Debra Kasowski, Author at Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 162 – The Power of Mastermind with Robert MacPhee

June 19, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Our Special Guest: Robert MacPhee is the creator of the Excellent Decisions leadership program and the author of Manifesting for Non-Gurus: How to Quickly & Easily Attract Lasting Results. He has spent the last 15 years working in change facilitation and leadership development. Previously, he collaborated with Jack Canfield (creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series) as the Director of Training for the Canfield Training Group. Robert honed his practical leadership strategies serving as an executive at a variety of large companies and partnering with a number of entrepreneurial ventures. Robert’s first endeavor after graduating from the University of California, San Diego was a summer job that he and his partner built into a company with 400 employees and millions of dollars in revenue. www.excellentdecisions.com

EPISODE 161 – Willpower and Why It Matters

June 14, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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I was diving into the book, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It by Dr. Kelly McGonigal and instructor at Stanford University and thought it would be a great topic of discussion. Some people claim to have willpower and others do not. It is topics like these that get me excited about being human – I get curious! According to Dr. McGonigal, “For most of us, the classic test of willpower is resisting temptation, whether the temptation is a doughnut, a cigarette, a clearance sale, or a one-night stand. When people say, “I have no willpower, “what they usually mean is, “I have trouble saying no when my mouth, stomach, heart, or (fill in your anatomical part) wants to say yes.” Think of it as “I won’t” power.” She refers to “I will” power as the ability to do what you need to do, even if part of you does not want to.

“I will power… I won’t power…I want power…

She talks about how “I will” and “I won’t” power being two sides of self-control and alone do not define willpower as the is one more power. That is – “I want” power. McGonigal describes this as the ability to “To say no when you need to say no, and to say yes when you need to say yes” …a third power: the ability to remember what you really want.” We all have willpower.

Why does willpower matter? It has been said that those people who have willpower are not impulsive so they are able to focus their attention and control their emotions and thus their actions. They tend to have more satisfying and meaningful relationships. Those people with willpower tend to make more money and take their careers and businesses to the next level. When you are able to control impulsive behaviours, you are better able to handle stress and deal with conflict. She goes on to discuss how some colleagues would argue that the prefrontal cortex part of the brain – right behind your forehead – helps you do the “hardest thing” otherwise the brain likes to default to the easiest. The easiest being to stay on the couch and binge on Netflix or play video games or eating that dessert but what you really want is to fit into that new pair of jeans. What are some of the “hard things” you know you need to do?

Self-awareness is key in recognizing what we are doing and why we do it. Is what you are doing aligning to what you want and value? Most choices are made on autopilot – yes, without even thinking about the upside or downside of your actions. What’s even worst is that we are surrounded by distractions and multitasking not paying attention to what we are doing. When you are distracted you are more likely to give in to distractions. Your impulsivity kicks in as you are not stopping to assess whether or not your choice will be a good choice or not. Track some of your choices and any excuses for not following through on what you say you want to do. The more aware you become the more you understand why your impulse to do something arises. These impulses could be to check email, social media, or scroll through the last news feeds.

Willpower is like a muscle. When you want something, you will find a way to make it happen. To strengthen your willpower, it is important to tap into your WHY. What motivates you? What is your biggest WANT power? Your WANT power is your motivation that will keep you on track when you face weaker moments – the times you want to follow through on your impulses. Obviously, what weakens willpower is the opposite of what strengthens it – lack of sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, excessive spending, lack of self-awareness, and the inability to deal with stress and the list could go on.

Here are 9 ways to help you strengthen your WILLPOWER:

Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that when you get less than 6 hours of sleep certain part of your brain are more susceptible to cravings and impulsive behaviour.
Deal with stress. Discover what helps you deal with stress. It can be going for a walk-in nature, talking things out with friends, getting exercise, or listening to music. What gets you into a state of calmness?
Plan for good nutrition. Eat a more plant-based diet. Be aware of food choices that you are making. Keeping a food diary helps you become more aware of the choices you are making. Ever notice when you have food that is high in sugar or greasy that they tend to make you feel slow and sluggish.
Engage in regular physical activity. Your body was meant to move. Physical exercise increases blood flow and oxygen to your body and brain. It also increases the amount of dopamine in the bloodstream that leads to you feel good! Why not do more of what makes you feel good?
Focus on the HERE and NOW. Energy flows to what you focus on. The present is the only thing you really have any control of. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and how they are impacting the actions you plan to take.
Focus on your posture. Stand tall not only is having good posture good for your organs and body but it also exudes confidence.
Pray or meditate. Some people are worried about whether they are praying or meditating well. It comes with practice and taking notice of your thoughts. When you take notice of your thoughts, you can change them if they do not serve you.
Create and meet self-imposed deadlines. Goal-setting can play a big role in helping you improve your willpower. Without a deadline, what you say you want is ONLY a wish.
Track your decisions throughout the day. When you become mindful of the choices that we make, we can recognize choices are serving us and not serving us. These choices may include – TV viewing, spending, eating habits, speech, or exercise. We can quickly recognize what is working and what is not working and the things we can change to get closer to what we want.

Strengthening your willpower does not have to be a daunting task. Choose one thing to work on for the next 30-90 days before you choose another thing. Get the new habit to “stick” to be successful.

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

EPISODE 160 – Forgiveness Leads to Freedom

June 12, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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We are reminded of the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Forgiveness gives people peace of mind which leads to freedom. In biblical terms, the Greek word translated for “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”. Some people have a hard time with forgiveness because they believe that if they forgive they are accepting or excusing the behaviour or action that occurred. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was respectful and right. Letting go is about freeing yourself from negative emotions around the situation or person so you can move forward.

Forgiveness is an intention decision to change how you feel about a situation. You can choose to harbour anger, resentment, and pain OR you can learn to chose joy, happiness, and peace. Sometimes it is hard for some people to let go and forgive for the anger and resentment has become a best friend. They always have something to talk about and someone to blame for their shortcomings. They play the victim or as some may refer to as “Eeyore” the dear friend from Winnie the Pooh. We all make mistakes and sometimes say things in the heat of the moment or without thinking. We can ask for forgiveness but sometimes the other person cannot forgive or is not ready to forgive.

The person who cannot forgive sometimes needs to process what is going on. There may be times when people get caught up in nursing their own feelings that they forget or disregard yours. Open communication is imperative. You can acknowledge a person’s offering of forgiveness and tell them you need time to process it all. You can also tell them you need time. Even though, forgiveness can occur in an instant by a decision, trust needs to be built over time. Unforgiveness divides and separates people from each other. The quicker we can come to a place of understanding and forgiveness the quicker we can move forward.

Harbouring pain from the past steals your joy from the “here and now”. You cannot change what happened. You can change how you view the situation. When you make a decision to forgive someone, you are demonstrating compassion and empathy for yourself and others. Hanging on to past hurts influences the steps you take moving into your future. You may be sabotaging yourself by holding on to past pains and hurts. Stop beating yourself up over what you could and could have done. Your thoughts and feelings at the time influenced your actions. The results and outcomes may not have ended up as you would have liked but realize you can ask forgiveness or what you can do differently to may things right – knowing that they may never be the same or they may be stronger.

Anger and resentment can occur in the workplace. When hurts occur, it is important to deal with the situation as soon as possible to ensure it doesn’t impact the work that is being done. These hurts are often related to misunderstandings, lack of personal accountability – people not doing what they say they are going to go, and fears. Issues that could be easily resolved by deep discussion or more information end up being taken personally create conflict that was unnecessary. When you come from a place of judgment of others, we must look at ourselves and ask ourselves what we have not been able to forgive of ourselves. Instead of judging based on mistakes and failures, we need to come from a place of learning and understanding.

