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EPISODE 169 – Stop Underestimating Yourself

August 12, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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“Never underestimate what you can accomplish when you believe in yourself.” (Unknown)

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtLgo_ulBAw[/embedyt]

Growing up you may have heard sayings or phrases like, “Be humble.”, “Don’t brag.”, or “Don’t share your successes or accomplishments, you might make someone feel bad.” I do agree that being humble is an honorable trait. Remembering where you came from and being in awe of what you are capable of or how far you have come is important. Sharing your successes and accomplishments are important. You are only bragging when you are sharing with the intent to belittle someone or make someone feel inferior to you. Bragging is very different than celebrating. Celebrating others can share in the experience.

I am dedicating this podcast to my friend, Stephanie, who caught me in a moment of conversation and said, “Deb, you are underestimating yourself.” The comment made me pause and ask, “Was I underestimating yourself?” With some self-reflection, I decided to create this podcast as I know I am more capable and step into a higher potential and, so can you? Let’s do this together! You will no longer play small.

Here are some signs that you may be underestimating yourself:

Compare Yourself to Others. You are constantly checking out Facebook or Instagram comparing people’s outside lives to yours. You may feel that your life is not as exciting or you’re stuck. You must remember people only post the good stuff. They are not going to post themselves all snotty nosed sick with a head cold…wait a minute I know some do – but rarely. You are at a different place on your journey and have had past experiences and learning that others have not. Every person is unique so there can be no comparison. When you see someone’s joyous moment or celebration. You see one moment in time, not the hours of sacrifice or the challenges they faced to get there.

TAKE-AWAY: Focus on your story and your journey. You are the storyteller of your life. Don’t like what you are currently writing – change the story.

Value Other People’s Opinions Over Your Own. You want everyone to like you. You may have been told growing up you needed to act, behave, or do certain things to gain approval from your parents or teachers. You wanted to please them so much that you made what they think more important than what you think. Eventually, you may have placed their opinions above your own.

TAKE-AWAY: Learn to trust yourself and value your opinions and ideas. At the end of the day, you are the one who lives with your choices, not anyone else.

Surrounding Yourself with the Wrong Influencers. You are hanging out with people who do not support or encourage you. They may judgmental and negative. They always seem to rant or vent about what has happened in their lives, “Can you believe it…?” Who you surround yourself with impacts how you think and what actions you will take. Are you taking stock of who you are hanging out with? Do they nudge you to become a better version of yourself or are they like a ball and chain attached to your leg?

TAKE-AWAY: Take stock of who is in your circle of influence. You become the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most.

Listening to Negative Self-Talk. There are 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts in a day with 80% of them being negative. When you put focus and attention on a negative thought, it can become a new belief impacting your perspective on things. Even if something does fail or you make a mistake, you must learn that it is necessary to make mistakes to learn from them. These lessons represent growth – the more you grow the better off you become in all areas of life.

When a new situation or challenge comes up, you may shy away from or prevent yourself from doing anything because you think it will fail. You tell yourself, “I can’t do that. I can’t do this.”, “I am not smart enough.”, or “I am not _______ enough.” First of all who said and who made them the authority of you. And if it was you? Rethink what you said. If you plan and prepare, you can make things happen. I am a big fan of Dwayne Johnson and love watching videos of him at the Iron Paradise, he talks about “being the hardest worker in the room”. When you put in the work, you will reap rewards.

TAKE-AWAY: Challenge your negative self-talk. Is it really true? Make a list of your positive qualities and ask trusted family and friends to add in a few more. Acknowledge your successes by writing them down. Stacking success on success!

