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Hello, Welcome to The Millionaire Woman Show. We’re, we’ll be discussing leadership, business, and human potential, inspiring you to live rich from the inside out. Unlock your creativity, stretch out of your comfort zone, break through your barriers, take inspired action and achieve epic results. Now here’s your host, two-time best-selling author, speaker, and certified executive coach Debra Kasowski.
Hello Everyone and welcome to another Millionaire Woman Show podcast. I’m super excited that you’ve come here to join us and today we are talking about the power of words. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I wish I never said that?” Words carry so much power. We’ve all been there in that place where we’ve, after we thought about where we said, we thought, you know what, we could have said it so much differently. I know for myself, there’s many times that I wish I could take things back. But you, once you put that decree out, you can’t. But you can shift your language, shift the way you’re thinking to get where you want to be, how you want to show up and really change moving forward because we can’t change what’s behind us. So today, the power of words. I want to help you focus in on the conversations that you have, the thoughts that you have in your head so you can be empowered with the power of language.
So the power of words. Joyce Meyer said, “Words are containers of POWER. You can choose what kind of POWER they have.” So words can be good used for good, and they can also be used for evil. So in the context that I want to share with you today, the power of words, I want you to start thinking about the words that you use. So one of the things is I want to start with dawn. Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. The first one is about Being Impeccable with Your Word and that’s an agreement that you make with yourself and with others. But when I first heard be impeccable with your word over the years, I always thought it was about how we talk about others that we want to spread. Good gossip, not bad gossip. We want to empower and lift people up. But it’s easy to have that water cooler conversation and get involved in another person’s conversation.
Making judgements and assumptions, conclusions about people that may or may be true. So one of the things I encourage people to think about is this agreement, the agreement about being impeccable with your word. It’s not only speaking kindly to others or about others. It also has to do with the six inches here, right between our ears about what we’re saying to ourselves as well. We need to be impeccable with ourselves first and really capturing those words that we’re saying and changing them to positivity. And one of the examples would be, well, I’ll never achieve that. I’ll, I won’t do this. I’m not good at this. I’m not good at this. And there’s this phrase, the power of yet you may not be as good as you’re hoping to in this moment, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t have the capacity or the capability to become the person you envision yourself to be.
That “Yet” three letter word is so powerful in knowing that I may not be. If you catch yourself saying, I may not be good put in that yet because there is room for growth, there is room for improvement and it’s not setting anything in stone. It means I’m a work in progress, which we all are. So I want you to think about the words you use and first of all, starting to be impeccable with your word, not only to others or about others. That is also that you’re going to be speaking kindly of yourself, giving yourself some grace and also catching it and reframing it into something positive so that you are speaking kindness to yourself. Because chances are some of the thoughts that any comments that you say to yourself about yourself are not something you would say to the person closest to you next to you if you’re in a room of people or your best friend.
So if you wouldn’t say those things to another person, how would you say though about yourself? So let’s start with being impeccable with our word for ourselves as well as others and making sure the only gossip used is great stuff, good gossip, and sharing who you are by the power of your word. How do you speak to yourself? How do you speak to others? Those are the two questions that you want to bring up for yourself. Then I also want to talk to you about the type of words you use. There are words that empower you and then there’s words that disempower you. And when I say these words, you’re going to start feeling and understanding what we call the energy around the word. If you were like, oh, you know, what do you mean by energy? Well, when you say certain words, they either uplift you or they don’t, or they feel like you need to get defensive or you feel like someone’s attacking you.
So let’s talk about the power of our words. So the word try, and this is when you jump into the Star Wars theme and think about Yoda. Yoda said in the movies, “Do or do not. There is no try.” So look at something in your desk or if you’re in your car and you might have a pen somewhere, I want you to try to pick something up. Try it. What happens? Either you do it or you don’t do it. There is no try this award. I don’t even know how it ended up in the dictionary and to be honest with you, so really thinking about that word. You’re either going to do something or you don’t, but think about the energy around the word try. If I tell you I’m going to try to do something, do you believe in what I’m saying? Do I speak it with conviction?When I say I’m going to try to hit a slam dunk, you might think, ah, put some effort in, but we want to put a strong statement to say, I’ll either do it, I’ll get that slum dunk or I won’t get it, but I’m going to go and do it. The results will be the outcome. You can make it many attempts, but you’re not going to try. Try comes off as half effort. Then there’s the word when, when is that? Someday that’s not on your calendar. This is when I bring this up. Often talking to people about their to do list. That can be as long as Santa’s Christmas list of all the things that they need to do. But when they look at act, when they look at their calendar, what happens is there is none of the to do list in the calendar to get done.
