Debra Kasowski

EPISODE 117 – Don’t Be an Ass! Ask for Help

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“Leadership begins by asking how you can make things better?”
― Jeffrey Fry

One of the greatest challenges new leaders face is asking for help. You can probably relate to being in a new role wanting to prove your capability to those around you. You do not want to show your weakness for fear that someone will think they made a mistake for hiring you. You want everyone to believe that you have the knowledge, skills, and abilities to do the work they have been hired you to do. If you are a new leader or even a seasoned leader in a new role, you may find it awkward or difficult to ask your peers or co-workers for help because you should know how to do what you need to do. You may be stubborn and avoid asking for help to appear competent.

Don’t Be an Ass! Ask for help!

There is nothing worse than cleaning up a mess that could have been prevented if someone only took the time to ask. However, at the same time, people know and should expect new leaders to ask questions. I would be more worried if they did not! The “act as if” philosophy is about showing up and doing the things the person you aspire to be would show up as. What information or education do you need to make your decision or provide advice? What questions do you need to ask of your peers or colleagues to learn about the history or culture of the organization? What opportunity is there to shadow others in different departments who work with you so you can gain an understanding and appreciate what others do and how it may relate to the work you do?

Some people feel asking for help is a weakness. No…it is not. It is a strength. A person who asks questions, takes time to learn from others, and follows someone who shares the keys to success is more successful than someone before them with folded arms being too stubborn to ask!

I remember when I first became a new manager. Other managers congratulated me and shared with me some of the things they thought I would benefit from in knowing and then there was another colleague who came up and said, “You know you will have to prove yourself.” Wow! I was taken back. Yes, I had skipped a level or two but I knew I was a quick learner. I did not assume I knew everything, in fact, I learned very quickly that each level of growth has new challenges. You practically feel like you are starting from the beginning all over again! I was not sure if I was trying to prove to my team I could lead them, the colleague that I could do the work, or prove to myself that I had what it took. Maybe, all three. I was confident enough in myself to get to where I was. Why would I not be confident in my ability to seek the knowledge and skills I needed to be a good leader?

I was not an ass! I asked!

I asked many questions. I did research. I wrote notes in a journal. I was determined to become the leader and manager I wanted to be. I even asked the colleague for a meeting and explained that her comment bothered me. I explained that I felt I had many skills and strengths to offer and I was eager and willing to learn from her and the other managers. What was it that she felt I needed to prove? She explained from her perspective that because I had skipped a few levels within the department some people might not see me as competent to answer questions or lead them. Without being given a chance to prove, I was already judged!

I gathered my courage and I asked more questions!

Everything she had shared was from her experience and situations where she had to prove herself. It was her perspective of how things needed to be done – not mine! I asked for her support and asked if she was comfortable with me asking her questions. I asked for her to give me the grace to be the leader I needed to be without the pressure of her judgment for I was who I was and I needed to learn to be the leader I envisioned myself to be. My greatest lesson – too never take anything personally – it is another person’s viewpoint based on their experiences. We continued to develop our relationship until she had moved into a different role.

My greatest lesson – don’t be an ass! Ask for help when you need it. It like having all the resources you need to succeed around and never using them. What a waste! Don’t let your stubbornness hold you back from being the leader you know you are meant to be.

“The way is yours for the asking – the way is yours for the taking. The way is as it should be.”
― Karen Hackel, The Whisper of Your Soul

We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get us free MP3 download 10 Surefire Strategies to Power Up Your Productivity and Performance. Book your complimentary Discovery Session by going to the Coach with Debra page on my website and send me your interest and we will set up a time and date to learn about how coaching can benefit you. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!

DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free mp3 download today! www.debrakasowski.com

Make Your Dreams Come True with SAT!

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Do you have a big dream that you want to put into motion but your not sure how? Use SAT!

  1. Share Your Dream. Tell everybody you know about your dream and what it take to put it together.
  2. Ask for Help. Let people know you need help achieving your dream.
  3. Take Massive Action

You do not get your dreams by sitting on the couch!

Is Your Dream Too Small?

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Someone said something to me today that took me by surprise. I had shared with a colleague that my goal of giving out 1000 shoeboxes for The Spirit of Christmas Shoebox Campaign filled with treasures would probably be met 1 year in advance and also be met by almost 150%. She looked at me and said, “You know, I thought your goal was too low.”

 Wow, when I started with 120 boxes 3 years ago 1000 seemed like a huge accomplishment and it still is. What amazes me most is when people see the bigger vision – the vision of being part of something bigger than another person ever thought possible. Her comment reminded me that people see things in you that you cannot yet see. I know this because I see qualities and potential in others all the time but sometimes I fail to look at me for the same. Maybe we cannot see it because we live it and we are so close to see ourselves for who we really are. They know what you are capable of and they feel your passion and desire to achieve your goal. Even though, I consider myself a big dreamer – I often get reminded that I could be dreaming a bigger dream.

Maybe my dream was too small. Yet at the same time it is as large as life. That is where the fun begins. When you set your goal,  write it down. Now, what if you stretched your goal just a little bit bigger, what could you really accomplish? One of my favorite things to do is brainstorming the “how”. How can you accomplish what you set out to do? For me and maybe for you, it is all about setting goals that can be manageable not only in resources but also the time it takes to achieve it. Having milestones along the process is like have a self check in, to see where you are at. Be careful not to limit yourself from dreaming bigger and achieving bigger.Find out how much your dream really costs. You may be surprised to find out it may not cost as much as you think. 

My friend Kim and her family rent a yacht for 2 weeks every summer. I had never even thought about renting one. Yet how cool is that? When I shared with others that they too could rent a yacht, they said, “Yah, right. When I win the lottery!” I cannot remember the price she paid but I remember that it was a lot more reasonable than I originally thought. Isn’t funny in how we can trick our minds into thinking something is unattainable? Many people may talk about their dreams, never write them down, and dismiss them as being in impossible. The people who actually take the impossible and turn it into possible find out what it takes to achieve their dream, write down their goals, and make manageable actions steps. The action steps are the key to unlocking your dream. The greatest way to achieve you dreams is to S.H.A.R.E.

S– Stretch into a bigger dream

H – Help others dream a bigger dream from what you see in them

A– Ask others to help support your dream and let them know how they can help you

R-Recognize your milestones or accomplishments along the way

E-Enjoy the journey!

In following these steps, my family, friends, and colleagues and even members of the public have made this dream explode into something bigger and better. Dreams come true when you engage others in the process. I am so impressed by the generous spirit of the people in our community. Families, teams, businesses, and schools are gathering together like a chain to help build a stronger community. Amazing what happens when we all work together in making dreams come true. In just a couple weeks, children’s faces with be filled with happiness and joy by a simple gift of a shoebox placed before them.  Start dreaming a bigger dream, you could be dreaming small. Dream do come true!