Criticizing Yourself. We are our worst critics. We can find every flaw in a photo and identify all the reasons why something will not work out the way you want. Some of this criticism is harsh and you would never say those things to your best friend or neighbor. I recently did a photo shoot. I love to be in pictures however this time it was different. I invested in a photographer that I felt was high caliber and the people he worked with were too. I had all kinds of self-talk going through my head of all the reasons I could not be at that caliber. I push through this limit anyway. I was glad I did. I am of that caliber and continue to be a work in progress at the same time. I showed one person one of the photos and they said that is exactly how we see you. Wow! I thought…that was not what I had told myself. My perspective shifted. It’s amazing how what we see in ourselves is not always aligned with how other’s see us. I was reminded that you are the compass of how everyone around you views and treats you – lead by example.

TAKE AWAY: When you start criticizing yourself, STOP and ask yourself, could I repeat or share these thoughts with another person? What do you think they would say to you? Would they be your friend? Accept compliments and offer them.

Neglecting personal self-care. You can not serve others when you do not care for yourself. It is easy to get caught up in saying yes to everything. It is important that you are fueling your body, getting enough sleep, and ensuring you get enough exercise.

TAKE-AWAY: Schedule in self-care time. Start treating yourself with the same respect and commitment you offer others.

It is time to step up and step into your game. Deep down you know you can do whatever you put your mind to and believe. People around us need a renewed sense of hope. The only limits there are is the person staring back at them in the mirror. Dig deep and through the criticism, judgment, and negativity – trust yourself you know you can do it. Bet on Yourself – You already are winning!

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 168 – Manage Your Time Before It Manages You

August 1, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op49M_nd2J4[/embedyt]

How many times have you caught yourself saying, “if there were only more hours in a day.” There is so much we could be doing but should you be doing it all. The hot buzzword in today’s society is BUSY. You ask someone how they are doing and they say, “I am BUSY.” Busy doing what? There is a distinct difference between being busy and being productive.

Being productive means, you are getting a ton done and hopefully the most important things done. You are taking intentional action that lead to results. Busy, on the other hand, tend to be filled with activities that are time fillers. These time fillers or distractors can include and are not limited to as I am sure you can come up with some more: watching TV, surfing the internet and following those blue links in the internet vortex, scrolling through social media to catch all the likes on your recent post, decluttering your desk for the third time, or starting some domestic chores when you really need to be focused in on getting things done. We are all guilty of this at one time or another. The trick is…what are you avoiding or running away from?

We know what we need to do. Chances are you have heard of time management strategies and techniques. Maybe you even attempted a couple but fell off the wagon or never found the strategy that has worked for you. Doing something once, twice, or even three times isn’t going to make a new habit stick. Researchers say it takes between 21-66 days for a habit to be changed or a new habit to be formed. Some people think they are making sacrifices so they do not put in any effort at all. They equate sacrifice with a loss instead of the gain they will achieve. Short-term sacrifice for long-term gain.

There was a study done on preschoolers called The Marshmallow Test were the children were sitting at a table in a room. They were given one marshmallow and if they were able to hold off on eating it until the researcher came back into the room they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow. As you can imagine, there were many different reactions. Some children licked and touched them and stared at them. Others took a big bite as soon as the door closed. The ones that were able to wait received their reward. If you get a chance, you can watch the video on YouTube – it is very entertaining. Years later, they studied those same children. Those children that were able to hold off on the need for instant gratification were more successful in their lives and careers.

It is easy to get caught in the bright shiny object syndrome. You can react to impulsive behaviors or you can build in habits that serve you in being laser-focused on your goals.

Let’s Get Laser Focused:

Eliminate distractions. Put your cellphone on do not disturb or silent. Shut off any notifications. If you are working from home, maybe you need to change your environment – head to a coffee shop. Avoid household chores and assign to a specific time of day you will tend to them. Set up an app on your phone or computer to block or prevent you from going to websites and surfing the internet when not needed for the work you need to get done. Yes! Thoughts will come up that you need to do other things – write it down on a notepad and set it aside for now. You captured the thought you have not lost it.

Start by making a list. What are the things you need to get done? Not only WANT to get done but NEED to get done.

Prioritize the items on the list. What are the top 3-5 things you must get done to move ahead? These may not seem significant but in the whole scheme of things getting these items done is the biggest return on investment of time, money, and resources.