So somebody will say, Hey, are you free? And you’ll look at your calendar. See, absolutely. There’s nothing on the calendar. Then they go do whatever event that they’re going to. They come home, they look at the list and they say, oh, look at all the things I need to do. This is where we fall off the radar. We need to start putting the to do list into the calendar so that when is today is right now. When’s the right time to take action now? So start by looking at your to do list blocking off time to get those things done. The other phrase is always and never. Those are the extremes always. And never is that true that things are always a certain way or never a certain way. They can be often or increased frequency for sure. But is it truly never an always so be cautious when you use those words.
They are extreme. The other one is the word can’t eliminates all possibility, but it is a choice. Can’t means I choose not to. It’s not always about capability or capacity. It’s whether or not you’re willing to do it. So it’s a choice of going ahead and moving forward. So think about the times where you say, I can’t do this or you just choosing not to do it because it’s not a priority for you. When you say I can’t get up at 5:30am is it that you can’t or you’re not willing to, I can’t spend time, painting because it’s my hobby. Are you choosing not to or where’s the priority? So I want you to start thinking about when you use the word cat mean other phrases or an ad. And you probably saw just a few seconds ago, I shifted my language because when we say, but what it does is it negates everything that comes after that sentence.
So if I say, you know what, that was a great meal. Thank you so much, but maybe there was too much salt. So here is the thing. Anything I said after that made the first part have no meaning. It’s like, Oh yeah, you said it was good BUT. There is an issue. So I want you to think about when you say, but instead you can say at the meal was great and it was a bit salty, but then you’re not negating anything. You’re not feeling like you stole the joy from the first part of the sentence. So when you’re using your words, realize that how much power comes behind our words. And the other thing is, is paying attention to how you speak. Speak with conviction, speak with confidence. Believe in the words that you say. Actions often speak louder than words, but when words are added in again, they can be used for good and they can be used for evil.
So please choose them wisely. As Joyce Meyer said, they are containers of power. What are you going to put in that container? The other thing is whatever follows, “I AM”, this goes back to speaking impeccably, be about yourself. If you say, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I am not. Whatever follows I am becomes your truth, becomes your perception of your reality and I want you to empower yourself that says, I’m getting stronger every day. I’m in progress of you know, running 10 k I am in process of becoming a world class leader. I want you to pay attention to the words that follow I am I am is a decree putting that stake in the ground saying this is who I admire. Who are you? I want you to say I am and then whatever follows you shall become. So again, you want to be choosing words that are empowering really something that you’re owning as part of who you are.
And the big thing is think before you speak. And like I said earlier, often when we say things, it could be in the heat of the moment, which we often regret. We can’t take back, but we can change who we are and how we speak moving forward. And when you’re speaking about yourself to others, when you’re moving forward, you want to use language that is building capacity. So you want to speak as if things are already happening. When you’re working towards your goals, you want to speak it into existence. You know, often people will say to me, you know, Deb, I thought I can do this, but I’m not so sure. When you start carrying those doubts, you’re going to start little pieces of sabotage. So you want to have this anticipation and expectancy of success and speaking as if it has already happened, but it is going to be true for you.
So it’s like I can’t wait to take the stage and have thousands of people in front of me. I want you to think about what it is for you. I can’t wait to build this house or take over this commercial property. I can envision it. I can see people running their businesses in each of the different locations that really thinking about and envisioning and speaking the words that make that a reality. There is so much power in the words. If you have words of dealt that are influencing you, they’re going to change how you think about things. You’re going to shift your perspective a little off course and you’re not going to feel so great cause it’s going to be like, aw, that dealt. It’s just sitting there saying, you know what? I don’t know if you can do this and then your actions will match it. Whatever you believe is what you’re going to see. So we need to start putting those actions and words together, making them congruent, making them in alignment that you believe with an expectancy. You’re going to speak into existence. What you envision have that belief strong enough not only in your actions but in your ability to get what you want. So really paying attention to the power of your words. They can disempower you or they can empower you to achieve great things. Words are a container. What are you going to put in your container today?
