how to forgive Archives - Debra Kasowski

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We are reminded of the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Forgiveness gives people peace of mind which leads to freedom. In biblical terms, the Greek word translated for “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”. Some people have a hard time with forgiveness because they believe that if they forgive they are accepting or excusing the behaviour or action that occurred. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was respectful and right. Letting go is about freeing yourself from negative emotions around the situation or person so you can move forward.

Forgiveness is an intention decision to change how you feel about a situation. You can choose to harbour anger, resentment, and pain OR you can learn to chose joy, happiness, and peace. Sometimes it is hard for some people to let go and forgive for the anger and resentment has become a best friend. They always have something to talk about and someone to blame for their shortcomings. They play the victim or as some may refer to as “Eeyore” the dear friend from Winnie the Pooh. We all make mistakes and sometimes say things in the heat of the moment or without thinking. We can ask for forgiveness but sometimes the other person cannot forgive or is not ready to forgive.

The person who cannot forgive sometimes needs to process what is going on. There may be times when people get caught up in nursing their own feelings that they forget or disregard yours. Open communication is imperative. You can acknowledge a person’s offering of forgiveness and tell them you need time to process it all. You can also tell them you need time. Even though, forgiveness can occur in an instant by a decision, trust needs to be built over time. Unforgiveness divides and separates people from each other. The quicker we can come to a place of understanding and forgiveness the quicker we can move forward.

Harbouring pain from the past steals your joy from the “here and now”. You cannot change what happened. You can change how you view the situation. When you make a decision to forgive someone, you are demonstrating compassion and empathy for yourself and others. Hanging on to past hurts influences the steps you take moving into your future. You may be sabotaging yourself by holding on to past pains and hurts. Stop beating yourself up over what you could and could have done. Your thoughts and feelings at the time influenced your actions. The results and outcomes may not have ended up as you would have liked but realize you can ask forgiveness or what you can do differently to may things right – knowing that they may never be the same or they may be stronger.

Anger and resentment can occur in the workplace. When hurts occur, it is important to deal with the situation as soon as possible to ensure it doesn’t impact the work that is being done. These hurts are often related to misunderstandings, lack of personal accountability – people not doing what they say they are going to go, and fears. Issues that could be easily resolved by deep discussion or more information end up being taken personally create conflict that was unnecessary. When you come from a place of judgment of others, we must look at ourselves and ask ourselves what we have not been able to forgive of ourselves. Instead of judging based on mistakes and failures, we need to come from a place of learning and understanding.

Forgiveness has many benefits:

Healthier relationships
Improved mental health
Improved self esteem
decreased blood pressure
lessened symptoms of depression
less anxiety or stress

Do you need to forgive someone OR need to be forgiven? Take time to self-reflect. Do you need to take any accountability for your actions or response? Have you asked for forgiveness? Do not assume you won’t get it. If you do not receive forgiveness, realize the person may not be ready.

Here are some ways to help you forgive:

Decide to LET GO and forgive knowing that it does not serve you to hang on to it. We all deserve to be forgiven for something. We are not without error or mistakes.
Express how you feel about the situation or event. Bottling up or feelings and emotions can lead to ill health.
Stop BLAMING others. By hanging onto past hurts, you do nothing but hurt yourself – you may even be sabotaging every success.
Focus on NOW. Remember you cannot change the past and the future has not happened. You can only focus on the present moment.
Forgive yourself and others. Quit beating up on yourself. Learn from mistakes and move forward. We are not without error or mistakes. Treat others how you would like to be treated should the same event happen to you.

Abraham Lincoln promoted forgiveness in saying, “I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.” Before judging or misunderstanding a situation, ask for understanding and learn more about the intent and situation. How would you have reacted or responded? What can you take away from this situation that makes you better?

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Project Forgive has inspired this blog!

You must read to the very end to truly gain the understanding of the power of forgiveness and how it can impact your business and your life!

Remember to Be Rich from the Inside Out!

Do you have one foot stuck in the present and another foot stuck in the past? Have you ever wondered why you feel like you were reliving the movie “Ground Hog Day” where you wake up each day and the same things happen day after day? Do you catch yourself blaming others for your current situation? Many people have said “Yes.” at to at least one of these questions in their lifetime.

There are people who have been holding onto resentment and bitterness for years. Some people think revenge is the answer to justice and finding peace in their hearts. However, revenge only builds anger and hostility and has a risk of hurting others who may not even be involved in the situation. Really, what does revenge solve?

The power of forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues of mankind. Forgiveness gives you a sense of freedom from pain, stress, and anxiety. It has been described as a weight being lifted from your shoulders. When you are able to forgive, you expand your opportunities and begin to see the possibilities of what is possible for you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are giving power to another person. On the contrary, forgiveness is a choice to release the chains holding you back from developing deeper relationships, stronger partnerships, and celebrating personal fulfillment. In order to forgive, you must let go of the “story” you have been telling yourself about how you have been wronged, neglected, or abused. I am not saying you need to or will forget about what has happened to you but you do not have to carry the resentment into eternity. You end up hurting yourself more than hurting the person who wronged you.

Forgiveness begins with you! Who do you need to forgive so you can live a rich life?

3 Tips on How to Forgive:

Start with Forgiving Yourself. We are often harder on ourselves than we need to be. Forgive yourself for not being where you think you should have been. If you were meant to be there you would have been. Forgive yourself for criticizing your body, your spouse, your parents, or even your children. Make a choice to change the way you speak about others and the words you use.
Understand how people work. People behave and act based on what they were taught or based on what they know. Blaming, complaining, or making excuses for why you are not presented with the opportunities that others have does not serve you. Parents are often blamed for their children childhood experiences. Your parents did the best they could with what they knew.
Quit rehashing the story. Each time you retell the story you have the potential to stir up unresolved emotions and thus relive the pain. You may have been replaying the scenario in your head over and over for days, years, and months. Does it make you feel better? Does it ease your pain? This alone can be very exhausting and draining on your mind and body.

Forgiveness is everyone’s business. If you want to truly be happy – you must learn to forgive yourself and others.

LET FORGIVENESS start today! I want to tell you about one of the most incredible endeavours I have heard of called Project Forgive. Project Forgive has gone viral (It has been featured in Inc. magazine) and we need to continue to share this message around the world. Imagine what life would be life every person took responsibility for their actions and forgave someone who wronged them. What would the world look like? Would there be peace instead of war? Would enemies become reunited long lost friends?

Project Forgive is being produced by 6 time Emmy Award winner, Shawne Duperon and her business partner, Teresa de Grobois. You can be the hero in your story by summoning the courage to share a lesson in forgiveness. There is also an opportunity to back this campaign by making a pledge to make a difference by supporting the filming of this documentary. Their goal is to raise $100, 000 by April 23, 2012. They are already 75% there but they could still use your help. Please share this blog and link with others so together we can spread a message of FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness will change your life!!!

To Learn How You Can Support Project Forgive – Click Here Now!

EPISODE 160 – Forgiveness Leads to Freedom

Inspired by Project Forgive: Can You Forgive the Most Important Person?