Forgiveness has many benefits:

Healthier relationships
Improved mental health
Improved self esteem
decreased blood pressure
lessened symptoms of depression
less anxiety or stress

Do you need to forgive someone OR need to be forgiven? Take time to self-reflect. Do you need to take any accountability for your actions or response? Have you asked for forgiveness? Do not assume you won’t get it. If you do not receive forgiveness, realize the person may not be ready.

Here are some ways to help you forgive:

Decide to LET GO and forgive knowing that it does not serve you to hang on to it. We all deserve to be forgiven for something. We are not without error or mistakes.
Express how you feel about the situation or event. Bottling up or feelings and emotions can lead to ill health.
Stop BLAMING others. By hanging onto past hurts, you do nothing but hurt yourself – you may even be sabotaging every success.
Focus on NOW. Remember you cannot change the past and the future has not happened. You can only focus on the present moment.
Forgive yourself and others. Quit beating up on yourself. Learn from mistakes and move forward. We are not without error or mistakes. Treat others how you would like to be treated should the same event happen to you.

Abraham Lincoln promoted forgiveness in saying, “I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.” Before judging or misunderstanding a situation, ask for understanding and learn more about the intent and situation. How would you have reacted or responded? What can you take away from this situation that makes you better?

EPISODE 159 – Accountability Can Change Your Life

June 4, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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Look at the different areas of your life…do you like what you see? Are you doing what you thought you would be? At this stage of your life, do you have what you thought you would have? Are you showing up as the person you want to be? If people were to describe you, what would they say? Are you driven with purpose each day? If you said, “No” to many of these questions, you are not alone.

There was a time when I thought, “If I work hard, someone will discover me.” OR “Maybe, I will meet my knight in shining armour and he will give me the life I always dreamed of.” I am sure God and the Universe had a good laugh. What I learned was that if something was to be, it was going to be up to me! I could get trapped in a victim mentality believing that if these things did not come to pass, it was someone else’s fault or I had something to complain about. Perhaps you have suffered from victim mentality at one time or another. What you may have learned is not too many people want to hang out with someone who is complaining or having a pity party. You do not gain anything – you only feel worse.

Accountability is not about pointing fingers or finding someone to blame. To be accountable, you are accounting for your behaviour and actions. There may be times you are following up with someone to ensure they have completed a task or request – holding others accountable. It is easier to do that than hold ourselves accountable, especially if things are not going as planned.

By taking ownership or how I like to call it, “OWN YOUR STUFF” – you get out of the victim mode and you get to be part of the solution, suddenly, you are invested which means you are committed to achieving a certain outcome. You can influence your outcome versus waiting for something to happen for you. In every situation, each individual plays a part in owning their stuff – 100% responsibility for what they contribute to the situation. There is no 50-50-60-40, or 70-30 – 100% -100%. Avoiding taking accountability is like having sticky gum stuck to your shoe until you pay attention to it. If you do not like the way something is playing out in your life, pay attention to it. How did you contribute to the situation? What do you want to happen? What actions are you taking to get the outcomes you want? By self-reflecting, you are starting to see what your role may have been in the situation.

Start taking accountability by:

Determine What’s Most Important to YOU -What are your core values?
Visualize Your Success
Be intentional with Your Actions
Own Your Stuff
Readjust the Course

Taking accountability for your actions and outcomes does not mean you are weak or less than perfect. Accountability has little to do with perfection. Do what you say you are going to do. Simple concept. Some people avoid accountability because they have not determined what’s important to them, they get scared of the potential consequences, they are not confident they can follow through on the outcomes – successful or not, they may not be invested in the vision or goal, or they may not see themselves as being an important catalyst of the outcome.

Accountability starts with you! Pay attention to the feedback – your outcomes. Are you getting the results you want? What’s working? What’s not working? What do you need to continue to do or change? The hard part about being accountable to looking at your current reality and seeing how you have contributed or not contributed to the reality you said you wanted. Sometimes it hurts to see how you have been getting in your own way. However, when you step up and take accountability, you own your words and actions, you can change your life.

Have you ever wanted to get physically fit? Many people find that having an accountability partner helps. By creating an experience of meeting up at the gym to work out or checking in to verify that you have done what you said you are going to do, you will want to ensure you do not let them down or have a less favourable response. You would rather do what needs to get done than tell them you did not complete the task at hand.

You may hold more compassion for others as you realize if you want others to “own their stuff” – don’t expect perfection. Be empathetic. People will be more gracious and forgiving to you when you fall from perfection. By holding yourself and others accountable you are able to get the results and outcomes you want. Avoid accountability and the problem will fester until it grabs your attention. By that time, relationships may be damaged and results halted.

Expect more from yourself. You know in your heart you can do better at holding yourself accountable. Choose one thing to do differently to hold yourself accountable – and watch your life change. Start getting the results you want. No excuses.

What are you going to do today to hold yourself accountable?

EPISODE 158 – Paralysis by Analysis

May 28, 2018 by Debra Kasowski Leave a Comment

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I believe it’s strikingly important to remember that when you know better, you can do better. With higher levels of awareness, you can make smarter choices. And the more clarity you get as to who you want to become, the quicker you can start making the choices need to get you there.
– Robin S. Sharma

We have all the choices around us to create our best in life, business, and our organizations yet seeking the perfect choice can lead to disaster. It can lead to paralysis by analysis. You would think choice leads to freedom. Choices can give us freedom yet for having too many choices can lead to anxiety. Sometimes that anxiety comes from worrying about what others will think. You may have heard the phrase, “What others think of you is none of your business.”, so don’t stress over it. When there is an unlimited amount of choices or an overload of options to choose from it can lead to the inability to make a decision. Weighing the pros and the cons of a choice can be exhausting and anxiety provoking.

Anxiety puts us on guard and directs us to play it safe. A little bit of anxiety or nervousness is not always a bad thing. It alerts you to pay attention to details and your intuition. However, sometimes being too cautious can hold you back. The front part of your brain, prefrontal cortex is responsible for decision-making – weighing the consequences and processing your thoughts. The prefrontal cortex helps release some of the emotional steam from decision making by calming the amygdala, a small part of the brain responsible for instinct (the flight or fight response), impulsiveness, and fear. When emotions are high, the amygdala goes into high gear by reacting to protect versus calmly responding. Decision-making can be impaired when emotions are high as rationale thought tends to go out the window. Focus moves from facts to feelings.

Paralysis tends to occur when there are too many choices. You may have even narrowed the choices down and now you are worried that you are going to make the wrong choice. Chances are if you were able to narrow it down that neither choice would be the wrong choice. What if you made a decision that no choice would be a bad one or the wrong one?
There are some things you can do before you get caught up in paralysis by analysis – basically overthinking things.

Practice Mindfulness.

When you practice being mindfulness, you pay attention to everything around you. You can pickup on things that are that may add to anxiety such as distractions and clutter. You can eliminate or avoid those distractions so you can feel confident in your decision-making.

Identify Your Triggers.

What triggers you to feel anxious about making a choice? How is the anxiety influencing your decision right now? Where is this trigger coming from? Past events. Childhood.

Slow Down to Be Self-Aware.

What feelings come up for you? Remember when emotions are high, rationale thought is low. What thoughts are you having?

Be Intentional with Your Actions.

Self-awareness is important. Your thoughts and feelings impact your behaviour and the actions you take impacting your results. How what you think and feel about your results impact your next set of actions.

Act As IF.

Why not act as if you were making decisions and handling situations with ease? Your subconscious mind does not recognize the difference between reality and your imagination. Better yet, think to yourself, “What would my mentor or someone I admire do? How would they respond to this situation?” Act as if and soon enough you will.

What choice have you been deliberating on? Go through these steps to help you move through making the choice you need to so you can feel the freedom you need. The peace of mind knowing that you made a good decision and no matter what you have the skills and ability to move through your decisions with grace and resilience, if needed. Let anxiety you have guide you into making the “perfect choice” for you in that moment.

Don’t overthink it…make a decision…take action…and follow through.