Thank you for coming to our podcast. I’m so grateful that you’re here. Please go over to my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you can download your free eBook of the 21 Habits High Achievers kick to Achieve Success, and I’d love for you to go over to iTunes, give us a five star high five write us a review. The more people who are writing reviews, the more people who will get to know about our podcast. It is so important and I would love for you to just go ahead and share this podcast with as many people as you can, who you feel inspired to share with, to help them realize there’s so much power in their words. You can use this with your relationships, your business transactions, your leadership, and also in parenting. Speak into existence what you expect, what you want to see, speak and with the belief in the people who are in front of you. Amazing things will happen for you when you speak with conviction, with purpose, and be fair to do good with your words. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”, and my wish for you is always is go out and make today. Great.
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Episode 57: Watch Your Language: The Power of Words
The words we use have more power than we give them credit for. We take words for granted. Several years ago I remember reading a person’s blog about a child who was scolded the Costco store while his parents were waiting in return line. The child started to get restless as many children would have. You can watch the confident child who was playful shrinking down into silence. Words can deflate and destroy or words can create confidence and empower. Words do matter.
You may have heard statements throughout your childhood from teachers, parents, coaches, or even your peers. The statements good or bad you have allowed to grow -for they planted a seed. The seed you had a choice to either hold onto and play over and over in your mind or reject it. The seed only grows when you nurture it or give it attention. You may have even heard people making fun of others in derogatory ways. Even with joking, people do not always realize that they can be hurtful.
“An Old Cherokee Tale of Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’
The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’” –
Native American Legend
When we look at communication, we pay attention to the words but also to the tone and intent of what is being said. People make judgments very quickly. It is important that you choose to speak impeccably about yourself and others. There is so much power in the words that we use. I remember when the speaker sharing with me a conversation that occurred in the restroom about one of the other speakers at a conference without realizing that their microphone was on. Not only was it embarrassing for the conference organizers, it was also hurtful to the person that they were speaking about which was broadcasted to the people attending the conference. I never heard the outcome but I sure hope that a public apology occurred.
The other thing I want to remind you is to not judge others by an appearance or get caught up in gossip. If you’re upset, take the time to remove yourself from the situation if possible see you can think clearly and speak with intention. When people are upset they often say things that they later regret. You don’t want to burn bridges, you never know where someone is going in their lives which could later influence or impact the direction that you had as well. If you want others to speak well of you, you must speak well of others.
The words you use become your reality. The thoughts and feelings that you have influence the actions and words that you speak. If you say “I am not enough” and think and believe this, your actions will follow. You will not fully give of yourself because you believe you’re not enough. You’ll end up sabotaging yourself by holding back on what you’re capable of. You may even tell yourself “why bother?” If you say, you’re “not smart enough”, you will take actions to support that or look for ways to rationalize why this may be the truth. You may speak words of lack and scarcity and because that is your focus that’s what you will see in your reality. If you speak of abundance and use positive words, you will see abundance in your life and show gratitude. Remember you are planting seeds when you speak whether it is about yourself, about others or to others.
In Dr. Marshall Goldsmith book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, he talks about Habit #5: Starting with “no”, “but”, or “however”. When he was working with a coaching client, he would charge them $20 every time they stated no, but, or however in a statement. One CEO he was working with within an hour was charged $420 but was later donated to a charity. When you are using these words with the people you work with, you are stating that they are wrong and you were right.
“For example, “That’s true, however…” (Meaning: you don’t think it’s true at all.,.) Or the particularly common opener, is “Yes, but…” (Meaning: Prepare to be contradicted.)” –Dr. Marshall Goldsmith
The statement can be frustrating to the people that you’re working with because they see it as a no-win situation.
The word “try” really means that you’re totally not committed. In the words of Yoda from Star Wars, “There is no try you either do or you do not.” When I started catching myself saying the word try I also asked myself if I was wholeheartedly in or just interested. What I learned was if I really want something to happen I need to make a choice to do something not just to dabble in it. What are you “trying” to do and wondering why it’s not working?
In conversation sometimes I’ll hear someone say, “I think this.. is possible”. You want to speak with conviction you must know and believe something to be true. I think comes across as wishy-washy not something spoken with conviction and intent.
Beware of extreme words. These are words such as always and never. Is it true that someone always does something 100% of the time? Is it true that someone never does what they’re told hundred percent of the time? The word “can’t” also be considered extreme as you either you can or you cannot. Many people focus on what they can’t do that they never can realize what they can do it they only put in the effort. They talk themselves out of even making the attempt before even doing something.
