients.” As what you state is what you will tend to bring about. Do you want more clients? Speak about and plan how you will serve your clients. How will you help them? See the small but subtle changes in the words used – much more empowering wouldn’t you say? The energy changes when you spin phrases into more positive and powerful statements. Speak with confidence in knowing who you are and what you wish to achieve.

Now go out into the world and make today matter!

Episode 93 – Silence Your Inner Critic

Listen to the Power of Your Spoken Word