Dr. Mark Goulston Archives

Episode 49: Creating the Collaborative Advantage

December 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much”
― Helen Keller

The saying “If you can’t beat them join them.” holds true when it comes to creating the collaborative advantage. The collaborative advantage is the ability to form beneficial and rewarding relationships with other businesses and organizations. When forming a collaboration, it is important to create a relationship that has mutual benefits in which both feel like they’ve achieved a win-win toward meeting their goals. It’s not a trade-off that if I do this for you that you will do this for me that’s not true collaboration. Many partnerships are screened for their financial contribution, however in their missing the key piece in a successful collaboration-the people.

Commitment can be high in collaboration when the value is available to both parties in a joint venture or partnership that are not in direct competition but actually complement each other. There can be barriers preventing collaboration. The barriers may occur with shared values and goals as well as behaviours. Having shared values is a good thing, there are times when collaborators try to please each other and they’re afraid to call things out when something goes wrong. Behaviours that can impact the collaboration are not seeking help or asking for help when needed, having the belief that you need to solve it all yourself, and also you may face people who were unwilling to help.

Even though we’re looking for cooperation, collaboration should not be confused with teamwork. Teamwork is when you work together to meet a common goal or vision whereas collaboration is when you work together to meet your individual or organizational goals. For example, you may see a car manufacturing company collaborate with the sound system company to ensure high-quality sound systems in their vehicles. They are working together for the interests of their own organizations. In working together you are gaining new perspectives and have the ability to brainstorm creative and innovative solutions.

“As a collaborative leader, you support people in their work—you remove roadblocks and help them win.”
― Kenneth H. Blanchard

There may be times when you need to know when not collaborate with others. There is a cost to collaborating that sometimes people don’t consider resources, money, and time. Learn and forecasts your return on investment.

There are times when the collaborative advantage is more valuable than a competitive advantage. You get to expand your network and available resources. Creating the collaborative advantage requires strategic intent. It’s important to listen and understand align with the needs of each business and organization. There has to be a commitment to the partnership.

This partnership or collaboration creates accountability and you have an opportunity to learn from each other. This is paramount. It is important to have agreements in writing as to what each partner is willing to do and not do. There needs to trust that each partner is working for the best interest of working together even though they are working for their own business and organizational gain. Boundaries need to be in place. You may even consider having an exit strategy where partners have permission to withdraw from the partnership.
Business and organizational relationships are no different than personal relationships. People need to know like and trust a business or organization before they plan to do any business with it. Conflicts and misunderstandings may occur. It is important to recognize that each party may have their own opinions and it is okay to respectfully disagree. You will just need to work together in figuring out a solution.

“When people feel trusted, they’ll begin to understand they are contributors–and you’ll get great ideas and happy people.”
― Eunice Parisi-Carew

It’s important to note that when you take the time to get to know the people of the organization that you will be able to have more influence than if you would just looking at the financial advantage. As you get to know the strengths and talents of each partner, you will be able to recognize ways to leverage it to your advantage. When someone finds you relatable based on having a family or pets or a similar hobby, they may be more apt to choose you over a competitor because you show up as a person first. A collaboration that brings out the best in each partner ends up creating a competitive advantage.

Questions to Ask Yourself When Creating a Collaborative Advantage:

How will this get me closer to my goals or my organization’s goals?
What is my level of commitment to creating this collaborative advantage?
What would I like to learn from this partnership?
How will we hold each other accountable?
In what ways, can we encourage co-operation within our teams?
What are the boundaries that need to be in place?
How can this collaboration bring out the best in us?
What are the needs of my partner and how can I understand how I can help them fulfil those needs?

Who would you like to create a collaborative advantage with? Accelerate your results by collaborating with others.

We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 09:03 min

Keywords: collaboration, collaboration advantage, cooperation, working together, collaborating with clients, sustainability, competitive advantage, accountability, creating a collaborative advantage

Episode 48 – How to Be Insanely Great as a Leader

November 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2NiG1Yg-58[/embedyt]

Dr. Mark Goulston

markgoulston-original Widely regarded as a “people hacker,” Dr. Goulston began his career as an interventional psychiatrist focusing on suicide and violence intervention and prevention and UCLA professor of psychiatry. He then extended his work to training FBI and police hostage negotiators and then to the corporate world and NGOs.

His “people hacking” has now extended to, “hacking genius,” and he has recently been speaking, writing and providing webinars on “Insanely Great! How to Think Like Steve Jobs.” Along with that he helps companies to see into their futures the way Jobs could. By the way, it is not that difficult, it’s just difficult to envision a different paradigm when you’re within your own paradigm. You know the saying, “When you’re a hammer, the world looks like a nail.”

Past or present companies or institutions, he has worked with or spoken to include: Harvard Business School, IBM, Mattel, Coca Cola, Toyota, Hyatt, Accenture, Ernst & Young, Sodexo, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Northern Trust, Northwest Mutual, YPO, UCLA, USC, University of Alabama, American Bar Association, NACD.

