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EPISODE 4 : Receiving Feedback

June 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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We receive feedback all around us every day. This is the world telling us about what’s going on – you receive feedback when you step on a scale or when you pick up the phone. Some feedback is direct and some feedback is in the direct.

Feedback can help us figure out if we are on the right track or the wrong track.

A quote that resonates with me when I think about feedback by Thomas A. Edison, “ I had not failed I have just found 10, 000 ways that won’t work.”

When you get the feedback you can adjust as you go. You can decide whether the feedback has validity and whether or not it is something you want to integrate into what you do on a regular basis.

There are a lot of courses on how to deliver effective feedback but there isn’t a lot of information on receiving feedback. I came across the book, Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen and it’s a New York Times Bestseller – very powerful. They are also co-authors of another great book called Difficult Conversations.

There are three forms of feedback according to Heen and Stone/;

Appreciation – which everyone loves – kudos, the praises, and the high fives.
Coaching – Coaching is meant is for improvement
Evaluation – Evaluation is seen as judgment – that is when people can become standoffish because if an evaluation is good, “they are like oh – great!” then we are back to appreciation. If they see the evaluation as bad, they feel like what they bring to the workplace or the business front is not recognized and appreciated.

An example of a time when I was coaching someone they thought I was going to come from a place of evaluation and that they would be in trouble for someone. So I said “No, no, no. I am here with the intention of coaching.” We took a step back and I talked about the three types of feedback and that my intent was to from a place of being a coach, “I am here to help you improve and offer suggestions.” At the end of the day, the receiver of the feedback decides whether or not they are going to accept the feedback or not. It changed the whole tone of the conversation. Instead of that person thinking I was making a judgment about their performance, we were able to further discuss how we were going to use this information.to improve for the next time. If the giver and receiver are not on the same page, you will start noticing tension and misunderstanding which can lead to difficult conversations.

If you ensure that your receiver is understanding what you are trying to deliver, (if you are the delivering the feedback) it makes the feedback ready to absorb.

You may be asking yourself, “When is a good time to deliver feedback?” The things you need to keep in mind is that not everyone likes to receive feedback publicly or likes to be coached in front of their peers. One of the things that I find works very well, if you can step aside and go to a quiet area or behind closed doors, so you can have this conversation so the person you are talking with can be very candid and allow for the vulnerability – that deep conversation.

You want to start off by listening for what the receiver hears from the feedback. When you are delivering the feedback, you can remind them from what place you are coming from, appreciation, coaching, or evaluation. Once you make you make that clear, ask to make sure that the receiver knows that. As the receiver, if you are unsure as to where this feedback is coming from you have your own responsibility of saying, “Hey, this is what I am hearing, are you trying to coach me or are you trying to pass a judgment? Because what I am hearing is this…” This makes a huge difference in these conversations and could really avoid any misunderstandings.

Think about how you receive feedback and don’t be afraid to offer feedback in reflection. Something Marshall Goldsmith encourages is Feed Forward – offer suggestions and improvements of what can be better next time. An example he likes to use is to imagine someone did a presentation in a meeting and they did not do a very good job. People were nodding off, distracted and started playing on their phones. It was not well received and instead of telling the person that the meeting did not go well. The FeedForward approach is about offering them suggestions of what they could do better the next time and having the open discussion. Most of the time if the person is self-aware they are going to know if it did not go well especially if they were able to read the room. Instead, of reminding them and rehashing the obvious, let’s talk about how we can make it better. Always focus on the positive side and moving forward.

Think about how you have received feedback before. I myself, while I was reading this book, I had a family situation come up. I was like “Why is this person telling me what to do?” I actually got a little bit defensive and a little bit upset with it. As I was reading the book, I actually took a step away to go to a quiet space to read this book. My ah-ha was “Oh, okay, I get it. Even though they said this, I did not have to accept it. They were offering me feedback without knowing the whole context of the situation. They came in part way and did not think about it. I asked myself, “Were they trying to make a judgment or offer me some improvement?”

I decided to take it as some improvement. So I thought okay – I am not going to let it bother me. It was easier to let it go and move forward. I do not want to be holding grudges and I hope that you don’t either. Because these things hold us back from getting the success that we want. Every time you see that person you will think of that situation and all it becomes is a weight – a weight on your back that stops you from moving forward. If you want to achieve success, you cannot have grudges. You cannot hold onto the past. You need to be able to move forward, learn the lessons that you need to, and see if there is valid information from the information you receive.

Use the feedback you receive to your advantage. Is there some truth to the feedback you are receiving? Is there something you can do with it? Is there something you need to stop doing? Adjust your course as you go – soon enough you will be on the right path to your success.

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Time 10:15 min

EPISODE 3: Set Goals That Stretch You

June 29, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

One of the big things about setting goals is that people don’t dream big enough. They sit back and wonder what is possible for them. Tony Robbins said, “Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into visible.”

One of the things you need to do is really decide what it is that you really want. What I have found when I work with individuals that they have never stopped long enough to take time for themselves, “You know what, what is it I truly want?” They get so involved in the hustle and bustle of life that they get carried away with the next big thing or they are doing what that their mom or dad told them to do. It seemed like the natural thing to do but instead they need to step into who they are. They had their life experiences to bring this point to be able to make the decision of what they want. If they are unsure of what they want, set aside some and maybe even have a friend beside you ask you “What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? Repeatedly 10-15 minutes until you fill the pages or a journal or a page at least until you figure out what you really want.

I did this exercise with someone at a coffee shop and I kept saying, “What do you want? What do you want? What do you want?”

She said, “Alright already!” She wanted to get married in Jamaica.

Then I asked her, “How much does it cost to go to Jamaica?”

She said, “I have no idea.”

I looked at her and said, “How do you know that the dream is not possible already?”

She had a partner. She wanted to have this big dream but she didn’t do some of the leg work involved.

A few years later I have received an invite that she was getting married in Jamaica!

Unfortunately, I was unable to go but it was exhilarating to me that she fulfilled a dream that was important to her.

Get clear on what you want to achieve. What would you like to BE, DO, or HAVE?

Once you gave an idea of what it is you want, you can share it with people who you can trust who are going to be there to support you. Otherwise, keep it to yourself if you need to but if it something like weight loss or other things it sometimes helpful to have a person to keep you accountable and do the work with you like going to the gym or doing a road race. Having an accountability buddy is helpful. If you have people who are going to talk you out of it or question whether or not you can do something, don’t let them stop you. The only person who needs to believe in your vision for yourself is YOU. When you believe in yourself you make the possibilities happen. We can’t sit around waiting for someone else.

Decide on 1-3 goals short term goals (30-90 days) and 1-3 long-term goals (6- 12 months). Avoid setting too many goals so you do not feel overwhelmed. If you have way too many, you will not even know which one to start on! The goal is not important to me anymore. Start with 1-2 goals for right now! Start slow! Create your own action log!

Write out a SMART goal. If you INK it, you will THINK it.

S=Specific – What do you want to achieve?

M = Measurable – How will you measure it so you know you have achieved it? E.g. Rating Scale

Sometimes people get stuck on this one. If you care thinking about an action – something you can measure that is easy but if it is based on how you perceive or feel about something a rating scale would be better.

On a scale on 0 -10 you feel a 3/10 and you want to feel 6/10 in 2 weeks (as an example). What strategies will you put in place to do this?

A= Achievable – Can you achieve this goal with the resources you have? Do you need to ask for help? Do you need to delegate something?

R=Realistic – Is this goal something that you can actually accomplish?

T=Timely – In what time frame do you wish to achieve this goal?

“A goal without a deadline is just a wish.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Make sure that you put a deadline to it, hold yourself accountable, and reward yourself along the way. Don’t be afraid to dream big!

Tom Landry said, “Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about it, achieving it, and staying with that plan.” You know that there will be test along the way and distractions but it all comes down to how committed you are to making your goal come true.

Break your goal into small manageable pieces or mini goals. What are the strategies or action steps do you need to take daily, weekly, or monthly? Is there anything you need to delegate? What resources of time, money, or people do you need?

Break it down into a chart. It works really well if you are a visual person.

Review and track your goals daily, weekly, and monthly. Adjust as you go. Keep taking intentional action to create momentum. If you create momentum, you with be motivated no matter what obstacle may arise! Remember to celebrate your successes because they will remind you how far you have come!

Time: 9:04 min

EPISODE 1: Take 100% Responsibility

June 28, 2016 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Stop Complaining, Making Excuses, and Blaming Others – It is Time to OWN it!!

We will be looking at the situations in life where you want to point fingers at people or you want to say it was not my fault. If you look around you at the choices you have made or some of the outcomes you have had, you need to look around and ask yourself, “What part did I have in this”

I had no control; it happened to me. Take a different approach by asking, “How did it happen FOR you?” What can you learn from this situation so the same situation does not happen again? People do not take enough time to investigate their outcomes.

Begin by asking yourself questions about a situation: What part did I play in this? What could I have done to change the outcome? What could I do differently in the future?

Imagine someone is coming to pick you up for an appointment or you are going somewhere for a specific time. You are watching the clock tick because you know if you do not leave by a certain time you will not make it on time. The person may show up 10 minutes late and you get to the location late. You get frustrated at the person driving you.

Take a step back.

Ask yourself…

What could I have done to achieve a different outcome?

Was I prepared to be out on time?

Could I have called in advance to ensure the person left on time?

Could I check to see if there was any road construction or accidents on their route to be aware of?

Come to the situation as a learner. What parts do I have control of or influence?

Avoid comparing yourself to others. Focus on improving yourself and showing up as your “BEST” self every day.

Often when people compare themselves, they are looking at one moment in time. As an example, someone has a victory – they seem to have all the luck. They have all the money and everything in place to succeed and it does not work out like that for you.

If you rolled out that person’s life and your life, would you be willing to erase all of the memories that you and trade for the other person’s life? If you at it from that perspective, I am sure chances are that you would not want to erase those precious memories.

It is not about competition as it is about playing your own game and showing up as your BEST self every day.

Focus on discovering solutions and look for the opportunities. What can you do about it? How can I make a different? It is not about sitting in the wings and being a wallflower. If you see something that needs to be changed, it’s about letting your voice be known.

Choose to be responsive versus reactive. You will make better decisions when you think before acting. Do you attack like a jaguar or a leopard ready to attack or do you take a step back and collect your thoughts? It is about choosing to be responsive versus being reactive. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence. Otherwise, you are like a bull in a china shop barging in and break everything around you and then you wonder why no one wants to follow you.

When you chose to be responsive your brain is a lot calmer. Your amygdala goes into an irrational mode – fight or flight response. When you are highly emotive and reactive, you are not thinking rationally and you will not make decisions as well. What you want to do is, is to come to a place where you are calm enough to respond, that you thought through what you want to say so you can make better decisions before you act. Not everyone likes to be held accountable but they like to know they are reaching outcomes.

Surround yourself with people who are accountable to for their actions. You become like the people who you surround yourself with. Take a look around you, “Are the people you are hanging out with accountable for their actions?”

You cannot hold others accountable for you cannot hold yourself accountable first.

Be willing to take action on what you want to achieve. Speak up if you need to, make a request, or try something new. Remember if you do what you have always done – you’ll get the same results.

Remember to SIGN UP for our Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 “Surefire Strategies” download.

Time 9.46 min.

10 Life Lessons I Learned from Competing in Triathlons

September 16, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

The thought of competing in a triathlon can be very daunting if you have never swam, rode a bike, or went for a run. You may even wonder if you have what it takes to compete in a triathlon. Triathlons are one of those sports that people all shapes and sizes with varying levels of ability can compete in. The race is your race. Your journey.

Everyone has their own reasons for participating in a triathlon: to decrease blood pressure, to stay in shape, to lose weight, or to do something that not many people do. The list can go on. Over the years, my “why” for competing in a triathlon has changed. My reasons are participating in the sport have varied from attempting something new, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, training with others, competing the team, and challenging myself years later. The more I compete in triathlons the more I learn about myself and life.

Commit to Performing and Achieving at Your Personal Best

No one said that success would come easy. It takes a lot of hard work and effort no matter how talented you may be. Start with the end goal and create a plan starting from the end goal in reverse. What do you need to do to achieve your personal best? You have resources around you that you can tap into. Your supports can come in the form of personal trainers, triathlon clubs, training partners, and online training programs. What resources and supports do you have to support you in life? You need to consistently work the plan in order to get where you want to go. Each time you train in a discipline, you should be challenging yourself in time, distance, or technique.

Get Yourself To The Start Line

The psychology of getting to the start line is just as important as crossing the finish line. How many people are willing to jump up and go after what they want? How many people are held hostage by their fears or self-limiting beliefs? When you take action in the direction of your dreams, a momentum will build to help propel you forward. Don’t worry about how you will finish or what you will look like. Take consistent steps to build your skills and abilities toward going the distance and you will surprise yourself. One of life’s greatest lessons is about making a choice to begin.

Transitions are Part of Sport and Life.

In triathlons, the quick changes between swim and bike and the bike and run are called transitions. Transitions represent the many turning points that we face in our lives. There are times you have to switch gears and times you need to make quick decisions while still keeping in motion. Life is very much like a triathlon. Life is about moving through the transitions, being resilient when changes occur, and enduring the process.

Accept Challenges Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

Challenges are a part of life and our greatest growth occurs when we step outside that comfort zone. It is only when you step out of your comfort zone that you realize what is possible if you only tried. I have participated in triathlons where people had only learned to swim or run within the past year. These people inspire me. They remind me that life is about learning, trying new things, and creating a better version of ourselves. It is never too late to begin. Your greatest learning comes from accepting these challenges and discovering that you have the potential to do almost anything.

Surround Yourself With People Who Support And Challenge You

You want to surround yourself with people who challenge you to become a better version of yourself. These are people who are there to support you just as much as you support them along their journey. Triathletes are willing to cheer on and support fellow competitors. The energy before, during, and at the end of the race is contagious. The same energy can ripple to all areas of your life.

Focus On Your Strengths

We are quick to examine our shortfalls and not so quick to recognize their strengths. Triathlons are not about being perfect in every sport. In times or areas of weakness, your strengths can make up for any shortfalls. You are often stronger than you give yourself credit for. By focusing on your strengths, you only strengthen your abilities to face any situation. Mentally, you become stronger and tougher as you push through your self-imposed limits.

Look After Your Body

You have only one life to live. Fuel your body with healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables and lean proteins. Limit your consumption of alcohol. Avoid sugary and greasy foods. Exercise helps you strengthen your body so you can maintain a healthy body weight, look youthful, and live longer.

Keep Looking Forward

You cannot move ahead by focusing on what or who is behind you. You cannot move ahead by comparing yourself to others. Look forward a few feet at a time. Each step or pedal will get you closer. However, if you see someone reach a milestone or cross the finish line, you know that others have gone before you and that you can do it too. When you look ahead, you give yourself something to look forward to. The excitement and enthusiasm builds as you anticipate reaching your destination.

Who You Become In The Process Is More Important Than The Destination

One of my greatest lessons I have learned while competing in triathlons was to celebrate how far you have come. I remember competing in a Try the Tri (designed for people trying out the sport) several years after competing in an Olympic distance triathlon and not spending a lot of time training just to see if I could participate in a triathlon again. It was during the triathlon that I realized that I did not give myself credit for what it took to compete in the triathlon in previous years. It was hard work and commitment. I am proud of my accomplishments and what it took for me to get there more so than crossing the finish line. How many times in your life have you let an accomplishment go unnoticed? Who have you become because of what it took for you to reach that achievement?

Cross The Finish Line

It doesn’t matter if you compete in a triathlon individually or as a team member. What matters is that you show up and you finish strong. As in life, it is important to finish which you start. Focus on your goals and what you want to achieve. Stay the course, there are many distractions along the way but know if you remain consistent and work at a steady pace you will reach your destination. There is no greater feeling than when you are able to witness all your hard work pay off. You did it – you crossed the finish line! What was once a thought has now become a reality.

Whatever your reason for competing in a triathlon, you will learn many lessons along the way. It is your race and it begins with you. Accept life’s challenges and know that you are not alone. If you are still wondering if you can complete in a triathlon, give it a tri! Life begins at the start line.

Debra Kasowski, BScN CEC is an award winning bestselling author, speaker, and certified executive coach. She is a certified facilitator of Appreciative Inquiry an approach for positive change and in the area of Emotional Intelligence. Debra Kasowski International helps individuals, executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. www.debrakasowski.com

5 Drawbacks of Working with a Coach

July 16, 2015 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment