soft skills Archives - Debra Kasowski

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“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

As you move through different levels of leadership, you learn that new challenges required different approaches and different skillsets. What worked previously may not work again. Challenges appear to more complex in nature. As a leader, you must be able to think on your feet and also be proactive in anticipating situations to minimize how complex the situation can get. Most processes and systems are simple but when you add people to the mix things can get a bit complicated.

Today, you can be working with individuals of 3 or more generations and each communicating and making decisions differently. Although they have different needs, some characteristics do not change, each generation has core values that guide them, they want to be respected for who they are, their ideas, and what they can bring to the table, they want to be heard and receive feedback on their performance. Most people communicate the way they want to be communicated to. If you receive a text, they would appreciate a text. If they left you a voicemail, you would be best to call rather than respond by email. Keep it simple; respond in the same mode of communication they sent the message. Whenever unsure, pick up the phone and call or arrange a face to face meeting.

How you respond to leadership challenges depends on what you know and the experience you have as you have grown in the organizational culture. These experiences have helped you develop your emotional intelligence or what some people refer to as the “soft skills” or “common sense”. Common sense does not appear to be that common. There is nothing soft about soft skills. Soft skills are hard to master and can be difficult to learn. Learning requires that a people be self-reflective and self-aware of their own behaviours and how they communicate with others. Developing soft skills can bring about the BEST in you and your people. With self-awareness, there is accountability and an increase in responsibility for one’s actions.

When hiring for the right fit, you are not only looking for technical skills but you are looking for those intangibles – soft skills that are reflected in their general disposition, attitude, and personality. You do not want to hire someone who lacks awareness and erodes trust by being passive aggressive or gossips. You want to know that you can trust their word and their work ethic to get things done, done well, and they value the people they work with. Trust is the foundation of everything without it the department or organization can crumble.

You need to be able to communicate what the vision is for the organization and what success would look like when achieved. To gain buy-in, people need to be invested in the vision. When you can communicate it in a clear and concise way then you can plan and strategize how to make the vision become a reality.

Ultimately, how you perceive the challenges you face as a leader and how your people perceive the challenges are key. Your perception drives your willingness to take action and the decisions you make. You need to be able to weigh the options based on what you perceive a situation to be and the impact that will occur based on your decision. Be careful as your perceptions can be influenced by your emotions. Don’t forget to review the facts before acting impulsively. You simplify your leadership challenges by stepping out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to as many new situations as you can so you can develop and hone your skills. Boosting your emotional intelligence will help you unravel the complexity of some of your leadership challenges. Remember to keep it simple.

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Every day we are faced with situations that can trigger our emotions and how you respond can make all the difference. You may be dealing with a difficult colleague or a sabotaging boss, or entitled teenager. You may see these conflicts as manipulative, undermining, or even as a personal attack. Your first instinct may be to express your anger and frustration; however, often the first thing said can be your greatest regret. For some people, when there is a “fire” or conflict, it is easier to just run out of the kitchen and not deal with the issue or concern at hand.

What happens when you run out?

The fire can get out of control. When I am talking about fire, I am not talking about a physical building where your life is in danger. If your life is in danger – RUN and get help! In conflict, your mind perceives conflict as stress and so your body may move into the “fight or flight” response depending on how you react to the situation versus respond. I am not asking you to suppress your emotions but I do want you to stop and take a deep breath. When you are emotional, you do not think rationally. Your imagination can run wild making assumptions about what the intended tone in an email was, comments or questions during a meeting, or why your colleague failed to make a deadline. Psychologist, John Gottman says, “When you’re furious, you can’t be curious.” This is so true. How well you cope or do not cope depends on the perceived threat of the situation.

Conflict is fused with emotions. Moving through conflict is not easy and can be uncomfortable. There are ways to manage it more effectively. We know that if you fail to control your emotions, they will control you because your thoughts and feelings impact your behaviours and the actions you will take.

Start by simply stopping and taking a deep breath, this pause can help you reconnect with yourself and think about what is happening more clearly. It may take several minutes or even hours. You do not always need to respond right away – especially to emails. If emotions are charged, it is best to speak face to face or at least by phone.

Acknowledge and accept your emotions. Reflect on why you are triggered emotionally. Separate the facts from the emotions that you are feeling, you will discover a wealth of information. Pay attention to what those emotions are telling you. What expectation or values were violated? Why are you experiencing the conflict? What was the impact? What would you like to experience? Listen to what these emotions are telling you, this will help you identify the underlying cause of the conflict.

Remove the focus from yourself and try to gain an understanding where the other person is coming from. Clarify their needs and share your needs. People often fail to meet expectations or meet your needs because they do not know what they are. Most people have good intentions but fail to communicate their needs or decisions. Your colleague may have missed the deadline because he was waiting for information from someone else or he did not have the skillset. Your boss may have some inside information she has not shared with you yet and brought it up in a meeting and you felt blind-sided. Your teenager assumes you will drive them to the mall but does not understand you have an important meeting because no one communicated with each other. When you express how you are feeling, what you want, and do not want, you will be able to work more collaboratively in coming up with a win-win situation or solution to the problem.

You can deal with conflict more effectively and discover your voice when you stay in the kitchen and do not fan the flames. Own your emotions and uncover the facts. Stop, Breathe, and Be Curious!!!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 166 – Simplify Your Leadership Challenges

Do You Run When There is a Fire in the Kitchen?