Including, “Just Listen,” Dr. Goulston is the author of seven books with his first book, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, first published in 1996 being in the top 5 self-help books at Amazon for the last seven years. His most recent book is Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life and was recently Oprah.com featured book and was nominated as an Audie Award 2016 Finalist.

He writes for Biz Journals, Harvard Business Review, Business Insider, Huffington Post, Fast Company and Psychology Today and appears widely in the media including CNN, Wall St. Journal, NY Times, Fortune and Forbes.

He serves on the Board of Advisors of Health Corps, Brainrush and Truli Media.

Dr. Goulston earned a BA from UC Berkeley, MD from Boston University School of Medicine, Post Graduate Psychiatry Residency from UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute and is a Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He was selected as one of America’s Top Psychiatrists in 2004, 2005, 2010, 2011 by the Consumers Research Council of America.

Interview Length: 54:56 minutes

Keywords: listening, Steve Jobs, Dr. Mark Goulston, getting through to anyone, connection, intentional listening, communication, relationships, interpersonal relationships, Just Listen

Episode 40 – Being Interested or Being Interesting?

November 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” -Dale Carnegie

Networking and taking the time to get to know others is a powerful way in order to expand your network and get to know people. The only drawback is some people tend to want people to see them as the most interesting person in the room instead of being interested in others. In my favourite communication book, Just Listen by Dr. Mark Goulston, he talks about the “interesting” jackass, you may be able to relate based on conversations that you have had. These are the people who try so hard to be interesting and demonstrate how great they are but they fail to take interest in who you are. This can be frustrating and make you want to avoid these people altogether. Being interesting is important, however, there is a craft in order to share just how interesting you are.

If you want to leave a good impression with the people that you interact with, you want to take some time to take interest in the people you talk to. You do not need to have all eyes on you. This action often comes across as being insecure. When you start taking interest in others, they will start taking more interest in you. When taking interest in others, be fully present and actively listen to what they’re saying. Often in conversation people are thinking about what their responses instead of listening fully to what is being said. People tend to repel from people who talk about themselves all the time and how they’re better than everyone else. Instead of responding with your experience, ask probing questions to learn more about what a person who shared with you or summarize what you just heard to acknowledge that you been listening.

By asking questions, you are demonstrating that you want to learn more or gain an understanding of where a person is coming from. You may overcome shyness by asking questions and learning about others. This demonstrates a genuine interest in others. Here are several ways in which you can demonstrate a true interest in another person:

Discover ways you can help another person. Learn about the person you’re speaking with and discover their greatest challenge need, or want. Find a way to help them achieve it. They will be forever grateful.
Be a connector. Connect like-minded people together. When you meet people you may discover that someone in your network needs to meet the person you have just met. Send a virtual introduction or arrange a time where you can introduce them in person.
Be memorable. You become memorable because of your listening skills and your interest in others. By taking a genuine interest in others, you make people feel like they’re the most valuable person in the room and as you are speaking to them that they are.

Once you take time and interest in other people, they will also want to discover more about you. This is when you can share more about yourself. Remember the conversation and dialogue are very much like a dance. It’s not a competition to share how your experience is the same or better than theirs. The most powerful approach to being interested in others is to be nonjudgmental and come from a place of curiosity in which you would like to learn more.

Here are ways that you can become more interesting to others when it comes to your turn to share your knowledge, skills, abilities, and experiences:

Explore the world around you by going on adventures and travelling. I have learned that as we open ourselves up to the world we realize that we are a lot more the same than different. You also learn that everyone is driven by different values and traditions.
Have the courage to do new things and to step outside your comfort zone.
Read a new book once a month and share what you have learned with others.
Take up a new hobby.
Listen to music.
Try new foods or cultural activities.
Volunteer or support a cause.

Don’t think you are the only person out there expanding their life. When you come across as a “know it all” you can be send the wrong message. Be intentional with taking a keen interest in others. If you have a story to share that is relevant to an issue or concern they have been struggling with summarizing what you have heard and then offer to share a story or experience with others versus jumping in and telling it to them. No one likes to be told – they like being asked. Engage others in the conversation by using questions to learn more.

People will be more interested in you as you become more interested in them. It is all about how you make others feel. Make them feel like they are the most important person in the room. In that moment in which, you are in conversation with them they are.

Time: 9:43 min

Keywords:

How to be exciting, How Can I Be Interesting, How to be Entertaining, Being An Interesting Person, Be More Interesting, What is an interesting Person, How to be Intriguing, How to be Fascinating, How to Be Interesting Person, Ways to Be More Interesting, How to Become Interesting, How to Become Interesting Person, Just Listen, Dr. Mark Goulston

EPISODE 23: Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

September 1, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Episode 23 – Learn to Intentionally Listen and Learn

“The world is giving you answer each day. Learn to listen.” – Unknown

There is a significant difference between hearing and listening. I discovered the best definition of the differences on a website called The Difference Between, “Hearing is the act of perceiving and receiving sound waves or vibrations through the ear. Listening is the act of hearing a sound and understanding what you hear.”

Do you know someone who hears that you’re speaking but never seems to be listening?

I think we all know someone like that. It can become frustrating and lead to arguments and disagreements especially emphasizing that they weren’t listening.

WE REMEMBER
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss with others
80% of what we personally experience
95% of what we teach others

– Edgar Dale

Studies have shown that we remember approximately 25 to 50% of what we hear. I find this statistic shocking. It is the time we do something different. It is the time that we become intentional with our listening so we can learn. How much more would you accomplish if you took the time to truly listen?

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

One of the principles of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by Stephen Covey states, “Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood”. Intentional listening begins when we focus and listen to what the other person is saying. It is the ability to put aside any distracting thoughts and truly be present. If we listen to our own thoughts we’re going to want to interrupt the other person and share our ideas or solutions of what we have done because we have this fear of losing our thoughts. This is where the arguments and disagreements come in because are thinking too far ahead and were not really listening to what is being said.

Arguments and disagreements are a reactive approach to conversation versus a responsive approach. When emotions are high, our brains move into a “fight or flight” response. Your amygdala, a small area of your brain, reacts to protect you and shuts down other areas of the brain that would otherwise analyze the threats. Psychologist Daniel Goleman refers to this as the boiling over point or that amygdala hijack where the intelligent part of your brain is no longer in control and you no longer reason with what’s being said. You cannot often reason with someone who is gone past their boiling point. You can learn to choose the words that you use to meet a person where they are at and truly listen to understand where they’re coming from, what their expectations are, what their hopes and fears are to really gain a clear picture of a situation.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

How Do I Begin?

There is so much more to listening than keeping your mouth closed and being silent. When you’re listening you are coming from a place of being nonjudgmental and simply curious about what the other person is saying. You let them know that you’re engaged through your body language by nodding your head and maintaining eye contact with them while they speak to demonstrate an interest in what they’re saying. You wait for the person who’s speaking for a pause to ask questions regarding what they said or to clarify what you been reading between the lines. You may paraphrase what they’ve said to ensure that your understanding what they’re saying.

Another way to truly understand what a person is saying is by putting yourself in another person’s shoes, being empathetic, and try to gain an understanding of what they might be thinking and feeling. You might want to repeat facts that you’ve heard or knowledge their emotions. You may say something like, “I am trying to get a sense of how you’re feeling … Are you feeling __________?” to ensure your perceptions are correct. When you do this you make people feel like they’re the most important person in the world and at the moment they should be if you’re truly listening.

The book Just Listen: Discover The Secret To Getting Through To Absolutely Anyone by Dr. Mark Goulston is one of the best books out there on the topic of listening. He shares strategies and techniques that are designed to help you successfully communicate with anyone. He has trained the FBI and police hostage negotiators to handle life or death situations. The same tips and techniques can be used by you. One of the techniques he describes in the book is called The Persuasion Cycle that was inspired by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente from Their Trans-Theoretical Model of Change. Dr. Goulston states that you need to speak with a person in a manner that moves them.

“From resisting to listening
from listening to considering
from considering to willing to do
from willing to do to doing
from doing to glad they did it and continue doing.”

He believes that you can get through to absolutely anyone when you can have them buy into what you’re saying and it all stems back to listening.

Where Does it All Begin

You must truly understand yourself, your emotions, and what triggers you to react and circumstances versus respond. One of the things that Dr. Goulston says, “If you want to open the lines of communication, you must open your mind first.” It begins with suspending all judgment. When you remove judgment, everyone is on equal playing field and your mind is open to the possibilities.

One of the acronyms that we used in my coaching program was W.A.I.T.

“Why Am I Talking?”

If you start talking while another person is speaking, no one is listening. You learn so much more when you spend time listening intentionally.

When is Listening Important?

Listening is important in everything we do. Intentional listening can prevent misunderstandings, de-escalate and resolve conflict, discover solutions to problems. Listening is important in parenting in understanding the needs of your child.

Listening is important in leadership to learn what your people want and need. We need to learn a person’s preferences. An introvert may have different needs than an extrovert. The Disney Institute had an article about intentional listening in the workplace. They stated the importance of learning people’s preferences and gaining an understanding of whether they like to work individually or in a team or in a combination of both. By learning this information you can better suit the person to the role and the responsibilities that they need to fulfill. They will be more likely to be successful if they’re working in their preference. Resistance occurs when we have people doing things that do not suit them or do not align with who they are.

Listening is important in sales and understanding your customers wants and needs and learning whether or not you have the ability to fulfill them. When customers have complaints or want to vent, this is a great opportunity for learning. For when someone complains events about a situation, they often have a picture of what the ideal situation would be. It is up to you to learn what that is. If you listen with sincerity and interest in what they are saying, you may be able to resolve conflict easily and create a win-win situation.

Why is listening important to you? What are you listening to? What do you need to be listening for? Where in your life do you need to be more intentional with your listening?

Be intentional with your listening. There is more to listening that what you are hearing. When you listen to podcasts like this one, grab the show notes when you can. Choose to take action or integrate one of your learnings into who you are or how you want to show up in the world.

There is a big difference between what you hear and what you listen to learn and understand!

I would love to hear about how intentionally listening has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Give us a 5-star rating! Sign up for our Newsletter www.debrakasowski.com

Time: 12:23 min