Time-block your priorities into your calendar. What you ink, you think. When you block off time, you make things happen. Too many people have things on their to-do lists that they are not putting into their calendars and they cannot figure out why the to-do list is only getting longer.

Someone may call you and say, “Hello, are you free to run an errand for me?” or “Hey, do you want to go shopping this afternoon.” You check your calendar – voila! Nothing is booked so you say, “Why sure!” You did not check your to-do list of things you need to get done. When you put it on the calendar, you can start crossing things off the to-do list and using your time more efficiently.

Set a timer for each activity. Time expands to the amount of time you allot. If you give yourself 20 minutes, you will work on that project or task for 20 minutes. If you set aside 4 hours, it will take you 4 hours. Block the time you need. You can use the Pomodoro method where you set 20 minutes aside work steady and then take a 5-minute break. I personally have found through trial and error that my optimum time is 45 minutes. I will work steadily for 45 minutes and then break for 15 minutes. Take the break to recharge is important. You can get more accomplished as you will be re-energized and refocused on the task at hand.

Take care of you! One of the most important pieces of achieving anything in life is that you take care of you. Do things that you are passionate and enthusiastic about. Make healthy eating choices. Move your body and get the exercise it needs daily. Read, meditate, or pray – clear your mind. Journal your thoughts and visualize your outcomes. They are a scene of life’s coming attractions! Practice a morning routine that sets the tone for the day. The way you start your day is often how you will get your day.

Reflect on your day and plan out the next. Review your day. What went as you intended? What did not go as you intended? Is there something you could do differently the next time? What did you learn? What are you grateful for? What can you do tomorrow that will make it even better?

When you plan and do things with intention, you will start seeing the outcomes you want to see. If you do not manage your time, you will miss out on deadlines and opportunities because you will not have the time to fit it all in. Wouldn’t you agree that short-term sacrifice is worth the gain?

EPISODE 167 – Focus on the Here and Now

July 19, 2018 by Debra Kasowski 2 Comments

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bi1LuBYHkic[/embedyt]

“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.” ― Steve Goodier

Have you ever been flooded with memories from the past? A song comes on the radio, a car drives by, a Facebook memory comes up in your news feed. Some memories make you smile while others hold onto hurts from the past. They can make you feel anxious, depressed, or even angry. Catch yourself…you are not your thoughts and emotions.

We have over 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts going through our minds at any point and time. The majority of those thoughts are negative. Most negative thoughts are about the past and fear of the future. It is the thoughts we bring into our awareness that we experience. Thoughts will come to mind and go away. When you hang onto a thought, it influences how you feel and your actions. If the thought is negative, it can throw you off track and spin into a spiral of negativity if you do not know how to reframe and shift the thought. Many people would like to run away from or ignore the thought when it triggers strong negative emotions. It makes them feel vulnerable and exposed and raw. If you ignore the thought it will never go away. You want to move toward the thought instead of away from it.

Tony Robbins explains that we hold onto past experiences because of the need for certainty. The past is something we believe we know. The fixation on the future gives us power. Eckart Tolle states that we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Internal Dialogue and external events influence how you think. Your thoughts do not describe who you are. You can think or feel anxious or depressed but you are not defined by the thought or feeling. You are experiencing the thought or feeling – you are not it! You can say, “I am feeling anxious about this situation”, instead of saying, “I am anxious.” It is important to notice your thoughts when they surface so you may bring the thought or how you feel into awareness.

As you bring thoughts and feelings into your awareness, start to focus on this present moment and what is going on where you are at. Accept that thoughts and feels are triggered. Acknowledge that they are there. When you accept that you’re experiencing a thought or feeling, it doesn’t mean you have to like what is happening. Focusing on the present allows you to pause and respond thoughtfully versus react to a situation.

Practice self-reflection and understand what is happening during the moment. What about this is triggering your emotions? Why is it affecting you? Is it something you have control over? If so, what are you willing to do? You are putting your attention on it and not dwelling on it. No judgment. You can only take responsibility for your actions and not the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others. Shift your focus onto the here and now. The easiest action to focus on is to focus on your breathing. Practice deep breathing.

Make a commitment to making a change. Instead of letting your thoughts and feelings from the past, focus on the things that matter most to you – the people, your hopes, dreams, and goals. Do the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing help move you toward what matters to you or away? Are they serving you in a positive way? Action leads you to your destiny, not your thoughts.

Your desire to hang onto the past impacts your future. You can shift into an empowering state by changing your habits. Research suggests it takes 21-66 days to change a habit and maintaining it. Here are some tips to get you started:

Practice Gratitude. Write down and state 3 things you are grateful daily.
Focus on your daily wins and achievements. You are further ahead than you give yourself credit for.
Stop rehashing and replaying the story. The more you replay it, the more you are anchored to the story. When you let go, you realize you have control. You can write a new story.
Events or information only have meaning by the meaning we attribute to it.
Choose to create new memories – write a new story.
Be an active listener by being present. You will form better connections with others.
Get involved in activities where you are in the flow. The activities you love and lose track of time in.

“Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for your life to begin and start making the most of the moment you are in.”

― Germany Kent

Focusing on the here and now is about being mindful of the present moment. YOU in the present is the only thing you actually have control over. What thought or feeling will you bring to your awareness? What can you do in this moment to change or rewrite how you view your story?

EPISODE 166 – Simplify Your Leadership Challenges

July 8, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bwl9Pq2Mv0[/embedyt]

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

As you move through different levels of leadership, you learn that new challenges required different approaches and different skillsets. What worked previously may not work again. Challenges appear to more complex in nature. As a leader, you must be able to think on your feet and also be proactive in anticipating situations to minimize how complex the situation can get. Most processes and systems are simple but when you add people to the mix things can get a bit complicated.

Today, you can be working with individuals of 3 or more generations and each communicating and making decisions differently. Although they have different needs, some characteristics do not change, each generation has core values that guide them, they want to be respected for who they are, their ideas, and what they can bring to the table, they want to be heard and receive feedback on their performance. Most people communicate the way they want to be communicated to. If you receive a text, they would appreciate a text. If they left you a voicemail, you would be best to call rather than respond by email. Keep it simple; respond in the same mode of communication they sent the message. Whenever unsure, pick up the phone and call or arrange a face to face meeting.

How you respond to leadership challenges depends on what you know and the experience you have as you have grown in the organizational culture. These experiences have helped you develop your emotional intelligence or what some people refer to as the “soft skills” or “common sense”. Common sense does not appear to be that common. There is nothing soft about soft skills. Soft skills are hard to master and can be difficult to learn. Learning requires that a people be self-reflective and self-aware of their own behaviours and how they communicate with others. Developing soft skills can bring about the BEST in you and your people. With self-awareness, there is accountability and an increase in responsibility for one’s actions.

When hiring for the right fit, you are not only looking for technical skills but you are looking for those intangibles – soft skills that are reflected in their general disposition, attitude, and personality. You do not want to hire someone who lacks awareness and erodes trust by being passive aggressive or gossips. You want to know that you can trust their word and their work ethic to get things done, done well, and they value the people they work with. Trust is the foundation of everything without it the department or organization can crumble.

You need to be able to communicate what the vision is for the organization and what success would look like when achieved. To gain buy-in, people need to be invested in the vision. When you can communicate it in a clear and concise way then you can plan and strategize how to make the vision become a reality.

Ultimately, how you perceive the challenges you face as a leader and how your people perceive the challenges are key. Your perception drives your willingness to take action and the decisions you make. You need to be able to weigh the options based on what you perceive a situation to be and the impact that will occur based on your decision. Be careful as your perceptions can be influenced by your emotions. Don’t forget to review the facts before acting impulsively. You simplify your leadership challenges by stepping out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to as many new situations as you can so you can develop and hone your skills. Boosting your emotional intelligence will help you unravel the complexity of some of your leadership challenges. Remember to keep it simple.

EPISODE 165 – Real Power Real Responsibility

July 2, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5FjzrbfPA8[/embedyt]

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” – Eckart Tolle

There are times in life, in business, or your career where you feel life is happening to you versus for you. How do you know if you are stuck in one of those times? When you are stuck, you get caught up in assigning blame to others, complain about what’s not going right, and you make excuses for not getting the results that you want. You are viewing the world from a place of lack or scarcity. You have negative self-talk and you catch yourself falling into a negative spiral of emotion. You stop taking actions because you figure there is no point. It can be a tough place to be.

Everything can change when you decide to make a change. The smallest change in making intentional choices in different aspects of your life can make the biggest shifts. If you decide to be more conscious of your spending or food choices or preparation, chances are you will save money and eat out less. If you start to build and nurture relationships, you will be long lasting connections. If you decide to walk among the people you lead and take interest in them, they will take interest in you. It all starts with intention.

When you start to shift your thinking from the belief that other people are responsible for making the change or creating what you want (they owe you – NO RESPONSIBILITY) to realizing you are the one who has the control. Taking responsibility means you are taking control. That’s when the real power comes into play. You have more power than you realize and give yourself credit for. Start giving yourself permission to create a life or business you really want and believe you deserve it!

NO RESPONSIBILITY = NO POWER

REAL RESPONSIBILITY = REAL POWER

If you want to create more success in your life, you need to take 100% responsibility for all you experience. It starts with no complaining, no blaming, or finding excuses for why you are not getting the results you want. It’s easy to celebrate the great things and not so easy to learn from things that did not go as planned – because sometimes it stings. The question you need to ask yourself is, “What could I have done differently to get the results I wanted?” Pay attention to what you are thinking and how you feel. Focus on the actions to get results. It is not someone else’s job to deliver the results you want. You are responsible for everything from your achievements, education, personal relationships, your finances, and your thoughts and feelings. You create your results. You are not responsible for the way others react or respond. You are responsible for you!

Some people would rather avoid responsibility as it adds extra pressure and expectation – and of course, effort. They do not want to put in the hard work required to get the results. When you are focused on the penalties – less TV time, less sports time, less social time, spend some money, and the list goes on, you will not take action. Although sacrifice is temporary, it feels like something is taken away versus helping you get closer to the goal. Time for a reframe. Otherwise, maybe you do not want it as badly as you say you do. When this happens, it is a great time to investigate a bit deeper. You could be trapped in the fear of success. You are probably thinking – “Don’t I want success?” People tend to avoid taking the actions needed or they sabotage themselves because success comes with an increase in responsibility and expectation. They worry about how they will maintain or exceed the results they have achieved. There is a T-shirt saying that says, “Easy doesn’t make you proud.” You are most proud of the moments where you push through limits or adversity.

Start taking responsibility by doing 3 things:

Develop a Growth Mindset – Mistakes and failures are life’s greatest learning opportunities. Learn from them. What are the possibilities? Focus on solutions and you will find them. Focus on problems and you will see obstacles. Learn through trial and error, educate yourself, take a course, develop a new skill, and take on new roles.

Share Your Voice – Quit holding back! Share your observations and opinions. Don’t complain. Come up with and offer suggestions or solutions to improve a situation. People are not mind-readers. When people complain, they often have a view of what they would like to see instead. Encourage them to share their thoughts without judgment. You – included.

Set a Standard for Yourself – Raise the bar by continually challenging yourself to become better. Produce more. Be more efficient. Create more. Listen to podcasts and audiobooks. Read books. Expect more to achieve more.

BONUS TIP: Above all, start taking action. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Don’t sell yourself short. The real power comes when you take 100% responsibility for your results. What can you start doing to take more responsibility in your life? Remember you have three choices: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. What will you choose?