A person’s emotional intelligence is becoming a key indicator in how successful they will be. Emotional self-awareness is not only about being aware of how your emotions impact your behaviors but also how others may be perceive or be impacted by your behavior. There are signs of an emotionally intelligent leader. Remember – emotional intelligence can be developed; it starts with self-reflection.
How to Receive Feedback Well – Even When You Do Not Like It!
Let’s face it sometimes receiving feedback is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Many of us have been in situations where individuals feel they must share unsolicited feedback about our parenting style, facilitation skills, the work that we do, how we drive a car, and even how we golf. Feedback can come from all directions. Some feedback is delivered with good intention and some perhaps not so much.
In Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen’s book, Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback (*even when its off base, unfair, poorly delivered, frankly you’re not in the mood), they discuss how people and organizations focus on improving the delivery of effective feedback versus how a person receives feedback. Just as the giver is offering their own perspective of a situation, the person who receives the feedback makes an interpretation. The problem lies in the fact that the giver and receiver may not see eye to eye. Has this ever happened to you?
Feedback can come from people who do not have the knowledge, skills, expertise, or experiences you do. They may not have kids. They mean never have had to deal with poor performers or productivity issues. They may never have run a business but what they do have is their “advice – welcomed or not” or “research”. You may not find these people credible or the delivery of their feedback totally off course. You may be quick to discard it with a “What do they know?” comment. However, you may be discarding it too soon. Take time to consider the value of their offering and learn to ask the right questions. Are they offering you a viewpoint you may have not seen or heard before? Life experience may be the greatest teacher.
Stone and Heen believe that feedback comes in three forms: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. We all love to hear words of praise and appreciation; however, if that is all you received how will you learn, grow, or challenge yourself to a new level? It all comes down to whether or not you are open and willing to receive feedback by consider its merits.
When receiving the feedback, ask yourself: “Is this feedback to help me improve or am I being evaluated? If evaluation is first to come to your mind, chances are your body stiffened up and you may have even been put on the defensive. If you decided it was coaching in which you are receiving information to improve yourself, your body may have had a more relaxed posture. It is important for the receiver to understand where this feedback is coming from and where it is going. “Does this feedback help me get better outcomes?”
Take time to seek and understand their intention. Making assumptions leaves too much room for misinterpretation. What is the meaning behind the feedback? How was it intended?
By asking more questions, you can decide whether the feedback you receive has any merit or not. You can reject it if it has no validity.
Put your guard down and use feedback as a growth opportunity. Learning how to receive feedback well can improve your relationships, your teams, and your overall mindset.
There may be a diamond under all the rough and jagged edges. All you have to do is polish it out.
What techniques do you have in receiving feedback well?
Are You Thriving in Chaos or Thriving on Chaos?
Some people create their own drama. They need to be a part of the gossip and live their reality like a soap opera. Hopefully the gossip they are a part of is good gossip – spreading how great they think people are. If not, they are coming from a place of judgment and their assumptions and perception may be totally off base.
Whereas for others, life chaos comes from taking on too much or over-scheduling themselves. There can be several reasons for this:
- You do not want to miss out on being a part of some big. (You like to be where the action is.)
- You tell yourself just one more thing – it can’t hurt. (I can handle it.)
- I do not want to be seen as not contributing. (You need to ensure people see you as helping out; otherwise, you may feel a tad bit guilty.)
- If I do not help, no one else will. (Martyr – however – there are times I am sure you could be right – no one else will help. That’s when you are a superhero!)
- I can’t say no – what will they say. (No boundaries)
Some of the symptoms of chaos are:
- a cluttered desk or messy house
- finances are a disarray – you do not know how much money is coming or going
- exhaustion
- missing deadlines
- losing things
- getting sick more often
- feeling weighed down and overwhelmed
- tension in your relationships
- forgetting to make phone calls or following through on your commitments
What happens when you drop the ball? Guilt, shame, blame…more chaos!
When the world feels like you are on merry-go-round, it is time to stop! Get off! Don’t let chaos become a standard part of your life. Thriving on chaos is not sustainable nor it is healthy.
You do have a choice. A choice to say “no” when you need to, be a part of the action that takes you closer to your goals, and to make self-care a priority.
When you start making a choice and chaos comes like a whirlwind, you can draw on on your resiliency because you are strong, self-assured, and resilient. You can thrive in chaos – you may even get an adrenaline rush but can remain quite level headed to think clearly and make better decisions.
