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“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.” ― Steve Goodier
Have you ever been flooded with memories from the past? A song comes on the radio, a car drives by, a Facebook memory comes up in your news feed. Some memories make you smile while others hold onto hurts from the past. They can make you feel anxious, depressed, or even angry. Catch yourself…you are not your thoughts and emotions.
We have over 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts going through our minds at any point and time. The majority of those thoughts are negative. Most negative thoughts are about the past and fear of the future. It is the thoughts we bring into our awareness that we experience. Thoughts will come to mind and go away. When you hang onto a thought, it influences how you feel and your actions. If the thought is negative, it can throw you off track and spin into a spiral of negativity if you do not know how to reframe and shift the thought. Many people would like to run away from or ignore the thought when it triggers strong negative emotions. It makes them feel vulnerable and exposed and raw. If you ignore the thought it will never go away. You want to move toward the thought instead of away from it.
Tony Robbins explains that we hold onto past experiences because of the need for certainty. The past is something we believe we know. The fixation on the future gives us power. Eckart Tolle states that we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Internal Dialogue and external events influence how you think. Your thoughts do not describe who you are. You can think or feel anxious or depressed but you are not defined by the thought or feeling. You are experiencing the thought or feeling – you are not it! You can say, “I am feeling anxious about this situation”, instead of saying, “I am anxious.” It is important to notice your thoughts when they surface so you may bring the thought or how you feel into awareness.
As you bring thoughts and feelings into your awareness, start to focus on this present moment and what is going on where you are at. Accept that thoughts and feels are triggered. Acknowledge that they are there. When you accept that you’re experiencing a thought or feeling, it doesn’t mean you have to like what is happening. Focusing on the present allows you to pause and respond thoughtfully versus react to a situation.
Practice self-reflection and understand what is happening during the moment. What about this is triggering your emotions? Why is it affecting you? Is it something you have control over? If so, what are you willing to do? You are putting your attention on it and not dwelling on it. No judgment. You can only take responsibility for your actions and not the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others. Shift your focus onto the here and now. The easiest action to focus on is to focus on your breathing. Practice deep breathing.
Make a commitment to making a change. Instead of letting your thoughts and feelings from the past, focus on the things that matter most to you – the people, your hopes, dreams, and goals. Do the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing help move you toward what matters to you or away? Are they serving you in a positive way? Action leads you to your destiny, not your thoughts.
Your desire to hang onto the past impacts your future. You can shift into an empowering state by changing your habits. Research suggests it takes 21-66 days to change a habit and maintaining it. Here are some tips to get you started:
- Practice Gratitude. Write down and state 3 things you are grateful daily.
- Focus on your daily wins and achievements. You are further ahead than you give yourself credit for.
- Stop rehashing and replaying the story. The more you replay it, the more you are anchored to the story. When you let go, you realize you have control. You can write a new story.
- Events or information only have meaning by the meaning we attribute to it.
- Choose to create new memories – write a new story.
- Be an active listener by being present. You will form better connections with others.
- Get involved in activities where you are in the flow. The activities you love and lose track of time in.
“Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for your life to begin and start making the most of the moment you are in.”
― Germany Kent
Focusing on the here and now is about being mindful of the present moment. YOU in the present is the only thing you actually have control over. What thought or feeling will you bring to your awareness? What can you do in this moment to change or rewrite how you view your story?
We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com
How you respond to leadership challenges depends on what you know and the experience you have as you have grown in the organizational culture. These experiences have helped you develop your emotional intelligence or what some people refer to as the “soft skills” or “common sense”. Common sense does not appear to be that common. There is nothing soft about soft skills. Soft skills are hard to master and can be difficult to learn. Learning requires that a people be self-reflective and self-aware of their own behaviours and how they communicate with others. Developing soft skills can bring about the BEST in you and your people. With self-awareness, there is accountability and an increase in responsibility for one’s actions.
When you start to shift your thinking from the belief that other people are responsible for making the change or creating what you want (they owe you – NO RESPONSIBILITY) to realizing you are the one who has the control. Taking responsibility means you are taking control. That’s when the real power comes into play. You have more power than you realize and give yourself credit for. Start giving yourself permission to create a life or business you really want and believe you deserve it! 
Start taking responsibility by doing 3 things: