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We are reminded of the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Forgiveness gives people peace of mind which leads to freedom. In biblical terms, the Greek word translated for “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”. Some people have a hard time with forgiveness because they believe that if they forgive they are accepting or excusing the behaviour or action that occurred. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was respectful and right. Letting go is about freeing yourself from negative emotions around the situation or person so you can move forward.
Forgiveness is an intention decision to change how you feel about a situation. You can choose to harbour anger, resentment, and pain OR you can learn to chose joy, happiness, and peace. Sometimes it is hard for some people to let go and forgive for the anger and resentment has become a best friend. They always have something to talk about and someone to blame for their shortcomings. They play the victim or as some may refer to as “Eeyore” the dear friend from Winnie the Pooh. We all make mistakes and sometimes say things in the heat of the moment or without thinking. We can ask for forgiveness but sometimes the other person cannot forgive or is not ready to forgive.
The person who cannot forgive sometimes needs to process what is going on. There may be times when people get caught up in nursing their own feelings that they forget or disregard yours. Open communication is imperative. You can acknowledge a person’s offering of forgiveness and tell them you need time to process it all. You can also tell them you need time. Even though, forgiveness can occur in an instant by a decision, trust needs to be built over time. Unforgiveness divides and separates people from each other. The quicker we can come to a place of understanding and forgiveness the quicker we can move forward.
Harbouring pain from the past steals your joy from the “here and now”. You cannot change what happened. You can change how you view the situation. When you make a decision to forgive someone, you are demonstrating compassion and empathy for yourself and others. Hanging on to past hurts influences the steps you take moving into your future. You may be sabotaging yourself by holding on to past pains and hurts. Stop beating yourself up over what you could and could have done. Your thoughts and feelings at the time influenced your actions. The results and outcomes may not have ended up as you would have liked but realize you can ask forgiveness or what you can do differently to may things right – knowing that they may never be the same or they may be stronger.
Anger and resentment can occur in the workplace. When hurts occur, it is important to deal with the situation as soon as possible to ensure it doesn’t impact the work that is being done. These hurts are often related to misunderstandings, lack of personal accountability – people not doing what they say they are going to go, and fears. Issues that could be easily resolved by deep discussion or more information end up being taken personally create conflict that was unnecessary. When you come from a place of judgment of others, we must look at ourselves and ask ourselves what we have not been able to forgive of ourselves. Instead of judging based on mistakes and failures, we need to come from a place of learning and understanding.
Forgiveness has many benefits:
- Healthier relationships
- Improved mental health
- Improved self esteem
- decreased blood pressure
- lessened symptoms of depression
- less anxiety or stress
Do you need to forgive someone OR need to be forgiven? Take time to self-reflect. Do you need to take any accountability for your actions or response? Have you asked for forgiveness? Do not assume you won’t get it. If you do not receive forgiveness, realize the person may not be ready.
Here are some ways to help you forgive:
- Decide to LET GO and forgive knowing that it does not serve you to hang on to it. We all deserve to be forgiven for something. We are not without error or mistakes.
- Express how you feel about the situation or event. Bottling up or feelings and emotions can lead to ill health.
- Stop BLAMING others. By hanging onto past hurts, you do nothing but hurt yourself – you may even be sabotaging every success.
- Focus on NOW. Remember you cannot change the past and the future has not happened. You can only focus on the present moment.
- Forgive yourself and others. Quit beating up on yourself. Learn from mistakes and move forward. We are not without error or mistakes. Treat others how you would like to be treated should the same event happen to you.
Abraham Lincoln promoted forgiveness in saying, “I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.” Before judging or misunderstanding a situation, ask for understanding and learn more about the intent and situation. How would you have reacted or responded? What can you take away from this situation that makes you better?
We would love to have you subscribe to the Success Secrets newsletter on my website at www.debrakasowski.com where you’re going to get my just release FREE e-book about the 21 Habits High Achievers Kick to Achieve Success. I would love to hear about this podcast has impacted your life. E-mail me at Debra@DebraKasowski.com. Thank you for listening to The Millionaire Woman Show where we talk about leadership, business, and human potential to help you live rich from the inside out. Subscribe to The Millionaire Woman Show. Share it with Your Friends. Give us a 5-star rating!
DEBRA KASOWSKI, BScN CEC is an award-winning best-selling author, transformational speaker, blogger, and Certified Executive Coach. She has a heart of a teacher and is certified in Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence. Her writing has been published in a variety of print and online magazines. Debra Kasowski International helps executives, entrepreneurs, and organizations boost their productivity, performance, and profits. It all starts with people and passion. Sign up the Success Secrets Newsletter and get your free e-book download today! www.debrakasowski.com
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