Thriving in chaos is much different than thriving on chaos. Have you ever watched someone who is calm and collected in a crisis situation? As a business owner or an executive, you have to make some very important decisions and sometimes these decisions are very timely. You need to be able to make decisions as quick as an air traffic controller. You need to be able to lead the people who look to for vision and guidance.
In emotional intelligence, people who thrive in chaos would be considered to have impulse control, assertiveness, and emotional awareness. They work toward keeping people around them calm regardless of the environment. Nothing can get accomplished when your people are in a state of panic. It is these situations were good leaders are separated from great leaders.
Which person are you? Do you thrive on chaos (creating your own) or thrive in chaos?
What Makes a Good Executive Great?
Some people believe that great leaders are born while others think great leadership can be learned. I believe it a can be a little of both – what you are born into and the role models and mentors you learn from make the biggest difference.
There are certain qualities that propels a good executive to a great one!
Great executives:
- are committed to sharing the mission and vision of the organization and try to onboard all the champions to continue to share the message
- make regular appearances throughout the organization. The staff need to see that you care about the work that they do. Take time to learn about your people. Get to know some of their names – everyone from the janitor to your assistant.
- are strategic systems thinkers who communicate in an all-inclusive “we” – collaborative message.
- are open to listening to ideas and opinions of others even if they are different than your own.
- help build the capacity of the people within the organization by encouraging growth and development. They take a step back from the control of being a micromanager.
You know who those great executives are.
They are the only one who brings that high powered energy to a room. They are theones people in the organization look forward to seeing and hearing from. They are the ones who believe in the work being done.
The people who work for them respect and admire the leadership.
These fine executives surround themselves with the very best – you may be one!
What are you willing to do to shift from good to great starting TODAY?
To Agree or Disagree with Sheryl Sandberg – Facebook COO?
There are many women in our lives who have influenced and shaped who we have become. For many of us, these people were our mothers, grandmothers, and women leaders. Leaders come in all shapes and forms. Some we know directly and others informally through books, magazines, and interviews.
The other night I watched Oprah’s Life Class interview with Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO, and author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. I received the book at a birthday present but I have not yet cracked it open. The interview was very revealing of character and position. Sandberg was recently featured in Time Magazine with a title, “Don’t Hate Her Because She is Successful“.
Do you “hate” women because they are successful? Do you aspire to be like them or shy away in envy?
I believe women should be admired for their skills and talents. I do not think Sandberg’s positioning is about burning bras and creating a movement against men. Her position and my position as a business coach are about building women leaders and the right to achieve our own successes.
As women, we compromise ourselves by not allowing our voices to be heard. Your opinion and perspective can shift a culture and create a movement. In the interview, Sandberg talked about women “not sitting at the table” and getting involved in the discussion or planning. The women who grow their businesses or climb the corporate ladder are not the women who hide behind the computer no pun intended to Facebook. The women who are leaders support others through asking the right questions and challenging ideas and thoughts that do not align with a vision.
Secondly, it is okay to be yourself and know your priorities. Sandberg shared that she left the office at 5:30 p.m. so show could be home with her family and in bed by 9:30 p.m. because her children would be getting up in the morning. We can have it all but not always at the same time. I totally agree with this philosophy but many people use to tell me I could not have it all – at any time. I think that view has fuelled me in writing my books and juggling the kids activities. I do recognize when people state, “I do not know how you get so much done.”
I will share part of the secret – I choose to.
In my home, we talk about expectations, goal-setting, and shared household responsibilities. I do not need to seek martyrdom but do strive to maintain sanity.
We must “LEAN IN“. What would you do if you were not afraid? So many times we may hold ourselves back from achieving what we want due to our “mommy guilt” but who ever said that you were not doing well by your children for being an example of strong work ethic, voice of equality, and achievement. Who said that women were not allowed to be leaders or achieve their dreams?
I am more involved with my children than previous generations because I choose to. I am grateful for the opportunities that come my way because of the efforts of the previous generations and my own. I believe women can climb the corporate ladder, grow businesses, and raise the next generation of leaders in our community. We are leaders by example. We have a vision for our future and collaborate with others to get things done.
Yes, there are trade-offs and sacrifices for a greater and bigger life. There is nothing sweeter than creating a life you love – your way!
Congratulations Sheryl Sandberg on reaching out and creating a platform for women leaders!
Who is a woman leader you admire or who has influenced who you are? Please share and comment on this post!