Debra Kasowski

The Importance of Self-Discovery and Being Yourself

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Photo Credit: Cherise Arcand

Endless possibilities begin with self-discovery.

Self-discovery is a process of deepening your understanding of yourself through self-reflection, exploration, and learning and growth. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Insist on yourself; never imitate.” Each of us has unique gifts to share with the world.

Have you ever been in a cycle of comparing yourself to others? It is human nature to compare yourself to others as a barometer of how you are showing up in the world. In fact, you may have experienced it with your parents or a teacher expressing, “Why aren’t you more like…?” Why? Because you are not! You are on your own journey just as they are on theirs. What you are good at may not be what another person is good at. We were not all meant to be the same. If you attempt to imitate someone, you can lose your own identity. This is why you must insist on being your authentic self!

Research shows that social media can be problematic as it can lead to social comparison that can be linked to negative psychological outcomes such as low self-esteem and depression. Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, “envy is ignorance, imitation is suicide.” When you start comparing yourself to others, you lose sight of your own uniqueness, talents, and gifts that are part of your own greatness. Jealousy is a call for action as it suggests that you want for yourself what another has. Envy is not healthy as it can be an obsession over wanting to be, do, or have what another has. Every time you imitate another person. you lose a piece of yourself and eventually, you may no longer know yourself to be you. It is important to acknowledge when you see social media posts of others that you are observing moments of time and not someone’s entire life journey.

Self-Reflection In a world where individuals can be quick to offer their opinions, you need to be able to use discernment. If you attempt to navigate your path based on other’s opinions, you can get to a point where you feel you have lost your way. One day, one person offers you one opinion. The next day someone else may offer theirs, and it can feel like there is a moving target. You may feel that you are getting caught up in societal expectations versus what may be best for you.

Self-reflection is truly about learning about yourself – your wants and desires, your likes, and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses. who you are as a person, and what you want to be, do, or have. Discover what is working for you and what is not working for you. You may need to change patterns, habits, or routines. Journalling is one tool I recommend to my clients to help them to reflect and understand themselves better.

Exploration Nobody knows what your gifts are until you share them. You only know what you currently know. The more you expose yourself to new situations and experiences, the more you learn about yourself. Exploration requires that you step out of your comfort zone to try new things. How do you know what you like or dislike if you have never tried it? You might take a solo trip or go for dinner by yourself. You might take a pottery or painting class or even learn a new language. You might take a singing lesson or take on a leadership position. How do you know what you are capable of until you put yourself in the position to find out? People often underestimate themselves more than they over-estimate themselves.

Learning and Growth As you explore your opportunities, you will make mistakes along the way. Some people will see it as a failure. Failure is necessary for success. There are no true failures when you learn and grow from your experiences and circle back to discovering more about yourself and what to do and not to do. There is a richness of knowledge you can take away.

You can support your learning and growth in many ways: volunteering, reading books and industry articles, listening to podcasts or audiobooks, taking courses or workshops, attending conferences, networking with others, or participating in fitness or other group activities.

Your path is your path. Take time to reflect on what you want for yourself. Listen to other people’s opinions with discernment, curiosity, and caution. Explore what you are capable of, you may surprise yourself! Commit to continuous learning and keep a growth mindset.

Above all, insist on yourself! It takes courage to be who you are! You are braver than you think! Discover the best version of you!

3 Powerful Strategies for Getting Accountability Right

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Finger-pointing and the “blame game” are not attributes of an individual who is accountable. They fail to remember that as their finger is pointing outward there are three fingers pointing back at them. The waving finger is often loaded with excuses or reasons why something didn’t work. It is time to disarm the excuses and reasons and to help individuals step into their accountability.

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, accountability is “the quality or state of being accountable. especially an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.” You may find people use the words accountability and responsibility interchangeably. There is a difference: responsibility is task-oriented whereas accountability has more to do with answerability for one’s behavior or actions. For example, when individuals on a team are each given a task toward a project, each person is responsible for their task of contribution. Now at the deadline of a project, everyone is accountable for the task they were assigned to. They must answer whether they have completed their task.

 There are also times when individuals misunderstand that they’re being held accountable versus being micromanaged. Accountability revolves around meeting expectations whereas micromanagement tends to be a hovering over or meddling in one’s role by taking over tasks. It is important to ensure that your team understands what accountability is and what taking ownership of their own behaviors and actions means. The best way to do this is to involve individuals or your team in creating a plan of accountability.

The late Stephen Covey said, “Accountability breeds response-ability.” You can respond to a situation instead of reacting to it. It starts with acknowledging what is and then owning or taking responsibility for the same. When someone takes responsibility for a situation, they have the ability course correct or come up with a solution.

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result.”