When you hear people come up with great ideas or do something outstanding, take the time to give these people credit for their ideas. Your voice and message have so much power. You never know who needs to hear those words of encouragement and how their lives can be changed because you took the time to listen for acknowledging something that they have said. The change that we wish to see the world begins with us and it begins with the power we have with the words we use. Don’t abuse the power. Use the power to build others up and help them step into the potential of food they have yet to be.
We would love to have you subscribed to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com
Time:13:32 min
Keywords: the power of words, power of words, build people up, speak impeccably, power of intention, tone, communication, Marshall Goldsmith, habits
When you finally get a chance to sit down and the end of the day, can you honestly say that you have given your very best effort for that day? Several individuals will say, “Absolutely!” whereas others may say, “Well, I guess I could have “tried” a little harder.” Notice the difference. One statement , is with conviction and the other is weaker. Could have, would have and should have’s are not declarations of intent. When you say I will try, it means maybe yes and maybe no. Now what if you said, “I will” or “I am going to give my best effort.” Do you notice a difference? Which statement sounds stronger?
There is so much power in the words that you use. No matter what you do – business interactions or interactions in your relationships, the same rules apply. I want you to examine or reflect on the words that you use. The power of the mind can be one of the greatest challenges or your greatest gift once you master your thoughts. The words you tell yourself, are what hold you back and when in doubt you mind can play tricks of comparison and competition. The only person you should be comparing yourself or competing with is YOU!
What excuses do you say or give for not giving your best efforts. You need to take responsibility for what you have control of.
The top 5 excuses I hear are:
1. My Boss – My boss did not give me clear direction or not enough time to complete a project. What could you do here? Ask for more detail, direction, and perhaps negotiate a deadline.
2. My Kids – Yes, kids have bedtimes and routines that need to be followed but do they really stop you from accomplishing your goals? Usually not. You need to get creative – get up an hour earlier, exercise with a video tape or go to the gym where they have babysitting, or even hire a babysitter or ask a trusted friend.
3. Not enough time – This is a big one! The solution to this is tracking your time for one week. Look at where time gets wasted. When you start becoming vigilant and focused on the amount of time you spend in different areas you will notice that you can find more time to do what you love.
4. I am too tired. – Keep saying “I am too tired.” and the more things that will come up to ensure this statement reigns true. Get enough sleep so you can function at you optimal level.
5. Not enough money. – Many individuals say that they do not have enough money to go after what they what. One thing that I know to be true is when you investigate the cost of some of your goals or dreams you will realize that they are not so far out of reach after all. When you make a decision and plan, you can make many things happen and even surprise yourself.
BONUS ONE: I do not know enough. I am not good enough. Are you resourceful? Can you find the answer or ask someone who knows? A silver platter is not being held out with a note saying – here it is! You need to get in the game of life. You can learn and find out.
The excuses you tell yourself affect your tomorrow. Change the perspective of your excuse and take responsibility for your action. Have you tried changing someone? Doesn’t work so well does it? The only person you can change is YOU! Drop the excuses, get the results that you want, and be victorious!
Communication is very exciting especially when you get to do the talking. It can be even more exciting when you are a captive listener. A few weeks ago a group of friends were out for lunch and we were talking about different plans we had for our businesses and vacations. During a conversation, one of my friends kept saying, “If this happens, I will…” Do you hear the pause – the hesitation – the doubt? I asked him if he had just heard what he was saying. “Yes, if this happens, I will…” Listen a little closer – what do you hear? IF!!! How about WHEN?
Our conversations are so natural and routine sometimes I think many people do not hear themselves speak and the words they are use. Now, instead of “if”, can you hear the difference when I say, “When this happens, I will…”? There is hope, optimism, and a number of ideas that were ignited from changing a single word or phrase. There may be many other words or phrases that may trigger the sense of doubt and hopelessness.
Some of them are:
I can’t ———————> I can
Maybe——————–> Definitely or Absolutely
Someday —————-> Near future or Very soon
I am just —————–> I am
They make me think of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. He waltz around in gloom looking at the downside of life when everyone around him is enjoying ample amounts of sticky honey or bouncing around on his tail.
What words or phrases come to your mind? Take some time to be a great listener and you will see how the words people use make a difference. Listen how you talk to yourself when you get ready for the day or you are driving your car. Do you see the power of your words? When you change your words, your energy changes and so do your emotions and feelings. Choose words that are more affirmative and optimistic. Instead of wishing and hoping things will turn out well – anticipate that they will turn out great!!!