reality testing Archives - Debra Kasowski

Negative thinking can cause a person to jump to conclusions without checking out all the facts. We all have negative thoughts at one time or another; negativity is normal. When we start to “paint every situation with the same brush”, we fail to remain objective and make effective decisions.

Have you ever let your imagination run wild wondering why you haven’t heard from someone? Have you ever wondered why someone else got promoted over you? Have you ever made an assumption and realized you are totally wrong? Reality testing helps you remain objective so that you can identify and understand the emotions you are feeling and deal with what drives them.

“The things that never happen, are often as much realities to us, in their effects, as those that are accomplished.” – CHARLES DICKENS, David Copperfield

Reality testing is part of Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory in which the ego is able to recognize the difference between the external world (reality) and the internal world-the world of the mind. Testing reality is the ability to see a situation for what it really is and allows the ego to distinguish between fears, beliefs, hopes and actual reality.

When you think negatively about a situation, you may think that the worst will happen which destroys any positive energy which drives you toward a purpose and drains the possible resources. Doubt creeps in. Negativity is compounded when there is a sense of distrust or you get involved in gossip.

Negativity or errors in one’s thinking such as over-generalization, “all or nothing” thinking, blaming others or excepting blame when there’s no one to blame to be had can all lead to anxiety which in turn impacts a person’s behavior. Your thoughts and feelings influence the actions you take. When a negative outcome comes occurs, you may feel defeated and discouraged. Your mind will start searching for negative memories to rationalize the outcome to support why something happened to you and this rationale will become a new belief.

“Reality is determined not by what scientists or anyone else says or believes but by what the evidence reveals to us” –Alan Hale

In order to combat this way of thinking, you need to consider everyone involved in a situation, the circumstances, environment, and all potential outcomes and effects. Re-frame the situation into a positive thought or feeling. By putting things into perspective, you become “emotionally balanced” and you are able to make effective decisions. You can get rid of negative emotions through utilizing positive self-talk, reminding yourself that first impressions are not always correct, challenging assumptions, self-reflecting on strong emotions when they arise, or by asking someone you trust for their perspective. When you purge negative emotions, you are able to adapt to situations with ease and you are able to face life situations with courage and conviction therefore, improving your coping skills.

How do you ensure your emotions do not get the best of you when making decisions?

What ways do you challenge your assumptions to verify if something is true of not?

Reality testing helps combat negativity. You can choose to stay away from being a part of the water cooler gossip or negative conversations. Re-frame your negative self-talk. Remember your emotions guide you and give you information about your reality. Treat each situation as a new situation. Ask questions. Check out all the facts before jumping to conclusions and letting the negative part of your imagination run too wild before determining the truth.

What ways do you combat negative thinking?

How has negative thinking impacted your reality?

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. She is a contributing writer for Diversity Magazine and Fabulous at 50 Magazine. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

I am in the midst of obtaining my certification in Emotional Intelligence and we were discussing the downsides of possessing too much of a strong characteristic. It got me thinking about a blog post I recently wrote called Time to Shift from Challenges to Opportunity. I am not second guessing what I wrote, however, I can see how people may see me as somewhat of a Pollyanna or someone wearing rose coloured glasses or even a blue sky thinker.

I do believe that you can create some of your circumstances with the power of your mind and how you respond to situation. In the Emotional Intelligence psychometric tool (EQi 2.0), there is a sub-scale or competency called reality testing. According to Stein and Book (2006), “The best simple-sentence definition of reality testing is that it is capacity to see things objectively, the way things are, rather than the way we wish or fear them to be.” Reality testing is important but I do not think it should stop people from dreaming and creating a business, shifting the culture of an industry, or creating a life you love.

Courtesy of Scott Chan/freedigitalphotos.net

Develop Clarity. It is important for you to assess where you are and know where it is you want to go. Once you develop clarity about what it is you want, you will be able to start seeing the “how” in which you wish to get there.

Be Open to Opportunity. I cannot stress this enough from the previous blog post. I want you to know no matter what circumstances you find yourself in that you always have choices and options. You can either choose to do something differently or the situation may force you into doing something different. How do I know this? Think about all the choices you have made to get you to where you are today.

Watch the Words You Use. Your thoughts, feelings, and behavior affect the actions that you take. If you focus on challenges, you may miss the opportunity waiting in the wings.

Ask Others for Their Insight but Make Your Own Decision. You probably have heard the saying, “You are so close to the situation, you cannot see the forest through the trees.” When you are the the midst of a situation, it may be difficult for you to either see the situation for what it is or the big picture as to how it impacts yourself or others. You may have exhausted ideas and hit the wall and do not know where to turn.

Some people think asking for assistance is a weakness, whereas, I see it as one of the powerful things a person can do. Asking others for their perspective can help you challenge assumptions and perhaps see a different perspective. A story I love to share is one I read long ago in an Anthony Robbins book where Walt Disney asked his employees input into a dilemma or creative idea. Employees submitted idea after idea. Not only did he empower his employees, he reviewed all these ideas and it helped him become one of the innovative leaders of the century.

If you are facing a challenge, try testing your reality. Do you see one of the challenges you face as a true fact or do you see as an opportunity to do something differently? Believe me, I catch myself when I start viewing situations as challenges and setbacks. I also need to remind myself to look at the possibilities and opportunities before me. Situations are temporary – both positive and negative. I will start to plan, prepare, and challenge myself to rise above the situation and you can too.

Courtesy of graur codrin/freedigitalphotos.net

I can see clearly now – I chose to look at the bright side. When you focus on the strengths and the clear vision you have for yourself, opportunities will start to present themselves.

What do you see? What choice will you make?

Share this blog post with others so they too can see clearly now.

Stein, Steven J. and Book, Howard E. (2006) The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. 3rd edition.John Wiley & Sons Canada. Mississauga, Ontario.

How to Test Your Reality and Combat Negative Thinking

I Can See Clearly Now