Bob Proctor

Get the Perspective of Others To make accountability right, you need to let go of the need to be right. The need to be right can prevent you from getting clarity about the situation.  Each person looks at a situation from their own vantage point. This is why several individuals witnessing a car accident will all have a different narrative of what happened. Some people will zoom into a situation and see all the details whereas others will zoom out to see the bigger picture. All perspectives have value. By being curious and taking the time to listen to the perspective of others, you can establish a better understanding of the situation at hand. The other perspectives create a visual –  setting the stage and helping you understand what is happening in the situation. When you take time to gather this information from others, you also demonstrate that you value and appreciate their insight.

Ask for Feedback from Others   It can take courage for you to ask for the feedback that you need. Many people believe feedback is something that they receive when they need to correct a behavior or action because something went wrong. Asking for feedback from others can be a game changer in bringing a different perspective to how you do your work or how you are showing up. Is it aligned with who you want to be and how you want to show up? You receive feedback from the world around us all the time through our results, experiences, and how we feel about how situations went. It is important the test our reality and perceptions and to challenge our assumptions. Receiving feedback that is constructive is valuable in building your character and demonstrating that you are open to continuous growth.

Collaboration over Competition   Success is not a one-man or woman show. When you collaborate with others you can often come up with more creative and innovative solutions. Sometimes people are afraid to collaborate because they’re focused on competing with one another versus leveraging the opportunity to pull the right skill sets and minds into the right space at the right time. Brainstorming and creative solution finding comes from tapping into the rich resource of the knowledgeable people around you.

When you engage others and create accountability, individuals get invested in seeing the results. People like to contribute by offering ideas and solutions and knowing that they’re contributing that makes a difference. Let’s get accountable and get it right! Fingers down!

What Leadership Legacy Do You Want to Leave?

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Sometimes it takes a thought-provoking question to make us stop and reflect on what we want. One question I love and enjoy asking leaders of all stages of their leadership journey, whether they have been in a leadership role for a long time or are evolving in their leadership, is “What legacy do you want to leave as a leader?”

The leader often pauses and says, “That’s a great question. I do not think I have stopped to think about this.” I reassure them that this response is quite normal.

Leaders have been focused on achieving results, performance, and productivity. Achieving results is what many leaders get promoted for not usually the leaders they develop within the organization.

Imagine if leaders started their careers thinking about the legacy they would like to be remembered for. Leaders are acquired for their knowledge, talents, skills, and abilities with a history of achieving results. Do we think that future leaders are developed through osmosis or solely based on observation? No, not likely.

As leaders reflect on this question, I often see a concentrated look turn into a big white wide smile as they describe the difference they want to make in the lives of the people they serve and the mark they want to leave in the organization. They start speaking passionately about building capacity, innovation, and creativity in overcoming perceived, potential, and real barriers standing in their way on the road to success. They talk about a collective and collaborative approach to achieving results while leveraging each other’s strengths. I cannot help but smile back as I get caught up in their enthusiasm for their leadership legacy.

If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, “I don’t know what legacy I want to leave as a leader.”

Consider the following questions:

What values are most important to me?

What qualities and characteristics do I want to role model?

In what ways, would I prepare a future leader while leveraging their unique gifts?

What stories and lessons do I want to impart to others to save them time, money, or resources?

Using my gifts, what difference would I like to make in the world?

As a leader and a coach, I feel a sense of obligation to ensure that people not only share their unique gifts; I want to ensure they do not hold themselves back from stepping into their potential and making the difference they have been called to make. I believe it is a privilege to be a leader, I have the opportunity to walk in front and walk from behind. Most of the time, I am walking alongside the people I lead. We learn from each other. We learn by doing and reflecting. We create a safe space to open up conversations and brainstorm ideas. Together we achieve results.

The most important aspect of defining your leadership legacy is knowing that as a leader YOU matter. Your legacy matters. It will live on for generations to come in the leaders you lead and those who lead after them in the stories, lessons, and the impact you make.

Stop, pause, and take a moment to think about the leadership legacy you want to leave. Where is your focus, attention, and intention to achieve this outcome?

3 Ways to Prime Your Day for Success

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Beginning your day with intention can help you make fewer decisions and save your energy for when it’s most important. Studies have shown that having structure and routine benefits children, but adults can also benefit from having routines to thrive.

How to get started

Preparation

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”

– Colin Powell

Preparing for your day begins the night before. Your mornings can be disrupted if you can’t locate your car keys, or if you’re unsure of what to wear. You may also discover that you don’t have enough gas in your car to reach your destination.

Before you start your day, it’s important to plan ahead. Check your calendar to see what you have planned and consider what you’ll need for each activity. Set your alarm for the appropriate time and set a backup, just in case you hit snooze. If you plan on going to the gym, pack your gym bag with everything you need and lay out your clothes for the next day. Make sure to pack a healthy lunch and ensure your car has enough gas to get you where you need to go. By preparing ahead of time, you can start your day feeling confident and ready to tackle anything that comes your way.

What’s Next?

Master Your Morning

Sometimes it can be overwhelming to see what lies in the day before you. Priming is a way to get into a state of mind that prepares you to take on the day in a more positive way. We have 50,000 to 70, 000 thoughts in a day with the majority of them being negative. Why not create the shift to focus on positive outcomes from the start?

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

Lao Tzu

Starting your day can vary greatly depending on personal preference and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Numerous personal development experts have shared various methods such as journaling, meditation or prayer, exercise or fitness, silence, reading, and visualization, all of which have their own benefits. It’s common to experience some resistance when setting up your morning routine, as your brain likes to keep you safe and may be fearful of change. Don’t hesitate to experiment with different methods to find what works best for you. I recommend waking up at least 1-2 hours before you need to start your day’s activities.

Then What?

Focus and Reflect

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.”

– Alexander Graham Bell

Starting your day on purpose begins with intention, breathing through the tough parts, and critically thinking through scenarios as they arise. Focus on how you want to feel – it is easy to get caught up in analyzing situations. Stay curious at all times. Individuals who have established routines are disciplined and have built resilience.

Dealing with inconvenience in life is a true test of character. It’s important to keep the promises you make to yourself and learn from your experiences. Take some time to reflect during the day and at the end of the day by asking yourself these questions:

How would I rate my day on a scale of 0 to 10? What can I do to improve it? How can I set myself up for success tomorrow?

What were the positive outcomes of today? How can I replicate or surpass them tomorrow?

Which part of my morning routine energizes me the most? What can I add to it tomorrow?

Get ready for a successful day tomorrow by preparing and taking control of your day. Embrace your success by starting off on the right foot.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC PCC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up for the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free 10-page PDF of Reset Your Mindset download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Count Your Blessings

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More blessings to count than the number of things we own. A simple acknowledgment and a grateful heart can change your life.

Sitting at the table reciting a prayer of thanks, you could sense the excitement amongst the family for the starting flag to be waved and notifying everyone it is time to dig in. It is interrupted by the request to go around the room one by one sharing what each person is grateful for. The list starts with family, good health, a great school year, and food…can we dig in now?

Thanksgiving in Canada is the second Monday in October and in the United States it is the fourth Thursday in November. It is recognized as a day to give thanks for all we have. You don’t have to wait for the one day of the year to come around to practice being grateful. Being grateful for the abundance in your life can be a daily practice and set the tone for your day.

Write down 3 things you are grateful for daily.

In a YouTube Video posted by the Greater Good Science Center called “The Power of Gratitude”, Dr. Robert Emmons, Professor of Psychology at UC Davis, explains how gratitude has the ability to heal, energize, and change our lives. It can help heal past hurts and give hope and inspiration for the future. Gratitude has the power to shift the focus of your mind to what you currently have and not on what you are lacking.

Focus on what you currently have.

Gratitude can ignite awareness. In John Kralik’s book, 365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life, he shares a story of his first written thank you note to his son. He was thanking his son for his Christmas present of single-cup coffeemaker. In writing out specifically what he was grateful for he came to the realization of how he had closed himself off from his son and how little he knew about his life. He knew that his relationship with his son needed to change, and he took intentional action moving forward. Kralik states “I will say that writing thank-you notes is a good thing to do and it makes me a better man. More than success or material achievement, this is what I sought.”

Be specific about what you are grateful for and how it has made your life better.

Gratitude can transform relationships and build people up to the way you see them and not necessarily how they see themselves. After all, we can be our own worst critics. Dr. Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment, talks about how one of his students suggested having a “Gratitude Night” where a part of the class brought a guest who had never properly been thanked a wine and cheese function. The guest did not know the purpose of the gathering until each student took time to specifically thank the guest, they had brought to the function with a one-page testimonial. Guess what happened? Givers, receivers, and bystanders were all crying – they were touched by humanity. Seligman suggests that the reader select someone in their lives to thank by writing up a testimonial and having a face-to-face eye-to-eye sharing of what that individual has brought to their lives. If you take up the challenge, take time to reminisce about specific events – what did you notice about how this person showed up? How did you feel around them? How did that event impact you?

It is never too late to thank someone; it could change their lives and most importantly yours.

We tend to live our lives like we are going to live forever yet we all know that our forever is a variable. You may be waiting for the right time to thank someone, or you wished you could thank someone for the impact they had on you. Waiting is a fleeting game. As the saying goes, “There is no time like the present.”

“The things we do when we expect our lives to continue are naturally and properly different than the things we might do if we expected them to end abruptly.”

– Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness

As you head to your Thanksgiving festivities, take time to reflect on the richness in your life, count your blessings, and focus on those who have impacted your life and deserve your thanks.

By Debra Kasowski – a speaker, writer, and author who is passionate about gratitude, happiness, and helping others live meaningful and fulfilling lives.